Maybe it was too good to be true after all...

[brett]

Hans if you go to Guangzhou then drop in on my lady's agency (Guangzhou Daniel Agency is their approximate name, I think they're in Panyu). I believe they are a decent agency and have some nice ladies. A lot of them speak some English as well. I didn't actually visit the agency when I was in China, as my lady doesn't live in that province. Tell them I sent you!

As to your current lady, you just have to listen to your gut instinct. I've had some good and bad (mostly good!) advice from my brothers here, but the longer my relationship goes on, the more I realise my gut instinct has been dead right all along :icon_cheesygrin:.

Have a great trip!

[Peter]

Hans... If you are getting a feeling of doubt you must think about this one more time... I think that you must get some feeling back from the Lady.. I know that this is a difficult thing to deal with but it is only up to you to know... Go with your feeling in the heart.. Remember that a coward man never kiss a beautiful girl...
Peter

[jeffm]

Scott you missed the point of my post.At no point and time did I or any other member tell Hans to roll over.What I told him was to slow down.He is over thinking this.Just like you over thinking things.You guys get inside your own heads and over think this and wreck yourself.Before even making the trip to see what this is about.

That is all that was stated.That is what the 24 hour rule is there for.So you guys will slow down.Let yourselves see this from both sides instead of one.I know of a few members here.Who wrecked there relationships.Because they didn't slow down.And they wrote there intended lady some really crazy things.How do I know what they wrote there ladies?They send the letters to me by Pm.And ask me what they did wrong.And I tell them.So next time they don't make the same mistake.And maybe by knowing this they don't make the same mistake again.

Probably 8 out of 10 of these relationships are destroyed by the men.Why is the man to blame most of the time?Because we set are selves up to fail.Do we do it on purpose yes.We have all these preconceived notions and stereotyping going on in are heads.And then we get ourselves all screwed up and we can't think straight.Then are own doubts and fears start playing into are heads.

This is where Hans is at.He has wrote letters to this lady for 5 months.No web cam. no phone calls.He has  some attachment to this lady.She threw a wrench in the works the other day.So self doubt.Has reared it's ugly head.What he has read here about fake ladies fake profiles bad agencies is all running a muck in his head.So no matter what you say to him.Or I say to him.It is not gonna make any difference now until he makes the trip.And sees for himself.

That being said.He needs the 24 hour rule.So he doesn't throw his own wrench into the works.And screw this up.So she doesn't leave him setting in the hotel room by himself.So I don't have to set here and read his sad tale.Because he threw his own wrench into the works.

I would much rather read his success story here.Then another story of a failure.In defense of Hans yes this is a much bigger leap then most of us made.Hans has put his money into this.And at his age and going to college.And taking night courses to learn Chinese. the money was hard to come by.And it isn't easily replaced.So I understand where Hans is coming from He wants the sure thing.In his situation I don't blame him.We all want the sure thing.

But in his case it doesn't look like a sure thing.Because of the no web chats no phone calls,Translator interference.So he is going to have to go with what he's got.The 24 hour rule in his case will give him allot better odds of making this work.Because it isn't giving him a Chance to stick his foot in his mouth.

I can say that this applies to me several months ago.  Put me in the 80% range of screwing things up.  Maxx the first three paragraphs is what happened to me.

[Hans]

OK, an update here. I wrote my lady a very frank letter telling her what I expected from our communication and what I have missed so far. I was a bit concerned she might think I was too frank, to be honest. But I had no choice but to tell her my true thoughts. It turned out it was just what was needed. We've had a really good discussion and it seems that she understands that I am not questioning her sincerety, I am just looking for some kind of security before visiting her.

She has explained that the wedding thing is not in our planning anymore and also apologized for all the confusion. And most importantly, she finally gave me all her contact info. Her QQ number, her home address (I only had the address to the company she works for) and phone number. Now we're doing what we should have done months ago: writing text messages in pinyin. It seems she has been very shy to talk because of her poor English. Maybe my recorded message for her did the trick as it showed her that I do speak some Chinese and she can understand my poor putonghua.  

Last weekend I was seriously contemplating to pull the plug and save my money for something else next year. Now we're back on track again and I can focus on my Chinese exam next week. :icon_cool: Of course there will be doubts, I'm sure from both of us, in the future but now I feel I have got what I need to make the step and visit my lady in China.

Unless something happens very suddenly once again, I will be making my trip to Zhanjiang on December 27 according to plan. I want to thank you all for your thoughts here. It has been invaluable for me during moments of doubt and insecurity to read your advice and be able to cool down. Thank you all!

[brett]

Wow, well done Hans!

I have also found that sometimes our ladies need to be pushed a bit in order to get information out of them.

Hopefully your relationship will be transformed after some QQ'ing - when I find the Google translator too hard going I usually resort to emoticons and dancing bananas. I can safely say I have enough dancing bananas to cope with most situations :icon_cheesygrin:.

[JimB]

Good for you Hans. I hope it all works out.

[Peter]

Great news Hans. Life is not too good to be true :icon_biggrin:

[Irishman]

Hen hao Hans!!

So happy for you, keep us updated, have a great trip.

[shaun]

Wonderful news.  Good luck on your upcoming trip.

Shaun

[Martin]

Wonderful news Hans.  I am so happy to hear that things are back on track.

It seems she has been very shy to talk because of her poor English.

I hear this so often.  They don't seem to realize that just hearing their voice..whether in Chinese or English, is such a wonderful thing.

[ttwjr32]

that is good news and martin is right some are nervous about their
 language skills which makes them talk less. and then their are some who just chat
 away and it makes for colourful conversations

[shaun]

I tell you though once they are past the fear of not knowing English, look out.  It is a thousand questions.  Peggy wants to learn how to pronounce words.  I find myself now seeking simple words.  I mistakenly said "inexperience" last night. I spent well over an hour trying to get her to say it.  It appears she has a problems between m and n.  But we got there and she learned it.  I just know she will used it tonight.

I am hunting inexpensive book on phonics.

Shaun

[JimB]

I intentionally use big words for my wife to look up.  i use at least 2 a session.  Once she looks them up, she doesnt forget.  So it helps a lot.

[rockycoon]

Hans,

I've never been to China.  
I've never even kissed a Chinese girl.
Korean, Japanese, but never Chinese.
I am still a newbie.

But if a woman opened up an important schedule for me and made a way for me to see her I would not question it.  I hope.

I know there is doubts. I have them about going to see Peggy. Every man here has had them.

You have seen things go bad for others but bottom line is this; You will not know if you do not go.  Can you live with that? How many times have the men on this site said it to me?  I don't even want to know how many.

Do what the others who have been are telling you.  Get out of your head.  You've got a month.  Take a weekend with a trusted friend and go have a good time.  How does the old saying go;  "Drink and be merry for tomorrow you go to China."

Why is it when we men are on the edge of happiness that we begin to over think the issues?

Good Luck                                                         (Go to China, keep your mouth shut about your concerns, and see)

Shaun

Shaun, what do you mean youve never kissed a chinese girl
OOHHHHH what a lie.... I'm sending that to peggy....LOL

[shaun]

Shaun, what do you mean youve never kissed a chinese girl
OOHHHHH what a lie.... I'm sending that to peggy....LOL

Don,

And how would you know?
That's my story and I am sticking to it.

Truth be known I can't wait to get there.

Shaun