Philip
My YaYa's initial estimate of the cost of our wedding to come was 60,000 yuan.
We talked about it for a few letters and then she said she didn't want one at all. I think she was annoyed that I didn't just agree to the amount she had suggested. Mind you I didn't criticise it. I just talked about what I hoped for the wedding. I explained how that if I was to remarry here in Australia I would not have had a large wedding. I explained that when I married my first wife, it was quite modest and that we did lots of things to contain the cost (eg booking a restaurant directly and bringing our own drinks to the reception, rather than using one of the those expensive marriage reception places).
After that fuss died down we talked some more about it. I assured her that I wanted her to have a wedding day that she would look back fondly on. She sent me a new estimate costing 30,000 yuan.
Here is what it is made up of - I know this does not add up exactly, but this is the figure we're using at the moment:
Bride price to yaya's parents - Rmb10,000
Wedding dinner 2-3 tables - Rmb: 2400
Wedding candy - Rmb: 200
Wedding cigarette - Rmb: 500
My new suit - Rmb: 1000
Yaya's new dress - Rmb: 2000
Yaya's new shoes - Rmb: 1500
YaYa jewellery - Rmb: 5000
Hotel fee - Rmb: 1500
Quilt,sheet - Rmb?300
Wedding Photos - Rmb: 1,000
Hope you work it out.
I have no doubt there is a solution.
Whenever there is a problem ask for her help in trying to work it out. Rather than just refusing directly. Talk to her about it. If her parents are part of the decision making process (they are a big part of my life now), then involve them, and let them know about what it means having a wedding costing that much.
If it means a delay in having her coming across to live with you then they may be able to give something on the cost of the wedding.
If it is more important than anything else, then that's good to know too. You need to give serious consideration to that fact, if the wedding is that important to them.
On the assumption that this is not a maths problem, you may need to adjust your life plans to accommodate (as much as you are able and willing to do) her hopes and wishes.
Good luck on sorting this out. Don't let it steal all your happiness away. The wedding is important, but it's not nearly as important as the marriage and relationship itself.
Danny