Author Topic: Shenzhen Express ... the final act  (Read 27934 times)

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Offline Voiceroveip

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RE: Shenzhen Express
« Reply #105 on: January 05, 2010, 05:16:20 am »
Quote from: 'brett' pid='27293' dateline='1262616249'

Breaking up would be very hard though, I have no doubt about that. It would be easier if I found another, but I've really not found such a good match since.


Brett, you won't find another match until you free your heart from her, sounds like you're very attached. So breaking up will most certainly hurt, will it hurt her though, that's the real prize question. If it doesn't then you should definitely look somewhere else.

Happy 2010 hunting,
Frank
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ttwjr32

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RE: Shenzhen Express
« Reply #106 on: January 05, 2010, 10:21:30 am »
hey frank i agree with that statement

Offline Voiceroveip

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RE: Shenzhen Express
« Reply #107 on: January 05, 2010, 12:09:42 pm »
Breaking up: Act One

We had a discussion on QQ today, my objective was to guide our conversation towards a soft breakup and after the friendly and polite usual, I asked her 2 questions: 1. How would she feel if I disappeared today? (she asked me this one before, I think it's a good question to analyze how one feels about the other) Her answer: she would be sad but she would recover. 2. All material and other non love aspects aside, how does she feel about me? She did not answer but thought about the question, we talked later on the phone and she picked up on that question by herself, she had apparently given it quite some thought. Her answer was extremely unclear, but a good summary could be that I'm not the love of her life.

I explained my standpoint to her, mainly that love was the primary success factor for a marriage in my view and reiterated that I would not marry anyone if I wasn't sure about that. She replied that she might need more time (I don't at this stage, I am moving on), so I told her that I did not think we would be a good match for marriage, that neither of us had what it takes to make the other happy, and that the effort required to make a marriage work would be felt by both more as a burden than a natural way of being, a good start for preparing a future divorce. She asked me while in Shenzhen if she could be my mistress if our relationship did not develop into marriage, to which I said no, then she asked if we could stay friends. So I told her today that we could be friends but that this would probably not last if either of us found a partner in the future, they never appreciate ex's being around and neither do I ... at which point she said she needed to sleep and we hung up. Knowing her a bit now and hearing her tone makes me think that she wanted a little cry for herself, at he same time I don't think she understood what I said entirely, thinking that she has more time to make up her mind, that things are not definite yet. I'm still sorry to make her feel sad, I find that her life is hard enough as it is, but I am definitely not giving this another chance.

Tomorrow we should have another QQ session, I expect this one to be the final good bye, unless we stay friends for a few days. There are no regrets for me in the end, I learned many lessons and am much better armed for the next hunting round for happiness.

Cheers,
Frank
« Last Edit: March 28, 2010, 05:11:25 pm by Voiceroveip »
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ttwjr32

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RE: Shenzhen Express
« Reply #108 on: January 05, 2010, 12:41:33 pm »
sorry to hear that frank but as you said in your post
 it was time to move on rather than build  good luck in the future
 and if you get to guangzhou look me up    pm me when your leaving and i will
  give you some particulars on were we could meet and i also know of a good
 and reasonable hotel here as at that time prices will be sky high   my wife uses it for
 the business she works for

rockycoon

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RE: Shenzhen Express
« Reply #109 on: January 06, 2010, 01:42:22 am »
mistriss does not sound bad, worked for a while for Tiger...:icon_cheesygrin:  Sorry to hear about the breakup wish you able to find the love of your life there.  Perhaps you will find one like Shaun did, these things happen. I am sure the love of your life is out there, you will find one bro and she will be worth waiting for.  :exclamation:

Offline Willy The Londoner

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RE: Shenzhen Express
« Reply #110 on: January 06, 2010, 02:25:12 am »
Frank, You are picking on one of the busiest times to come over.  Chinese New Year is a big holiday.   Hotelprices go sky high.   The Hotel Ted talks about is a good one.  I stayed there last month and will do so again this month and maybe for the get together.

After our PM's I know you have done the right thing.   You know that your Chevalier charm will woo the ladies!!!

Willy
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Offline Voiceroveip

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RE: Shenzhen Express
« Reply #111 on: January 06, 2010, 05:52:01 am »
Ted, thanks a million, I will pm you soon :)

Rocky, sorry but mistress doesn't work for me, I'm a pure heart deep down and can't dissociate love and physical relationship, I actually somewhere feel bad that we had a physical relationship.

Willy, yes the Chevalier is at work, still is actually! Funny I looked on Ctrip and prices are decent for now, but I will get in touch with Ted for sure.

Breaking up: Act one continued?

After the talk on the phone yesterday I felt that things were moving in the right direction, but my lady just called me and she feels bad ... she understood that we are on the verge of breaking up allright but feels sad and is not sure she wants this ... I was very matter of fact, don't want to break her heart if I can avoid it and offered her some time to think it over, although I am quite clear about it myself, I actually sent a couple of cupid notes last night and got one interesting reply ... hmmm

Frank
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brett

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RE: Shenzhen Express
« Reply #112 on: January 06, 2010, 06:09:55 am »
What a sad story. I just hope it's not ending because of some bad cultural misunderstanding :s.

I was in Hong Kong during mid-Autumn '06 and it was very busy (the queues for the peak tram were a joke), but the hotel prices were much the same as usual. I would not like to use a border crossing during a national holiday. Likewise trains get insanely busy, and last Autumn my lady couldn't find a single seat available between Wuhan and Guangzhou. Holidays are a good time to be out there though - the fireworks in HK harbour were very memorable.

ttwjr32

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RE: Shenzhen Express
« Reply #113 on: January 06, 2010, 11:40:14 am »
Frank,

 i know a really wonderful lady in Jinan who would be a
 good lady for any man except me as i am taken.
 she is 51 and i think is very beautiful inside and out
 with the greatest smile you could ask for. her english
 is extremely good and she has an accounting firm
 in Jinan

Offline RegnisTheGreat

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RE: Shenzhen Express
« Reply #114 on: January 06, 2010, 11:48:50 am »
Maybe not every man, I think for some of us 51 is too old :)

ttwjr32

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RE: Shenzhen Express
« Reply #115 on: January 06, 2010, 11:58:06 am »
well she looks young  hahaha
 and she is to young for willy    hahahah
 sorry willy couldnt resist

Offline Voiceroveip

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RE: Shenzhen Express
« Reply #116 on: January 06, 2010, 12:33:18 pm »
Hehe Ted, I'm 43 since Xmas, so 51 would be a bit high for me too.

Breaking up: Act 2

We had our planned QQ session today, I sort of got confirmation that she was worried about losing me in case she could not find someone better in the future, at the same time I know now that she does love me even if her ideal man is a bit different ... and that I don't love her anymore, or at least not enough to keep this going some more and taking the risk of being sort of a second choice for her.

So I wished her the best and said goodbye, I'm sorry that I made her cry in the end even though I tried hard not to, but she is definitely not for me.

Knowing her this might not be over yet, she might call me again in the next few days, but then again she might not, for me this is settled and it's time to move on.

Why this relationship failed:

Cultural differences played a small role in the failure of the relationship, one of the things she dislikes about me is how friendly I am with strangers, which of course produces easy contacts, making her feel unsafe as opportunities with other women arise. This actually happened once in the metro while she was with me. She also disliked the looks of other Chinese when we were out together, she unfortunately has a lack of self confidence which I will attribute to her social background and history, she had a hard farmer's childhood and started work very early to support her parents after her father was disabled in an accident. She worked herself up the ladder and picked up studies to finish school and is completing a degree now, a tough life with many challenges and too much of a responsibility burden at a young age, which developed an inferiority complex in her. She constantly has to prove her valor and refuses any help, her ex bf apparently accepted her that way and obeyed her every command or desire, something that I did not do. And while she realizes that this is not normal, it was difficult for her to include her partner in her plans. I also believe that she missed teenager years due to factory work and studying at the same time, explaining why she is not good at expressing or feeling love, a big no no for an affectionate and romantic guy like me. I was frequently left wondering how she felt about me, and I only got proof of her love in the last few days.

I was almost going to add age difference in the list of issues, but the correct term in this case would be maturity. I am exchanging with a 24 year old on a friendly basis and she is much more mature in many ways than my ex.

A summary of what happened to me could be as follows: Wonderful translator EMFs got this started, hormones  let a different reality pass unnoticed, but reality caught up with my feelings once the hormones calmed down a little.

I firmly believe this could have been avoided if a direct contact had been established much sooner. My ongoing strategy will be firm in this direction, if there is no direct contact after a maximum of 5 EMFs, I will drop the project ... and I will use Cherryblossoms again in parallel, finding an English speaker seems really majorly important, I met another girl who had almost no English in the past and I don't see how one could establish an indepth understanding of one another, unless you're really lucky like some on this forum seem to be.

The good news is that I got a lovely cupid note reply from a lovely lady, so I will go and investigate her QQ number :icon_cheesygrin:
« Last Edit: January 06, 2010, 12:36:58 pm by Voiceroveip »
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Offline Andy

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RE: Shenzhen Express ... the final act
« Reply #117 on: January 06, 2010, 04:08:38 pm »
My relationship failed the same way as yours. Your ex-gf has the same personality as my ex-gf.  Every point you made is describes why we had failed. Well it was her faults really. I can only add to that she did not speak English and we could not properly communicate when we got off the EMF. I also changed web-sites and found a wonderful lady. When I think of her I get a smile on my face.

Offline Voiceroveip

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RE: Shenzhen Express ... the final act
« Reply #118 on: January 06, 2010, 05:26:11 pm »
Andy, that's how it should be ... I followed your story and it seems you found a wonderful lady!
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Offline Willy The Londoner

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RE: Shenzhen Express
« Reply #119 on: January 06, 2010, 07:44:16 pm »
Quote from: 'ttwjr32' pid='27494' dateline='1262796014'

Frank,

 i know a really wonderful lady in Jinan who would be a
 good lady for any man except me as i am taken.
 she is 51 and i think is very beautiful inside and out
 with the greatest smile you could ask for. her english
 is extremely good and she has an accounting firm
 in Jinan


So if your taken Ted is it by Sisi or that women in the Mall that gave you a secret sign?????:icon_cheesygrin:

Willy
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