Author Topic: How to make a long distance relationship work  (Read 6922 times)

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Offline Neil

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How to make a long distance relationship work
« on: September 27, 2009, 11:16:05 pm »
http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Long-Distance-Relationship-Work

I've been a little down lately.  Long distance relationship blues I suspect.  I only have a year to go but it's difficult sometimes.  I did a quick Google search and found this link so I figured I'd share it.  Maybe it'll help.  There are some good ideas.
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Offline Rhonald

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RE: How to make a long distance relationship work
« Reply #1 on: September 27, 2009, 11:59:05 pm »
Neil I can share in your discomfort as all of us that have met our new love can attest - the waiting tears at the heart.
Life....It's all about finding the Chicks and Balances

Offline JimB

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RE: How to make a long distance relationship work
« Reply #2 on: September 28, 2009, 11:45:45 am »
I leave in 9 days and I dread it already.  I plan on coming back in February but QQ is the thing that held us together before.  twice a day.  My world revolved around those times.  I think it  is the greatest thing.
Maxx's 24 hour rule, learn it, live it.

Offline MLM

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RE: How to make a long distance relationship work
« Reply #3 on: September 28, 2009, 01:34:20 pm »
JimB, what are your plans for when you get back, are you filing for a K-3 or CR-1 visa or are you going to return and stay in China?
TIME IS THE TELLER OF ALL TRUTHS AND THE HEALER OF ALL HURTS

brett

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RE: How to make a long distance relationship work
« Reply #4 on: September 28, 2009, 03:25:01 pm »
Being away from my beloved is not good. But we talk on MSN everyday - it's great to share each other's day, no matter how ???? it was :s.
« Last Edit: September 28, 2009, 03:25:20 pm by brett »

Offline Bob

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RE: How to make a long distance relationship work
« Reply #5 on: September 28, 2009, 08:44:20 pm »
Yup, it can be REALLY hard, the waiting and being apart for a long time. I went to China 3 times in the past year to be with my wife and still that was not enough for me, I almost went into a depression here back home in Canada, I told my wife "TO HELL WITH IT" , I am packing up my Stuff, selling the house and moving to China to be with her, I don't give a damn, after we will figure stuff out. However she calmed me down, I put my 2 feet back on the ground. There were so many different emotional crap that I never really experienced before in my life. One day it would be frustration, another day it would be deep sadness and sorrow, the next it would be joy, trying to think of the moment we will finally reunite again (for good!) talk about an emotional roller coaster. I can honestly say, one of the most hardest moments for me in my life, was saying good-bye to my wife at the airport the first time, God that was rough. The second hardest thing of all is the waiting, and the waiting, and the waiting, it has been more then a year now and still we are not together. That damn Canadian Embassy sure drags it's ass, everything has been done, all the paperwork,interviews, all has "passed",,and still we must wait for those clowns to issue the visa. We are suppose to get news in 4 weeks time now. I told my wife,,one way or another we will defiantly be together by Christmas time !!! Visa or no visa !! There is only so much a person can take, and I have had enough, I am at the end of my rope !! You know, when you have been waiting, and everyone tells you to wait a little longer, then you wait,,,,,then they tell you to wait some more,,,and again you wait,,,,and once more they tell you to wait,,,and wait,,and wait,,,and some point you have to draw the line, I can not wait any longer, I am a patient guy,,but I know longer have the strength or the patients to continue like this, it is even starting to effect my health. The days, weeks, and months are passing by,,I am not getting any younger,,and my life is on hold at the moment, (our lives together are on hold). I love my wife very much, and I will never abandon her, I will find a way for us to be together, if that means that I must go to China, then so be it.  

Sorry for venting a little here, but it is just so frustrating. I have spoken to a friend of mine, he is currently in China with his wife, and he has had enough as well,,the American Embassy is giving him grief, he also has provided all the paperwork and such,,still no answer from them after so many, many months. I also have another Canadian friend,,and it is the same story with him and his wife,,waiting and waiting for the visa. (they have also been approved)  Someone should be held accountable for this crap, someone, somewhere is not doing their job right, and it is those idiots at the Embassy.:@

I do not know about the American immigration system, but I will tell you a little about the screwed up system we have here in Canada. We get ILLEGAL immigrants each day, they fly into Canada from other countries, while in the air on their flight to Canada, they destroy their passports and other identification, flush it down the toilet on the plane,,then they walk into the airport, go to the counter, and ask for refugee status !! Guess what happens next? yup, the Canadian government gives them money, gives them a place to stay(temperarly), and helps them in every way possible to get started with their new life in Canada. I have nothing against immigrants,,it is the system that is in place that I have a problem with. Here I am doing everything buy the book LEGALLY, signed governmental and immigration documents that states I will be responsible for my wife, and I have to wait, go through hell, go through their dysfunctional system, and here I am a year later, and still no wife with me!?  This is what I would do if I was in charge,,illegal immigrants,,return them to their countries on the next flight out and tell them to apply for immigration status like everyone else if they wish to come here and live. Those that did everything "by the book",and signed for the other person (sponsored) let them into the country.  

There,I said my 2 cents.:exclamation::dodgy:

Okay, to get back on topic,,,,"How to make a long distance relationship work"  , Lot's of determination, understanding, deep love for each other (couple) , commitment, and this web site for us guys to help each other through the rough moments.(and to allow and understand when another brother is venting) :icon_biggrin:
« Last Edit: September 28, 2009, 09:15:40 pm by Bob »

Offline Neil

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RE: How to make a long distance relationship work
« Reply #6 on: September 29, 2009, 12:14:49 am »
I understand your pain Bob.  We all need to vent sometimes.  It's healthy.  Cleansing.  Ever thought about kickboxing or weightlifting?  haha.  Just kidding.
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Offline maxx

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RE: How to make a long distance relationship work
« Reply #7 on: September 29, 2009, 12:18:44 am »
It's allright Bob that is what we are here for to help each other.And to listen to them vent about the immagration process in there country.

In the United states they do the same thing.If a Cuban gets on a boat and the boat touches land in America.They are granted asilum.It comes with all the fringe benifits to.

I ran into a American in Guangzhou.He had ben trying for 2 and a halfe years to get his wife a visa.It took me and my wife 11 months for her to get the visa.I also flew to China 4 times in thoose 11 months.

So I do know where you are comming from.I just kept telling myself that one day all this crap would be over with.And then one day it was.Just hang in there your getting real close.

Maxx

David5o

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RE: How to make a long distance relationship work
« Reply #8 on: September 29, 2009, 04:53:43 am »
Bob,

Your dead right about our countries immigration laws. In reality the west shouldn't be seeing any refugees, we are far too far, from the countries that they frequently come from. By pure logic, refugees would be fleeing to the nearest safe country, not a country thousands of miles away.

These people are just flouting the system, for simple economic reasons , nothing to do with being refugee's or asylum seeking. Some of these people physically cross tens of  sovereign country borders to get to where THEY want to go. Absolutely nothing to do what-so-ever with fleeing for there own safety......

Then when they get to there chosen country, ...out come all the ''Do Gooder's'' helping them in just about every way possible to claim every benifit possible!!!!! Where are these people when there own countrymen needs help??

So everything that you wrote above is correct. The western governments seem to be frightened of world opinion for some reason, because there efforts to repatriate these people seems to be almost non-existent......
The vast majority of these illegals are uneducated and/or unskilled, so are an even bigger burden to the country they drop there self on!!   As you say, get them back to where they originate, and let them apply legally and officially like everyone else has too.....


David.....
« Last Edit: September 29, 2009, 04:55:41 am by David5o »

Vince G

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RE: How to make a long distance relationship work
« Reply #9 on: September 29, 2009, 09:40:10 am »
Here in the US there are immigrants coming in EVERY DAY. Everything is MONEY motivated. Those "Do Gooder's" as David said I call vultures. They will sponsor them, take them in, get rent money/food and other ways of income from them. Pay for false ID's and help them disappear into the woodwork.

The Cubian "wet foot dry foot" as it's called. The boat does not have to make land just them. If they swim to shore and make it they stay? Haitians and Mexicans, South Americans have it different.  Most that I meet are here on Work Visa's.

Miami / Miami Beach, USA..... bring your Passport, it's like your in another country. I had to do some work at one of the Hotels in Miami Beach. (I've done many there) out of the dozen (12) people working there, 4 at the desk the rest in the office, 1 spoke english. I read about the hotels in China how they speak english and will help? Not so here.

These people that work in government jobs (and immigration) here are idiots. Don't worry I tell them so to their face. I recently spoke with one that works for the unemployment agency. I asked how she got the job? I was told a Temp Agency?

What is so hard for immigration to see a couple married, that had been a couple for a certain time before and after and not declare this legal and let it fly? I think they take enjoyment in making people suffer.  

Now with the US companies having there manufacturing done in other countries it's no wonder why Americans are jumping boarders themselves for work.

As for me I have Plans A, B, C, D, However they want to play it? I have a counter move. F' them.

Offline Brian Mc

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RE: How to make a long distance relationship work
« Reply #10 on: September 29, 2009, 11:07:46 am »
Greetings Brothers,

I feel your pain my firends I really do.

Bob, I am Canadian also and I have decided not to play their bs games with immigration.  I am packing up in Canada and moving to China Oct 26 2009.  I will not be parted from my Zhen while watching these streams of illegals walk into Canada while honest law abiding folk try to work with the system and get abused.

So I have discussed this with Zhen and I am moving to China to find a teaching job.  Once my divorce is complete hopefully by Dec. I will marry Zhen and we will live there until our son RuiChen graduates from school.  This will be 2-3 years from now.  At that point we will decide if coming to Canada is what we want to do.  At least then the immigration beauracrats cannot say she is just after a trip to Canada as we will have been togethert for 3 years.

I told my Zhen early in our letters that if we married I would never leave her in China while I came back to Canada.  Once we are commited to each other, which we are now body and soul, we will be together and deal with things together.

I honestly do not know how you married guys do it I really dont.  You all have my deepest respects for having the guts and the fortitude to go through all this BS to be with the lady you love.  However having said that I know that I cannot do that, I cannot live apart from Zhen.  

I have been back from my trip less than 10 days and already I cannot bear it.  So I do what I must and return to her.  Sure logic says to stay in Canada, wait out the divorce, go back and marry her and then start the proceedings to bring her here.  Well for me that is not an option.  We are so totally one that I could not live that way and will not live that way. So I go to her.

Once again guys my deepest respects to those who continue to fight the sytem in hopes of getting their ladies home with them.  I wish all of you the best of luck and my hopes for a long and happy life together,  you all deserve it and more.

All our respects,

Zhen and Brian

Offline Willy The Londoner

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RE: How to make a long distance relationship work
« Reply #11 on: September 30, 2009, 03:59:31 am »
I just do not know how you guys manage.

I arrived back in UK yesterday and already I want to get back to China.  I have met a lady who I miss and cannot imagine having to wait months to see her again.  I return to China in 8 days time and cannot wait for this short period to pass so I can be with her again.  

I think that this is the one who tames the Willy and even Viagra takes a back seat now.

Willy
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Now in my 12th year living here,

Offline RobertBfrom aust

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RE: How to make a long distance relationship work
« Reply #12 on: September 30, 2009, 04:03:55 am »
All well said by our wordsmith Brian , just a note for any newbies reading this thread , it maybe that your loved one is more than happy with their man moving to China , until one has been there no Western person has any idea of how China is leaping ahead , and how welcome we are .
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brett

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RE: How to make a long distance relationship work
« Reply #13 on: September 30, 2009, 05:08:49 am »
I am considering moving out there, but I have a bit of baggage here. I'd love to find an expat IT job out there, maybe I will be lucky when the economy improves.

Offline RobertBfrom aust

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RE: How to make a long distance relationship work
« Reply #14 on: September 30, 2009, 08:16:29 am »
Brett , nothing wrong with China's economy , they are still running at 8 percent growth and even Australia is in the black unlike Britain and U S of A , and a lot of Europe .
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