A new life

[shaun]

Rob,

Sorry I was being a smart ass this morning and this is a real issue for you.  I think most of the ideas have been covered.  Bottom line is this.  Do you love her?  There will always be issues.  There will always be disagreements.  You will occasionally find fault with everyone.  People do make mistakes they regret.  It sounds like this is something she regrets.  Is this an unforgivable sin?

Rob no one can really tell you what to do.  This has to come from your heart and yours alone because you are the one who has to live with the decision.

One last thing.  Do not be hasty in making your decision.  Get past the emotional part of it.  You need to be clear and free from the hurt to make a decision.

Shaun

[JimB]

Rob,
What is the "real issue here"?  Certainly there are issues that this brings forth.  I actually broke it off with a woman because of her age.  She was only 26.  She gave me all of the answers, such as if I love a man it doesnt make a difference, etc.  but there are real practical issues.  We all know Viagra only goes so far, what happens when you are 70?  She wants more sex than you can give her.  What do you do?  Do you feel jealous and wonder what she is doing?  Your body goes to hell, hers is still in good shape, do you wonder about that?  Are you still attractive to her? In your older years you may need to be taken care of, will you feel guilty because she should still be going out and having fun but you are stuck at home?  Ideally with "real Love" these things shouldnt matter. But we live in the real world not in some fantasy.  Is she really mature enough to think about these things?  Or is she in some fantasy and only looks at things as they are now.  You need to be the one to think about these things.  Look, i dont mean that she is immature and hasnt thought about these things, but you have the experience in life.  I had these thoughts about this beautiful wonderful girl.  She told me that no one had ever seen in her heart like I did.  She was very upset when I told her I saw no future for us.. (So she said anyway).  A little white lie is no big deal to me.  These other things are what I think you need to resolve in your mind.  If you are good with it.  Why should age stop you from being happy.
About children.  I told Gina from the very beginning that I did not want any more children.  I 100% meant it.  She said she was ok with it, but really she was not.  We have talked a lot about this, the age difference for us is 16 years.  I have decided that I want to do whatever makes her happy.  She deserves it and I have changed my mind.  I have discussed it with people I know that had older fathers to get their point of view.  it is about 50/50, some said it didnt make a difference and others said it did.  So i think it is how the father acts.  Anyway Rob, this is my 2 cents worth.  You are the only one that can make this decision of course and you are the one that can see in her heart and know yourself well enough to know if you can handle these things.

[Willy The Londoner]

Well Rob

You know my feelings about this.   15 year age difference - now where are you going to find a agile 68 year old Chinese women on the Chnlove website?

I cannot blame Anne for telling a lie. We have had several telephone conversations and your relationship has often come up and we will be having another today!!!   She fancied you like mad from the start.    If she had told you that she was only 31 would you have still swopped telephone numbers?   She is aware of your age.   You have not lied or mislead her at all.   She knows that when she is 60 you may be under the earth and not on it!!!  (mole_rob@rest.com  that may be your email address and we will still be plagued by you:icon_cheesygrin:)

There again who knows what will happen and at 99 you could well be burying her at 70 odd.   And what would that mean.  If will mean that you have missed the best 46 years of your life for what?    Your pride, your feelings in 2010 will have no meaning at all.  

By coming clean she is telling you she still loves you and you are the man for her.    The age difference is not a problem for her why should it be for you.  
She has a child and as you want to live in China it is probable that she cannot have another.  

In our telephone chats you have told me things that tells me that she really loves you (God knows why - but she does.:icon_cheesygrin:LOL) , get past pension age and there is always viagra to fall back on and that is getting better all the time.  Failing that the next line is Robin's starch then plaster of paris .:icon_cheesygrin:LOL

Is age such a problem for you?    Would you be embarrassed walking down the street of Barrow in Furness with her?  Well if you are going to live in China then that will not happen.   Like us all you are going to get looked at in China not because you are with a younger women.   Not because you are shorter than her.  But because you are a 'bloody' foreigner.

Mind you if you do take my advice and marry her then I will spend the rest of my days thinking 'what has that little Scotch git got that I hadn't'

If you don't marry her I will be thinking ' What a plonker that little scotch git was'

Your heart or your head?  How many fellows giving you advice here  have had to make the same decision as you.  No many I wager.  I could be being selfish but my advice is go for it if you love her.   Chinese woman keep telling me age is just a number.  Another 9 years and I will hit my favourite number many more times:icon_cool:

Willy

If you have not worked it out I was 60 last birthday.

[maxx]

Rob I know what your thinking.Your thinking oh shit Maxx is posting and he is going to rip me a new one for hesitating.I wasn't but since your already prepared fo it.:icon_cheesygrin:

Serosly Rob you have seen what your brothers have posted.And I agree with them.It took allot of guts for your lady to tell you this.It is not a deal breaker.It is just a number.You guys have the chemestry shes interested in continuing this little adventure.So what is the holed up?

Just talk to her tell her how you feel about her.Tell her you can get past this.Tell her you don't want to here any more lies.Then after it is setteld just keep doing what your doing.

[zook144]

Rob, I usually do not try to give advice here. Don't figure I'm qualified. But in this case......    After following your story from start to now, I tend to agree with most of the brothers here. After the connection and happiness you two developed while you were there, in seems a waste to throw all that away because of this fib. And she did come clean about it. That took a lot of courage on her part. As Maxx says, tell her you don't want anymore lies, then keep loving each other as you did. That is, if you really do love her!
Just my 2 cents.
Don

[JimB]

I asked my wife this question.  She said it is perfectly normal for a 31 year old woman to fall for and love a man of your age.  They want to be taken care of and loved. That is it, nothing more than that.

[ttwjr32]

Rob,
i think your asking the wrong people here. you must ask only
yourself this question on what should i do??

but i do want to add my 2 cents worth---  she obviously liked you and was attracted to you when she saw you.
                                                          she probably thought you were older than dirt so she didnt want to tell
                                                          you how young she was but now as things developed for the best she felt
                                                          compelled to tell you the truth NOW!!!!  so i think thats a very possitive thing
                                                          and if you feel the way you told us you do then forget it and go be with her.Rob,

 and also we didnt stop talking to Willy when we found out he was
 160 and not 60 so i think forgiveness is inn order here

  ok enough with my 2 cents worth

[Willy The Londoner]

 and also we didnt stop talking to Willy when we found out he was
 160 and not 60 so i think forgiveness is inn order here

  ok enough with my 2 cents worth

Ok I will come clean - here is my non photoshopped picture at my 159 birthday party where I invited all the friends I was born with.  Pretty lonely - even the ones I managed to dig up did not say a lot!!!!

Willy

[David5o]

Willy,

Seems your teeth are like the stars then, ....they always come out at night!!  haha!!

David....

[Willy The Londoner]

Willy,

Seems your teeth are like the stars then, ....they always come out at night!!  haha!!

David....

Everything comes out and off at night mate.

Teeth, hair, glass eye, one leg, support belt, incontinence pad - somes times its not worth getting out of bed on the morning - cos by the time I get put together its time to get ready for bed again!!!!!

The only thing keeping me going is Rob's wee tales  (not really BUT that keeps my posting in the thread!!!!!!)

Willy

[ttwjr32]

good one willy

[Scottish_Rob]

Maxx's 245 hour rule IS the best thing that has ever been put down on this site...

Guy's thank you all for your help, it really did help me in what I wanted to do and Say.
She is 31, and I am 53 (22 years difference), this may not seem like a lot but as we get older many things come into play, which has been highlighted plus things that have not.  The age difference brings many fears, but I have decided that LIFE also brings this.  She was very brave to come out with the truth, I can see that, she could have lost me, and it was only a case of not telling me for 5 weeks.

I spoke to Anne last night, and mentioned that there should be no more lies, and told her I forgive her for this 'White Lie' I also thanked her for telling me the truth in the end.  I think that she wanted to see how far this relationship would go (personaly).  She knows that I have had a vasectomy so kids are out of the question, the one I had was non reversal, and she is ok with this.  I think what Jim's wife said is the real truth, they only want to be loved...So I intend to carry on with her and love her like she deserves.

[ttwjr32]

very good Rob  im happy for the two of you

[shaun]

I'm happy for you Rob .

[RegnisTheGreat]

I'm very happy for you rob. I would never do it (but then again, 22 years difference at my age would mean dating an 8 year old) but at your age its not a big deal. Plus I am sure they can reverse it if needed. Best of luck to you and she sounds like a keeper.