Turner Brown...
A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.
The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says:"7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."
The white man faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down
and brings him to, shaking him.
The big guy says, "What's wrong with you?"
In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?"
The big dude says, "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give
you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my left testicle weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds, and my name is Turner Brown."
Turner Brown?!...Sweet Jesus, I thought you said ......"Turn around"
The Lawyer ........
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Tennessee . He shot and
dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his
tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now
I'm just going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over
here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the
United States and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take
everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle
disputes in Tennessee . We settle small disagreements with the 'Three Kick Rule.'"
The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'? "
The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to
go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on
back and forth until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that
he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the
attorney.
His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the
lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to the
midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all
fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet.
Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart.
Now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, ......"Nah Son, ...I give up. You can have the duck, ...Byeeeeeee now fella!!
That'll teach him, ..... That he's not as Smart as he thinks he may be. ...!!!