Maxx,
thank you for those honest words. I had kind of same thoughts many times. As those who have read my story know, I found my wife in April this year and we got married in August and she moved with me to Denmark two weeks later. That was only possible because I respected many of the rules Maxx is talking about. And I respected the thinking of my wife. Not saying she is ruling over me. We decide things together and discuss the different issues.
Of course I was interested in talking to my wife on the phone as soon as possible. But I did not tell her that she had to do it. I told her we would talk when she was ready. I told her how everything was; I gave her my email, QQ ID and phone number. She could decide when and how fast to proceed. It is about trust, gentlemen! You do not trust the ladies, but you want them to trust you. You have to remember; their husbands have mistreated many of these ladies.
As Maxx writes, many of you compare the Chinese ladies with western women, as we know them. It won't work if you do! I know, that there are scammers out there. But many of those Chinese ladies are real, but they are very shy.
I am not saying, I understand the Chinese people fully. But I have been interested in China for about 30 years, I have read a lot about the country. My knowledge helped me a little, but I still have to learn a lot. China is not the same as the western countries. The ladies don't think the same way as the ladies in the west do. For example, holding hands in public is out of the question for my wife, even though we are married. That is the way they were brought up.
There are many other issues, too. Many of you interpret the letters from the ladies, like they have written every word by them self. Of course many of them did, BUT in CHINESE!! The letter you receive is an interpretation of the translator. After 2 month communicating through the agency, my wife and I communicated directly. We used Internet software for the translations. There had been a lot of misunderstandings because of many possible meanings. The translators in the agencies have some experience with English, but they are not perfect. Those of you who speak another language than your native language should understand how difficult it could be to communicate with somebody in that language. Then imagine you have to communicate in written language that is even more difficult because you do not see the reaction of the people when they read it. You cannot correct misunderstandings. Maybe you have a meaning of what you want to say, but it is not sure that you formulate it right. I have been living in another country for 21 years. Even though I am very good at the Danish language, I still make mistakes due to the nuances in the language.
Many of you expect to have little communications with your ladies when you meet. My wife knew about 20 English words when we met! Those who have written they used a communicator when they met the first time know also the frustration that has to be handled. You are not the only ones who are frustrated; the lady you are going to meet will be frustrated too! Some of the ladies are aware of it and that is why they do not want to communicate on the phone. "Face" or the fear of making mistakes has a huge meaning to those ladies! Do your self a favour and prepare yourself and the lady that there will be difficulties in communication when you meet.
Well, I won’t write a book here. The conclusion is, that this process is not easy and takes a lot of understanding. Even so my wife and me got married and moved together after a short while, it does not mean everything is a dance on roses. There are many challenges in the everyday live. For example, read the story from Maxx as he was in the Chinese restaurant and the waiter told his wife that Maxx would sell her as a slave. (he he, Maxx I love that story). If you expect to get married to a Chinese lady, take her home to your country and live in the same way as you would with a lady from your country. Then you should think twice!
When you bring this lady to your country, you have a huge responsibility. You cannot just send her home again.
My 2c on this issue.
