JUST FOR A LAUGH

[David5o]

Nuts!

A priest decides one mid weekday to visit one of his elderly parishoners, Mrs Smith. He rings the door bell and Mrs Smith appears.

"Good Day Mrs Smith. I just thought I would drop by and see how you are doing" The woman says, "Oh just fine, Father, come on in and we'll have some tea."

While sitting at the coffee table, the priest notices a bowl of almonds on the table. "Mind if I have one?", the priest says.
"Not at all, have as many as you like".

After a few hours the priest looks at his watch and alarmed at how long he has been visiting says to Mrs Smith, "Oh my goodness, look at the time. I must be going. Oh but dear me I have eaten all your almonds. I'll have to replace them next time I visit."

To which Mrs Smith replied, "Oh don't bother, Father. Ever since I lost all my teeth, it's all I can do just to lick the chocolate off them."

[David5o]

Love


 I will seek and find you . . .

I shall take you to bed and have my way with you .

I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan.

I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.

I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm finished with you

And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.

All my love,

The Flu

[David5o]

Catholic School Girls


A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls
and they all perish. They are all in heaven trying to enter the
pearly gates pass St. Peter.
St. Peter asks the first girl, "Gloria, have you
ever had contact with a penis?"

She giggles and shyly replies, "Well
I once touched with the tip of my finger...
" St. Peter says, "Ok, dip the tip of your finger in the holy water and pass through the gates."
St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Catherine, have you
ever had contact with a penis?"

The girl is a little reluctant but replies,
"Well once I fondled and stroked one."
St. Peter says "OK, dip your whole hand in the holy water and pass through the gate."

All of the sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls,
one girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches
the front of the line St. Peter says, "Lisa! What seems to be the
rush?"

The girl replies, "Well, If I'm going to have to gargle that
Holy Water, I want to do it before Stephanie sticks her ass in it!"

[David5o]

Something Nice For a Change.

Those who are near to me do not know that you are nearer to me than they are.
Those who speak to me do not know that my heart is full with your unspoken words.
Those who crowd in my path do not know that I am walking alone with you.
Those who love me do not know that their love brings you to my heart.

Rabindranath Tagore


Some people need to realise there's a lot of beauty out there in this world, ....and should stop always looking in, and start looking out....

[David5o]

In Case Of An Annoying Passenger Beside You On The Plane...

1. Remove your laptop from the briefcase;
2. Open the laptop slowly and carefully:
3. Turn it on, as well as the sound;
4. Make sure that the passenger next to you is looking;
5. Access the Internet;
6. Close your eyes for a few moments, open again and look up to heaven ;
7. Take a deep breath and open the site:
8. Observe the facial expression of the passenger seating next to you.

[Bob]

That last one will certainly get you escorted off the plane in handcuffs and put in a nice cell with a guy named Bubba !! LOL, At night time, remember to sleep with one eye open at all times,:icon_cheesygrin: LOL.

Wise man say, better to behave on plane ride to China, and sleep with beautiful wife, rather then sleep with Bubba. :icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:

[David5o]

Hahaha!!, it only takes a few seconds to eraise where you have been on the net.... it's then your word against his.... After all there was no big bang!! ..Was there??

He maybe the one escorted off the plane, probably in a straight jacket, still bubbling something about a bomb!! ...Maybe, there is a mad Bubba in the nut house, that'll bring this guy back to earth with a bump!!

I bet he'll be like a little mouse, the next time he takes a flight, .....to anywhere!! ..hahaha!!

David.....

[shaun]

In Case Of An Annoying Passenger Beside You On The Plane...

1. Remove your laptop from the briefcase;
2. Open the laptop slowly and carefully:
3. Turn it on, as well as the sound;
4. Make sure that the passenger next to you is looking;
5. Access the Internet;
6. Close your eyes for a few moments, open again and look up to heaven ;
7. Take a deep breath and open the site:
8. Observe the facial expression of the passenger seating next to you.

Now that is too funny.

[David5o]

Shaun,

I always strive to please!!

David....

[David E]

Something Nice For a Change.

Those who are near to me do not know that you are nearer to me than they are.
Those who speak to me do not know that my heart is full with your unspoken words.
Those who crowd in my path do not know that I am walking alone with you.
Those who love me do not know that their love brings you to my heart.

Rabindranath Tagore


Some people need to realise there's a lot of beauty out there in this world, ....and should stop always looking in, and start looking out....

OMG....now you try to tell us that you have a soft, emotional side
I for one, dont believe it (hahahaha)

David

[David5o]

Arsehole Sale


Peter & Lee were sitting down for a break in their newly fitted out shop in Birmingham waiting for the client to arrive and carry out the snagging.
As yet, the store wasn't ready, with no stock and only a few shelves set up.

One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some idiot tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling.

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Japanese tourist walked to the window, had a peek, and in a thick Japanese accent asked 'Rot you sell?'

One of the men replied sarcastically, 'We're selling arseholes.'
Without skipping a beat, the Japanese man said, 'Ahhhh ...You doing velly well, onree two reft!'

Bloody smart some of these Japanese......

[David E]

In Case Of An Annoying Passenger Beside You On The Plane...

1. Remove your laptop from the briefcase;
2. Open the laptop slowly and carefully:
3. Turn it on, as well as the sound;
4. Make sure that the passenger next to you is looking;
5. Access the Internet;
6. Close your eyes for a few moments, open again and look up to heaven ;
7. Take a deep breath and open the site:
8. Observe the facial expression of the passenger seating next to you.

Now that is too funny.

And close your eyes and wait for the Sky Marshall to shoot you in the head

[David5o]

David E


OMG....now you try to tell us that you have a soft, emotional side
I for one, dont believe it (hahahaha)

It's ''TRUE''  honest mate, i maybe a hard nosed git at times, but i do have a soft centre!! Honest!!! lol!!

David.....

[David E]

David E


OMG....now you try to tell us that you have a soft, emotional side
I for one, dont believe it (hahahaha)

It's ''TRUE''  honest mate, i maybe a hard nosed git at times, but i do have a soft centre!! Honest!!! lol!!

David.....

mmmmm......I dont know how to blow a big raspberry by email

David.....no soft bits at all, is me

[David E]

Dear, I'm going to make some breakfast now, can I get you some bacon and eggs.....or maybe a nice omelette ??
No thanks , love, it's this Viagra, it plays hell with my appetite, i'm not hungry


Dear, lunchtime...would you like a nice chicken salad, or maybe some pasta ??
No thanks, love, it's this Viagra, it plays hell with my appetite, i'm not hungry

Honey, its dinner time, can I get you a lovely steak and potatoes, with some home made apple pie ??
No thanks, love, it's this Viagra, it plays hell with my appetite, i'm not hungry



Then let me off the bed for God's sake...I.m bloody starving !!!!!!!