Author Topic: My Introduction  (Read 6027 times)

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Offline David S

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My Introduction
« on: October 13, 2009, 04:44:35 pm »
Hello everyone.  Being new here I would like to say hello and introduce myself and ask a few questions as well as tell a little about my journey so far.  I live in the Virginia suburbs of Washington DC and have been here for over 25 years.  I grew up in Central PA and have worked and lived in St. Louis MO, and Columbus OH.  I love to travel and learn new things when I can.  I'm a bit of a people watcher and enjoy a wide range of diverse activities. (Ok, not going to write walking in the park or romantic strolls on the beach)

I've always had an interest in Asian ladies but hadn't dated any until this past December.  I met a girl who lived near me from a dating site that i was using.  She was only recently here from China and when we first met after several e-mails and phone conversations I was taken by her beauty, both inner and outer beauty.  After we had lunch on a Saturday afternoon we walked around the area shopping in several of the stores near the restaurant.  I noticed that my shoe had come untied and had to set some things down to tie it.  So not wanting her to walk off while I was tying my show I just mentioned that my show had come untied and after I set the things down that I was carrying I noticed she had already knelt down and began tying it for me.  I was a bit surprised and also amazed.  No western woman would ever think of doing that, not in my experience any way.

To give you the shortened version of the story, she was here after meeting someone from a site similar, if not chnlove.  So they got married and she came here with her 15 year old son.  Less then a year into the marriage, the man began to abuse this lady, and she went to a local woman's shelter.  So being that she was not divorced yet, the fact that her son and I really didn't click and other things that happen we ended things in the late spring.

I know there are many Asian ladies in the general area where I live, but I've always been partial to Chinese ladies and well it's kind of awkward walking up to a stranger and asking what her ethnic heritage is and then asking her out if she says Chinese. LOL

So now I find myself here, interested in finding a Chinese wife.  I am drawn to the values and culture these ladies have.  I am somewhat cautiously optimistic using chnlove.  I've read some of the boards, and the postings here.  Not wanting to spend a lot of money on a trip to China to visit one lady and find things don't click I've decided another approach might work for me.  I've met other women from online and find that no matter how well things go in e-mails, online chat and cam time, that when you meet face to face there might not be a spark that you thought would be there.  So being that I've not taken a good healthy vacation in a while I'm planning on going to China this spring to visit several cities.  I am thinking that corresponding with several ladies and visiting them.  It will, at best be a trip where I find a hard decision to make as to which ones to cut from the consideration list; at worst I will have had a great vacation to a foreign land and had some interesting companionship on my journey.  I guess some of my questions are: Is there a big flaw in this type of approach?  Have others tried this type of thing and had either success or colossal failure with it?  Because my bottom line thinking is that you really don't know if there are sparks until you meet face to face, and from some of the stories I've heard about EMF pumping, and other things I just figure I should hedge my bet a bit.

I am looking forward to hearing others thoughts and if anyone else wants to post their introduction in this thread I think it would be very cool.

Until later.

David

Offline Danny

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RE: My Introduction
« Reply #1 on: October 13, 2009, 05:05:34 pm »
David

Thanks for posting your story. I love reading about the life stories of the people who end up at this place. There are some really interesting and good people around. I, however, am the exception that proves the rule *laughs*

I don't think there is anything wrong with the way you are approaching this.

I was using chnlove for about a year. At the end of the year, I am not so sure that writing emails back and forth is a very effective way of communicating. So I think visiting in the way you describe may be at least as good a way of doing it as any other way I can think of doing it.

When you begin the journey, you think the hardest thing is choosing from all the pretty faces on the website.

For me, and for others I think, the hard thing is when you have actually found someone you care about, it's from that point on.

I think it is most hard because at that point you have your whole heart invested in the matter, and long distance relationships are just so hard, and often return to you little more than the bitterness of waiting and disappointment.

If I had a friend in your situation, I would suggest finding someone in their own city or even state. There are plenty of good women in your local area, including Chinese women, and it saves you a whole lot of problems.

That said, I am actually very close to a dear woman from Wuhan at the moment. There is every chance this will work out. But if it doesn't, I would have to say, without disrespect to any of my dear friends here, and for the women I have corresponded to over the past year, I would not ever do it again.

It is just too hard and the prospects of it not working out are too high. You would only do it if it was one of your dreams. You'd never ever do it on a whim.

Good luck, and keep us posted about how things go. I'll be really interested to see and hear what happens.

Danny
« Last Edit: October 13, 2009, 05:07:22 pm by Danny »

Offline David E

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RE: My Introduction
« Reply #2 on: October 13, 2009, 06:48:11 pm »
David

I would have a personal opinion that the "Grand Tour" of different Cities, with different Women lined up in each City is a high risk strategy.

I think you should forget the "value for money" equation....you are not going to do this sucessfully on the cheap !!!!

Each Woman you meet will know ? that you are on a prospecting trip...and I am sure that this will seriously reduce your credibility with the genuine Women out there.

having said that, as you can read here many, many times, it is always difficult to translate a warm, wonderful EMF based relationship, with all the interference and "spin" aded by translator, into a meaningful face-to-face relationship.

The same could be said whatever Country of origin you decide to look for a future wife. The "Romance Tour " has been done to death on the Russian Sites and has become a forum for the "players" who want a good time with no serious committment. I dont think Chinese Ladies of quality want to play this "game"

My advice...find your Lady, get off EMF's as soon as possible and on to QQ etc...take it steady and go an meet her.

If it doesn't work first time...get back on the horse :icon_cheesygrin:

DavidE

shaun

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RE: My Introduction
« Reply #3 on: October 13, 2009, 07:00:51 pm »
Welcome David,

You will find this experience exhilarating  and disappointing. Keep an open mind and listen to the ones who have been here a while, they can tell you from experience.

Good Luck,

Shaun

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RE: My Introduction
« Reply #4 on: October 13, 2009, 08:56:24 pm »
Hi David S.

Welcome to the Forum. You couldn't of found yourself a better place to find out the information you want, and need to know, in your adventure to find a Chinese wife!!

I see from your avatar that your probably a tradesman, ...so what is your profession David??

David5o.....

Offline David S

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RE: My Introduction
« Reply #5 on: October 13, 2009, 09:42:52 pm »
Quote from: 'David5o' pid='20021' dateline='1255481784'


I see from your avatar that your probably a tradesman, ...so what is your profession David??

David5o.....


I am a freelance broadcast engineer.  Mostly lately I've been installing audio, video, and broadcast systems for a company that does a lot of work for government agencies and schools.  When this photo was taken i was installing a series of ceiling speakers for a PA system in a building that was still under construction.

And thank you everyone for the warm welcome. :icon_cool:

Offline Proteus

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RE: My Introduction
« Reply #6 on: October 13, 2009, 10:25:13 pm »
My dear friend, you are already surprised by Chinese woman's tenderness and consideration, be prepared to get even more surprised by their sense of dignity.

Offline David K

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RE: My Introduction
« Reply #7 on: October 13, 2009, 10:56:26 pm »
Hmm.....
My old Chinese saying: "Man who chase two rabbits catch neither"
I suggest reading the ChnLove forum: A Chinese Girl's Heart: Tread Softly
http://www.chnlove.com/forum/topic_replies.php?topics=662

With my Lady, it was only when I made it clear that I was committed to an 'real' realtionship with her did she feel free to express her deep and gentle love for me.
For me its scary - I've not had that kind of committment totally without reservation before.
Scary for her too...And yes, part of me is still stuck in old battles and slow deaths of the past.
And part of me worries about the difficulties arising from differences in age, culture and plodding communication.
Yet, when my time is up, I will rest satified to have had one true heart to heart connection on the way through.
As she says "It is enough"

Peace
David K
Nothing Real can be threatened; nothing unreal exists

Offline Brian Mc

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RE: My Introduction
« Reply #8 on: October 14, 2009, 01:15:51 am »
Greetings Brothers,

welcome David to the best forum on the net and the greatest bunch of guys you will ever meet.  Having said that hehe be prepared to get every type of advice and even a kick in the pants if needed.  These guys genuinely care for each other and are determined to help make everyones relationship work out.

So having said all that here is my thoughts on your approach.  Personally I would not go that route for any number of reasons but including what David E has said and also David K.  To my mind the time to work through the ladies and narrow the field is in the emf stage.  What you use for criteria is of course up to you but going to China with the agenda of meeting several women in several cities so far has failed miseralbly for most guys.  As has been said you cannot commit to any one lady this way and they will know.  Now since you wont commit fully how can you expect tehm to?

I would advise this approach.  Send emfs to a few ladies and narrow the field relatively quickly through the letters.  try also to get a webcam with each as you get a much better idea of their true look and mannerisms and even some idea if there is any connection at all.  Once you narrow it down to perhaps two then really work at figuring which is likely the best choice for both you and her.  Then at that point commit to a visit to see that one lady.  Possibly have the second lady as a backup but I do not like the idea of planned backups like that.  To me it means you are not committing 100% to the first lady and she will feel it.

Lets not forget that by and large these ladies are real people seeking a husband and a married future and most are not in it to play games or scam you.  So to me to go to China to visit the lady with an alternate in your back pocket shows a lack of committment and you will not get the best result that you are looking for.  Some of the other guys may disagree with this but this is my feeling on the matter.  If you have read these forums I am sure you have read my story but if not I will give you the quick version as an example.

When I started on CHnlove in early July I wrote to 4 ladies at once for a week.  During that week I found another who quickly became the obvious choice for me.  I gently let the other ladies know I had found the one I was looking for and focused on the one lady.  Well unfortunately that relationship was not meant to be and in its ending phase I received an admirer letter from Zhen.  As the other relationship was basically over I started to write to Zhen and that was that.  Within three weeks we both knew without doubt that we had found who we were looking for.  Now I am a true romantic and so is Zhen and we both fell so hard it was scary.  However we continued to write at least one full length emf letter back and forth every day and sometimes two letters.  These were suplemented by webcams as well.  We exchanged all contact info by the end of the 3rd week and never looked back.

On September 6th I arrived in China and she met me at the airport with a translator.  As soon as we saw each other we knew everything we had written in our letters was real and we were a done deal.  We hugged at the airport, and within ten minutes on the bus to the hotel she was wearing my baseball cap and had a death grip on my arm across her body.  We never looked back.  The translator left us on the morning of the third day and by evening we were engaged.

Leaving her at the airport on the 19th sept to return to Canada was the most painful experience of my life.   I had been back in Canada only two weeks when the decision was made for me to pack up my life here in Canada and move to China to be with her.  I will board a plane Oct 25 and go to CHina and we will marry in feb and live there together until we can get a visa for her to come to Canada.

Anyway a real long winded way of saying find one girl through the emf and webcam route and focus on her until you know she is or isnt the one.  When you find the one then go to China meet her and you can totally commit.  You will know quickly if there is chemistry.  Zhen and I knew instantly when our eyes met but your mileage may vary.  To me this is the best way to go as you do all the legwork from home at minimal expense and when you land in China you are ready to totally give that one lady everything you can.  How else can you find out if a relationship will work if you dont commit to it first?

Anyway hope something in this over long diatribe is usefull to you and others.

Regards,

Zhen and Brian

Offline RobertBfrom aust

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RE: My Introduction
« Reply #9 on: October 14, 2009, 02:16:53 am »
Brian , totally spot on , definitely could not have said it better , with the webcam being the x-factor without this being used now and again or frequently a lot could be speaking to a smart translator or agency , regards Ying and Robert .
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Offline Peter

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RE: My Introduction
« Reply #10 on: October 14, 2009, 06:15:55 pm »
It's a tough world out there but if you think of how many of us that already made a success you will not loose the hope of finding a Chinese wife...
Good luck in you try to find a wife..
Better to be married to a wife from Changsha then have 7000 women in Chnlove

brett

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RE: My Introduction
« Reply #11 on: October 14, 2009, 08:15:57 pm »
Hi David,

I met my lady in China yesterday! I joined chnlove at the end of July, so things have moved very quickly!

I talked to a few ladies via EMFs but chose the one who was the most honest and real. We talked on MSN for a couple of hours a day so that accelerated the relationship. But seeing her on webcam was very useful as I found out she had a beautiful voice, and in real life she doesn't look much different to her webcam self.

Good luck!

Offline David S

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RE: My Introduction
« Reply #12 on: October 14, 2009, 10:16:53 pm »
Gentleman, thank you for your input and candid thoughts.  I am rethinking my strategy that perhaps I might have been approaching this in a misguided manner.  I don’t mind my toes stepped on, or for that matter I would like to think that I’m big enough to manage a hit or two to my ego.  A bruised ego will heal much quicker and hurt a lot less in the end then a broken heart.

@ David K.  I really appreciate your input that helped me see things more from the ladies point of view.  Perhaps my view was a bit on the selfish side.

Perhaps part of my thought process has been influenced by my experience here in the US with various dating sites.  Being highly influenced by the Western culture and the ladies here on those sites are perhaps under the same influence.  I think one of the things I need to realize is that this is a totally different culture, and although I have an idea what the differences are I will not fully understand the scope of those differences until I make my visit to China.  Even then, I am sure there will be many voids in my understanding.  Here in the US if a lady expresses feelings of affection, or attachment early in an e-mail exchange or dating relationship red flags go off.  I think I need to understand that the Chinese culture is much different and that the ladies want to express how genuine they are in their desire to find a husband here and that their emotional expression is not a cry of desperation but a genuine comment on their need for honesty and commitment.  

I have read many different threads, what I am learning is that the full spectrum of tools of communications needs to be used.  EMF, direct e-mail, telephone conversations and video conferencing are all great tools and I see I need to use them all.  A question, is the yahoo messenger software available to the ladies in China, I noticed a lot of people mentioning “QQ” is that the name of the software, that is most available to the ladies in China?

I do very much appreciate the heartfelt and genuine responses.  I am very quickly learning the value of such a brotherhood as this.  Thank you very much.

Offline David S

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RE: My Introduction
« Reply #13 on: October 14, 2009, 11:26:36 pm »
Thanks, I found it just after I posted it and saw the wikipedia entry that said that it's pretty much the thing to use in China. I'm downloading it now. :icon_redface:

Although I'm not using skype yet I am thinking in the future it will be the way to communicate from china back home?

And while we're on software, has anyone found that Rosettastone is a good tool to learn Mandarin?

Offline maxx

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RE: My Introduction
« Reply #14 on: October 15, 2009, 01:58:38 am »
David Rosetta stone is expensive.There is alot cheaper programs out there.I would look at first.Before sinking all that money into Rosetta stone.

Before you embark on your little journey of discovery.Read the posts.And reread the post again.Till you have a real good idea what your getting yourself into.This is time consuming expensive and maddening all at the same time.This is not for the faint of heart.And I can guarantee you this is not for everyone.

If you are still bound and determined to do this.There is 2 rules that you will probably want to follow.

#1 DIFFERENT COUNTRY DIFFERENT CUSTOMS.This means just because you do something that way in your country doesn't make it right.Your lady is from a totally different country with different culture and customs.And she has her own way of doing things.With her own set of belieFs and values.That are different from yours.

#2 24 HOUR RULE LIVE IT LOVE IT LEARN IT.NEVER FORGET IT. 24 hour rule is.No matter what crazy thing.Your lady says to you.In a letter, Web cam,or phone call.You do not respond for 24 hours.You post it here give the other members time to discuss it amongst are selves.And it also gives you a chance to think about what she said or is trying to say.

It has ben are experience here.That it usually isn't a problem.It is usually something lost in translation.

#3 keep your head up and your eyes open all the time.and be prepared to free your mind from the box it has Ben living in for the last few years

The tools are in place here to help you make your journey a success.We have members who.Have ben to China met there woman and are working on the visa.We have members here who are married to Chinese women.We have members living in China.Or are planning to move to China.We even have a couple of translators that post here.So the tools are here.You really do need to use them.

good luck
Maxx
« Last Edit: October 15, 2009, 02:00:23 am by maxx »