Hubei Province, October 2009

[Paul Todd]

Sound like “FawltyTowers” here all of a sudden. Not sure who Basil is though, but What ever you do don't mention the war! :icon_cheesygrin:

[Willy The Londoner]

Fellas, lets try and put personal differences aside.

A brotherhood stands beside their brothers in their best and worst times. What ever you feel about Brett, no doubt he needs our support and encouragement right now, the analysis can come later.

As The Irishman said lets give him some support.  We are all of the opinion that this relationship is over.  I think that Brett thinks this too. So where are all the pages of sorry notes that are posted for others who have fallen by the wayside???

We are a SUPPORT group - that means we support everyone of our brothers whether they get up our nose's or not.    OK you think that he does not take heed your advice. Has any one individual on this forum ever received so much advice  as he has - I doubt it and if he took in all the conflicting pieces he has been given his mind would be be going around faster than his brain could cope.

Brett wears his heart on his sleeve so lets Support a Brother who is in obvious need of it.

Willy

[shaun]

Willy,

I will PM you.  I understand where your thinking is on this.

Shaun

[mustfocus]

Brett,

I'm sure you've seen the responses from everyone else.  Normally I wouldn't throw my two cents in, but in this case, I don't want to see you throw away something good.

I know you're feeling a lot of conflicting emotions right now.  Anyone in your position would be.  That said, my suggestion is to take a step back.  Yes, she's gone AWOL for a while and you can't find a reason for it.  I would suggest waiting for a while longer.  As you said, her schedule has been very busy lately and she does have a sick mother (in addition to her slave job and whatnot).  I have had an experience where one of the women I was talking to disappeared for two weeks.  Text messaging and QQ and letters to her agency yielded no response.  What I didn't know until later when she returned was that her father had passed away and she didn't feel up to doing anything while she was mourning (and she also lived away from her family due to her work).  I was going crazy, but I knew she would not just disappear without a good reason.

Now, I hope Miss Wu isn't in the same situation with her mother, but I would give her some breathing space for a little bit more before you do something that you will regret.  We all know you have strong feelings for her.  Have some faith...

[shaun]

Frank,

It looks like Brett has gone AWOL for the moment too. I feel bad because I was not trying to launch an attack. In fact I never even considered it when I made my comments.  But you are right she could be away dealing with a family issue. I had that with the first woman I was enamored with for a while.  How soon we forget these issues.

Guys,

This has concerned me for a while.  It seems that one person like me for instance will let the hammer drop some and a few will come in and sledge hammer the point. It is not always the same people but it does happen.  I would like to suggest that if a person calls another individual down for something they see as an issue that the others refrain from commenting until the person responds.

I have hammered Brett pretty hard in the past and am trying to soften it up quit a bit as it does not appear to work well.  I think Brett's lack of experience causes issues for him that can be avoided.  He appears to be a man that is above average intelligence and sometimes does not relate well to others.  It isn't that he is wrong or bad but that he needs to learn and adjust.

Brett,

I know you think I do not like you.  This is not true.  I do find value and merit in you.  I make my difficult comments to help open up your mind to the possibility that you need to look at you and not the woman you are dating.  I learned a long time ago that I cannot change people.  If I could they would all be like me.  How horrible would that be.  You might say I am trying to change you.  No, I can see from a different point of view and offer, even though it is sometimes harsh, to you.  What you do with information is up to you.

I think if you would take to heart most of what the brothers here are telling you that you will find the most beautiful woman who will follow you to the end of the earth.

Shaun

[RegnisTheGreat]

Sometimes you need tough love. Trust me.

[David E]

Brett...(and Shaun et al.)

I note that this thread from Brett has had 5943 views and 293 replies.

This is a phenominal volume of traffic for a single thread. It suggests that many, many Bros have actively participated in desperately trying to give advice and assistance because we all see GLARING issues that are de-railing Bretts attempts to establish his relationship with Ms XXXXX.

If everybody was disinterested in this,  and regarded Bretts trials and tribulations as "all his own fault", then the boredom and frustration factor would have limited the traffic, as all the Bros got on with other more interesting things !

What has happened is that we all were trying so hard to get him to see that there are many obvious (to most of us) things that are going haywire, and sending so much help, each in his own way, that it seems we are simply jumping on his head.

Interaction with, and from the Bros is a two-way Street, advice and help is given freely...I know this, you all know this...and it is given in a spirit of openness and honesty...sometimes we dont like what we hear, but thats life. And if we dont want to heed the advice of the majority of well meaning people who have a lot of expertise, then so be it.

But then it gets difficult to moan about problems when advice is consitently ignored and certain offense is consistently given about that advice.

Every bloke genuinely wants Brett to succeed...but as the saying goes.."you can take a horse to water, but...."

I know that we all wish Brett well, but I also know that it sticks out like dogs Ba***s where he is doing it wrong, and nothing we say seems to get through or persuades him to modify his strategy. But still everybody keeps trying, whether with gentle hints, strong language or just plain anger and frustration.....surely thats a measure of strong support from all of us.

The easier option for us is to ignore you Brett and let you sink in your own time, but we dont do that, do we ?

IT'S NOT PERSONAL BRETT.

It's what we do, to keep trying our best to get you on the right track.
Give US some slack, tell us you understand, tell us what YOU and WE can do more, if anything.

But dont just go on blindly playing the same old tune that does not seem to be working in your favour and helping to resolve the issues with Ms XXX.

Sadly, in the light of the current reality, it seems that the chances of you and her getting together are diminishing rapidly....but there will be a next time, please, please dont go down the same track..my blood pressure cant stand it.

DavidE

[brett]

Well guys, Miss Wu has resurfaced on QQ.

A desparate situation has arisen and I don't want to talk about it. Things are bad for Miss Wu. Very bad.

But let me state this now. The problems are unrelated to our relationship. The crazy guy who posts here is not the caring considerate guy who Miss Wu knows. I have many personas. I guess I have China Shark Mike qualities at times. Maybe I should use the 24 hour rule when posting here as well, eh?

Miss Wu and I will have to talk about our relationship. But now is not the time.

I've not made much progress with the agency side of things. But I do seem to have found a new translator. When the time is right Miss Wu and I will talk. But now is not the time.

[RegnisTheGreat]

Okay, I may get banned for this but I will say this.

"The crazy guy who posts here is not the caring considerate guy who Miss Wu knows."

Why? So which one are you?? The caring guy or the crazy guy? Why are you acting differently for the lady? Why are you lying to her?

She deserves to see you as you really are, not an side you choose to show her. For her this is a big thing, most Chinese ladies have not been to the western world. They do not travel as much as we do. For her to consider and eventually marry you and come to Canada/US, it is a big decision for her and a life changing one at that. In your opinion it will benefit her and maybe it will, but it is still a life changing one. Leaving everything you know behind is a huge deal and I think she deserves to see the real you before she makes that decision, not a side or facade you show her. Honestly is the most important thing in a relationship and is the foundation of all relationships, and if you can't honestly be yourself with her then why the relationships and will it last as the foundation is shakey?

Do you need any help Brett? I still have a few contacts in China.

[mustfocus]

Hi Brett,

Sorry to hear about your situation.  Hopefully things will brighten up for you and you will be able to proceed with your relationship.

[seagull]

Perhaps, since you have Miss Wu's address, you can send her 30,000 to 40,000 pounds/euros, to help this poor slave girl out! You did say she works 16 hours a day and seven days a week, correct? Or something like that! I'm like you...I don't want to correspond with several woman, just one! Save your relationship! Help this poor girl out! Then by next October, when you do your annual vacation, you can meet up with her again! She will be waiting and perhaps she will hold your hand this time!

You have also, on occasions, put down U.S.A.!!! This is unbelievable...the country that save yours, during WW2(what happened to gratitude?)!!! I apologize, for what I am about to say, but I feel you are really pathetic!

Bloody hell...I hope these comments are wind-ups!  :exclamation:

Anyway back to topic: there's nothing anyone can really say to help the situation other than good luck through a difficult time Brett.

[Willy The Londoner]

 For her to consider and eventually marry you and come to Canada/US, it is a big decision for her and a life changing one at that.

If Brett marries her than hopefully she will not end up in the countries you mentioned because he is based in Colchester, UK.   The World is bigger than just Canada/US!!!!  

Mind you would I inflict Colchester on anyone??  That is a more difficult question.!!!!!:icon_cheesygrin: Just joking Brett.

Willy

[RegnisTheGreat]

Willy,Brett I apologize on the wrong country but my meaning is still there. If you replace US/Canada with Colchester, UK then everything I said/wrote is there. This move isn't a easy choice. When my parents left China in 1988, they left everything behind.. family, friends, their home, furniture, their jobs. I saw how hard it was on them to do so. I can imagine how hard it is for the ladies.

[Willy The Londoner]

Willy,Brett I apologize on the wrong country but my meaning is still there. If you replace US/Canada with Colchester, UK then everything I said/wrote is there. This move isn't a easy choice. When my parents left China in 1988, they left everything behind.. family, friends, their home, furniture, their jobs. I saw how hard it was on them to do so. I can imagine how hard it is for the ladies.

No problem as far as I am concerned but I  sometimes find Americans and Canadians a little insular at times.

I left UK with no qualms whatoever.  My only problem will be if I am ever not permitted to stay in China for the rest of my life.   I have no children, as I have only sisters in UK who I keep in touch with, by telephone, the same as i did in the UK.   I stay here because I prefer to have one happy lady who has all her family within a bus ride.

Willy

[brett]

Yes my eventual Chinese lady will have to move to the UK. I have put that in my profile and I tell them about it in my first EMF.

Of course, if they are rich then I'll be off to Asia in an instant hee hee.

Maybe in 3-4 years time I would be in a position to move to Asia. I would love to move out there, but it requires a lot of planning. If it were that straightforward every man in Britain would move to Thailand!

Moving to the UK would be hard for my lady. But I have a few things in my favour. Where I work there are 1000+ Chinese students, and world class language teaching facilities. The UK is one of the most multicultural countries on the planet. Chinese food is immensely popular here, and there are around a million people of Chinese descent in the country . I live less than an hour from London, and there is a decent Chinatown there. I haven't found anywhere that sells that pineapple fruit beer stuff though :@.

Miss Wu's family problems are going to make it difficult for her to live so far from home. It is an extraordinarily difficult decision. I am not particularly close to my own family, but she very close to hers. On the other hand she wrote in her profile that she was looking for a Western man and she knows she would have a far better quality of life in a Western country. Many are faced with the same issue - do they spend their life caring for their aging parents, or prioritise caring for their own children? Life is very tough.

As to my personality - well the guys who have actually met their Chinese ladies will know that they will not put up with any nonsense :icon_cheesygrin:. Miss Wu is of Shanghai and Sichuan ancestry, which does scare me at times to be honest :icon_cool:.