ugh, setbacks

[Scottish_Rob]

LOL so am I...:huh:

 I'm singing along to it as I'm reading it....lol:icon_cheesygrin:

[David5o]

Victor/Rob,

I can only remember Mum singing it myself, ......i'm too young to know the words!!!!! ....he said, hahahaha!!

David....

[victor-hills]

mpo and she sang that song in a movie to The Man Who Knew Too Much  with James Stewart lol stop it vic.

[Hans]

Many of us seem to agree here that writing emails and EMFs is not enough to want to marry someone. You can develop strong feelings for a person through daily communcation like this, but talking marriage is a completely different thing than just writing love letters. I feel comfortable with my lady at the moment (maybe "contact" is a better word since we haven't even met on a webcam yet), but the thing about online dating is that it could all be over in a second. She can find someone else, refuse my letters and that's it. There is no security whatsoever until the real life metting between four eyes has taken place. I could be talking to Mickey Mouse for what I know.

I know it is easy to get carried away, though. That's what happened to me with the lady I was in contact with for four months before I found out she was writing to another guy at the same time, telling the same "miss you, love you" crap.

I don't even know if me and my lady, sorry contact, will discuss engagement during my stay with her in China. I have never been engaged so it will be a huge step for me, as it should be. And I will probably feel doubt and a little insecurity until it happens. I simply can't understand how anyone can be so eager to marry someone that they are prepared to do it before they actually know the lady. Is it desperation or are they just in a great hurry...? Take your time, get to know each other on the outside and the inside!

Well, I'm not judging anyone, it's up to everyone to decide for themselves. All I can do is wishing you all luck. From what I've gathered there are a lot of decent and sincere men here searching for true love. This site is fantastic. Bless you all!

[Vince G]

My lady and I have been in contact with each other for almost a year now. When a question came up on the forums that I did not have an answer to I asked her. Will I marry this lady? Most likely. Even though I get answers to questions asked I'm still not sure I know enough or all about her. Sometimes it's the small things that are cute in the beginning that piss you off later. Maybe she snores like a bear? Maybe she doesn't like the a/c on when sleeping and I do. Maybe what she calls cooking is just boiling water? Your not getting these answers without going there and seeing it with your own eyes. We both know this. We even joked about it and that's why we both agreed to have an out even with the love we have between us now. The only disagreement we had was over an english word. I came to me saying "I'm not wrong your book is wrong" The sentence was "He sungs a nice song" It should be sings. Sungs is not a word, sung is. She folded and said I was probably right. Oh yeah we also are both stubborn.

It's a relationship like any other. There will be good and bad times. Just because they are chinese don't think it's all a breeze. It's not. Luckily we are very compatible and have many things in common. But I know this from all the time used finding these things out.

[Peter]

Me and my Lao Poa have been writing for 5 months before I went to China. Tina said that the thing that made her decide was the letters we sent to each other. We talked about everything and got to know each other quite good before we meet. Our 12 days together was the time when I finally decided to get married to her and it was the same for her. This is our way of getting married. I can say that even if I didn't get all the information in out letters I got it by our days together in April. I also got the chance to meet her daughter and family before our marriage and I think this is very important.

[Neil]

My girl is so cool.  

Babe,I already told about our relationship to my sister for a long time and she will be happy for you to come and we are all welcome to you babe,They are all friendly and be good to you.Thats fine if you stay at my sister place and i told you before,I am willing to do whatever i can do for you when you in China.So Just don't worry about everything please !

:icon_cheesygrin::icon_mrgreen::cool:

[David5o]

Hans,

Very sensible, you seem to have the right idea, of how to deal with your emotions when dealing with a lady that you've never actually met. Has to be the best idea to meet, before you start letting the bulk of all that emotional stuff out. I suppose you could call it internet courtship in a way. haha!!

I think you can call her a little more than a contact though, she is after all, hopefulluy your lady, unless you or she decide otherwise. In the long run, ....i can't see how you can fail.

David.....

[Hans]

David,

I guess it's about self protection too. Once you've been hurt it's easy to keep a distance and not let yourself hope for too much, I think most of us can relate to that in some way (although we are all different when it comes to moving on after disappointments and so on). We've discussed honesty at length and I'd be very disappointed if I found out that she was writing long love letters to someone else. But I realize it could happen so I have to keep that tought in the back of my mind.

Yes, Internet courtship is a proper name for it! :icon_cheesygrin:

[David5o]

Hans,

Sure, i agree again but your protecting yourself and her, by not letting emotions get too deeply rooted before meeting her.  I think, you do still have to have a decent amount of trust in your lady, or your not going to get anywhere, as you say, keep it at the back of your mind somewhere, just be aware that it's there.

Your right about how each of us deals with relationship disappointments, Some will rush into the next relationship regardless, and some will be way over cautious. Somewhere in there is the happy medium, where you can grow and flourish with your new lady.....

David ......

[Hans]

Yes, David, of course I need to trust her. And I do trust her.  Still, I keep that thought in my head, mostly to be on my guard. In hindsight I know that when my last lady suddenly refreshed her profile, she immediately began to talk to someone else. I remember thinking it was a bit odd she refreshed her profile all of a sudden but we continued to communicate on almost a daily basis so after a while I let it go. I was easy to fool with words, apparently.

Of the two types you mentioned, I may be close to the over cautious one. :-/ I think it will get better as we move along and make more solid plans to meet... After all, doubts and fears are part of every relationship. It's a part of love.

[Neil]

I don't know how I lucked out so well, but my girl has NEVER refreshed her profile.  There has been some times I was unsure she was for real, but when I expressed any concerns, she immediately responded with proof.  When I asked for a webcam meeting, boom, there she was, giggling and smiling like an angel.  I don't know what I did to deserve this, but thank God for her.

[Hans]

I don't know how I lucked out so well, but my girl has NEVER refreshed her profile.  There has been some times I was unsure she was for real, but when I expressed any concerns, she immediately responded with proof.  When I asked for a webcam meeting, boom, there she was, giggling and smiling like an angel.  I don't know what I did to deserve this, but thank God for her.

Sounds good, Neil! We all have doubts from time to time and feel need for some kind of confirmation. It's great that your lady provided you with some proof right away, it shows she is not willing to risk anything with you. Congrats. :icon_cheesygrin:

Me and my contact/lady are moving along in slower pace but I have accepted that she is shy and doesn't want to rush. I am not pushing her and piece by piece she is giving me more and more. I have her address now and she will give me the email address to the woman who is head of the agency. I haven't asked for it but it seems she has helped my lady a lot when her parents were reluctant to let her date a foreign man. They were even photographed together. Maybe that's some kind of confirmation too, I don't know.

[Jimmy]

And when you go to meet her unless you plan on living in china you still have all the Visa stuff to do that takes time too. All that waiting you have ahead of you, you may as well get as much done as you can..

[Neil]

I forgot to mention this earlier.  I was in the lawyer's office, signing the last of the paperwork and the lady says to me, "So you're really going to marry a lady in China?  Why don't you marry someone here instead?"  I just stared at this fat but friendly lady thinking of all the reasons and ways Chinese girls are better and how easy it would be to bash Canadian women.  I ended up saying "Sure, why don't I just marry my ex wife again?"