What do you think?

[phil]

Hi Guys...

Well after much consideration I have started communications with a very traditional woman from what she calls "a literary family". She is my age (Forty Seven) from Guangzhou and was a teacher of Chinese and History for many years but now is in school administration. She's divorced and has a 11yr daughter away at school for art. sounds like she's been alone for 5-6 years. Her Ex "Stayed outside all the time" I guess loosely translated that would mean he ran around on her and liked to party.

She seems smart, cultured, and very insightful. Almost from the start she has referenced directly what I discussed in the previous EMF's and carried along responding to what I've written while inserting aspects of her life she wants made clear.

This is an example of what I've received from her: ...you are right, so many people live their lives looking back in time, content in the past and they miss out on the beauty of today. Many people live their lives looking at tomorrow worried about what they need and worry for the day that has not come. It really will waste us a lot of time. To be honest, I have even been in this kind of life, I always regretted the wrong I have done and worried about tomorrow. I did waste a lot of my time. But now, I am different, my motto now is: Whatever happens, just make relax and make a great smile. Life is not a problem to be solved but a gift to be enjoyed. Make every day my best day. I will not think of the past and worry for tomorrow, I just want to be happy today and cherish today. Time flies and we can not waste our time. : )    

I had been getting all these young women admirer letters (agency churning?) and had been also looking at the younger womens profiles...I can't deny the fact that I'm attracted to these 25-30 yr old beauties. I guess reality finally set in and I decided to go for something that had an actual chance of working. It was partially from something that Vince said about the "Young Ones" in another thread "It would last about week"....not to mention the fact that I look something like a fat Jack Nicholson after a rough night. It's amazing what the mind can make us believe.

Anyway, I guess I'm searching for some feedback here on the general idea of selecting of a woman who's actually my age, divorced, has a child, and doesn't work at a mall.

Thanks

[Rhonald]

I think you have already answered your own question. The only reason I would ever consider having a younger woman is if I still wished to have another child. So I could see you searching for a woman as young as mid thirties.

[David E]

Phil

It's an ever topical issue you have here...that trade off between endless sex (maybe) with a young "hottie" and quality mental (and physical) interaction with a mature Woman who has had some experience in life.

When we get past the ego-trip that catching a 25 years old brings...what then. Can her level of experience and "worldliness" be enough to keep you interested over the long haul.?

I have two friends in my life here who married very young Foreign Brides, and they both are 50+. and their wives are in their late 20's

Both now have "new" children with their wives and their life has dramatically changed...mostly NOT for the better.

In the cold hard light of reality, I would prefer to be with someone who I could have a decent conversation with and who could be a real partner, as well as a lover

However...I dont think there is a right and a wrong here...but there are some awful pitfalls caused by discrepant ages.  But some men do it well and live happily ever after.

I guess if you fall in love, its all academic questions anyway.

My 2 cents worth...go for the mature Lady.

DavidE

[Scottish_Rob]

Ditto:icon_biggrin:

[Voiceroveip]

Both now have "new" children with their wives and their life has dramatically changed...mostly NOT for the better.

David, would you care to develop? Just curious, I've only known one couple with a +25 year age difference, she was not happy but I think he was, not my cup of tea ...

[David E]

Both now have "new" children with their wives and their life has dramatically changed...mostly NOT for the better.

David, would you care to develop? Just curious, I've only known one couple with a +25 year age difference, she was not happy but I think he was, not my cup of tea ...

These two guys, one works for me, the other is a client of mine, married young "supermodels" from Russia.

Both guys are in their 50's , both wives are late 20's. Both wives are drop dead gorgeous...believe me, I have both couples round to my place for dinner many times, and we socialise in other stuff too. Always these guys were the envy of every male in the place...and all the Aus Women were spitting ink !!!! (cradle snatcher syndrome)

The downside.....both guys were cajoled into buying houses by their brides that were too big, too flashy...and too Expensive....now have huge mortgages at 55 years old !!

Both guys bought their "brides" flash cars and basically had to throw money at them to keep marital peace (and sex) going.

Both guys decided that a baby would slow down the attrition , so to speak, and give their women something to do...Yeah right !!!!

Both guys talk to me in depth about their feelings of hopelessness..they dont want to talk endlessly about pop-stars, supermodels, new clothes and such.

They cant get on with life because their wives are too dependent and demanding....hot sex is now a distant memory.

Divorce is not an option because our Laws would award a wife with a young child 80% of the Man's assets ...cop that at 55 years old !!!

Ok, these are 2 examples I know about in-depth and they are Russians anyway...so I am not suggesting here that it will always be bad ..Russian, Chinese, Eskimo etc etc. But I do believe that there is a high failure rate for age discrepant marriages.

But by the same token, if it works for some Men, it could be wonderful.

DavidE

[MLM]

do your self a favor, stay within a 10 year age differance, jmo.

[Buzz]

Phil,
I have children that are pushing 35.  I just can not wrap my head around getting into a serious relationship with someone the age of my children.  I also agree with DavidE.  At the end of the day, what do you and the lady have in common.  The lady I am going to see in just over 6 weeks, is the same age as myself.  What we can talk about is how life has developed for her and for me and compare and contrast the way we experienced things.  For instance Nixon's visit to China.  Now I know many of you were not even born when this happened, but that visit has led to us here on this forum, at having a chance to marry a Chinese Lady.  Most of all I would say, Forget about age, and look for common interest.  Common goals. and most of all like JimB has always said.  "He and Mrs. Burk just fit together".  That says it all!!  Age is just a number.  

buzz

[Ed W]

Anyway, I guess I'm searching for some feedback here on the general idea of selecting of a woman who's actually my age, divorced, has a child, and doesn't work at a mall.

That's my wife in a nutshell. In fact it's how i set my search criteria, however she wrote me first. Hard to say if it's right or wrong for you but you gotta go with your instincts. I however, do like the closeness of age, divorce (she knows what can go wrong in a relationship), has a child(knows what it means to raise a family and the sacrifices that come with it), and doesnt work in a mall (Does a grocery store count?). hehe.

Good Luck Phil.

[phil]

She's mature and has got some substance and being a Chinese and History teacher could hopefully share quite a bit about her culture. She is moving very slowly in this...simple disclosures and discoveries for the time being it seems. Thats a good sign to me. I disclosed that I would have to work to live over there and she actually was upbeat about that and supported the idea.

I sent her a picture from when I was working in California a few years ago...it is picture me with a backdrop of the Golden Gate Bridge shrouded in fog...she wrote "That is a great and strong bridge where is it from?".

They really are a world away

[David5o]

Glad to see that some of us are thinking with the head on our shoulders and not with our other head!! ...lol!!

I think many of us have come to realise that, marrying a lady, way outside our age group, has a far greater chance of failing later on, than that of a lady nearer to our own age.
We really do need to have things in common, in order for us to communicate on a day to day basis. When conversations start to wain, we tend to know something is wrong. I think what DavidE wrote about his two friends is pretty typical, and isn't it funny how this idea of having babies/children is still thought of, as bringing two people closer together!! When in reality, it is the one thing that can bring things to a head faster than any other. It certainly brings more pressure to a failing or stagnant marriage!! ....It doesn't work now, and it never has done.....

Also as DavidE said, When things do start falling away from you, and your at an age where literary starting again isn't an option you want to even think about.... what do you do??  
No, you just have to be far better off all round, finding a future wife within your relative age group, where you can both grow old happily, contentedly, and gracefully  together!!

Leave these younger ladies to the young bucks that have more time and more inclination to deal with them, we just don't have that time!! ...hahaha!!  When you really think about it, it's not really fair on the ladies either is it, they could very well become just carers to us, as we get older, and not what they signed up for, as being wife's.....

David....

[MLM]

Thank you David5o, this should put things in the light it should be but, you and I know that there will be some that will go after the younger ones because they want the eye candy but don't think of down the road.

[Scottish_Rob]

Hey mate...I have eye candy...and she is 42....:angel:

[MLM]

Hehehe, yeah but you are only 10 years older, like Zhou and I, so that makes them eye candy with smarts and things in common with us, you old fart :icon_cheesygrin:

[David E]

As usual :icon_cheesygrin: can I put the other perspective about age......

I have had a lengthy and very fine series of EMF's with a Lady in my own age group. I was so impressed with the quantity and quality of her words and letters. For one brief moment I thought that at last I had hit the jackpot !!!!!

But.....and there is always a But....she was the Senior Plastic Surgeon at a Chinese Hospital. She specialises in severe burn cases and does so much good work putting terribly deformed people into better shape so they can live a more normal quality of life...she does not do boob jobs or cosmetic surgery for glamour purposes. Within one or two years she could expect to be promoted to control the Plastic Surgery efforts of 5 Hospitals !!

Thus she provides a vital and important service within her local community. She goes to different training and knowlege sharing courses all over the World.

If, repeat if she were to come to Aus as my wife, she would be forced to repeat ALL her Medical training...8 years .....as well as learn fluent English (including complex medical terms) before she could commence her re-training.

She says that she would be prepared to give up her career and become a simple housewife for the right Man.

Question is, how could I take such a woman from her local community, how could I deprive such a woman from a worthy career and how long could she last as a houswife before boredom/resentment set in ?

Despite her statement that she would be prepared to do it for "love"...I would be quite sure that over time it would be a problem.

So...even ladies of the right age group, can have other "issues" that get in the way of romance.

DavidE