Understanding Chinese Women

[Bee964]

It was a very interesting read. I too got the feeling that the studies may be a little dated. Some do them from behind their desk reading older studies and such. I have just finished reading national geographic from may of 2008. The whole magazine was about china. It did not give you the impression that the chinese were still like they were in the first half of the 20th century. From the articles I got the idea that they were further ahead in their cultural revolution than I was lead to believe.

Dave

[ttwjr32]

i used to do that all the time Bee i subscribed to many magazines in the usa and ended up reading them
at a much later date

[Bee964]

And sometimes I read from back to front. Don't know why I do that.

[ttwjr32]

sometimes i do that with the newspaper

[Jan]

I was not sure, should I make a new topic. Or just continue a old one. So I'll post here.

I was googling around with different words. I think all of this is said before. But it was nice to read anyway. And came with this story:

Chinese ladies seem to come in two basic varieties. Either they are very strong willed or extremely docile. Since I've never had any desire for a docile woman, I am discussing here that other type - "the steel rod swathed in flowers". This woman will care for you, cook for you, keep a great home for you and shower you with love and affection, and she will smote your enemies with the strength of God - so long as you don't cross her. But when you cross her, you immediately become your own worst enemy, and brother, then she will smote you.

The big problem is that you don't necessarily know what will be seen as having crossed her. In your innocent Western thinking you naively believe that so long as you are faithful and true, so long as you bring home the bacon, so long as you are polite and courteous and so long as you refrain from anything drastic like not coming home for two nights, or physically striking her, you should be pretty safe. Well surprise!!!

You cross your Chinese Lady when you cause her to lose face, and there are roughly a million ways to cause her to lose face, each one of which you must learn by trial and error. I have learned a few, but it does little good for me to list them for you, because "a little knowledge is a bad thing". It will just make you comfortable when you should least be comfortable. But I will give you an example of how I caused my Chinese wife (as she then was) to lose face.

We owned a small bar in China at the time which we took turns managing, and which we kept open as long as there was a paying customer to serve. One night she went home at 1 AM but I hung in there with some friends of mine (because they were spending a great deal of money) until about 4 AM, then headed home when they did. We had both done this many times in the past, and she knew exactly where I was and who I was with, so I felt quite secure as I quietly unlocked the door to our home and tiptoed in to avoid waking her.

Well, it turned out that, unbeknownst to me, she and a friend had been talking earlier in the evening, and the friend had indicated that her husband never stayed out past 1 AM, and the friend was very proud of that. So on that particular evening I caused my wife to lose face by not coming home with her at 1 AM. I had caused her great shame in the eyes of her friend (how the friend knew I had stayed out late was never explained) and this was no small loss of face, if you can judge by the near bloodletting I suffered for my crime. And yet, the next time I stayed out late, in the same circumstances except for the intervening friend, all was well. Go figure!

The good news is that unlike Western Women, who will make you pay for days (or years) for your crimes, Chinese women tend to let you off as soon as you've appropriately groveled (this must take place in your home, which is actually her domain, not yours) for an hour or two, and you've told her your sorry, and lastly, you've bought her a gift (do not forget about the ever important relationship saving gift). But if you want to get off without dismemberment, do not act as if you don't understand what you did wrong (even though you inevitably do not understand). Suck it up, admit your guilt, and promise never to do it again, even if you have no idea of what exactly it is that you will not do again, and life will be back to normal in short order.

And the really good news is that this "steel rod swathed in flowers", when you haven't just caused her to lose face, is like your own private bodyguard. Your little Chinese woman will be the greatest ally you could ever hope for. She will kill for you at the slightest provocation to your face - unless her Mother is the source of the threat to your dignity, in which case you probably just committed unfathomable another "face" crime yourself.

There, have you got it all figured out? No? Don't worry, Chinese women can be as frustrating as trying to figure the stock market, but it's their very unpredictability that is one of their greatest charms. I wouldn't spend the rest of my life with anybody else.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Never-Marry-A-Chinese-Woman&id=948210

[Scottish_Rob]

It's funny until yesterday I was being made to pay by silence and looks, until I said I was sorry and would not do it again..   What was my 'Crime', in China mobile 3 days ago, this girl had lovely looking long hair, I tugged it gently for a giggle, she laughed, I laughed, and then the bloodletting began...

Oh and Ted I always read the paper back cover fiorst, it's where the sports section is in ours...

[RobertBfrom aust]

Ha Ha , Rob been there done that , but it was one of Sujuan's girlfriends out here who I happened to comment on , how pretty she was , I was in the pooh for a couple of hours till she finally realised I was just being complimentary about her friend , so now I am very careful and keep my trap shut , look , must not comment and no no touch he he , regards Robert and Sujuan .

[ttwjr32]

ok Rob you got our curiosity peaked   what do you mean by bloodletting who did that???

[shaun]

Rob, when it comes to other women your guard must be up all of the time.  Peggy has introduced me to friends and I say hi and shake their hand.  Otherwise I sit there and let them talk and only speak back when they try to talk to me.  When Peggy asks me about her I only say, "She seems like a nice person."  I never comment on their looks or act like I didn't notice.   But believe me I notice, just keep it to myself.

[Paul Todd]

If she was a Buddhist touching her hair is a big no no.

[ttwjr32]

 im pretty thankful my wife isnt insecure enough to always question me when i talk to women. but alwys talking to
 them and taking pics for the web site i guess helps me with that. in fact sometimes when i leave the house she tells
 me  " tell your girlfreind i said hi but im the one who really loves you"  her sense of humor is as bad as mine sometimes

[Scottish_Rob]

Bloodletting = looks, grimaces, unspoken words in your ears (haha) you can just tell by the looks you receive after the 'Crime'...She nearly had a hissyfit, later that night, she said that I had not shown her respect by doing that...

Hehe I wasn't flirting, I was merely touching her hair to see if it was real !!!

She tells me everyday, "I won't limit you, who you speak to!!!"  But if you know whats good for you, you do as Shaun says, just say hi, and speak when spoken too...

Definetely no touche touche...hahaha

[JamesM.Roberts]

Alright I understand now -why I was directed to this forum (Thanks Crystal Tao!!)

Bloodletting = looks, grimaces, unspoken words in your ears (haha) you can just tell by the looks you receive after the 'Crime'...She nearly had a hissyfit, later that night, she said that I had not shown her respect by doing that...

I had me a blood-letting while in Feng Huang and I didn't even know it-My crime was letting a Chinese girl who walked by and said "Hello" take my picture while I gave the peace sign. I experienced the looks,grimaces, and the unspoken words along with a few spoken ones.
Those looks are cold and the silence is colder!!

[shaun]

Oh I am not without my wounds.  My last few days in China on my second trip Peggy's best friend called me to her cell phone to talk with a woman who has a fiance in the US.  I asked Peggy if she understood what I was getting ready to do and she said yes it was OK.  Bull!!!!  Don't you ever believe it.

I talked with is woman in front of Peggy and her two friends.  Her English was very good.  She was wanting to know about the Visa process and taking English lessons.  Then she want her fiance to be able to speak with me.   He lives in West Virginia.  I gave her my phone number.  Bad idea.  I handed the telephone back to Peggy's best friend and the four of us continued talking for a little while longer.  Everything seemed fine. But as soon as Peggy's friends left it hit the fan.  I tried talking logic to her.  Forget that.  Her English didn't stretch that far.  I've been back 2 months and not one call from that woman's fiance.  I really didn't think he would after all he is from West Virginia and they haven't learned to speak proper English yet.  Willy don't even start.

After all I didn't really realize that by giving the woman my phone number that she would call me and convince me to leave Peggy and marry her and her two small children who were making all kinds of noise in the background.  Then I would bring her and her children to America to live with me in bliss and all of this having never even laid eyes on the woman.  How dare me.  I'm such a cad.

[ttwjr32]

well i must say we all will have our issues with our ladies. i know i do. but again i am
THANKFUL  she doesnt have that PETTY JEALOUSLY attitude. thats just a formula for
a total unhappy relationship.

whatever you need to do you need to nip that as soon as you can anyway you can
i dont have a solution for it maybe someone else can add insight for this type of
problem  it usually just keeps esculating