Well, this is my thinking. Whoever I end up with (IF that happens) will inevitably find out how many times I've been married. For one thing, when you start the immigration process you have to give them (the immigration agencies) that information, along with original copies of the divorce decrees, and all the relevant info.
If I remember right, the lady will need copies of those documents to send in with hers. I suppose I could go around telling everyone here to lie about it, and never mention it. I'm not big on lying though. And I don't think I could keep that a secret forever. I think I'd rather try to get that out of the way on the front end, but with as much finesses as possible. David makes some good points though. Here in the west multiple marriages/divorces is not as big a deal, but I can tell the chinese are a lot more conservative about this, and good for them.
Now, I did tell Liang (the lady who gave me her private email addy in her admiration letter that I've been writing to) how many times I've been married, and she did ask me some questions-but as was noted here by others, she was more concerned, it seems, about the last one, and whether that was truly over. Almost all of her questions were in regards to the last one. I think it helps that the last one moved 1,600 miles away back to her native Canada. Liang understood that there was no way to maintain a relationship at that distance.
But see, there is a plus side to all of this. I raised my two sons by myself, and I am raising my daughter by myself currently. I think that shows Liang (and should show any other lady I contact) that I am responsible and committed to my family. I can't share those positive details without exposing the negative ones. I can tell it is something Liang likes about me.
Hajo? How are you? Hows married life? Been a long time since we saw you here.
For the others, I never give info on my past. Oh I'll tell them I'm divorced and things like that but to go into detail? A big NO! NO! First, they don't want to hear it. They may seem interested but they are gathering ammo for another time.
I found chinese women don't care to hear or say it anyway. No details. It's just like going for a new job. If you say in an interview the old boss was a idiot he didn't know.... whatever, the chance of getting that new job dropped to 0. They figure you'll talk about them just the same.
I see what you are saying, Vince. Let me make clear I am NOT going into the gory details, unless asked to. I simply say, 'I've been married X amount of times'. If they ask questions, I'll only give details to the extent needed to answer the questions. I don't put all the blame on the woman; for example, my second divorce I take
all the blame for. The first time I was 19 and she was 17; we were both way too young for it. And I've only had one (real) marriage in the last 22 years; I did get married one other time in that span, but my gf was pregnant and so I married her for the sake of the child knowing it wasn't going to last. This is how I explain it, without trashing the women involved.
