I honestly dont know where else to post about this. I really need to talk to some guys about it that might have some previous knowledge or experience with it. As the brother's here are ..brothers..men, I hope you don't mind me getting thuis off my chest.
So, today i got a rather cryptic email from my uncle..my days brother, saying i should call my sis about my dad.
I of course panicked thinking he was in a car accident or had a heart attack or something (he's 70).
So I called her and she told me that my day was told that he has Prostate cancer. i thought - thats not so bad ( i saw a documentary about it recently and if its caught early its often reversible apparently), its pretty common, he's fairly old..and it should be treatable, but even though he was tested two years ago and got the all clear apparently its too bad for chemo or surgery, all they can do is give him some hormone injections.
They give him 5-10 years.
So I'm a bit numb about it all, on one hand if he has 10 years...living to 80 is a pretty good run, i'd take that. he has his mind and up to now he was a pretty fit and active guy .
He lives in another part of the country so dont see him that often , my sis says I should visit him after my next China trip , she reckons if I have a wedding date etc it will cheer him up no end so that's what I'm gonna do (no pressure eh!!).
I just dunno what to say, what do you say to a man that's got 10 years tops?
I want to hold it together as i know he will try and put a brave face on it and i don't want to make him upset seeing me break down.
What do you say in these circumstances? I always thought it would be a heart attack or something, that's how my grandparents went, it was fast and done, but a slow lingering painful death, what do you say?
Have any of you guys gone through this before, how did you deal with it, how did you face your loved one, how did you act around them?, I just don't know what to do.
Sorry to post such a downer of a topic, I'm not looking for sympathy just man to man advice really. My dad will be an old man with kids that loved him when he passes and if that's the same for me I will die a happy man, and I think he will feel the same too. I do realise we all go one way or another and have known that the next ten years it was very likely I would loose one or the other and have mentally steeled myself for the call, i just assumed/hoped it would be fast though as it was for their parents (one of my grand dads had 4 heart attacks before he died aged 87, the funeral was respectful but not overly sad, he had lived a long life, surrounded by loved one and when the end came it was fast, we all agreed we would like to go out like he did).
The good news is that he has years left, and hopefully the doctors can make sure those are as comfortable as possible for him so I'm going to try and stay positive and thankful for the time he has left.
Thanks fellas.