JUST FOR A LAUGH

[RobertBfrom aust]

Tractor--

Paddy is passing by Mick's hay shed one day when through a gap in the door he sees Mick doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old red Massey Ferguson.


Buttocks clenched he performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right welly, followed by the left.
He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move lets his braces fall down from his shoulders
to dangle by his hips over his corduroy trousers.
Grabbing both sides of his check shirt he rips it apart to reveal his tea stained vest underneath and with a
final flourish he hurls his flat cap on to a pile of hay.   


'What on earth are you doing Mick' says Paddy
'Jeez Paddy, ye frightened the livin bejasus out of me' says an obviously embarrassed Mick,
'but me and the Missus been having some trouble lately in the bedroom department,
 and the

therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor.'

 

[Bee964]

http://travel.ca.msn.com/international/photogallery.aspx?cp-documentid=25160874

some of these are funny and some are just weird.

Dave C

[shaun]

Now that was funny Mike.

It reminded me of a story that supposedly happened many years ago.  The story goes that Jack Nicholas' wife was talking with Johnny Carson on the Tonight show.  She said that she was very active with her husbands career.  Of course Johnny asked how so and she said before the game that she kissed Jack's balls.  Carson said, "boy I bet that makes his putter rise."  The final part of the story is that she stormed off the stage and sued Johnny Carson.  Of course I didn't see it so I don't know if it is really true but it sure is a good story.

Of course this could explain why Tiger Woods is in such a slump.  He had too many women kissing his balls and it made them out of round and ruined his game.  Of course with the extra long putter by then his golfing geometry was all screwed up. 

[Jimmy]

It was a real promotion they did back in 2008.

[ron]

Yes it is a real commercial .I have seen it several times.It is still on but I have seen it on late night commercials
                          Ron

[mickw]

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship. "Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.

"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.

"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did.

"Now we eat everybody." And they did. When they were both gorged, the son asked,

"Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"

His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the shit inside!"

[mickw]

A man was lying in bed with his new Thai girlfriend in a hotel in the Thai resort of Phuket.

After having great sex, the girlfriend spent all of the next hour just rubbing his testicles -something she seemed to be enjoying doing.

As he was also enjoying it, he turned and asked her, "Why on earth do you love doing that so much?"


"Because", she replied, ...................I really miss mine

[mickw]

s
A man with a bald head and a wooden prosthetic leg is invited to an Xmas fancy dress party. He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem. A few days later he receives a parcel with a note:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a Pirate.

The man is offended that the outfit emphasizes his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint and returns the outfit. A week passes and he receives another parcel and note:

Dear Sir,
Sorry about the previous parcel not meeting your needs. Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part.

The man is really incandescent with rage now, because the company has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head. So he writes a really strong letter of complaint and returns the outfit.. A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with the accompanying letter:

Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup.

We suggest you pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head,let it harden, then stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple.

[mickw]

 John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending
>> the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"
>>
>> That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the
>> night!
>> He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the
>> Best toast of the night."
>> She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
>> John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in
>> church beside me wife."
>>
>> "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
>> The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on
>> the street corner.
>> The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the
>> other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
>>
>> She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself.
>> You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years Once he
>> fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make
>> him come."

[mickw]

OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said,
'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained,
'Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing..
Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in,
then with her teeth out, still nothing. She even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'

The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbour?'

The old man replied, 'Yep, and none of us could get the jar open.'

[Scottish_Rob]

in school one day,  teacher says to her class " does anyone know where Pakistan is?"

little boy at bthe back of class raises his hand, teacher says "Right Johnnie, tell me please"

So he says " please miss, I think he went home"

[Scottish_Rob]

Mike, thanks for that video mate...ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT...HAHAH

[Kiwi303]

Beaing deaf and knowing NZ sign language (well, sort of, a few insults anyway) I wish rural copper dialup let me download video before dying of old age...

[shaun]

No Vince.  Sit down Vince, we don't want to see yours. 

[David S]

Some of you may have already seen this.  It was sent to me by the girl who is tutoring me in Mandarin. 


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