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Happily Ever After!!!
Sounds so familiar
How a marriage works
all men should read this.
A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks.
The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to
go out on the town and party with his old buddies .
So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."
"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I' m going to have a
beer."
The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?"
She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25
different kinds of beer brands from 12 different
countries: Germany , Holland , Japan , India ,etc.
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing
that he could think of saying was, "Yes, lolly pop...but
at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses..."
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife
interrupted him by saying,
"You want a frozen glass, puppy face?"
She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen
that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie
roll, but at the Bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that
are really delicious... I won't be long, I'll be right
back. I promise. OK?"
You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?" She opened the
oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres:
chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork
strips, etc.
"But my sweet honey... At the bar... You know...there's
swearing, dirty words and all that..."
"You want dirty words, Dickhead? Drink your f***ing beer
in your Goddamn frozen mug and eat your motherf***ing
snacks, because you are Married now, and you aren't
f***ing going anywhere! Got it, Asshole?"
.........and, they lived happily ever after.
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THE WEDDING TEST
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
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