Author Topic: I need your honest opinions and thoughts, please...  (Read 14405 times)

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Offline wilsbrough

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RE: I need your honest opinions and thoughts, please...
« Reply #30 on: October 18, 2009, 04:53:23 pm »
Hello Jim.

Well i'm 36, kinda going on 26 (i still like going to gigs n festivals etc) but i still want a lady to share my life, n settle down with. I have noticed that a lot of Chinese women seem to more marriage orientated at a younger age compared to western women, but i don't think an age gap of more than 10 years would be a good idea, i guess it depends on the lady. Oh i'm 6'4 too, so bare that in mind...:icon_cheesygrin: But i'm still hoping for the best with the lady in question at the moment. Its her birthday in a week and i have sent her some things, hoping this may convince her i'm genuine n maybe get the contact i want. i have mentioned i could call her, but i have not asked for her number directly yet. ( but she has not offered it either) i'm pretty active and like the slender athletic looking ladies. so if you think they maybe suitable, let me know. But like i say, i'm gonna give it another month n see what happens. But cheers for the info..:icon_biggrin:

Andy...

ps. if i do become back on the market, i'm looking for a lady to live here in the UK with me, so she will have to want this too.
« Last Edit: October 18, 2009, 04:53:52 pm by wilsbrough »
Every now and then i get a little bit nervous at the death of all the years have gone by....!

Offline Voiceroveip

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RE: I need your honest opinions and thoughts, please...
« Reply #31 on: October 18, 2009, 06:32:52 pm »
I've just been chatting to one on Yahoo, she doesn't use QQ !! So that exists after all :icon_cheesygrin:
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Offline wilsbrough

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RE: I need your honest opinions and thoughts, please...
« Reply #32 on: October 18, 2009, 07:02:19 pm »
Thats a shame Jim.

But I agree with the age thing, yes maybe 5 years is better, the girl i'm chatting to will be 31 on the 27th. but i think age kinda relates to your lifestyle too, i'm not saying i'm immature, but i do not think i live the life of your average 36 year old...! most people i meet think i'm still in my late 20's (makes me feel good..!:icon_cheesygrin:) But i also notice that in a lot of different cultures it seems the norm for the girl to be with a guy 10 years older, i have a few Indian mates and the girls seem to like the older man, mostly because they are more stable and tend to want to play the field less, one of my mates, she is 27, but happily goes out with guys in their late 30's. With her mom and dad, their is a 18 year age gap and they are happily married. One of my bf girlfriends is English born Chinese n her little sister was 21 and seeing a guy who was 39...! Different cultures see age differently i think. But no your right and unless she is wiser in her mind than her actual age, my preference is 29/30+.

Andy...
« Last Edit: October 18, 2009, 07:07:57 pm by wilsbrough »
Every now and then i get a little bit nervous at the death of all the years have gone by....!

Offline wilsbrough

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RE: I need your honest opinions and thoughts, please...
« Reply #33 on: October 20, 2009, 01:22:01 pm »
Hi Guys.

Ok i thought i had put a nail in this one and it was finished for the time being as i was intending to give it a while longer and see what will develop. I sent her an emf on saturday and i got her reply today, i know she did not get it until monday so the four day wait was not an issue, but her reply, well has kinda raised that red flag again so i will share with you in what she wrote to me and i would appreciate any input, (That's if any guy's are still following this...:icon_cheesygrin:) I will add my message to her first, i thought about editing the soppy stuff out, but then it would not give the whole picture. :icon_biggrin:

''Ni hao my dear Lianne.

Ni hao ma? Thank you for your reply, and i am sorry for my late reply, but i was thinking very hard about what you had said. I am sorry that i put pressure onto you and made you feel uncomfortable, as truly this was not my intention. But yes, trust is the most important thing in a relationship, especially when we are so far from each other right? Although, i was i little confused, as the main reason for wanting the webcam chat was so i can see you beautiful eyes and see your smile when i am talking to you not for you to prove yourself to me. But you say you do not want to use the webcam as you do not to see anything inappropriate? So do you think this is why i suggested the webcam for inappropriate reasons? I would have hoped that you would know me better than that, as i would never do something like that to you.

I understand what you say about using the QQ just for work purposes, and saying that you prefer to call you friends out and see them face to face, but you and i really do not have that option do we? I just thought that we can use all these other ways of communicating to strengthen our bond right? I just think that it is the natural progression between to people who want to develop a strong relationship with each other. But maybe you need more time first right? Maybe it was because of my previous bad experiences here made me push you for more contact too quickly yes? And with your last relationship that effected you so badly, maybe you are now more cautious in new relationship and want to take things slowly right? Its just we have written so much to each other, and we both have been so honest from the start, i feel i know you very well already even in just the month we have been in contact with each other. I know it is early days, but i have such a good feeling about you, i find myself thinking about you everyday at work. i will often drift off into my mind at work and think about how you are and what you are doing. So i will hope to get to know you better first before i ask you anything like this again, and when you are ready, i hope that you will let me ring you sometime on your phone, or send you a little message to your QQ or email saying how much i am thinking of you ok? :))

One thing you did not say in your last message was your thoughts on adoption? As this is a subject that is close to my heart and is very important to me, as being adopted myself.

So you had to go for a business trip? What was that like? did you have to travel to another part of your country? How long was you away for? And how is your weekend going? Did you manage to get all of your work done, so you do not have to work overtime? As for me, your boy is still in his bed while writing you this message. (laptops are great yes? :)) ) I have to go into town soon as i have to do something for someone i know, then onto the gym again. Your boy wants to be in good shape for his girl, in case she makes him climb the high mountains in China. :)) And then tonight i am off to a friends for dinner. My parents have gone away for a few days so they are not around this weekend. They have gone to a old country house for a few days down by the coast, something i hope we can do together on day soon.

I shall go now, as i really do have things to do today, but sorry to make you feel uncomfortable and pressurized.

Bao zhong my sweet girl.
Yours,
Andy.
xx ''

Her reply...

''Ni hao Andy,

Wo hen hao, dan shi hen lei, xie xie! l hope you all fine and everything goes well too.

Sorry for haven't give you an answer last about the thoughts on adoption, as a matter of fact, l haven't had many thoughts about this, and l did feel puzzled about what you mean when asking this question, do you think l will care about your attorneyship? To tell you the truth, l've been taken part in the salvations of the orphans before, l do poor them that lost their own parents when they was still little and need love and help most, so you should be a lucky one that was adopted by a very good couple, and grown up in such a great warm family atmosphere, do you think so? Tha's why you should cherish and nourish them as much as you can in your sparetime, see?

As a good normal human being, l think we should always be kind, nice, positive and optimistic to life, trust is the essential and most important in keeping any relationship well, we couldn't keep our mind staying in the old age, staying in the terrible life experience before, we have to look forward instead of look back!!!! Anyhow, l do hope you can understand my mind, my thinking!

Now l was out in Harbin in the Northeasy China which was far far away from Guangzhou, really cold and the hard work did make me feel crazy exhausted, l just hope to have more rest and sleep, but l still need some more time to adjust my biological clock here, have a nice day anyway.

Bao zhong,
Lianne ''

I find this reply, well apart from it being the shortest letter she has written to me, i find it a little vague, almost like she has not read my letter to her. There is no mention of the direct contact, even if it is in the future. I would have thought that she would have at least said, ''yes lets give it a little more time first and then lets see'' I feel like this is a letter written by someone else and not her. What do the brothers think? Am i just being paranoid now? I just think that if she had said to me about a bad experience she had in coming to England in meeting her man and she would like a little more contact just to be sure it will not happen again, then i would be ''Here is my email/phone number/ QQ id, when we have some time maybe we can chat direct so you know i am genuine'' But her last letter just seems to dismiss the whole subject. Do you agree? Or like i say, do the majority think i am just being paranoid now? Oh, n i don't know if you think it makes a difference, but FYI, she has been on Chnlove since May 2008.
« Last Edit: October 20, 2009, 02:33:13 pm by wilsbrough »
Every now and then i get a little bit nervous at the death of all the years have gone by....!

Offline maxx

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RE: I need your honest opinions and thoughts, please...
« Reply #34 on: October 20, 2009, 05:45:52 pm »
Andy I like Jim's answer.Ride it out for a couple of more letters see if it gets any better.If it don't find somebody else to talk to.
« Last Edit: October 20, 2009, 05:46:17 pm by maxx »

Offline wilsbrough

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RE: I need your honest opinions and thoughts, please...
« Reply #35 on: October 20, 2009, 06:35:39 pm »
Cheers guy's

Any advise is good advise, all points are valid right? I think i will write another letter Addressing the same points, i'm not asking for immediate direct contact, i just need to know this is the direction we are heading in. I don't think i'm asking too much am i? If she says nothing but emf's and expects me to accept that, then i think something is afoot right? She says to trust her, which i want to, but actions speak louder than words would you not agree? If you like someone, then i would expect you would want to phone them/send personal direct emails, It's not a language barrier as her profile says she has good English, and she did say in a previous email, she often chats to her mates in English. I am beginning to suspect there is a lot more translator imput here....

Lets see what happens tomorrow, i maybe back on the market yet again....:(

Andy.
Every now and then i get a little bit nervous at the death of all the years have gone by....!

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RE: I need your honest opinions and thoughts, please...
« Reply #36 on: October 20, 2009, 07:49:26 pm »
Andy,

I am going to run a little contrary to what the others might have been saying.  Could it be possible you are pushing too hard?  You said you would leave the soppy stuff in.  Where is it?  It sounds to me like you are drilling her for answers.  Insanity is doing the same thing again and expecting different results.  Life does not work that way.  There wan't anything fun about that letter: there wasn't anything lovie dovie about it; there want anything light hearted.  If a woman was grilling me over several letters I would be running too.  Lighten up.  talk about the price of tea in China for goodness sake; the weather; her pictures.  Tell her how hot she is or how beautiful she looks.

The next letter don't ask any questions about issues, just love on her a little.  Then see what happens.  If she gives you the polite well nothing letter then you know the flame is out.

Shaun

Offline wilsbrough

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RE: I need your honest opinions and thoughts, please...
« Reply #37 on: October 21, 2009, 02:44:00 am »
I know what your trying to say shaun, but if you have read the majority of her previous letters and things she has asked me in the past, then the letter i wrote her last is not that much different from ones she has previously sent me. This new letter, the way it is written, the way she begins and ends the letter, to me, i honestly think its not her. Like i say maybe i'm being paranoid from my last two bad experiences here. Maybe i've made my mind up wether it is really her or not. But until i get some form of direct contact or the future agreement of it at some point i think i will always doubt her.... Maybe it is time to move on as we could both be wanting or expecting different things from this type of relationship?

Cheers
Andy.
« Last Edit: October 21, 2009, 02:45:22 am by wilsbrough »
Every now and then i get a little bit nervous at the death of all the years have gone by....!

Offline Brian Mc

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RE: I need your honest opinions and thoughts, please...
« Reply #38 on: October 22, 2009, 02:29:04 am »
Greetings Brothers,

Well Andy I have to go with Shaun on this one.  First we dont know what you guys say in your other letters or how romantic or not you both are with each other, but as Shaun says if you both have had bad experiences then maybe its time to romance the lady before you ask for what she is reluctant to give.

Keep in mind I am probably the most romantic on these forums and my heart definitely rules my head but it has worked well for Zhen and I as she is more romantic than i am.  So I am a big fan of doing the romantic instead of the practical, at least some of the time.  

Lets not forget these ladies may have been burned by guys before and are a tad gunshy when being pushed for alternate means of contact than emf's.  I would say give her some room on the other contact types and maybe romance her for a few letters.  As the guys say if she still doesnt open up and become more interested in the relationship then its pretty clear.  Perhaps she wants a little romance before she gives in to the other contact types.

As has been said elsewhere every lady is different and reacts differently to what they see as pressure.  Take some time put in the romance perhaps offer her more about you and your life, tell her she is beautiful and anything else you like about her.  Build up how you feel fo rher and what about her gets you.  Maybe she just wants to hear how much you care about her.

This of course is only my opinion and I sure dont expect everyone to have the resut that Zhen and I have but it cannot hurt to invest the time, unless you already figure its over then of course end it gently and move on.

Good luck brother,

Zhen and Brian

Scottish_Rob

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RE: I need your honest opinions and thoughts, please...
« Reply #39 on: October 22, 2009, 06:42:46 am »
wills  I've not said anything about this yet I don't think...Anyway I would go for at most 2 more letters.
On saying that, my first letter to the ladies now after any response to cupids sent to them from me is...

This may be the wrong thing to put into our first letter but, there are a few things I would like to know, and I hope you don't mind answering them?

(1) Would you be willing to be in an exclusive relationship with me?
(2) Would you be willing to send ordinary picture from you at home with family etc?  
(3) Would you be willing to speak to me on the phone?
(4) Would you be willing to go on webcam to speak to me?  
(5) Would you be willing to give me your personal yahoo address?

The reason I mention these things right away, is so I know that my lady is willing to use these methods and will help cement the relationship.  By using the webcam  it means that we will both be able to judge better if the one is for the other. and will see each others smiles.  Please DON'T misunderstand me, I DON'T MEAN  doing this right away, I mean a FEW weeks down the line once we have exchanged a few emf's and gotton to know each other better..

Offline wilsbrough

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RE: I need your honest opinions and thoughts, please...
« Reply #40 on: October 22, 2009, 01:53:35 pm »
Cheers Guy's and to Rob, You did give me some advise on this in an earlier post...:) And i appreciate any input. What you say is a good idea, if i had mentioned this in my first few letters i may not be having this issue now. I know some brothers think maybe i pushed too hard too soon, but i just thought that we had good enough progression in our relationship by now to at least start talking about more direct contact. What worries me, is what appears be her outright refusal to even consider this. It makes me think she is hiding something. Well i have decided to give it a little longer, and i wrote to her yesterday. I made no mention of direct contact and just asked how thing were and how much i think about her, kept it nice and sweet. Her reply today again seemed vague and distant. I'm thinking one of to things. Maybe now she has gone off me and is just being polite in replying to me. It kinda reminds me of earlier on in this relationship as i sent out two 'feeler' emf's at the same time, one to her and one to another girl i was interested in, my girl wrote back first with an emf that really impressed me and i felt there could be a good connection, but a few days later the other girl sent a reply. To be honest i was not that interested in her by then, as Lianne (the lady in question) had already interested me so much, but i sent a few reply emf's anyway, as you never know right? But i think you could tell by my letters that i was not too interested in this second girl, so i eventually said i thought it was not to be, wished her the best with her search and goodbye. I now feel that this is the kind of letters she is sending me now. Maybe she is also writing to another guy who she prefers? My second thought is that she is no longer writing to me, but her agency is trying to sucker a few more emf's out of me?

Like i say, i will give this a bit longer, mostly as it is her birthday on tuesday, I don't think it a nice thing to end this just before, in case i'm wrong and she is genuine. Saying you i not think it is working out between us just before her day is a little wrong i think. I have sent a card via snail mail, it is to her work address which is a big university, so i'm thinking they are used to getting non-Chinese script letters sent there so i'm hoping it will arrive. Also i bought her a silver bracelet, through Chnlove, who say they send it to the ladies address and not to her agency, so if my second thought is right, i would think the agency would not know about this, as i have not mentioned i am doing either in any letter, it will be interesting if i get a thank you for the gift. If i don't, i guess i am no longer talking to this lady and it is the agency sending me replies to my letters. Maybe if she is genuine, my gift will help her in seeing that i am sincere in wanting to be with her, and it may help in developing our relationship.

Roll on tuesday.... :)
« Last Edit: October 22, 2009, 03:00:33 pm by wilsbrough »
Every now and then i get a little bit nervous at the death of all the years have gone by....!

Offline wilsbrough

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RE: I need your honest opinions and thoughts, please...
« Reply #41 on: November 02, 2009, 02:23:17 pm »
Ok, so it looks like i am back on the market again. I have given this much thought, but i have decided to end things with the girl i was writing to. I have just sent her this reply, i hope my words were not harsh and i hope she will understand. What do you guy's think?

''Ni hao Lianne.

I hope you are well. I will first of all apologise to you, as i do not think you will enjoy this letter to you. It is not an easy decision that i have made here and i have been thinking about this long and hard since your reply regarding the direct contact, i thought i would give it a while longer to see if things developed. But in your last letter you talk about winning your heart, and i do really like you, but does not my heart also needed to be won?

It is not about trust that has made me decide this, but you want and need things for a relationship to work right? The thing is, so do i. One of the things that i do need for my feelings to develop towards you is direct contact, i want to see your face, to hear your voice so i can feel closer to you, and i would of hoped so that you would also feel closer to me. But you say you do not use QQ for chatting with friends, you will not use the webcam at all, i have said i could maybe ring you, but you have not offered your phone number to me. I am not pressurising you, and i respect your decision to say you will not do this. However i do not see how we can truly get to know each other without doing these things. So although it does sadden me greatly, i think that we expect different things from this kind of relationship, so maybe what you said a while back is correct, maybe we are not as well suited to each other as we originally thought and i feel it best that this was to finish this now rather than later.

I truly do hope that you will soon find your soulmate, and as i have said, it does sadden me, but regretfully i think that this will be for the best. You have made a friend here, but we are both looking for more than that right? You have my email, and you are welcome to stay in touch with me, but i understand if you do not wish to do this.

Again i am sorry if my words have upset you, but please take care of yourself, and i hope the right man for you will arrive in your life soon, but sadly, i do not think that this man is me.

Bao zhong Lianne.

Ni de Andy.''  

To be honest, I think i am going to give up Chnlove now, i am still interested in Asian culture, but i do think that the website is too untrustworthy. I know a lot of guy's have found their true loves here, but i think more of us have not. I do not really like the way it operates, with the hidden charges for the ladies if she finds her man, the way emf's are translated, it was one reason why i always chose a lady who said she has good English skills, as i want to communicate to her and not through a third party all the time. I want to know her words are hers and nothing has been added by the translator. It was not an easy decision, since my last post on this thread we have sent each other about ten more emf's. (20 if you include her replies) But i am not going to blindly trust the emf's. I took a leap of faith last time and that crashed and burned. I still hope to find my Chinese soulmate, but i think i will try some other dating sites now, i have found a few that seems to have Asian ladies already living in my country, i know there are probably scammers there too, but at least it will not cost £££££'s and a 14 hour flight to find you've found one right?

Andy....
Every now and then i get a little bit nervous at the death of all the years have gone by....!

Vince G

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RE: I need your honest opinions and thoughts, please...
« Reply #42 on: November 02, 2009, 04:01:35 pm »
Well Andy, If she wasn't for you and it wasn't going the way you thought then you did the right thing. It's not harsh at all that I see.

No need to walk away from the forum either. We are for China relationships not just Chnlove. It doesn't matter what site your meeting them on. Unless you find a local it will still cost £'s and a 14 hr flight.

Offline wilsbrough

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RE: I need your honest opinions and thoughts, please...
« Reply #43 on: November 02, 2009, 04:11:48 pm »
Cheers Vince.

I'll still be around here, but just might give the international dating sites a break for a while. :)
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Offline Hans

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RE: I need your honest opinions and thoughts, please...
« Reply #44 on: November 02, 2009, 04:18:22 pm »
Quote from: 'wilsbrough' pid='21734' dateline='1257189797'

To be honest, I think i am going to give up Chnlove now, i am still interested in Asian culture, but i do think that the website is too untrustworthy. I know a lot of guy's have found their true loves here, but i think more of us have not. I do not really like the way it operates, with the hidden charges for the ladies if she finds her man, the way emf's are translated, it was one reason why i always chose a lady who said she has good English skills, as i want to communicate to her and not through a third party all the time. I want to know her words are hers and nothing has been added by the translator. It was not an easy decision, since my last post on this thread we have sent each other about ten more emf's. (20 if you include her replies) But i am not going to blindly trust the emf's. I took a leap of faith last time and that crashed and burned. I still hope to find my Chinese soulmate, but i think i will try some other dating sites now, i have found a few that seems to have Asian ladies already living in my country, i know there are probably scammers there too, but at least it will not cost £££££'s and a 14 hour flight to find you've found one right?

Andy....


It saddens me to read your post here, Andy, because I believe I can fully understand your feelings. Especially about the untrustworthyness of Chnlove. Even though I feel that my lady is sincere, I am constantly worried about what the translator's role in our communication is. Not knowing what is her true words and what is not makes me crazy (and short emails in Chinese is not the same as long love letters in English). Sending love letters, having them translated, getting a reply and having that translated, not being able to talk on the webcam when I like to because she insists she wants interpreter on her side, living and working 400 km away from the agency where the translator is... Everything is just so complicated!

I have thought of the same thing: finding another dating site which offers direct communication with girls who actually know a lot of English. However, I am in too deep with my present contact to call things off at this point. But if it does not work out, I will leave Chnlove. It is simply too expensive and too complicated.  

Please post your experiences with other dating sites, Andy, and let us know how it goes! Keep the spirit!