As i eventually found out on my last trip Ling smokes. I'm a ex-smoker after being a heavy smoker for about 16 years or so and i guess i probably have more anti-smoking feelings now than most non smokers, i truly am repulsed by the smell of smoke on clothes etc.
The basic truth is if i had know she smoked before hand that would have been it and would have moved on to someone else.
We met up and I like, her smokes and all, but its still the bear in the cave of our relationship. I've said i don't mind her smoking outside or in public places as its open air and if its indoors like pub others will be doing it so I'll have to put up with it anyhow.
She agreed to do this but in Lankawi in Malaysia she smoked when i was in the shower in the bedroom with the window open presumably thinking I wouldn't notice but as any non smoker will know of course the stench is instantly there..this pretty much was the catalyst to our big argument and bust up the next day.
We are going stronger than ever now but here my two questions :-
1) I know its the probably the hardest thing i ever had to do (ie quit smoking) , but as it disgusts me should i ask her to do it?, she already told me she would quit if she became pregnant for the sake of the child, but she doesn't want to otherwise right now.
2) I know asking a Chinaman to quit smoking is like asking the ocean to stop making waves so will bring smokes for her brother when i next visit there, should I bring her smokes too?, will this send the wrong message?.
If I'm honest here this whole smoking thing is a big deal for me, I utterly detest and am repulsed by the smell, the act and the nasty filthy dirty habit of it it.
If she didn't smoke i know she would be perfect for me..but she does..and is likely to continue that way. I am worried that if I live with her I'm going to take the habit back up again, i'm already having the "nightmare" dreams where i'm smoking again and wake up in a sweat relieved that I'm not.
I'm also wondering if I am going to end up not liking her because she smokes and her not liking me because she knows i don't like her smoking.
I have to admit, this is really bothering me and i'm not sure what is the right way to go from here.
Brothers what would you do in my situation?