When You know it is just right

[Willy The Londoner]

Good to hear your latest news Shaun,

Just for the Dumbos outside of the USA what insurance do you have to have for your kids?  They have nothing like that in the UK.

Willy

[shaun]

Willy,

The children can be in my medical plan up until 25 if they attend college full time and they have an intended graduation date.  That date can change the just need to have a target date.  I've got 2 graduating in May.  The first is a Piled Higher and Deeper and will be 25 in July. The second gets her BS and will continue until she gets her Masters.  The third?  Well???  Who knows what he will do.

[Vince G]

Shaun, I didn't answer right away for every state is different. I would look into this if I were you. This part of support, unless you had a agreement outside the law, I believe you have to keep the insurance on them until they are on their own. If they get married, they live on there own with a job or in the military you no longer have to keep insurance even under 25 yo. Are you sure it's not 23?

[shaun]

Shaun, I didn't answer right away for every state is different. I would look into this if I were you. This part of support, unless you had a agreement outside the law, I believe you have to keep the insurance on them until they are on their own. If they get married, they live on there own with a job or in the military you no longer have to keep insurance even under 25 yo. Are you sure it's not 23?

Vince it is 25 for Georgia.  Yes as long as the children/adults are not married and in school full time.  It was an agreement with children when they went to college.  It then became a part of the agreement to the divorce.  If she cannot then it will fall on my shoulders.  But I do not mind because my children are worth it.  Once they are finished with school they are on their own.  My son is not going to school and wants to go into the military so he looses out on the insurance.

[Vince G]

I had an "Agreement" too on insurance but she (my ex) kind of never got around to notifying the state of the agreement. I know this is not your case but it's how I got to know so much about this stuff. :dodgy:

[shaun]

I had an "Agreement" too on insurance but she (my ex) kind of never got around to notifying the state of the agreement. I know this is not your case but it's how I got to know so much about this stuff. :dodgy:

When it comes to divorce I have counseled many people.  Best rule, eyes wide open and leave nothing to chance.  Separate all finances and watch lawyers like a hawk.  Do not trust anyone or any kind of agreement when it is not documented.

Everything may be good at the time of divorce but things change and people remarry.  The new partner will have their agenda.

Finally do not get even, be merciful when possible because you may need mercy and help down the road.  If you show them your rear end they will wait for the perfect opportunity to stick something up it.

[rockycoon]

Shaun,
Usually, it's the ex's attorney who is into anial probing, best to look and see her attorney has larger eyes and a pointy head and is a bit grey then you know your into it.

Thought kids were on their own at 18, but the insurance is somthing else.  I wonder is the insurance cheaper until that 23 age or what?

By the way, my ex's attorney was not only grey with large eyes, he had his own saucer parked outside....

[RegnisTheGreat]

Hehe, I know the feeling. I'm still paying my ex to sit and play a video game 24/7.

[ttwjr32]

regnis,
i dont know how it is in canada  but try and introduce your ex to a man to marry.
when my ex remarried the checks stopped. i should have bought her new husband
something nice.

[shaun]

Well, you should never count your eggs before they hatch.  Got my passport, got the time off from work, filled out application for visa, and Peggy goes wacko on me.  2 sessions of trying to talk the issues through and 2 times of her ignoring me I finally said enough is enough.  

She requested that I send her some money, not much, because she is unemployed and needs it.  It was my choice.  I thought about it a long time then decided to send it. I could not get paypal to work. I try MoneyGram.  For some reason I could not get it to work my me using the internet.  I asked her to be patient. So I looked up the address for the nearest office.  It is not far from me.  The next day I was unbelievable busy and it escaped my mind.  I apologized to her and said I would take care of it the next day.

I went to the place, their MoneyGram was down do they directed me to the next one.  I went there and began the process.  They asked me two questions I could not answer.  What form of currency does she need; they only offer three and yuan is not one of them.  The second was does she have a proper ID.  The man explains that if she does not have an ID or that if the moneygram is not spelled exactly the same as ID they will not give her the money.

I wait until the next scheduled time to talk to ask her the questions.  I asked the first one and she decided she will not talk about the money.  She said she will get a job.  This is after a long period of looking for one already.  Her sister tells me she cannot find one.  She becomes extremely difficult to talk to and I ask if she is being stubborn on purpose and she says yes.  So then we end the conversation.

I leave her a message about needing to work through this and trust.  She ignores me last night.  This morning at the scheduled time she is not there. I send a message to her saying I am saddened by what is taking place.  An hour 15 minutes later she comes out and starts talking acting like nothing is wrong.  I tell her we still need to talk.  Her basic answer is whatever.

She tells me she loves me and trusts men but I do not trust her because I will not send money.  Then it is back and forth and back and forth.  She drags up a few things I did not realize were issues with her.  She will not give the info and continues to day that I do not trust her.  She absolutely refuses to accept the fact that she does not trust me and continues to say that I do not trust her.  Then she tells me that she has to get off the internet because she has found a job that begins tomorrow. WOW  It makes you wonder.

Now she wants to talk only in the most inconvenient time for me.  I will not put myself into a relationship where the woman doest not trust me.  I am frustrated beyond belief.  What is the frigging issue here.  I would move on but there is way too much time invested in this.  Any thoughts?

[Philip]

Hi Shaun,

I don't know if you read about my money stuff with my lady. Some of your problems with sending money sound uncannily like mine. I tried Western Union, then Moneygram, but didn't feel it was safe. She asked me to send quite a bit so she could leave her job, support her two children and sort out her divorce in time for my second visit in December. It was quite a fraught time, because there were genuine reasons why I couldn't send the money quickly. Eventually, I took a morning off work, went to my bank to transfer the funds via a bank to bank transfer to her brother's account. She only has a post office account, which doesn't have a bank number, just an account number. So the money went to her brother's account, and then he sent it to her. This all took about two weeks from the time she asked.
Then she got all worried about the financial costs of the marriage, we had a misunderstanding, and I asked her brother to intervene. Then I said we would have a face-to-face frank discussion about money when I got to China. We had that discussion, which cleared the air somewhat. I didn't give her any money while I was there. I, and her brother recommended that she look for a job now, which she is doing, now I am back in England.
My advice to you, based on my experience, is to keep cool, and suggest that you need to discuss finances with her face to face, like I did. The imagination can be a terrible thing, and unrealistic expectations of Western wealth can make things more terrible. If you can hang on until you go to China, I would have it out face-to-face with her. I was expecting a difficult conversation, but it was OK in the end. Hope this is helpful.

[Vince G]

Stubborn
Many chinese women have this trait. My lady too but we haven't locked horns as of yet because so am I.

If you haven't tried this already tell her to send any money you need the information, PERIOD. No info, no money. Me personally I don't have the patience for an attitude. I have my own to deal with. :icon_biggrin:  Keep in mind this is all for long term. It's up to you.

[wilsbrough]

I guess my advice is to still get things organised for your trip and go as planned. Try to work things out, as like you say you have already invested a lot into this relationship, maybe this will all blow over before your visit and things will go great for you. But if not, as others do say have your back up plan organised, are there any brothers out their near to where you are going? You could always meet up with them and who knows, maybe their lady has a few friends you could meet? Or get the address of your agency, as if things do go pear shaped I'm sure they would have a good number of ladies who you could meet with. Failing that China is an amazing country, so just to visit as a tourist. You could always just do the tourist thing for the time you are out there, (i cant remember if you have been their already?) Do some research into the area your going to, and see whats around on places worth going to. But hopefully she is just being a little awkward at the moment, lets face it we all do have these moments ourselves from time to time, and this will all be forgotten about by the time you go, and she will be all you think she is and you will start a fantastic life together. Either way, you will have a fantastic time. Just if it does not work out, make sure you just don't stay holed up in you hotel room for the length of your stay...:icon_cheesygrin:

Andy...

[David E]

She requested that I send her some money, not much, because she is unemployed and needs it.  It was my choice.  ?

Shaun....

About sending money,

I arranged to send Ming some money for professional English lessons.

She has a Bank Account with Bank of China. Using the Bank Swift Code and her Chinese National ID number I was able to do the transfer from my home computer on Internet Banking. The whole process took 10 minutes and the money was in her account within 24 hrs !!

I wouldn't think it is too difficult for Peggy to open a Bank Account with a nominal deposit (If she doesn't have one already).

I dont know about Paypal or moneygram...I would always prefer to go direct to a Bank Account.

About trust and that sort of stuff....you can only do so much at long range in the "virtual" situation. Maybe nerves and some translation "funnies" are getting in the way ??

You cant know what is exactly in her and your mind until you meet...then things will become clear. So talk about the Weather on QQ ( or sex, or Creative Macrame) until you can get face to face :icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:

Relax Mate, try not to get so intense and solve all the problems at long range........as the Bros say, "if you go over there and it does not work out, you can always do Plan B and have a great time"

David

[Neil]

I would never send money to someone I had not met in person yet.  Webcam or no.  Money puts a huge stress on the relationship.  I do send a small amount of money every month to Nina.  She is grateful for the help, but works very long hours as well and lives a very frugal life.  

It is nice to be able to help, but to be made to feel guilty or stressed about helping or not helping does nothing to help the relationship.  The hardest thing I've had to do was tell Nina no when she asked to go to school full time for English.  It's just not in my budget right now.