I need your honest opinions and thoughts, please...

[Johnboy]

David

Large sum coming your way; do you want Aus dosh or will pounds sterling suffice?  Actually, I am being a bit disingenuous as I have really come here for your advice, although I may plagiarise some of your words too!  

Firstly, would you include in your criteria that a demonstration of commitment would be that after, say your 5/6 EMF's, both you and she should agree to hide your profiles?  I know I went through a good deal of heart-searching on this issue in previous posts when Fei's profile was refreshed but eventually accepted the wisdom and advice of experienced members that it meant nothing, that it was translator 'generated', and that Fei was probably not even aware that her profile had been refreshed.  You are also probably aware that I pacified my angst by mentioning Fei's profile refresh in a humorous way to her in an EMF.  However, in her reply EMF Fei thanked me for "understanding that she did not hide her profile", which would seem to indicate that 1) either she was aware of her profile refresh or 2) my humorous reference to it brought it to her attention.  What I find difficult to understand is that Fei knows I have hidden my profile as I am not interested in Admirer Mails from other women and I am only interested in her.  Conversely, Fei tells me that she only "chats" (writes) to me.  But if that is the case, what possible motive can Fei have for leaving her profile open, other than to attract other male admirers?   Please don't misunderstand my reasoning here; I am fortunate not to be possessed by a jealous or distrustful  nature and am broadly of the belief that individuals must, within reason, do as they wish.  My purpose therefore is not to analyse or reopen that particular profile refresh issue, but simply to pose the question in the first sentence above.

Secondly, I sent my last EMF to Fei at 6.35am and received her reply to it at 8.55am - approximately two and a half hours later!  Given that Fei had written in her previous EMF: "as usual the translator translate into Chinese of your letter and I will write the context in Chinese of the letters which I reply you and then she help me translate into English", is it possible for all that to be carried out, plus the strictures of contact between Fei and the translator, in that short a passage of time?  Annexed to that, this is the usual time-span of our sent and received EMF's, apart from the odd one, which took 6 hours to turn around.  I am sure you will gather from this that I am beginning to think I am corresponding with a translator and not with Fei.  Again, not paranoi, I just have a 'forensic' mind and, unfortunately (sometimes) a romantic heart, which tends to blind one to the obvious.

I would be very grateful for your advice on both of the issues I have raised above.

Cheers, John

[Vince G]

John, The woman hiding her profile is usually frowned on from the agency until there is a meeting of. When they feel there is a match and you have been there and maybe engaged is when they will hide it. Until then they want it to stay open feeling the woman is still open. They may have there way of persuading the woman to keep it open? So if it stays open for now? don't throw blame at the girl.

If the timing is right you can get a reply quick. The translator calls the girl and she replies over the phone. There has been times my lady did this. Mostly now she reads and replies herself. I can tell by the spelling. Each woman is different so again you can not put blame. Don't worry, Be happy....

[Johnboy]

Thanks for that Vince,

I know that everything you say is right and I listened to, and took on board, all the excellent advice that you and the other bros gave me (including the 24 hour rule) when I was in a quandry over Fei's profile refresh before.  I'm not beating myself up over it this time or resurrecting it again, although I do admit to having small moments of reflection.  I was more interested in how that issue sat with DavidE's criteria for establishing and and taking forward an EMF instigated relationship.  But, yes, you are absolutely right (as usual!)and I have no doubt at all that Fei's agency has ways of persuading her to keep her profile open - and I know in my heart that it's wrong to throw blame at her.  

I am more worried about the second issue of the extraordinary across-the-world EMF turnaround.  This is compounded by what Fei wrote to me, from which I understood she was talking about written translation rather than via the telephone. Perhaps I misunderstood that, but her replies are always so quick and there has been a distinct change in the tone of her letters, albeit that I welcome the disappearance of the translator's fluff.  However, there is now very little warmth, if that makes sense?  I certainly don't expect "Wo ai shang ni le" or "Wo yao yong yuan he ni zai yi qi", that would really worry me at this stage.  But one needs to have a small candle of hope twinkling in the twilight hours.  Oh, I'm sure you are right - don't worry, be happy....................Thanks again Vince, you are a diamond - well, not bad for a Florida guy...hahaha.

[RobertBfrom aust]

John , without visiting all your posts , 1 - yes do not worry about refreshes , 2 - In the Chinese way , how long have you been emf'ing with no visiting commitment , because as most ladies ,but not all have been burned more than once by non appearance of guys , you will find things will cool to a certain amount ie ; more fluff by translators until some sort of commitment is given . Most translators would not be doing there job if she was only talking to you without any commitment from both sides such as camming etc , also visit other sites and see if your lady is registered there as there may be an alternate way of contacting her .
 I met my Ying when I was with someone else in China , and as she did not speak English when I came home it was up to me to find her which I did on Asia Friend Finder , we sent a few no charge emails and then went to Yahoo messenger , and whilst she had been also registered with a Chn agency she did not even know that she was and still is shown as available on the chnlove website , but she has never received any mail via this way , so there is a possible scam , with the particular agency refusing to remove her listing until she shoves her red book in their face , but in my happy city of ChongQing if you arrived there with no one in mind , I would say you would meet 10 very beautiful ladies the first time you stepped out of the hotel , I had my Ying on my arm but I still had a swivel neck and was told look , but do not think about anything else , hehe , regards Ying and Robert .

[wilsbrough]

Hi Guy's.

So, i have now got myself a three month membership at Chineselove links, There seem to be plenty of Asian ladies living in my country on there. I put up my profile and have received lots of messages.... But, in my profile i stated that i was only looking for love within my own country, and i have to say, the vast majority of messages that i have received are from girls/ladies in China...! Hmm....:dodgy: One particular girl who i was attracted too, said she lived in Bath, England so i sent her a message, i got a very swift reply which made me happy, but guess what? Yep, she's actually living in China...!! A good start to an honest relationship right? Tho one lady is in Belgium, if that goes well i may think about a visit, at least i can just go there for the weekend and see if there is a connection. There are a few others, Not Chinese, but quite a sweet Malaysian girl is writing to me who live in Essex, Don't say it, as i've heard all the Jokes already. (the UK guys here will know what i mean:icon_cheesygrin:) And i have just sent out a few 'feeler' Letters to a few other Chinese ladies, Who say they are in the UK, but as with the other girl, i guess i'll have to wait n see if that's true. I'll keep you posted. But in quite a few cases i have gotten direct email address in the first or second letter, They all seem to have pretty good English abilities and as no translators are needed, no emf's are needed to be bought. I know there will be scammers here too, lets face it, pretty much every dating site will have them right? I guess time will tell if i'm speaking to the lady i think i am or to a guy called Orilekke in Gambia...:icon_cheesygrin:

Andy...

[David E]

Hi John....
Sorry, payment only accepted in Bullion...the Pound and the Greenback are getting worth less and less each day !!!!!

...To refresh or not...that is the question......

For me, I never put any connotation, good, bad or indifferent on this issue.

Because I dont think that the Lady herself necessarily has any influence on this decision. Profiles are the Agency/CHNLove "inventory" and represent all they have "for sale" into their marketplace.

So I theorise that they will hang on to profiles as live bait until the lady herself either meets her Western man and pays them the agreed Contract sum, or she can personally persuade/bully them to remove it for whatever other reason she has.

It is so easy for them to not pass on your request to both hide your profiles and to reply to you in the way they did...you have no idea what , if anything was actually said to Fei........this is the dreaded trap of the translator issue we all suffer from constantly.

You have no idea that Fei really asked them to hide her profile and they said 'yes' and they didnt do it......just wrote the fluff to you as if it came from Fei.

Can you see that this is a total catch 22 situation...never can be resolved until.....you meet her in person, or get onto QQ or similar. At that point, they cant interfere with you and her.

But , as I understand from the Women I have corresponded with /met...to get on to QQ involves them in a fee payable to the Agency...so to take this step, they will need to have some sort of thought that you are serious and genuine...not just after a cheap thrill. I have heard that sme women agreed to a QQ session with a Man and were confronted with him on camera...naked and "excited"...so dont forget that there are a huge number of weirdos/psychos out there and these women must be a bit careful about the more personal contact methods.

I know it is costly and filled with risk, but for me, if there appears to be genuiner interest on both sides, I would go to visit her and check out the Chemistry.

I truly believe that Ronan (Irishman) has got it right. He is prepared to dive off to China to verify which Ling, or other Lady might "light his fire"...and he is not clouded by being obsessively in love with every woman he has contact with. I will copy him, because I also believe (as I have posted here before ) that you cant be in love with someone you have never met (this is MY opinion and I know some of you dont agree...so be it ).

Only by a face-to-face can you ever be CERTAIN of anything !!!!

So that MUST be the Key Objective..to get to visit her (risky and costly) and decide what to do next , or..get on to QQ (cheaper but less effective) and also get off the Agency/Translator influence.

Shaun.....
FOSTERS How dare you propose to poison me after giving you freedom to use my copyright words...and i thought you were a mate !!!!

Fosters Lager is an abomination invented by Colonial Aussies to export all over the World to hopefully have a huge collective laugh at all the freocious hangovers.

Here we use it to clean the windows with...we would NEVER drink the stuff !!!

David E

[maxx]

David E right on as ussual.Bigbutt allot of good points.Robert good post good points.It all comes down to this until all the ladies fees are payed.Her profile will remain open and avalable.Because of the reasons stated By David ,Robert and Abigbutt.

Hell my wifes profile was still open 6 months after she came to the states.

[shaun]

David E,

I'll have you know that Foster's is my favorite beer. :angel:

No, I figured as such. It is like some of our American beer.  If the Americans won't drink it then export it and sell it as America's #1 beer.  Americans can make some really bad beer.  But I could not resist the chance to say it.  If I remember you do not drink.

I really am not a drinker anymore. I bet I don't drink a six pack a year.

Shaun

[RobertBfrom aust]

Shaun , a six pack out here equals 6 multiplied by 18 gallon kegs any less and you are only sipping .

[shaun]

Robert,

Like I said I don't drink much but I'll stick to the 6 pack. :s

In America it is 6 12oz.

Shaun

[shaun]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzOjt1e5W8c

[chen yan]

To be honest, I think i am going to give up Chnlove now, i am still interested in Asian culture, but i do think that the website is too untrustworthy. I know a lot of guy's have found their true loves here, but i think more of us have not. I do not really like the way it operates, with the hidden charges for the ladies if she finds her man, the way emf's are translated, it was one reason why i always chose a lady who said she has good English skills, as i want to communicate to her and not through a third party all the time. I want to know her words are hers and nothing has been added by the translator. It was not an easy decision, since my last post on this thread we have sent each other about ten more emf's. (20 if you include her replies) But i am not going to blindly trust the emf's. I took a leap of faith last time and that crashed and burned. I still hope to find my Chinese soulmate, but i think i will try some other dating sites now, i have found a few that seems to have Asian ladies already living in my country, i know there are probably scammers there too, but at least it will not cost £££££'s and a 14 hour flight to find you've found one right?

Andy....

It saddens me to read your post here, Andy, because I believe I can fully understand your feelings. Especially about the untrustworthyness of Chnlove. Even though I feel that my lady is sincere, I am constantly worried about what the translator's role in our communication is. Not knowing what is her true words and what is not makes me crazy (and short emails in Chinese is not the same as long love letters in English). Sending love letters, having them translated, getting a reply and having that translated, not being able to talk on the webcam when I like to because she insists she wants interpreter on her side, living and working 400 km away from the agency where the translator is... Everything is just so complicated!

I have thought of the same thing: finding another dating site which offers direct communication with girls who actually know a lot of English. However, I am in too deep with my present contact to call things off at this point. But if it does not work out, I will leave Chnlove. It is simply too expensive and too complicated.  

Please post your experiences with other dating sites, Andy, and let us know how it goes! Keep the spirit!

Hello hans
through your description ,now I know how hard for you to find your girl, But you never give up. Actually I think you need more encourage and the most important thing: find the right way to your girl. You can choose a more safety way.

Here is the suggestion I give to some western man who can stay in China,and want to meet some ladies which want to get married.  If you can visit China for a trip someday, spent some months here. You can meet a lot of good girl in a party or some activities in real life which hold by a local Marriage agencies. In china, www.jiayuan.com is one of the biggest and professional dating website for local Chinese, they hold a party or outdoor activities monthly or each small or big festival in different cities ,You can meet these members face by face, and normal it will have 200-1000 people attend the activities, it depends on how big the festival it is .And some party is very strict to members to ensure the high quality of members.  You also can google their phone number and call them or visit them(or bring a translator with you) to consult a special service for you , They will recommend some ladies which they think will match you request most(like language ability), they have better reputation and other local small agency, And it is more safe,Because you have to upload the id number of you, and other certificates like drive license, passort...you even can watch their programme from Hu Bei TV.(Monay to Thursday 12?35 -13?05 ) And I though it is more cheaper than those small unprofessional agency.They have each service center in different big cities. Of course,if your Chinese is good enough, you can find your girl from this website by yourself.

At last ,I have to specify I am not advertise for this website. I just suggest an more easy and safty way to those western men who already in China.

Here is the information I just got from that website.
November 11 is the big "bachelor" day in China, they will hold a big party in different cities, normally it held in hotel and they will specify how many people attend and even the name of dishes and wine you will eat. It charges you 150RMB/per person. Guangzhou,Ningbo,Guilin has limited ,They are 300 hundreds people attend. But Shenzhen, Shanghai,Shenyang.Hankou(Wuhan) has 1000 people attend.

[shaun]

Thank you Chen Yan.  I've not said welcome to you yet but welcome to out group of friends.  You are a very pleasant addition.

Shaun

[maxx]

Chen Yan that is a good suggestion.

[Arnold]

Didn't I alway's say ... chinese Lady's are very smart . Let's check on the Dashboard ?

Smart Lady's : 228 ( was 227 , but now with Chen .. )
Not so smart Lady's : 7
Dumb Lady's : 1 ( that I know of )