What do you guys think?

[maxx]

Don you are under the 24 hour rule.What the other members are telling you is probably what is happining.Just ride it out see where it is going to go.

This is not the Spanish inquisition.Give her some space.And keep her face intact.You take that womens face.ANd there isn't much hope for the relationship this early in the game.

[Hajo]

Josh, if it would be me, I probably wouldn't discuss such issue yet of different reasons. I don't know when you are planning to get those kids, but it won't be before two or three years, right? And then the kids need to have a certain age to go to her parents. What is the timeframe we are looking at? 5 to 6 years or more?

Xule has probably not thought about how far your kids will be away from her. It's easy to say for her now as it isn't that far to her parents. And from my experience, mothers don't like to be apart from their kids for too long. Another issue is how old will her parents be then?

As I said I would probably say "we will see" and don't about more. But that's me. Different people, different dealing.

[maxx]

Josh I have first hand experience with this.It is just a Chinese thing.My motherinlaw and fatherinlaw told my wife the same thing.That we needed to leave my son in China.When I said no that was the end of the discusion.ANd they wern't madd at me.

My wife and her little sister stayed with there grandparents for a couple of years when they were growing up.And my brotherinlaws daughter lived with my motherinlaw and fatherinlaw for about 6 years off and on.It was so him and his wife could both work.and wouldn't have to worry about the kid.

[Arnold]

Well , Qing and I went through the same thing with her Parent's , about her little Boy . He is seven and just started School . They want him to learn Chinese and find it better to do it in Shanghai than here in America . We both agreed to this for the time being , because I myself want to see first , if Qing is going to like it here . If she does , then we can see how to proceed about bringing him over after a couple of year's . He will be in good Hands , by the way , I most likely will move over there anyway , after retireing in about 10 year's . So we will see how to play it best for all of us .

[Josh Markley]

Well this will be the first time i wont see my lady twice a day since we started msn.  She is going to beijing to hangout with some of her friends.  Ill be sad :cry: For about a week than i will be super happy to see her again.

[Josh Markley]

Josh, if it would be me, I probably wouldn't discuss such issue yet of different reasons. I don't know when you are planning to get those kids, but it won't be before two or three years, right? And then the kids need to have a certain age to go to her parents. What is the timeframe we are looking at? 5 to 6 years or more?

She actually wants to start a family soon after we are married.  We ave not dicussed this in depth.  I myself would like to be married for a year or so.  I know she wants a family early and I will not deprive her of this, plus im not getting any younger or and either is my father.  I would like him to be around to see his grand kids.  Im not really sure how long she wants to have them over there.  If its a couple months at a time I can deal.

[Josh Markley]

Hey see I am also worried about the adjustment for xule to a new culture and dealing with the changes and having children all at the same time.  Seams to me to be a lot to swallow at the same time.  I can understand them living there to learn the language and the culture.  I am not going to be closed minded and say no final decision.  But I will not miss my kids first step, words, bf,gf, you know all the firsts.  You bring up a good point arnold, i wont be retiring for many years so i would have to find work in china.  But living there maybe an option.  I know she expressed that it would be free time for us, I am guessing she means like a western dating time to get to know each other.  I know this will be brought up at the meeting with her family.  I cant wait to get grilled.

[RC Campbell]

...Josh,    
..It is a Chinese thing, my chinese sister, and I have talked this subject to death and back, It seems it is a way for the Grandparents to teach the grandkids, and it has been going on for generations....As the Chinese feel the Grandparents, are more qualified to teach the children than the parents, because they have more life experience, in rasing children because they have already done just that.....I understand it also has a lot to do with the family first, part of the Chinese Culture, in that the grandparents help to raise the grandchildren, to teach them manners, culture, and the ethics, if you will, of being Chinese, or part Chinese.....And in trun when the grandparents, get to the age that they cannot live alone, they will move in with you and your wife, and you will take care of them.....A lot of the Mothers of the husband, move in with the new parents when the wife becomes pregant,to help with the running of the house and to take care of the grandbaby, sometimes for as much as 2 to 3 years after the baby is born.....And after that the child is usually watched by the granparents while the parents work.....According to Sissy, there is no daycare, it is the family, and when the child starts school, if the parents work the grandparents, take the kid to school and pick the child up after school, and many times the child lives with the grandparents most of the time.....And in Chinese Culture, you will get to more, or less, help raise your Grandchildren, while your children, work on their careers, and setting up their family home.....
..LIFE IS LEARNING,  and to not be open to the new Culture, you have chosen to be a part of your life, is to close the door on a culture that has made the woman you love, who she is today.....
..Good luck, and best wishes, with this topic when you have the family meetings....
..RC

[Josh Markley]

Ses I am not the type of guy who is a fraid of something new.  Since you put it the way you did RC i look a little selfish.  I am very open to the chinese culture, and your right it shaped the woman i love.  With all your guys help I think I have enough information on this subject to make an informed decision.

[Arnold]

R C , you could not have said it any better . That is exactly the way I saw it , been part of that already . It's like you described Qing's Parent's , thinking how to raise their Grandson , to the teeth . This is a MUST know for everybody .

[hellerjk]

Guys,

I need an opinion.  The lady I am communicating with & I are feeling closer to each other.  Here is her last letter.  Is this real or is this purely agency. I'm feeling a tad paranoid based upon what I read here.  She is not moving fast at all, I want to make sure this isn't an agency game.  
-----LETTER FOLLOWS------
I am so glad to receive you nice letter. Thanks for your compliments, your sweet words warm my heart deeply.

Yes, we have so many things in common. And we do agree on so many things, I hope this is a good star for us and I hope everything will work out for both of us and hope our good relationship will keep to last.

Yes, compassion and patience also make that foundation stronger. And talking also is very important thing in a relationship. Do you agree?

Thanks for your understanding, how nice you are!
I always think I am the luckiest girl in the world and I thankful the site let us meet and I thankful my agency and translator let us know each other better. Well, I would like to introduce them to you one day when we meet each other. Dear, I really cherish you very much. I sincerely wish you are the right one I am looking for.

You have a nice personality. From you letter I can see, you are very funny and you letter always make me laugh, I am a happy girl and l like to make others happy too.

Yes, after reading your personal information. I feel closer to you. Thanks for sharing more bout your information with me and letting me know you more.
Woowooo.. You are very ambitions and doing your work very well. I am proud of you.

The picture of the view from your office window. It is very nice, that the Ocean or sea? I like it very much. (*^__^*)

Why I am seeking for my love and marriage from another country?
As for me, I want to have a different life in the future, and I think foreigner are more romantic and funny, most Chinese men are getting older and they won't do a lot of things with their life partners, then very boring they would repeat the same things nearly day by day. I don't like that!! And I like the foreigner kids are very lovely and clever.
May I ask, why you choose a Chinese lady to be your life partner? Don't you find a foreign?

Yes, I feel comfortable talk with you and when I sharing my pain with you I never feel sad and I don't have any pressure. Do you know the divorce family background in China is not good, so I have never told others before.
Have a good time and hope to hear from you soon.

Best wishes to you and take care !

Sincerely yours
-----END LETTER-----

thoughts?

[China Shark]

Hellerjk, you could perceive that as moving slow or as cautious so she will not get hurt. It does sound like some it maybe coaching yet she describes a personal picture you sent {very important and not a ploy} The beginning of the letter was quite dry and almost seemed impersonal yet the second half showed to me she wants to really get to know you. Give her some breathing room and if concerns arise talk to the translator and or ask more specific things to determine exactly what her feelings may be towards you. In my cynical eyes would say this one is for real. Different culture different mindest, you're not in Kansas anymore. This thing of ours is complicated to say the very least. If you feel she could be the one, sweep her off her feet. They don't expect much more than a little love, security and a sense of well being. I'de say you got a keeper.
China Shark Mike

[Shane]

what the heck.. I set my mind to leave
and get this  as a first letter wanting my number LOL

Hello Shane,

Could I say your name , because I like your name very much. My name is Linda, I hope you will like my name also. Do you belive friendship can be built up from the internet? I Believe that. I am very cherish to catch the chance to write you a letter.

Do you know that when I saw the photo of you, your looking whatever your eyes, your hairs or your nose have caught my sight, I cant help to look at you, my sight only full of you, you turn me on at all....hehe

When I have spare time, I prefer to sing the song and go to shopping with my best friends, if you have time, would you join with me?...haha :-))

Could you tell me more about yourself, such as your life style,your hobbie and so on. There is one thing I want to know that what kind of lady do you like? Because I want to know that am I your goddness.

I want to tell you that it is very hard to write a letter to you,do you know why? Maybe is the destiny connect us together ,to have a chance know each other !

I hope I can find a right man who is full of passion, all of love around me by his considerately, and also give the sense of security, make me feel that If I have you, you won't feel regret to choose me .
Will you do my Mr.Right?

I WANT TO LISTEN YOUR VOICE, WILL YOU GIVE ME YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER??

I hope you will reply my letter very soonnnnnnnnn.

Yours Sincerely


only down fall is the agency is hand in hand oh well guess i wont miss sleep over skipping her

[hellerjk]

Seems real. The only thing in question is the center section. It starts with "Thanks for your understanding" and the following two sentences. Other then that?

She is answering my email line by line so if you had seen my letter it would have made sense.

The following two sentences :

"I always think I am the luckiest girl in the world and I thankful the site let us meet and I thankful my agency and translator let us know each other better. Well, I would like to introduce them to you one day when we meet each other. Dear, I really cherish you very much. I sincerely wish you are the right one I am looking for. "

were in response to my request to know the name(s) of the translators helping and a reflection that it would be nice to know this as they are helping us translate from very personal thoughts.

I believe the response given here was likely influenced by the translator which is why I wanted an opinion on the letter as a whole

some ideas .....

It could be her, with a lot of help and guidance from the translator and/or the agency ....

she did ask you some questions ... so answer her honestly, and then
ask her some questions that require thought, so they cannot just copy and paste in general answers....

or

tell her something real, and detailed about you, and ask her what do you think ??

like .... I have a hobby called and I go to events every month, and we and ......

and see how she reacts .... if the reply does not match .... then it is not her

it can be hard to cut thru this, but you have to try, and at some point cut your losses if it is not working

Mike

Most of our letter actually talk about exactly what you outline and the answers are very direct and reflect what we are both saying.  The letters always address what I write.  Actually quite perfectly.  Now either the agency is really good or she is real.  I really hope it is the later because she seems really terrific.  She shares personal information (up to a point) but I realize that point is what she is comfortable sharing. I never ever push.Shane,

The pessimist in me thinks the agency knows about you & is making a last ditch effort to get more money from you. The request could be from someone from the agency to string you along. The message seems out of character for a Chinese womanOk... more reality check.  I always get a response from my lady & the agency within or less than 24 hours.  Very impressive.  I have asked in my last letter (this morning) the following"

"How does the translation service work?  Do you receive an email with a translated message from me & in return you email your translator who sends me your message in English? OR do you go to the agency to pick up or send a message where you sit with the translator?   Do you or your translator have a webcam?  I so very much would like to hear your voice & see you when we communicate.  I know the translator will need to be present and this is fine.  Would it be possible to arrange this?"

Her email to me (received late last night) was:
---START LETTER---
Dear Justin,

Thanks for you send the websites to me. I have seen many Coins there. (*^__^*)
I am sorry, I can't opened the first website that you send to me about the Hudson River. I don't know why.

I am so glad to hear that you enjoyed my answer. I am also enjoyed your answering. Thanks for you believe Chinese woman.
In my opine, Chinese woman are very traditional with tender, considerate, thoughtful, virtuous and home-oriented. So you made the right choice to look for you life partner. Heheee.

I do not live with my family and I moved another city several years ago, I live with my best friends, she always helps me when I am in trouble, and she seems to be my relative. In fact, I just want to go out for my dream. Sometimes I really feel lonely, I do miss my family, so I will go to visit them when I have holidays, they love to see me and miss me very much!!!

From my house to my company is not so far maybe 15 minutes on foot. I walk to work.

Yes, I live near the Museum maybe two hours by bus. I hope when you visit here I would show Museum to you one day.

My favorite type of food is seafood, do you like seafood? My favorite musician is Kelly Chen. She is very famous in China and l like her songs very much. My favorite movie is Korean romantic movies. Have you ever watched Korean movies?

As for me, I am serious about love and I do not like playing games. I do not have any boyfriend before.

Well, I think the romantic thing is very simple, when I feel lonely he could give me a warm shoulder, when I am in bad mood, I hope he could comfort me, of course I will do it in return. I do not think a bouquet of roses and chocolate that is romantic and I do not think a romantic thing need to waste of money to complete. I just hope we can share happiness and sorrows with, as long as enjoy our life, that also is very romantic things. Don't you think so?

Have a good time and hope to hear from you soon. (xie xie ni de lai xin, wo zai ze li deng ni de lai xin)

Best wishes to you and take care!

Sincerely yours,

---END LETTER---

What do we think?  Seems real right?  She ends all letters with "Best wishes to you and take care! Sincerely yours, "  

I feel like she is someone I could fall for (slowly of course)... I just don't want to be burned.  I really appreciate everyone's views

[hellerjk]

I got a weird letter from a different lady I had written to. She is not "my lady" but a different girl I met at the same time.  Her last letter to me 2 weeks ago was weird and was sent when I formed my interest in "my lady"  

Anyway, I didn't respond to this other girl because there was no need to.  Well she just sent me the following.  I am tempted to ask Chnlove to refund the various credits associated with the EMFs from this person. The letter is as follows.  

"Hello Justin,

Did you receive my last letter. It is ten days without receiving your respond. I want to know how you are!!! Dear, I miss you so much! How about you?

Every day, I tell myself, tomorrow, my dear Justin will send letter to me. But I wait and wait. Nothing happens. I can't help myself and write to you.

I want to tell you one thing, baby. In the afternoon, one of my roommate bought some waxberryies to the office. After washing them, she was going to eat them. The other roommate said ¡®It is said that there are many worms in waxberries. If you put them into salt water, the worms will go out.' ¡®Really?' she said, ¡®I have never heard about it!!!! I will try it!'.

So, we began to prepare the salt water. Just one minute's later, there are some white worms out in the water, which are very small.

¡®Oh, my God, it is real. There are so many worms in the waxberries.' This is my feeling after seeing this result, I will never eat any waxberry from new on. Baby, you are the same. Please don't eat it after I told you, OK? After all, health is the most important!!!

Take care and have a good day!
Waiting for your respond!"

Should I ask for a refund?