Good Morning Proteus!
I am afraid that 'bed' is a distant relative to me these days, so much work to do. Thank you, thank you so much for your incredible research and analysis. But how do you know so much about me? You are so right in what you say. Amazing! I believe I can truthfully say I am a sensitive man, who cares about others feelings more than my own and I care deeply about those who suffer poverty, deprivation and social injustice. And, yes, my heart does rule my head - I make no excuses or apologies for that.
Your deductions about Fei's life sit completely with my opinions and the word "perfect" in her profile caught my eye too. She is definitely searching for her Prince and her romantic dream of love. But Proteus, I also see a sadness in her eyes and sense that she has suffered some past hurt; perhaps unrequited love, lost love, hurt in love - something of that nature. This 'sadness' also occasionally appears in her letters and I have the impression she is being cautious about me; not because of me as an individual but because of something else correlated to what I have already written ie unrequited love etc. It is as though she is afraid or very wary of involvement. Trust me Proteus, my intentions are pure and I would never dream of writing anything offensive or suggestive to Fei, and I genuinely believe she knows and feels that. She comments in her letters that I am gentle and kind and that I bring happiness to her. So I know that her reservations are not about my character or personality. But still there is something else. I really regret having to write in this way and almost feel that I am betraying Fei's confidence, but I know no other way to express my thoughts and feelings, so I shall leave this point here.
Returning to your analysis of Fei's life: she tells me in her letters that she is an assistant to the general manager of an insurance company, so I presume clerk would fit that description. From what I have gleaned from her last two letters she is computer literate and I believe she has or would have access to a computer. She was actually playing Devil's Advocate about the role of Internet and online relationships in her last but one letter and there was a strong sense of irony in what she wrote. So, again, you are correct.
I have not even considered broaching QQ or SMN at this point in our relationship, partly because I sense that Fei does not want me to but mainly because I would rather she moved naturally to talking (writing) about doing that. I can certainly 'steer' her gently in that direction but I want her to feel comfortable about it. I most certainly do NOT want her to feel embarrassed or that she has to do it. I make no demands of her, and at this time I am just seeing where our relationship is going to on issues such as that. I respect others' feelings and needs and I'm a very tolerant person. But I am also very perseverant, not in a 'pushy' or autocratic way but in being there, if that makes sense?
The 'real' photos are another matter: I asked her very gently (no demands) if she could send me some of her enjoying the sun, shopping with friends, that sort of thing, and she sent them with her next letter. Oh, joyous day! She is even more beautiful than her heavily photoshopped profile pictures. She has the most wonderful long, black hair, which is 'chopped' in her photoshopped pictures, and in her natural form she is utterly beautiful - and I told her so in my return letter - not exactly in those words because I didn't want her to think that I was being 'mushy' or fluffy, I leave that to the translators. Oh, I beg your pardon Proteus, present company excepted of course! The moral of this is that with gentleness and consideration and trust, other goals may be attained, QQ, MSN etc. Trust, Proteus, is the most important quality to Fei; she mentions it in her every letter, phrases such as "I wish you trust me", "trust and honesty are very important in relationships", "first we must have trust and build from there". These words are engraved on my heart and mind, and are another reason why I think Fei has suffered a hurtful romance - although, in my book, hurtful and romance do not sit well together; indeed, they are the enemies of each other. I may of course be wrong, but I am very susceptible to the feelings of others, especially those I feel affection for. I also hasten to add that trust is a vital requirement for me in a relationship too, along with honesty and faithfulness and mutual respect.
Incidentally, Fei and I have chatted about her National Day vacation. she went on a trip to Chengdu with her family, so your suggestion gives me another idea for one of your 'cunning plans', Thank you Proteus, I am beginning to like you enormously! And do not fret Proteus I am not so naive, nor so baseless as to fall in love with a picture. But I grasp the moral behind your narrative, and it is well-put.
Your Brian/David, heart/mind advise has really opened my eyes and I take your point regarding the relevance of particular words or phrases carrying much less meaning than the whole letter. I had in fact been doing the opposite until Mike MPO advised me to concentrate on the 'meat' of the letter; I did this with my last exchange of letters with Fei and it turned out to be fabulous advice - our best letters yet! It does help though when the translator isn't popping their fluffy bits in. How can I put a complete stop to that? Footnote saying: "Hey translator stop putting the fluffy stuff in or I'll get Vince and his little friend (enormous dog, have you seen it?) to pay you a visit"? Seriously, the fluffy stuff has been getting in the way and causing problems, and anyway, when or if the the occasion arises, I like to express my own terms of affection and endearment. Advice on this gratefully received (NOT on the terms of affection etc!).
Returning to your advice. Your point about finding out what Fei wants from life and telling her what I want from life is astutely aposite (in fact Brett has already suggested I should do this). The problem is that Fei tells me she is not good at writing, so it may be difficult, without making her feel uncomfortable, to encourage her to write longer letters as you suggest and I want to avoid embarrassing her at all costs. I have been encouraging her with small compliments such as telling her that she is a good writer but she is not convinced; this leaves me with the conundrum of what to do, what to see, where to go. It also leads me to think that Fei lacks confidence, whereas I have bags of the stuff (what is that Mandarin phrase for not being ...?). Again, any advice about this would be gratefully received! Yet again, another device that I found incredibly helpful, as an ice-breaker, was Brett's brilliant suggestion that I put the occasional Mandarin word or phrase in my letters to Fei. I did this in my last letter and it worked wonderfully and provoked a similar response from Fei who seemed to be delighted that I had done it. So, yes you have guessed, the whole of the next letter is going to be in Mandarin!
Your understanding of the meaning of Fei's words: "find more thing", is of great comfort to me because I was viewing them from a negative aspect. But reading your thoughts I think you may very well be right. I do hope so. Morover, I have fathomed the translator's level of English, both from Fei's profile and her letters; I will leave my comments at that, save to ask, do these people realize what grief and confusion they cause, whether intentionally or not?
Similarly, your research of Fei's agency is prodigious, how do you do it? And no, they are not very uplifting results at all. And no, it does not dampen my feelings for Fei by one iota. And on your last point dear Proteus I am lost, for I can not for the life of me fathom your very enigmatic maxim of my courage and perseverance and and my discovery of whether Fei is a lotus or a swan. Given that both are beautiful and, in different ways, desirable I am lost as to the rationale of your thinking. I understand the "agency is only a pool" part, does that correlate with the swan eating the lotus floating on the pool? Please tell me, I might be tested on this one in a letter from Fei!
I am sorry if this is overlong, it was longer, but a large piece of my text suddenly disappeared, which I am sure will please you immesely!
I thank you again from my heart Proteus for bearing with me and giving me such insight in to matters of which I have no knowledge - I am indeed an innocent abroad. But, like you, I looks forward to the next chapter of this contining love story - only from a different perspective......
Ni rang wo kai xin
Ah, I have it Proteus. A lotus is a flower of beauty that captures the eye but once it has bloomed will wither and die, A swan is a thing of beauty and grace that mates for life and is faithful to its mate. It is which of these two that I choose from the agency pool that will determine my fate. You are a very clever man Proteus and I bow to your intellect. I, on the other hand, am a very perseverant man, and perseverance is the enemy of failure. You may rest assured that I have the courage and perseverance to find my swan and pursue my fate.
Trust me!
