Greetings brothers,
Its time for another update.
Zhen and i have so far not experienced anything bad or discordant in our relationship, and in fact we grow closer every hour. When we were in beijing holding hands was the norm and we did it all the time. Here in Handan however she has this thing that we cannot hold hands as we walk about town or in the parks etc.
I of course respect this but it is kind of curious. I can put my hand on her thigh in restaurants and cabs, rub her back hold her around the waist as we walk etc etc but the handholding is a no no. So from a western perspective the mildest form of public affection, hand holding is a no no yet more advanced stuff like rubbing her thigh or back or holding her about the shoulders or waist is ok. I have tried to get her to explain this but the translator machine fails miserably, and of course there is no one I can ask.
However it has become a game now and i will take her hand sometimes and see how long it takes her to react. We always get a chuckle when she realizes we are holding hands in public and she says no not in Handan and we laugh. she herself has reached for my hand on several occasions every day so I dont know if this is a game with her or she is serious but cant fight the habit established in beijijng or what. Anyway its an interesting cultural puzzle.
As mentioned previously our affection level increases every day and now we are getting borderline riske. We now steal kisses when walking in parks and stuff like that, ( no I am not going into detail on "stuff like that") you will have to use your imagination. Our own private language is also growing to the extent that often she will say something to me in chinese and I will get enough of it to understand without having a clue what she said. Its really kinda freaky to watch us interact.
Friends will often burst out laughing when she says something to me in chinese that I cannot understand yet respond properly.. They can see that i dont understand the words yet I manage to get the gist of it anyway. She does the same thing back with me.
Today also we finally managed to do a webcam with my sister in BC Canada, so Zhen and her could meet. Yes it was a bit akward as they cannot communicate with words but with me playing translator it went very well.My sister likes Zhen and has heard some of our story up to my trip and beyond so I felt it was time they met.
They hit it off quite well and both confirmed to me that they like the other so a good stride forward as far as Zhen being accepted by family. We are going to do it again in 2 days so that Zhen and my Mom and other sister can also meet. This will be a surprise to mom and other sister as they only know that I am on vacation not what I am realy doing here. Hopefully my family will accept Zhen but it really doesnt matter because they know I will do what I feel i must. Still their acceptance of Zhen would make her feel better so its worth the effort.
Zhen is one of those people who makes friends really easily and is very outgoing and friendly so I am sure all will be well.
Yesterday we did one of the local parks in Handan. Nice but nothing compared to Beijing. still, I was spending time with Zhen and scenery is almost a distraction now so its all good. After the park we went to a friends house for lunch and killed the afternoon hanging around an talking. Zhen's friends it seems have totally accepted us as a couple and talk to me directly even though they know I cannot understand. Its nice to feel included when 4 or 5 beautful chinese ladies all start talking about you. It seems Zhen moving to Canada in the future is of great interest to all of them.
Also I discovered that the friend we had lunch with is dating a guy in Tennessee USA. They have been for many months and he is going to china to see her in November. They dont go through CNlove but rather send text messages to each other often during the day. I told her i hope everything works as well for her as it has for Zhen and i and she was really happy for that.
More cultural stuff.
As has often been said on these forums when in china your lady will take total control of your life while you are in her care. Zhen controls our money, where we eat what we do when we go shopping etc etc. I differ slightly from everyone else however in two ways. One Zhen never washed my clothes in the bathroom of my hotel heheh however she did take care of getting the hotel to launder them second I actually get told and asked ahead of time when she is planning our day.... sometimes. Most often its as others have said she plans things and I find out on the way there, but so far everything has gone well so I guess it doesnt bother me.
Also every so often in our conversations she will ask a question about stuff from our letters. I know she knows the answers as she rarely forgets anything important that I tell her or have written to her. For instance when we were at the temple and she was getting the readings done they had to have asked her for my date of birth yet she never had to ask me she knew the day month and year by heart. So I give her the answers again and its like she is verifying what I just responded with against what i wrote her. I guess its a defence mechanism thing and she is checking to make sure things are real with no lies. Now I am sure many guys would get upset about this, but for me its no biggie.
When Zhen and I started writing, she had been with Cnlove for a year and 3 months, so i am sure i am not the first to have written to her but I am definitely the last. She has asked the agency to hide her profile and they agreed. This was done during or visit to the agency so I know it happened. Anyway the point here is never lie to your lady and expect to get away with it. If yours is like Zhen she will find out and everything you have built to that point will be destroyed. Its just not worth it.
Eating: Well for someone who never experiments with different kinds of food, I have eaten nothing but chinese since I have been here. The only exception is that i was bullied by Zhen and her friendds to go to KFC. yes thats right kentucky Fried Chicken. Now I gotta say who ever called this stuff western food is nuts. I have never seen this in Canada an we have KFC everywhere. the stuf was horrible. Tip to the wise, dont eat western food in China stick with the local stuff its so much better. Also on food I would suggest learning how to eat the basics with chopsticks before you go over. First it makes meals easier, and second it will impress your lady and her friends. Zhens friends get many laughs at my attempts at chopsticking but its all in good fun so no worries. They are impressed that I make the effort and they say I am improving. So more brownie points for me.
Zhen is really good when it comes to serving me, and makes sure she gives me pieces sized that I can handle, especially when we have company. She doesnt force stuff i dont like and basically always feeds me before herself, I get all the choice pieces etc etc. I can honestly say I have never in my life been treated any better than the way Zhen looks after me. I am so gratefull that she is blind enough to consider me handsome as do her friends. I guess its all the pollution in the air, it blurs their vision hehe. Anyway point here is if you are reasonable and tell your lady what you will not eat ahead of time you can avoid embarrassing her in a public restaurant, she will not order what you dont like even if its her favourite, and you will probably eat better than you have in your entire life. There are many things I have eaten that I have no name for yet all were delicious.
Chinese attitudes toward us.
By and large the chinese people are a really friendly race of people. We have had folks go out of their way to help us or give us directions etc. Only in the last day or two have any significant number of people stared at me as we walk about. We both get a kick out of teenage girls that stare and when i notice them directly they get embarresed, and offer a shy smile which i return. its all really cute and lots of fun. However we have also had people stop in their tracks, stare at me and just stand there looking. Today we were having a bit of a sex talk using the electronic translator, when this one old guy stopped and stared and then came over and wanted to watch what Zhen was typing to me. well she was in the middle of a point which was not for public consumption as it were and she got quite embaressed. She finally had to tell the guy to move along and stop bothering us.
Usually when people in Beijing or Handan or tourist spots stare at us its Zhen they are looking at not me. I told her that when she comes to Edmonton that everyone will stare at her, and she gets quite a kick out of it. just goes to show women the world over all love being told they are beautiful and they all love the attention we shower on them.
The point here is you are going to be exposed to different cultural ways of doing things and many of the chinese have no sense of shame. You need to learn to go with the flow as has been explained previously on the forums and not take offense at what people do around you. This is especially true in the smaller towns. Alway s be polite and respectful, especially to your lady. Dont mistreat her especially in public. She is your biggest defender in all things chinese so dont do anything stupid that will cause her to lose face.
Well the sad reality of my trip nearing its end is upon us. Tomorrow Zhen is going to buy the train tickets to Beijing for Saturdays departure. Needless to say i was pretty down when she said this but I never let it hit my face. I noticed a few times today that she seemed a little sad so I think its on her mind also. she is going to make the trip to Beijing to see me off at the airport. i see this as a big gesture on her part, taking the bullet three hours to Beijing to see me off at the airport then riding the 3 hours back to Handan alone. That will be the first time she has been alone other than sleeping for the past two weeks, and I am sure we both are gonna be hurting. Damn I am tearing up and hurting just typing this now so I hate to think what saturday is gonna be like.
This is the harsh reality of doing what we do to meet the love of our life in a far away land. The going to visit is great, the time spent together fantastic but the parting again is downright brutally painfull, at least for me. The next few months until i can get back here and marry her are going to be the toughest of my entire life. Yes we still have letters and we are going to webcam almost daily as our schedules permit but they will never bring the same joy again as they did before our visit. It hurts like hell just thinking about it and it hasnt even happened yet.
Well time to get a grip here and remember I still have a couple of days with the most wonderful woman in the world. Sorry about the teary mushy stuff but it just hit me like a mack truck.
So to end this long rambling disaster of post I am going to bow to the wishes of many and especially Vince and try to add some pictures. Just remember you asked for them so dont blame me if you dont like them heheh Just kidding.
First pic is Zhen and I.
Greetings guys,
Well it seems i cannot get teh pics to attach. So if you really want to see them i am gonna need some help here. I just typed this message a few mins ago and attached teh pic of Zhen and I to this but again it didnt come through. Also I need help changing my avatar pic and I cant find where the default directory is. Keep in mind I am using a chinese language computer so I cannot understand what teh buttons etc are saying.
Thanks for any help
Brian
