JUST FOR A LAUGH

[Rhonald]

He has been led astray by and Canadian who is reported to actually have his wife living with him.  He is so overcome with joy that he doesn't know what he is saying half of the time and we are sure of the other half. 

And know we come upon something said in jest, but alas, also has a ring of truth to it. I have been amiss with postings about my wife's new life here as I am confronted by that woe of caution " Be careful for what you wish for...".

Not that things are neither good nor bad, but just different! I understand now that I would rather have a life more simple, but have added a degree of complexity that I am still adjusting too. Maybe soon I will start my own thread to stitch the time for others that are mending their own waiting period. I think part of the reason I haven't yet is because I feel a sense of guilt that I have my wife here with me while others  still wait their own reconciliation.

[Scottish_Robbie]

crimes against the English language.

Being Scottish I will always do crimes against the english language....

[shaun]

All kidding aside, Ron adjustments are normal even with a local woman.  I can't even begin to imagine what they will be with a woman from China but I do believe that it will be a little more intense for you as well as for your wife.

Take your time and don't feel guilty.  You waited more than your fair amount of time.  When I get a little low about my lengthy wait I simply don't come to the site.  When I am feeling better about it then I want to read about others success so post when you are ready and I will read when I am ready.

[David E]

And know we come upon something said in jest, but alas, also has a ring of truth to it. I have been amiss with postings about my wife's new life here as I am confronted by that woe of caution " Be careful for what you wish for...".

Not that things are neither good nor bad, but just different! I understand now that I would rather have a life more simple, but have added a degree of complexity that I am still adjusting too. Maybe soon I will start my own thread to stitch the time for others that are mending their own waiting period. I think part of the reason I haven't yet is because I feel a sense of guilt that I have my wife here with me while others  still wait their own reconciliation.

OK Rhon....it's time for a little cold, hard talking from your Antipodean designated cynic...........

Now is time to step aside from your whimsy for a while and just be happy to wallow in your own happiness.

I always found great help and moral support reading here on the Forum about all the other Bros who were being united with their Brides in their own Country whilst I was "patiently" waiting for Mings visa to materialise !!...it gave me reinforcement of faith that my turn would come....and maybe, just maybe I did not need to be careful of what I wished for...because it WAS coming true and it was great.

The Universe will make sure that you will get your dues...already it has guided you through a mountain of trials and tribulations to the point you are at the moment.

Sure, you (and I and many others) have dived out of our little personal rut and completed the "Chinese Adventure"....we went through various degrees of hell to get there...and we DESERVE the reward, even though in the early days we can see that our lives have been made more complex by the addition of our Foreign Bride.

But dont forget there is very little difference between a rut and a grave...about 5 ft 4 "....!!!!!!

So get posting, share you plusses and minusses with the guys who truly understand and are always ready to listen and to help.

Be proud of what you wished for...it DID come true   

[RobertBfrom aust]

Love it this one
> >>>
> >>> The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited.
> >>>
> >>> Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on
> >>> productive salesmanship.
> >>>
> >>> Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,"
> >>> she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the
> >>> customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious
> >>>
> >>> success." "Very good," said the teacher.
> >>>
> >>> Little Mary was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and
> >>> I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on
> >>> current events." "Very good, Mary" said the teacher.
> >>>
> >>> Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath.
> >>> Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a
> >>> box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said.
> >>> "$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"
> >>>
> >>> "Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.
> >>>
> >>> "Toothbrushes!" echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell
> >>> enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"
> >>>
> >>> "I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny. "I set up
> >>> a Dip& Chip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free
> >>> sample." They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog
> >>> shit!" Then I would say, "It is dog shit. Wanna' buy a
> >>> toothbrush?" "I used the Gillard and Obama approach of giving you something
> >>> shitty for free, and then making you pay to get the taste out of your
> >>> mouth."

[RobertBfrom aust]

A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down. A lady cashier
walked up to him and said, "Your barracks door is open."

Not a phrase that men normally use, he went on his way looking a bit
puzzled. When he was about done shopping, a man came up and said,
"Your fly is open." He zipped up and finished his shopping.

At the checkout, he intentionally got in the line where the lady was
that told him about his "barracks door." He was planning to have a
little fun with her, so when he reached the counter he said, "When
you saw my barracks door open, did you see a Marine standing in there
at attention?

The lady (naturally smarter than the man) thought for a moment and
said, "No, no I didn't! All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on a
couple of old duffel bags."

[RobertBfrom aust]

SIMPLE TRUTH 1

Partners help each other undress before sex.

However after sex, they always dress on their own.

Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.

SIMPLE TRUTH 2

When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and saying "congrats".

But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say "Good job".

Moral of the story: "Hard work is never appreciated.

No Underwear - Makes Sense to Me

A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.

'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed.

The old man looked off in the distance without answering.

'Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?' he asked again.

The old man slowly looked at him and said, 'Well....last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.'

FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE

1. Money can not buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the ass-hole’s name.

3. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.

4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.

5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.


THERE YOU HAVE IT..and remember, life is good.

[RobertBfrom aust]

The  Bathtub Test                                             
During  a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether  or not an older person should be put in an old age  home?"

"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we  offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the  bathtub."



"Oh,  I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the
bucket  because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No,"  he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you
want a  bed near the window?"


ARE  YOU GOING TO PASS THIS ON...OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO  MINE?

[RobertBfrom aust]

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        "Hello?"
"Hi honey. This is Daddy.
Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy.   She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."
After a brief pause,
Daddy says, "But honey,   you haven't got   an Uncle Paul."
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy,   right now."
Brief Pause.
"Uh, okay then,   this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the
table,   run upstairs   and knock on the bedroom door and shout to
Mommy  that Daddy's car  just
pulled into the driveway."

"Okay Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later   the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy."

"And what happened honey?"
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran
around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser
and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!!
What about your Uncle Paul?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he
jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool.
But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean
it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."

***Long Pause***

***Longer Pause***
***Even Longer Pause***


Then Daddy says,         "Swimming pool?

Is this

486-5731?"

No, this is 486-5713.....


sorry wrong number
 

[RobertBfrom aust]

My Favorite Animal
 
Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.
 
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
 I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much.
 
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
 
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
 
She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
 
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
 
Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders."
 
Guess where I am now...

[john1964]

A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.

She finally overtook him at the checkout and she turned to him and said "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease...  it's just that you look so much like my late son". He answered "That's okay". "I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Good bye, mum' as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy".

She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out "Goodbye, mum". The little old lady waved and smiled back at him.

Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries.

"That comes to $121.85" said the clerk. "What the hell!? How come so much? I only bought 5 items!" The clerk replied "Yeah, but your mother said you'd be paying for her things too".

[john1964]

The bride tells her husband "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "Okay sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is we put the prisoner in the prison".

And then they made love for the first time. Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction. Nudging him, his bride giggles "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped".

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him". After the second time they spent wrapped in each other's arms, the guy reaches for his cigarettes. But the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him a suggestive smile. "Honey" she says "the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with something like the unsteady legs of a recently-born foal. Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted. She nudges him again and says "Honey, the prisoner escaped another time".

Limply turning his head, he YELLS at her "Hey! It's NOT a life sentence he's serving! HE GOT OUT ON PROBATION!"

[Pineau]

Read the caption before making judgment.

[Robertt S]

[David E]

Read the caption before making judgment.

Sorry Pineau......

That is not funny......it's nauseating....

Maybe this post belonged in the "why I went Chinese" thread ??