Shenzhen Express ... the final act

[Voiceroveip]

Vince, yes she is doubting or not sure or whatever, we QQ'ed about it for some time today, the problem is that I am too and that's not going to help either of us finding our true feelings for one another. Since I got here, I felt like I wasted my time, she doesn't make me happy, or if she does, then only for a few moments at a time. I told her that and let her know that I was doubting both our feelings at this stage ... she told me she still likes me and is still interested in me.

I think this will be hard to fix ... Logic is coming back very fast for me now, I think I would fare better with someone more romantic, from a social class closer to mine and maybe with a bit more experience.

I won't see her before tomorrow evening as she has to work, but at the rate my feelings are reducing it might well be bye bye tomorrow nite.

[Sylvain D]

Frank, sorry to reply late, I have read your updates and that is a little worrying, I guess.
Well..
I think you both shoul discuss more about your feelings, because I feel you are more in love for her, than she is for you. But... do you think your love is being negative just because you don't know or can't see if she really love you?
I read, she had only one boyfriend before. Maybe doesn't it help, maybe does she need some time, too. How to be sure about it? Maybe could she tell you what she is looking for, in a loveship, and if a loveship with a foreigner could also be very nice for her?
Maybe, because you are older than her, it is also not very good. I say "maybe", because in some situations, the difference is not very important.

I hope you can quickly find answers to many questions you can ask yourself about you two. So then, you can see what to do.
Whatever happens, best wishes to you over there

[Voiceroveip]

Merci Sylvain,

Somewhere I want to give her a last chance because I'm a nice guy and I know that she will hurt badly if I break up, although more from loss of face  to her family whom she told about me (although mother does not like me that much ...) than from emotional pain, but somewhere it is just over for me already. She is turning out to be the exact opposite of what I was looking for, the business deal aspect seems to be omnipresent in her thinking, her feelings play second fiddle if at all.

Now to answer Danny's questions a few posts back:

1. do I feel happy and laugh when I am with her?
Yes sure, already had more of that with an ex
2. does she make an effort about the relationship?
Not enough
3. does she enjoy doing and talking about the things that I do?
I don't see her enjoying much of anything that fully
4. do we have a good time together?
neutral
5. does she appear to be happy when I am with her?
Yes sometimes, and sometimes I  don't know


Conclusion: this forum is a goldmine in many ways, so thank you all for your input and please keep it coming :angel: it's not over yet although ...

Right now I feel like breaking up and going hunting on greener pastures, there is the reception manager in my hotel who is cute and VERY FRIENDLY these days :icon_cheesygrin: But her English is very limited, and I'm not looking for a sports partner :exclamation:

I am here precisely 7 more days, flying out next Sunday at midnight, so I guess giving it another 24 hours can't hurt, so I will advise tomorrow. I think that I should actually mention my intention to end the relationship, maybe that will make her show her true self or the feelings she hasn't been able to reveal to me?

Until then, nighty night,
Frank

[Vince G]

Truly, she sounds more like girlfriend material then wife. If it doesn't feel right? You know what you have to do. Maybe tell her just that?

[Voiceroveip]

Actually, I would like to add how I got into this mess in the first place, maybe it can be a lesson to others, it is certainly a reason why I will never use Chnlove again, or at least not as I did.

I wrote to this girl through EMF's for about 2 months and really liked her sunny friendly and relaxed style.

When I met her mid November I realized that she was not as sunny and relaxed, it was her translator! She looks very charming though, I guess my hormones made me move forward without questioning too much her quite different character compared to the EMFS ... hehe

So friends behold! Don't fall in love with the translator!

Incidentally, that translator has a profile on Chnlove as well, if all strings break I will meet her .. although she is even younger

[David5o]

Frank,

When logic starts coming into the equation, you know somethings wrong!! Your no stranger to China, so i'm sure you'll know what to do and where to go.

I'm a bit like yourself, making love is a whole lot better than having sex. So better to break-up friends, than at each other throat!!  I know that you'll do what's best for you in the end, without being unnecessarily nasty to her....

May i make a suggestion here to you Frank. ...You will have more chance and a better chance of finding what your looking for in a Chinese woman, if you look for a previously married lady. They know what they want from life are far more rounded, (and i don't mean fat!!...haha!!) and they know how to treat there special man. Find that right one for YOU and you'll never look back!! ...That's guaranteed!! From my experience, Younger single unmarried ladies in China can be an absolute nightmare!!!

David.....

[Voiceroveip]

David,

You are so right, I was thinking along the same lines ...

[Willy The Londoner]

Yes Frank, David is so right.

Forget about the younger women that has never been married before.   I have tried them in the past and although good in bed they do not have the experience of looking after a man as a divorced woman has.   Nearly all divorced women in China have not been divorced because they have gone astray!! It is because the husband has traded her in for a newer model so she knows what she has to do to keep the next one AND BY GOD they certainly work on that.   I think that most of us here, rather than looking for someone whom is good in bed,  are looking for that lady who will look after us in a way only a Chinese lady can.

I have no experience with widowed ladies.  I have always shied away from them, maybe wrongly, but I have always had it in the back of my mind that they probably was still loving their husbands when he died and that I would be continually compared to him.

If she does not know much English then no problem.  You can teach her - I spend at least 1 hour a day with my Angel teaching her English and at the same time I find I am learning more Chinese from her.   AND it is great fun.  We roll about sometimes when we look each other in the face and burst out laughing when trying to get our tongues around those more difficuly words.

My advice is if it does not feel right then maybe it is not right.   Be sure that she is not wanting you now because no one else had come for her and to put it bluntly she thinks that possibly you may be the best that she can get and although she is not totally in love with you she will get by on the affection she does have.

If that is the case, and only you can decide then then it is best to end now and put the next 7 days to good use and meet other women.  And although you are not too happy with the agency they will provide you with other women to meet up with.

If you do not want to go through an agency I have the email of a beautiful divorced lady in Shenzen, owns one home and car and is quite tall and very slim and I can dig out her email if you would like it.    Never actually met up with her as I found my new love here before our first meeting was going to take place but had lots of chats and her English is good.

Willy

[Voiceroveip]

Hi Willy,

Great men think alike, widows worry me too ...

"Be sure that she is not wanting you now because no one else had come for her and to put it bluntly she thinks that possibly you may be the best that she can get and although she is not totally in love with you she will get by on the affection she does have."

Yes I think that seems to be the real problem, combined with a calculating attitude and no clue about what love really is.

That lady in Shenzhen does sound interesting, I'll PM you, thanks Willy! I'll owe you a box of Viagra if this works out

Frank

[RegnisTheGreat]

So Willy, how do I find these great divorced woman in my age group?

[Willy The Londoner]

So Willy, how do I find these great divorced woman in my age group?

You hang around the various squares in the city where they all go dancing.  The divorced ones are usually there almost every night of the week hoping to find a man.  Sometimes they were lucky on the nights I was free and ventured down there!!!!

They are great places to meet women and I met many in this way in my first three months here.

You may make a pratt of yourself getting amongst the women and dancing Chinese style but it certainly gets their attention.

Willy.

[jeffm]

I think a little update is in order:

I'm going back in 2 days, I'll land in Hong Kong on Friday AM and will take a shuttle to SZ, easier this time, I'm in the same hotel around the corner from my sweetheart and I can actually walk the 100m from the shuttle to the hotel since I know the neighborhood from last time.

Unfortunately the relationship is a bit tense right now, I don't know if I'm going there to get to know her better or to break up, our last 2 days on QQ were a nightmare, she seems overly anxious and nervous about many things like family acceptance, finances, her life in the West and lots of other small things, including wondering whether I'm her type :s Then when she calms down though she apologizes and tells me she loves me. Somewhat hard to follow, maybe it's the big age difference, she's 16 years younger than me, I'm almost 43. We only really spent 5-6 days together last time, very short in the end to start something stable I guess.

Two days ago I was looking forward to this last minute trip and she seemed excited like a little kitten, now I am neither here or there and I'm not entirely sure about what she feels. I normally don't care so much about money but this trip is pricey as I bought the ticket last minute (lucky I have an entry on my Visa left), and my business has been fairly slow the last 8 weeks. I'm also spending Xmas eve in a plane, and I will be with her for my birthday, of which she told me she might not be able to spend it with me because of some party. I'm trying not to regret it and also try to understand why she has all these opposed reactions. But maybe I'm finding too many excuses for her.

Some already commented on the "business arrangement" sounding deal, and unfortunately some of these topics arise when she is in a crisis, so I will try to set things straight when we're face to face. Another thing that's hard to take is when she is upset, the stuff she says can hurt like hell, she seems to fire at gunpoint without hesitation. I'm not a rookie as far as relationships go bt I've never experienced this first hand. One of my female friends seems to be like that in her love life, but I still find it strange that someone could be hurtful towards a loved one. Occasionally she throws in that she might not be good enough for me, so she seems to have many doubts and issues, some are legit of course.

I'd love to hear the brotherhood's input, and I'll be sure to post an update as things progress in Shenzhen.

Cheers,
Frank

I could reply to the "fire at gunpoint" comment as I've experienced that, but this is page four. i'll read five and six before I comment. lol. I am relating to your situation though.

Max, I'm going no matter what, but not as happily as I would like...

Shaun, how much you're betting? Well the mother made some negative comments about me (age, baldness) but won't oppose the relationship apparently. The father, well we'll see ...

The last episode was that she "hung up" on me on QQ last night, because I asked her what kind of facial care I should bring as a gift for her sis.
I feel like I shot myself in the foot when I started this ordeal, love usually makes one happy right? We'll I've been kind of down for a few weeks now. And I apply a 72 hour rule and more when necessary, I'm very down to earth. But let's see what real life has to say.

As I'm writing this, I'm leaving in less than 6 hours to the airport and I have to pack yet, and empty a big fish tank :/ so the night will be short. I guess I better sleep on the plane.

Update when available of course
Thanks for your input guys, I hope you're right.
Frank

omg lmao. priceless but doesn't always translate in the far east.  I can relate again Frank.

David, hehe I won't be hanging around doing nothing, that's for sure, but the night time part, I've had better ... doubt does not mix well with that for me, I actually believe in the term making love :p ... even if she is hot. So I'll actually stop that and give the whole thing 24 hours, although chances are I'll break it up.

Vince, yes she is doubting or not sure or whatever, we QQ'ed about it for some time today, the problem is that I am too and that's not going to help either of us finding our true feelings for one another. Since I got here, I felt like I wasted my time, she doesn't make me happy, or if she does, then only for a few moments at a time. I told her that and let her know that I was doubting both our feelings at this stage ... she told me she still likes me and is still interested in me, she told me Wo ai ni this morning and said she meant it at that particular moment, but that she does not constantly feel in love ... reminds me of me, switching between love and resentment.

I think this will be hard to fix ... Logic is coming back very fast for me now, I think I would fare better with someone more romantic, from a social class closer to mine and maybe with a bit more experience. She has only had one boyfriend and when I asked her how she felt about him when they were together, she described pure logic and no real feelings. I don't think she knows what love can be.

I won't see her before tomorrow evening as she has to work, but at the rate my feelings are reducing it might well be bye bye tomorrow nite.

Voice - we need to talk.  i feel like i'm reading about my own experience with me ex.  i'm on page six of this post and my first thought is to CUT AND RUN to the agency and get other women in play. By the way did you spend a lot on the shopping spree?Okay I've read it all.  I will reply to this post, but got to get to work, or the boss will fire me, oh wait I am the boss.  

I want to think my response out.  My God your situation is so damn familiar to mine.

[brett]

Hi all,

I haven't read all the posts in this thread but some of it is sounding horribly familiar to my relationship!

My lady is young(ish) and has not been married before, neither has there been a man in her life. This does make things difficult. Being an only child and still living at home also means she can be a bit of a princess at times. I  think I am right when I said a while back that these kinds of women don't tend to appreciate a good man as much as a divorced woman would. I have made some big mistakes in my relationship. However I have also been given mixed signals. I don't yet know if my lady loves me as much as I love her.

Another problem I have encountered is that she does not like talking about her feelings. I really had to push deep on the EMFs to get her to tell me her true feelings about things. I don't know if this is a cultural thing, or whether she is not yet comfortable with our relationship. Her parents weren't that lovey dovey to each other while I was there - I wonder if they married for love or whether it was more an arranged marriage type of thing? I really do want my lady to marry me for the right reasons. I know that if our marriage fails then her chance of starting a family is very slim. We have to be very certain that this would work.

We are great friends however. I don't know if this is enough to base a relationship on. Maybe love would grow more over time. I will go and meet her again before I commit to engagement.

I guess I might have been better off with a divorced lady. But I do believe Miss Wu and I are suited to each other, and despite what my family are telling me, I just have no appetite for talking to other ladies.

[David5o]

RegnisTheGreat,

What is your age group then??  What age of ladies are you looking at, at the moment??

David...

[RegnisTheGreat]

David50:

I'm one of the young ones here. I'm 30 years old this year (feeling it) and I'm going for the 24-31 year old crowd. Chinese woman likes an older guy so I do not bother with woman over 31-32. Most of them seem to be unmarried and I have not yet seen one divorcee (I guess their husband hasn't made enough money yet to afford a mistress or are waiting a few more years to trade for a younger model).  

And like Brett's future lao po, some of the ones in my age range is still living at home. The living at home worries me a bit as I've been on my own since 18 so it worries me about their independence. Since living at home is more traditional and accepted in China, I do not worry about it as much as a Canadian girl living at home at 25 or 30 does.

Willy is old enough to be my father here (sorry Willy) here. May we can hit the square together Willy, hit on some hot Chinese mother-daughter combo