Dating the younger ladies

[brett]

Hi all,

I was just wondering. Have any of you guys dated the younger ladies on the site (say under 30)?

Mine is 29 (I'm 37) and she's great, but she drives me crazy sometimes. I'm not sure if it's because she is young or because she's female, maybe it's a little of both. Mostly the problems arise because the NO TALKING ABOUT IMPORTANT THINGS ON MSN rule is violated :@.

Share your thoughts here :icon_cheesygrin:.

[metooap]

Brett,

Regardless of the age, the more you talk now and share about things - in my opinion - the better.

You both need to know as much as you can about each other.

This way when you make it to the face to face, things will be smoother.

And your expectations as well as hers would at least be discussed.

Somethings - they say or taboo - I am sure. But I spent most of my time - after about two months or so - trying to find as many boundaries as I could.

Even once or twice intentionally ticking her off. So I could see if we were really compatible.

I would not recommend this approach though - until you absolutely know you love her - and she loves you - otherwise - some bad things probably could happen.

[Hans]

I have tested my lady's patience from time to time too, deliberately (she is 23, I am 27). Just to see how sensitive she is about certain things and if she is really interested in me. So far so good, although I still have a hard time accepting the taboo about sex. We have discussed it but not in depth and certainly not in a "sexy" sort of way. I find it is very hard to do that anyway when you know that there is a translator between the two of you... :s MSN would be much better.

[Voiceroveip]

Hi Hans, unless you have some really strange tastes as far as sex goes, I don't think there is a need to talk about that matter too much, you won't be disappointed, Chinese women don't suffer from morale or religious tradition induced frigidity or inhibitions like some of the western women (and men).

[Hans]

Hi Hans, unless you have some really strange tastes as far as sex goes, I don't think there is a need to talk about that matter too much, you won't be disappointed, Chinese women don't suffer from morale or religious tradition induced frigidity or inhibitions like some of the western women (and men).

Haha. No, I don't think my taste is any stranger than anyone elses so it's not about that. I was just referring to the shyness to talk about sex, if I compare to the ladies here in Sweden who are very open (sometimes borderline blunt) about these things.

I guess I will find out sooner or later...

[Voiceroveip]

I have no experience talking to Swedish women about such things ... but I did hear some raw stuff from California girls alright.  But my little experience tells me the Chinese women don't tend to be shy in bed let me tell you, and, still my experience, are willing to learn any technique to satisfy their man. I've had a few realtionships but the only sexually really exciting one was with a Chinese, maybe about 2 months after our first experience in bed, just the time to learn and gain some confidence, after that it really took off.

[metooap]

Some Other guys might know a little better, but I think we are talking about a cultural thing - or a difference in culture.

It is not the norm - to talk about or be that open about sex - at least that has been my experience - but once you break the barrier and move beyond planning to meet, and wanting to meet, and actually meet, and commit to each other at a higher level, then it has been my experience you will find an elegance and beauty - that will take your breath away.

It has been my experience that the woman that most of us here meet, are looking for pure love, they want to get married and have a beautiful family, and an interesting and supportive life. First, it seems to me - before you move into talking about other things in an open way - this must be established. In other words they want to know that your intentions are pure and you are a person of your word.

Once you get beyond this - and you are accepted by the family - and only if you do and are - then on the other side there is nothing but bliss.  I am putting it mildly!

[David5o]

metooap,

I think you can safely say, what you have posted is pretty much right all round. Obviously there are going to be some that can openly discuss things at a much earlier stage, whereas some you will have to almost force her to talk about such things. ..lol!!

The same goes for any intimate relations between you, some are more forward thinking than others. Please don't go thinking that Chinese women are that much different, than any other women in the world, there are Not!! They have the same dreams, wants and needs as any!!

What they do have, is a far better understanding about the importance of family, and are prepared to put a lot more of themselves into that family and her chosen husband!!

David....

[brett]

I haven't discussed sex at all with my lady. She is young and hasn't been married previously so I am wary of bringing up this subject. I'd also like to warn brothers that being intimate with an unmarried young lady is likely to land you in hot water with her family, so be very wary until you have got to the engagement stage :exclamation:.

To be honest I'm more interested in finding a soulmate anyway. If you're primarily interested in sex, it's usually better to rent a woman, especially if you have a lot of worldly goods :s.

[Hans]

I am not primarily interested in sex but sex is a very important part of a healthy relationship. At least for me. Since I am very open as a person and want to discuss things instead of pretending that the issue doesn't exist, I have brought up the sex issue with every lady with whom I have had contact for some longer period of time at Chnlove. If they can't deal with it, maybe we are not right for each other. And of course I am curious about their views on the subject since it differs from what women in Sweden think and believe in. It has never been a problem, I have just asked them what their views on sex before marriage etc. are.  

I hear so many different stories about Chinese ladies and sex so I don't know what to believe, really. From what I can gather so far, it appears to be a big difference between "modern" women from Shanghai and women from smaller cities elsewhere in China.

About Chinese women in general I think we should be careful not to idealize them too much. They are women and they can lie and cheat and be annoying like every other woman around the globe. They are not a different species. We should just keep that in mind... :icon_cool:

[David5o]

Brett,

I know what your saying here about the intimate side of things. But the truth is, around all the university campuses just like those in the UK Europe and the States there are students being intimate with each other. It was going on in Lucy's day (not to the extent it is now) and it was going on when she was a University Asst professor 7 years ago to a much greater degree than in her day.... Iv'e also known junior Engineers on our projects in China having intimate relations with young ladies, and i'm not talking about the bar girls you find there. Just normal everyday Chinese young ladies.....

As i said before, the Chinese ladies are no different than anywhere else Brett. There are guys on the Forum that make too many assumptions about the purity of Chinese ladies, but they make them without knowing or experiencing life in China. The one thing that is different, is everything is done behind closed doors, and it's not flouted about like in Western culture. In fact, if you read between the lines of the younger brothers (and the older ones come to that) experiences while on their trips to China, many have been intimate with their ladies.
The guy's, quite rightly are not going to blurt that out here on the Forum, it's none of our business and they are respecting their ladies at the same time.

Brett, i'm not saying that all are going to be of a similar frame of mind, just that there are many more than some would have you believe, that are open to the development of intimate relations between you both if they are happy with the way things are going within your relationship....


David.....

[brett]

Hans - yes there are conflicting stories. I work at a Uni campus and we have Chinese students from a wide variety of backgrounds. There are a few Shanghai princesses, but many more are from more modest backgrounds.

I am pretty certain my lady has led a fairly sheltered existence. She comes from a small town (if a town of 4 million can be considered small). But I'll find out more when I meet her in person!

David5o, yes I know things go on. But my girl is young and I am a man of honour, so I will respect her parents wishes.

[David5o]

Brett,

I wasn't referring to you and your lady personally, just pointing out the comment you made about younger ladies in your previous posting.

By the way, a lady of 29 is not considered as being young for a lady in China, she is on the cusp of being considered over the hill by Chinese men, ....crazy i know, but it's an unfortunate fact!!

Personally i wouldn't consider her to be exactly young either.... I would generally identify young, as being anywhere between 18 to 25ish

A town of 4 million isn't small, ....not even by Chinese standards!!

David....

[ahkiwi]

LOL small town ... funny :icon_cheesygrin:
Especially when you consider her small town has the same population as my country

[David5o]

Al,

I rest my case!!  haha!!

David....