I came across this a while back and thought it was worth posting in its entirety. There is much wisdom and incite here for old hands and newbies. Enjoy:
Losing Face and Keeping One’s Word in China
The Chinese are very conscious of face. Face is essentially respect in a community and is a crucial underpinning of society. Loss of that respect threatens the relations of individuals with almost everyone in his or her world and is hard to get back once lost, and thus must be avoided at all costs.
Face is called "mianzi" in mandarin, which can also be translated to mean “dignity, prestige and reputation.” It has been said that "face is more important than truth or justice." Losing face if often people's worst fear. Chinese go out of their way to be polite and accommodating, to maintain dignity in a variety of situations and avoid disputes, conflicts and embarrassment in their pursuit to avoid losing face.
The government often uses social pressure in the form of face-losing criticism to keep people in line on issues such as having extra children or complaining about the government (the threat of imprisonment is also used).
Maintaining face and avoiding losing face are important concepts in the West. But as Scott Seligman, author of Chinese Business Etiquette, Manners and Culture in the People’s Republic of China told the New York Times, “The Chinese raise face to a high art. It’s a fragile commodity in China that can easily be lost....The trigger doesn’t have to be extreme. You can contradict somebody in front of someone who is lower ranking and cause that person to lose face. Even the simple act of saying no to somebody can make that person lose face.”
Chinese also value loyalty and stress the importance of keeping one's word. Discretion is greatly valued. It is tied with humility and not causing others to lose face.
Shyness, Modesty and Embarrassment in China
Chinese often appear shy and self conscious to Westerners, especially when they are around foreigners or are in situations which they are not used to. Chinese don't like to be separated from crowd, stared at or asked too many personal questions (even though they often stare at and ask personal questions of Westerners).
Chinese often smile or giggle when a sensitive subject is broached or they feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. When young Chinese are asked if they have a girlfriend they usually laugh and look away. Chinese often grin when something bad has happened. The writer Peter Hessler described the “the Chinese grin of embarrassment” as “the kind of expression that make your pulse quicken.” Many Chinese will give a broad smile when they make eye contact with a stranger and then frown when they look away.
Chinese generally don’t express their feelings very well. The American-born Taiwan-raised film director Bertha Bay-Sa Pan told the New York Times, “The Chinese are not very expressive. We don’t tend to say, ‘I love you,’ even to our families, and we’re not physically affectionate.” At the same time some Chinese can be very self-deprecating. It is not unusual for a man to introduce himself as “Hu, a silly old pig.”
Successful Chinese are often very modest. Most of China’s super rich are publicity-shy. They rarely grant interviews and little is known about them. When they do talk they tend to talk more about their $2 haircuts than lavish possessions. Perhaps they are reminded of the old Chinese proverb: Fame portends trouble for men, just as fattening does a pig.
Formality, Punctuality and Apologizing in China
Chinese tend to be very formal and have an us versus them attitude towards outsiders. Their formality persists until one is allowed on the inside of their group, which is something that usually takes place over time and requires following established protocol and recognizing hierarchies and showing proper respect to achieve.
Apologizing is important in China. The methods, manners and the ways it is carried out is affected by the rank and identity of the person doing the apologizing and the person being apologized to and is often conducted in a way that is difficult for Westerners to unravel and comprehend.
Chinese find it difficult and humiliating to apologize to someone face to face. Sometimes they refuse to apologize even when they know they are wrong. Refusing to apologize causes great harm because of concerns about losing face. In some places in China, there are apologist-for-hire businesses that allow people to hire a stranger to say I'm sorry to someone they wish to apologize to. The enterprises began in 2000 in Nanjing and have spread to Beijing and other citie
Indirectness, Uncertainty and Lying
Chinese can also be very indirect, sometimes painfully so, especially when talking about something that bothers them or may cause them to look bad. Chinese, for example, consider it rude to ask for something directly and tend to avoid using questions that have a yes or no answer to avoid putting someone in the position where they might have to give an answer they don't want to give or hurt someone's feelings. Even inquiring about directions can be perceived as impolite because the person who is asked directions may not know where the place is and this could cause them to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable.
The Chinese do a great deal of communicating thorough symbolic expression, hints and allusions, expecting listeners and readers to grasp the meaning by reading between the lines. The Chinese like to say, “He who says the least says the most.” One Chinese man told the Los Angeles Times, "Chinese thinking is different from Western thinking. Westerners try to get at things very clearly, asking what, why and how much. Chinese are more interested in dealing with things using metaphors or intuitive comparisons."
Chinese have a high tolerance for uncertainty, Many feel comfortable and even thrive in it. A book editor told the Los Angeles Times. “After a while it becomes quite normal.”.
People in China lie all the time about this and that. Teenagers lie about their age to get jobs. Workers lie when they are negotiating so they can a better job.
Endurance, Diligence and Complaining in China
Many Chinese are very tough and have endured hard lives. The editor mentioned above told the Los Angeles Times, “While life for ordinary people is hard it also makes them strong and determined to survive.”
It also makes them exhausted. In Riding the Iron Rooster, Theroux wrote: "The cycle of frenzy and fatigue...seemed a Chinese way of living, working very hard, with tremendous concentration...and then stopping suddenly and going to sleep. Often in trains, two chattering and gesticulating people would crap out and begin to snore like bullfrogs."
Asian societies have traditionally put an emphasis on maintaining a stiff upper lip, remaining strong and getting over problems rather than talking about them. Those that seek help are often stigmatized as weak or crazy. Psychology, psychiatry and counseling are rather new fields in China, where Confucian hierarchy has traditionally provided stability and people didn’t talk much about their feelings. “Chinese traditionally don’t like to articulate their emotions,” one psychologist told the Los Angeles Times.
Chinese generally don’t complain. Being pushy and emotional generally doesn’t get you anywhere in China or Asia. In a 1997 survey by the Leo Burnett ad agency, 57 percent of Chinese agreed that people should not voice complaints (compared to 4 percent among Americans). Presumably this is at least partly the result of enduring so much hardship and possibly winding up in serious trouble if you do complain..
The expression “eating bitter” describes putting up with hardships. One Chinese businessman told the Los Angeles Times, “If you have any problems, you go to your parents. And if your parents can’t help you, you bear them yourself.” In modern China, people seem willing to tolerate unfairness and bitterness as long as their standard of living improves.
Risk, Success, and Competition in China
In the West risk takers are generally praised as people with ambition and drive while in China they are often viewed as overly emotional and careless. But that isn't to say Chinese don't take risks. They also invest heavily in the stock market and like to gamble. They also have a strong entrepreneurial spirit and powerful desire to succeed in business. If they fail at one thing they try something else.
Chinese can be very competitive. They are very serious about games and will do anything to the win. One Uighur man told the New Yorker that Chinese never fight fair: “It’s not because of their culture, and it’s not because of their history. It comes from something inside their blood.”
It traditionally has been considered to be in bad taste in China to come across as too ambitious Many Chinese today however are obsessed with achieving success. Peter Hessler wrote on National Geographic that he found the following slogans inscribed next to a worker’s bed: “Find success immediately,” “Face the future directly,” and “A person can become successful anywhere; I swear I won’t return home until I am famous.”
Speed is of essence, lest one gets left behind. The term “Chinese time” sometimes is used to describe the breakneck pace in whcih things are done and chnage in China. Mao Jian, a Shanghai-based writer wrote in the Washington Post, “ Sizzling in the wok is not stuffed buns, but hearts beating fast, faster and faster still. Got to speed up to make a buck. Tear down the old courtyard, fill in Suzhou Creek, race to register that domain name. One day late is forever late. Overnight a fairy sprinkles her pixie dust and that corner shed turns into an idyllic café. But when you walk in, you see the owner reading a how-to-guide on opening a restaurant. Yet another new idea sprouting. Longevity is not the goal; speed is the style in China today.”
Stress and Coldness in China
The high rate of economic growth has created great opportunities but has also generated a lot of stress and a strong sense of being left out and not getting a share of wealth no matter how hard you try. One happily married, well-off young executive at a mobile phone company—somebody you would think has it all—told the Los Angeles Times, “Life is so stressful. I feel enormous pressure on my shoulders all the time. If only I could do better somehow I might become rich and happy.”
A 29-year-old drug addict told the Washington Post, “Society is so utilitarian now. People only get along with others if they can give them something. It’s such a cold society, and people feel abandoned. People give up at night. They want to forget.”
One sociologist told the New York Times, "People are busy, they're making money and they don’t care about your private life. Before people were idle and liked to tell you how to lead your life, but that's changed.”
The Rising Sun Anger Release Bar in Nanjing employs 20 muscular men as “models” for customers to beat and scream at to release pent-up anger and stress. Customers are also, for a fee, allowed to smash glasses and generally make a mess of things
Chinese Pragmatism and Logic
Some have argued that the influence of Confucianism has caused Chinese to put more trust in traditions and authority over science and method, which Westerners emphasize. While Chinese can be very thoughtful, intuitive and logical, the argument goes, they tend to give more weight to relationships, obligations, loyalties and traditions when making a decision and approach problems in a holistic way rather than in sequential, linear or progressive way, which is the norm in the West.
Even so, Chinese also have a reputation for being quite practical and pragmatic. Peter Hessler told National Geographic,” People seem quite rational—very, very pragmatic...This generation of Chinese —you can pretty much predict how people will respond because they tend to act in their own best interest."
Pearl S. Buck once said; “The Chinese, while not a changeable people, are nevertheless people who are able to change when they see the time has come to change. They are basically practical people. They do not cling to a custom or tradition or even a religion just because it has always been the way. When they see that something no longer works, they change it.”
A survey on preferred ideology taken among students in the northern province of Hebei in 2006 found that 66 percent of them favored pragmatism over communism (favored by 13 percent) and hedonism (favored by 11 percent). Some have argued Chinese pragmatism is rooted in Confucianism.
My wife teaches Chinese exchange students at a university in Japan. She said that many of her students— who grew up in China in the one-child policy, Little Emperors era—have difficulty negotiating and coming to an agreement as a group. She attributes this to growing up without brothers and sisters.
Chinese Approach to Negotiations
Journalist and China expert James McGregor wrote in the Washington Post, “China is about unity, focus and leverage. Chinese officials and business executives are obsessed with a single question: What advantage do I have over you?”
Henry Kissinger wrote in Newsweek, "China's approach to policy is skeptical and prudent...impersonal, patient and aloof; the Middle Kingdom has a horror of appearing supplicant. Where Washington looks to good faith and good will as the lubricant of international relations, Beijing assumes that statesmen have done their homework, and will understand subtle indirections." The Chinese often "indicate a strong preference, not a condition....To the Chinese, Americans appear erratic and somewhat frivolous."
Beijing takes it time making decisions. Kissinger wrote: "The Chinese maneuver to induce their opposition to propose the Chinese preference so that Chinese acquiescence can appear as the granting of a boon to the interlocutor....When faced with what is considered a legacy of colonialism, China is prone to bully in order to demonstrate its imperviousness to pressure. Any hint of condescension or sign that Chinese territorial integrity is nor being taken seriously evokes strong—and to Americans, seeming excessive—reaction."
One Chinese scholar, who has written extensively about the United States, told Time, "If you treat China as a friend, he will treat you well and will never betray you. Treat him like an enemy and he'll fight back without hesitation."
Chinese Love of Business and Money
In the Mao era Chinese prided themselves on their frugality and desire to serve the people but today that sentiments seems like something from the distant past in fast-paced urban China. One Chinese man told the New York Times, “The things we care about most in China now are money, money, and money.” Another said, "It’s all money-grubbing. Many Chinese have lost their sense or morality and ethics.”
One woman told the New York Times, "Chinese people never talked so much about money before. Now they are always talking about salaries and stocks and joint ventures." One Chinese woman told the Washington Post, “People here don’t want any more Cultural Revolutions or war. We like material things.”
In a poll in the 1990s, 68 percent of the Chinese said their attitude towards life was “ work hard and get rich." Only 4 percent said it was "never think of yourself; give everything in service of society." In a 1997 survey by the Leo Burnett ad: 64 percent of Chinese agreed that making money is most important part of career, compared to 27 percent of Americans. In a survey in China in 2005, nearly three quarters of those asked said that money was the most important thing.
A desire to make money is not something that is deeply rooted in Confucianism. Merchants and businessmen were at the bottom of the Confucian social order. Sons have traditionally been taught to give whatever money they made to their parents.
Seeking wealth has become an end to itself to a point that for many people nothing else matters and many people are spiritually adrift. Yang Yo, a singer who is sometimes called the Bob Dylan of China, told the International Herald Tribune, “Few people in China think about a simple life of following dreams, ideals and knowing who you are. The just sit around talking about how to make more money.”
Chinese Directness and Earthiness
In some situations Chinese can be very indirect, but in other situations they can be very direct,open and frank to the point of tactlessness. Chinese are not as shy about talking about their feces and urine as Americans. They often excuse themselves from social gatherings by saying the equivalent of "I have to take a shit" or "I have to take a piss" when they have to go the bathroom. When Theroux once asked a Chinese man on the train what he just did, he said, "I vomited in the toilet."
The same is true with feeling. Unlike the Japanese and other Asians who often mask their feelings, the Chinese often not shy about expressing their feelings. One Uighur told the New Yorker, “The Chinese—if they don’t like you, it’s always clear.”
A guidebook for Chinese by Hong-Kong-born London-based Chinese advised his readers: “Don’t ask foreign women how old they are.” Chinese are often ask people they have just met: their age, marital status, how much money they make, and whether or not they have a boyfriend or girlfriend—questions that Westerners regards as personal and prying. Chinese ask these questions for a couple of reasons. First all they are curious. Second, they want know a person's age and marital status so they know how to address the person.
Pushing, Staring and Not Waiting in Line in China
Chinese are notorious for bumping into each other, blocking doorways, littering, spitting in restaurants, smoking anywhere they please, letting doors slam in people's faces, stopping their cars wherever they want, butting in line, shoving and pushing, walking in groups that take up the entire sidewalk, leaping into elevators, and generally not getting out of the way or watching where they are going. Chinese generally don't form lines they form "huddles" around ticket booths and bank clerks.
After years of long queues, Chinese people have learned to be ruthless about cutting in line. Zhou Xiaozheng, a sociology professor at Beijing University told the Los Angeles Times, “The whole society is impatient. President Hu Jintao said...we Chinese must be modest and cautious and avoid arrogance. Of course this means we’re none of these things.”
Chinese act pushy unconsciously. They don't have the same concept of personal space as Westerners. Chinese are used to crowds and pushing you way through a busy sidewalk or subway station is considered normal. If two people collide, a brief apology might be offered, then people continue with their business as if nothing happened.
The Chinese love to stare at foreigners and it is not unusual for a "staring squad" of a hundred people to gather around a tourist in rural towns where local people don't see many foreign visitors. Hairy arms and legs and red and blonde hair seem to be particularly fascinating and some Chinese like to touch or pluck the hairs to see if they are genuine. Staring back or getting angry is often counter-productive: it only attracts more attention.
Shouting, Noise and Fighting in China
Citizens posters image The Chinese like to shout and make noise and can be quite loud and boisterous. What sounds like a bitter argument is often just a normal conversation, especially in southern China. What sounds like a loud party is often just an ordinary get together.
According to the Lonely Planet guide of China, "there seems to be a competition for who can speak the loudest, turn the radio or TV up to the highest volume and detonate the most firecrackers." Many scenic and otherwise serene spots in China are embellished with loud crackly music blaring from speakers nailed onto temples and trees. Chinese vitality is sometimes described with the word "renao," meaning “hot and noisy.” Even though Chinese can be loud and physical themselves they often frown upon Western-style loudness and boisterousness.
Chinese have been described as "non-confrontational." They often go out of their way to be polite and accommodating and avoid disputes and conflicts. Still, while fistfights are rare, pushing and shoving and screaming matches are quite common, and when conflicts do begin they can quickly escalate. Many public altercations begin as a dispute over money or reaction to being bumped into or stepped on and mushroom into, in the words of the writer Paul Theroux, a "more general and menacing harangue."
"The most common mode of conflict," wrote Theroux," "is the screaming out-of-hand row—two people screeching at each other, face-to-face. They are long and loud, and they attract large crowds of spectators. For face-saving reasons such disputes can only be resolved by a third party, and until that person enters they fray, two squabblers go on shrieking."
Describing an altercation he witnessed at the McDonald’s in Beijing, Peter Hessler wrote in The New Yorker, “The drunk couple began arguing loudly. Suddenly the woman stood up, brandished a newspaper, and smacked the man on the head. Then she stormed out, right past Playland. Without a word the man folded his arms, lay his head down on the table, and went to sleep.”
Socializing and Privacy in China
People like to hang out and socialize on the street, in courtyards or in open public spaces. Conversation is a major pastime and people enjoy joking around and teasing one another. Things are often done with the help of personal contacts. If you can't find someone with a service you need you find someone who does know such a person.
Homes are open to family and friends. Brothers, sisters, cousins, uncles and aunts are frequent visitors. Friends often don’t knock when they visit, they just walk in. It is not usual for guests to spend the night. There is not an emphasis on privacy and calling ahead to let people know you are coming like there is in the United States.
"The search for personal privacy is a pervasive theme in the daily life of people who live in small villages," wrote Columbia anthropologist Marvin Harris. Villagers "apparently know too much about each other's business for their own good...One must whisper to secure privacy—with walls of thatch there are no closed doors. The village is filled with irritating gossip about men who are impotent or who ejaculate too quickly, and about women's behavior during coitus and the size, color, and odor of their genitalia."
In poor villages sometimes seven people sleep together in a single room and parents have sex while their children are sleeping.
Social Activities, Singing and Photos in China
While Chinese can be shy and suspicious they can also be very outgoing, generous, curious and genuinely friendly. Many enjoy speaking English with strangers or going out drinking and having a good time. A Sinologist with Warner Brothers told the Los Angeles Times: “Chinese people are very verbal, have vivid imaginations.” However, they generally don't invite people to their house, which is regarded as private place just or family members.
Chinese like to do things in groups. They feel comfortable doing things with their friends and get a certain sense of security and reassurance from being with people like themselves. They tend to be absorbed in the group and their activities and could care less about what people outside their group think of them.
Chinese are not so comfortable with American-style cocktail partes. One executive with the Chinese computer compnay Lenovo told Time, “We stand there and talk to each their. That’s just not our style.”
Chinese generally are shyer about dancing than singing, whereas the reverse is true about many Westerners. Chinese children generally have few opportunities to dance when they grow up and feel awkward doing it, but they do a lot of singing in school and tend to regard it as a fun activity like recess or sports. Among Chinese adults karaoke is very popular. In parks, people often sit in groups of twenty or thirty and sing songs or put on plays or operas. Chinese singers with good voices of course are admired more than those with bad voices but even bad singers are applauded for their effort.
Chinese are also fond of having photographs taken of themselves with their friends and are particularly fond of having their picture taken in front of anything considered wacky, different or strange. Chinese on hiking trips seem to do more photo-taking than hiking. This is because Chinese treasure their friends and the memory of good times, and the value of an activity is often measured more in the bonding that takes place than with the activity itself, plus they get enjoyment from posing and looking at the photos later on. Photos without people in them are considered boring.
Happiness and Sense of Humor in China
When asked about the quality of their life on a 1 to 10 scale, 23 percent of the Chinese surveyed ranked themselves as 7 or better, compared to 60 percent in the United States and 8 percent in Tanzania. The Chinese have a saying “extreme happiness begets tragedy.”
The Chinese actress Bai Ling told Time, “Chinese culture is more laid back...The West is always too busy to respect silence.” In the early 1600s, Matteo Ricci observed that the Chinese “are quite content with what they have...in this respect they are different from the peoples of Europe who are frequently discontent with their own governments and covetous of what others enjoy. While the nations of the West seem to be entirely consumed with supreme domination, they cannot even preserve what their ancestors bequeathed them, as the Chinese have done through a period of some thousands of years.”
Hong Kong radio and television personality Harry Wong told Newsweek: "The Chinese have quite a vulgar sense of humor, but it's subtle. The Chinese are discreet. The humor is much more complex, and calculated with a lot of wordplay and puns. the complexity of Chinese characters allow poetic schemes on dirty jokes."
Chinese are more selective than Americans about what they can poke fun of. Hung-hsiang Chou, a Chinese culture specialist at UCLA told the Los Angeles Times, “Americans make fun of everything. China has taboos. Ancestors are off-limits. They also don’t ridicule their leaders, who are only fair game after they’ve fallen from grace.” Chinese also don’t like it when a senior person is teased in front of his juniors.
Chinese sometimes have difficulty understanding American sarcasm. When Channel V veejay Nonie Tao showed a postcard of New York sent from India, and commented about what a nice view of India it was, she received tons of letters saying: "That was New York stupid!"
