Meeting the parents

[Hans]

I wasn't quite sure about in what section to post this one so it ended up here.

I'm going to visit my lady in December. I'll stay in a hotel not far from her family home. We've talked about her parents quite a bit lately and she's apparently told her mother much about me and our correspondence. However, they will of course ask me questions when we first meet.

I'll bring presents for her parents - but what in God's name should I buy?! I have absolutely no idea what to bring. Do you have a suggestion (my lady is (almost) 24 and her parents look quite young)? What did you bring when you visited your lady's parents?

I also wonder a bit about the proper way to greet them the first time. I know hugging is not the way to go, so is a simple handshake and a "??" considered polite enough...?

What are the most important do's and dont's?

Grateful for any advice!

[Voiceroveip]

Hi Hans,
I brought chocolates (Belgian, knew they would be enjoyed) for dad and perfume (Dior) for mom, I think it was appreciated although gifts were not opened in my presence. You can always ask your lady. At the end of my stay, I received a gift for my mom in return and while I was there, they would not let me pay for any restaurants. They were quite wealthy compared to the average.

Hugging is a definite no no, polite shake hands, smile is appropriate. My ex parents didn't even hug their daughter really although they hadn't seen each other in 2 years.

[brett]

Just say ni hao when you meet, and it would make a huge impression if you were to learn some basic Chinese. Saying how good food tastes or something would be great!

Dress well (especially for the first meeting), but a suit is not needed! Some households will require you to wear slippers in the house.

I brought them some Indian green tea and some food gifts from home. I bought her father some red wine as I knew he liked it. Beer or cigarettes are also a good gift I would think.

I really wished I had brought a human translator when I visited my lady's parents the second time. Would this have been embarrasing for them? I'm not sure. But in my opinion not being able to question my lady's parents was a gigantic mistake :@.

[Peter]

Hello Hans
I bought also Chocolates because their chocolates doesn't taste as sweet as our does. I also bought a picture book about Sweden and some small candlesticks from Kosta-Boda, you know the one called "Snowballs". Mom and Dad really liked my gifts. If you buy candlesticks don't forget to buy a bag with candles too because I have not seen our type of candles in China..
I don't know if your lady have any sisters or brothers but to my wife sister and brother I also bought candlesticks from Kosta-Boda but in another shape..

Just like Brett is telling you.. bring a human translator to your first meeting. My first meeting was in a restaurant and I paid the bill. I also had a translator present and there was many questions that got answered that night..

Good luck

Peter

[Willy The Londoner]

I think that it is best if I do not meet my lady's father.

He is 84 and the shock of meeting me may may well prevent him reaching 85!!!

Willy

[Hans]

Thanks for some great advice! I'll bring some typically Swedish items, I think. I think I'll be much more nervous meeting her parents than meeting her.

Gosh, thinking about it, maybe I should buy something for her brother and sister too. We have not discussed whether they will be in town when I arrive, though. I think getting a translator is probably a good idea, although I could probably not afford one for the entire stay (and I would not like to have one clinging to us all the time either). But for the first meeting it could be a good idea.

I'll know about 600 characters when I arrive after the next big exam and I know it will be frustrating to communicate with this kind of limited knowledge in Chinese... :s Well, we're both aware of it. Body language should not be underestimated...!

[ttwjr32]

Willy,
When you come to GUANGZHOU Sisi and I will help you do a
makeover so Yuyans father makes it to 85.  hahaha Just be yourself
no never mind that idea hahahah
glad to hear it is working out well for you two
Ted

[David5o]

Han's,

You are so right not to dismiss ''body language'' it will tell you more than any words can. If you know the subtleties, then you will now exactly where you stand and others real feelings about you. The real great thing about body language is that it's truly universal, and very difficult to disguise or hide them.

I've been using the art of body language for over 40 years and it's rarely, if ever let me down....

David.........

[David5o]

Vince,

I know what you mean, the body language thing is so reliable, that we tend to be at bit of a loss without it at times. I guess that's when our intuition kicks into play, based on life's experiences. Maybe not as quite reliable, but it can still be pretty dammed close!!! ...hahaha!!

David......

[Brian Mc]

Greetings Brothers,

Hans, as far as I understand a small bow is not out of place starting with the father who is of course head of the household, then mother and down the line of others present by age.  Or just one bow in general to the whole group and a nod when you are introduced to each one.

As for gifts, cigarettes for the men is always welcomed as tey lhove western cigarettes. For the ladies western chocolate is also a favourite and perfume.  Basically anything you bring from the west will be accepted graciously as its the thought not the gift that counts.

I brought cigarettes lots of chocolate and bath products the first time and the cigs choc and a whole ton of Avon products the second time.  I felt like a rock star handing out free drugs the amount of praise and happiness and smiles I received.

Just make sure you pack it in your suitcase and not your carry on so no over eager security guard decides to confiscate the gifts.

Sincerely,

Zhen and Brian

[Hans]

Hi Brian,

Thanks for the advice. Chocolate and perfume are perfect gifts! I wonder about the cigarettes, though, since my lady has said she hates smokers. Her dad probably smokes anyway, but maybe my lady will not like if I bring him more tobacco...

[maxx]

Hans the cigarettes are ok.Even if your lady dad does not smoke.Your ladies parents will save them.And use them for something else.Ciggarettes.And fruit are like currency in China.You show great face to her father if you give him  cigarettes.

I can't count the number of times Iv' just stood around smoking on the train.And A Chinese man will give me a cigarette.Or run back to his bunk and bring me the hole pack.It is a Chinese custom.

[Hans]

Thanks, Maxx. I'll bring cigarettes after all then. :icon_cool:

I was a bit surprised to find a nice book about Sweden in Chinese in the local bookstore. That'll be one of the gifts for my lady. It is harder to figure out what to buy for her brother, though. He's in his 20s. What does a 20+ Chinese guy like...? :huh:

[maxx]

NBA Basketball.They live dream eat this stuff up.A jersey with Yao Ming or Colby Briant is worth its weight in gold there.

[Hans]

Thanks Maxx. An NBA jersey would be pretty expensive here in Sweden, though, and I am not really eager to buy something for 100 USD for her brother. I'll figure something out. :icon_cool: