Author Topic: Danny's second trip to Zhuhai  (Read 23217 times)

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Offline Willy The Londoner

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RE: Danny's second trip to Zhuhai
« Reply #15 on: September 22, 2009, 05:14:49 am »
Hi Danny

So maybe things are going well.  Well it is good to know that is the reason you have not rung me again.  I am back in Zhuhai.  

Have you been to my apartment. kitsch indeed.  Gold plated father christmas never gets put away!!!I am in Zhuhai until Friday morning then I am off to Zhongshan and back here Sunday.  

'David50- extravagant, gordy, tasteless, and monstrous the better!! ...haha!! ' And you David your talking about my women again.


Willy
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Offline Willy The Londoner

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RE: Danny's second trip to Zhuhai
« Reply #16 on: September 22, 2009, 12:35:25 pm »
Quote from: 'Danny' pid='17402' dateline='1253534654'
My relationship with my daughter has really improved while we've been away. She is starting to grow into a kind and thoughtful person. For anyone who has raised a teenager, you really do wonder how they will turn out, if they will ever grow up properly. You need times like this to give you hope for the future.

Danny


Well having met you and your daughter last night you have done a good job there mate.  She really supports what you are going through to find her a new stepmother.

Yes you can be proud of her.

Willy
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Offline Danny

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RE: Danny's second trip to Zhuhai
« Reply #17 on: September 22, 2009, 10:48:12 pm »
Willy

Thanks for being there for me last night. It was good to have someone to talk to. I am very sorry I wasn't much company. I wasn't thinking straight at all. I was however very fortunate to have you and my daughter with me at this time.

One and All

Just an update to let you know how it all ended up.

My good woman received my EMF mail on Monday night, in which I talked about what I hoped from the relationship. We agreed to possibly catch up at 6pm on Tuesday night. I rang her at 7pm and then she said she was still not able to see me. She said she would ring me later in the night. Then at 9pm she called, while I was drinking with Willy. At about 10pm she called me on the telephone. She had been waiting in the hotel foyer for 40 minutes. So I rushed down to see her. So I came down and saw her. God what a vision of loveliness. She was dressed beautifully, she had done her make-up and her hair was all glossy and wonderful. Even at that moment I wasn't sure how it was going to turn out. I got in the car. We talked for a little. Then I said I suppose we really need to talk about us. She then told me that she was not able to continue with the relationship. The two main reasons were that her son did not wish to travel to another country and that it was difficult for us to communicate. I said that I really appreciated her telling me this and that I wished to thank her for the wonderful time I had had with her over the past year, and on this holiday in particular. So it was over in a few minutes.

There was one more thing, which made me laugh. She said that while she was not able to continue with the relationship, she said that there are many Chinese women who are interested in marrying a foreign man and she wished to introduce me to some of them. It was funny because I imagine that for her, by making this offer she was showing some consideration for me. For me, however, it was the last thing on my mind. This reminded me of Ronan's experience. I thanked her for this kind offer, and told her I was not able to accept her offer at this time.  

In some ways it is a good thing that it is over.

She is a successful doctor here and I don't think I ever had a satisfactory solution for the problem of what she would do when she moved over here - I have discussed this with Aussie David in another post. I don't think I ever had a solution for what was to become of her son - I don't think the father was going to agree to his son leaving the country and it is a terribly hard thing for a mother to leave their only child. It was always hard for us to speak - it was going to be years until we could have a proper conversation in either English or Chinese.

I always told her that I would prefer that we didn't proceed with the relationship if she thought it was going to end up unhappily for her. It is possible to persuade and trick people into agreeing to things they really don't wish to do, like a dishonest second hand car salesman, for example. I am glad she decided that it wasn't the right thing for her, and that I did not attempt to change her mind.

Here are a few lessons from my experience which I will write down for whoever might benefit from such advice.

1. If a relationship is not giving you want at the beginning (whatever the reasons are) . . . if it's not making you really happy, then it's better to end it early. It's kinder on yourself and your woman to end relationships that don't look promising as soon as possible. Don't throw good money (as a metaphor for your love, time and money too) after bad.  
2. The more your woman is attached to her life in China (ie in terms of career, assets, friends, children, etc) the less likely she is going to want to throw them up for the uncertain prospects of a marriage with a foreigner.
3. Most of your romantic relationships are going to fail, but you don't know which one will finally succeed, so you need to treat each one like it's going to succeed.

All things together I consider this relationship a success rather than a failure. It was one of the things that kept me going in the dark days after my wife passed away. I learned a lot about myself. I acted, for the most part, in a decent and considerate way. It nearly happened and so I was lucky to be part of it all.

Today I am choked with sadness, but this will pass.

Thanks again for the support of my friends here.

Offline Willy The Londoner

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RE: Danny's second trip to Zhuhai
« Reply #18 on: September 22, 2009, 11:42:15 pm »
Hi Danny

I enjoyed your company and the drink last night but of course not the ending that came about.  No problem in you rushing off like you did - at least you got dressed up for her!  Wonder what she was thinking while you were drinking with me whilst she was patiently waiting for you!

I was just prising out your secrets from your Emma when you came to McDonalds.

You already know that I was sorry to hear your update but I will be here until Friday morning if your are in need of another beer or two or six. I am sure my maid can rustle up some extra food if you wanted to eat.

Its that damn coffee shop syndrome.  They tell you they will meet to take you for coffee and bang they hit you with the brush off.  You know i have had two relationships end here after being invited to go for coffee.  So watch out for the caffeine brothers it can be fatal for relationships.

Maybe we will meet up again before you go back.

What i do not get is that they always use the 'we cannot communicate' reason for breakdowns.  How many foreigners are fluent in Chinese languages?

Willy
« Last Edit: September 22, 2009, 11:47:59 pm by Willy The Londoner »
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Offline maxx

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RE: Danny's second trip to Zhuhai
« Reply #19 on: September 23, 2009, 12:43:50 am »
Danny I'm sorry to here it didn't work out for you.Go hang out with your daughter and Willy try to enjoy the rest of your stay in Zhuhai.

Offline Bob

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RE: Danny's second trip to Zhuhai
« Reply #20 on: September 23, 2009, 12:44:22 am »
Danny, I am not going to tell you the usually, "I'm sorry to hear that" talk.  Hey, you gave it your best shot. You had some good moments together, but quite frankly it is her lost. Danny your lady is out there somewhere waiting for you, I know you are not ready at the moment to just jump back in there, but when you are ready I am confident that you will find the right lady.
« Last Edit: September 23, 2009, 12:50:29 am by Bob »

Offline RobertBfrom aust

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RE: Danny's second trip to Zhuhai
« Reply #21 on: September 23, 2009, 03:15:30 am »
Danny , remember the 24 hour rule , do not know where you are staying but all the good hotels usually have very nice minders so parents can go out ,You may find a young lady that would love to practice English with your daughter , so have a night out with Willy , and do not waste your time over there , regards Robert .
Now it is early to bed and late to rise .
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RE: Danny's second trip to Zhuhai
« Reply #22 on: September 23, 2009, 05:19:12 am »
Danny, what a bummer mate, I am so sorry brother, especially since you put a long time into this....

shaun

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RE: Danny's second trip to Zhuhai
« Reply #23 on: September 23, 2009, 05:23:58 am »
Danny,

Sorry to hear about this disappointment for you.  Take a break enjoy some time with your daughter and re-join the quest we all share in.

Shaun

Offline David E

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RE: Danny's second trip to Zhuhai
« Reply #24 on: September 23, 2009, 05:24:00 am »
Sad day, Danny....but you can hold your head high...you were dinkum all through.
....get back on the horse....:icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:

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Offline MLM

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RE: Danny's second trip to Zhuhai
« Reply #25 on: September 23, 2009, 07:46:38 am »
Danny, at least you tried, do like the others are saying and while there why not check out some other ladies, at least then you and she will have met in person at the start and then learn more in EMF's and QQ or what ever you wish to use but, at least the first face to face will be over with, no scams !
Good luck and best wishes in what ever you do Danny.
TIME IS THE TELLER OF ALL TRUTHS AND THE HEALER OF ALL HURTS

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RE: Danny's second trip to Zhuhai
« Reply #26 on: September 23, 2009, 08:13:58 am »
Danny, that's good advice from MLM, you can make some good use of you being in China, ...apart from enjoying the rest of your trip as a holiday. That face to face is so important, as chemistry is always going to be the deciding factor. better to get that out of the way as soon as possible.

The other thing, as MLM pointed out, you can get to start off with all the communication avenues available to you from the off. That alone will cut your expenditure down to a minimum. You could also ask the agency to introduce you to ladies that have some English knowledge, ...believe me Danny, that will be a bonus beyond your realisation...

So the advise i'd give to you right now, ...Is motivate yourself, to making this trip work for you, It could turn out the best thing you ever did for your future.  And  getting a holiday too, ....Now how bad is that?? ..lol!!


David....
« Last Edit: September 23, 2009, 08:14:15 am by David5o »

Offline Danny

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RE: Danny's second trip to Zhuhai
« Reply #27 on: September 23, 2009, 10:44:08 am »
Thank you all for the kind regards and sympathy. This is really a special place.

I am leaving Zhuhai tomorrow. There is nothing to hold me here anymore (apart from Willy, and he's just not my type . . . if he asks where I've gone, tell him we need to catch up for a coffee sometime soon *laughs*).

I got a call from my good woman this afternoon. She said that she was sorry that we were leaving earlier than planned because she said that she had ordered a birthday cake for me (my birthday is on Friday) and she said that she had hoped to celebrate it with me.

She said that she wished to speak to me and that she wished to explain why she had made the decision she had. She brought along her translator, from her agency with her. It was great to actually meet the translator and see it was someone who took it (as far as I can tell) quite seriously. My woman and her translator seemed to be really close and there was clearly a great deal of affection for each other. That's a really good thing for me at the end of the relationship because it means for me that there is pretty high likelihood that the letters were translated faithfully, as well as she was able.

Sometimes things are just as they are. We talked about the things that she worried about in coming to Australia, and it seems to me she had given the matter serious thought. Sure I am very disappointed, but it's not like some of the brothers here have gone through (eg they were writing to a phantom, or the woman hadn't taken any of what had gone on with any seriousness). I believe I have her respect and she of course has mine.

It is hard to read the faces of Chinese women, but it seemed to me that she was very sad about the way things had turned out. I take no pleasure in that. I'm real sad too.

One strange request from her was that from now on that we write to each other "as friends", directly using her personal email address. As she said, not through chnlove anymore. I don't know what that is about, but it would be clutching at straws to think anything will come of this. So I agreed and left it at that. I have always thought that "something" is better than "nothing" and so long as she doesn't become for me an object of hopeless longing, then having her as a friend is worth holding on to.

In relation to what happens next . . . this sounds really shallow after everything I have written before. But I am planning to move on. I could just lay down and die, but what's the point of that?

I have had a Chinese friend from Wuhan that I have been writing to in a friendly fashion for quite some time. I thought we both understood that it was nothing more than a friendship. However when she heard that I was going to Zhuhai to visit my good woman my Wuhan friend nearly had a fit. Clearly there was a misunderstanding between us. We sorted that out and we have continued to write to each other as friends. However I think I will take a detour to Wuhan on my way home (does a trip to Wuhan in a journey from Zhuhai to Melbourne count as detour? . . . probably not *laughs*). She is very pleased that I am planning to visit her and so who knows what will come of this?
« Last Edit: September 23, 2009, 10:47:03 am by Danny »

Offline Willy The Londoner

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RE: Danny's second trip to Zhuhai
« Reply #28 on: September 23, 2009, 11:00:47 am »
Sorry to see you going  Danny, not even an invitation to take me for coffee!!!  Even worse i have not even been dumped by text this time!!  Not your type indeed.  

Don't worry about missing that next pint mate maybe I will be meeting you again in the not too distant future.   In the meantime I will drink your health, wealth and good fortune in a few Tsingtaon and hope that your future excursions into China will be as fruitful and as fulfilling as mine have been.

I am so glad you have decided to go to Wuhan - you never know where a few days there will bring.  Where the hell is Wuhan.  I am a bit insular - i dont believe China exists outside of Guangdong!!!!

Anyway best of luck mate and keep in touch and say cheerio to Emma for me.

Willy
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RE: Danny's second trip to Zhuhai
« Reply #29 on: September 23, 2009, 11:00:59 am »
Quote from: 'Danny' pid='17738' dateline='1253717048'

she said, not through chnlove anymore. I don't know what that is about, but it would be clutching at straws to think anything will come of this. So I agreed and left it at that.


She has decided to not leave China, so she's withdrawing on Chnlove. Why pay for something your not going to use?