6 reasons not to mess with children.
(1) A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah.'
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell ?'
The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him.'
(2)
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing.
She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was..
The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'
The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'
(3)
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to 'honor' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters ?'
Without missing a beat one little boy, the oldest of a family, answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'
(4)
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor'.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'
(5)
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'
'Yes,' the class said.
'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position, the blood doesn't run into my feet ?'
A little fellow shouted,
'Cause your feet ain't empty.'
(6)
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
'Take only ONE. God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples..'
Some of These Kids Are Going to Grow- Up Real Smart Arses!!!!! ...hahaha!!
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On the first day God created the cow ...
God said, "You must go to the field all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer ... for that I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's a tough life, you want me to live for sixty years ... let me have twenty years and I'll give back the other forty." God agreed.
On the second day, God created the dog ...
God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past ... I'll give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's too long to be barking ... give me ten years and I'll give back the other ten." So God agreed.
On the third day God created the monkey ...
God said, “Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh ... I'll give you a twenty year life span."
The monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so ... dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too." And God agreed again.
Now on the fourth day, God created man ...
God said, "Eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy ... do nothing, just enjoy, enjoy ... I'll give you twenty years."
Man said, "What ... only twenty years? no way man, tell you what, I'll take my twenty ... the forty cow gave back ... the ten dog gave back and the ten monkey gave back ... that makes eighty, okay?" "Okay," said God, "you've got a deal!"
So this is why for ...
The first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy and do nothing much ... the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family ... the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain our grandchildren ... the last ten years we sit in front of the house and bark at everybody ...
Life has now been explained.