Author Topic: Raising a child with a Chinese wife in the west  (Read 1404 times)

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Offline Irishman

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Raising a child with a Chinese wife in the west
« on: February 22, 2010, 12:45:13 am »
Maybe one of the more experienced members or maybe one of the Chinese ladies here can offer an opinion on this topic?

One of the biggest concerns Sunny seems to have about moving to the west (as does her mother) is the whole issue of child raising.
In China it's traditional for the parents to retire and look after the kid/s when their children get married. To Sunny and her mother the whole concept of raising the children by herself and myself here is alien. I try to reassure her that it will be fine, that its the way its done here. Friends and family can help out if needed and that she shouldn't worry about it. But I can tell it is something that preys on her mind.

Anyone have any advice on how to approach this with her?, how to reassure her, a Chinese perspective would really be appreciated here. I have shown Sunny this website so if a wife wants to reply in Chinese fire away, all advice welcome!

Thanks.
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ttwjr32

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RE: Raising a child with a Chinese wife in the west
« Reply #1 on: February 22, 2010, 02:39:47 am »
This is probably one of the most difficult aspects of getting together with a chinese lady. But definitely a topic that
 should be covered and discussed in depth. As should a variety of other topics also.

 The best way to approach this issue is to show the best of both cultures. Emphasize the parts of the chinese culture
 that is positive and at the same time do the same for your culture.  Take the best traditions, the best foods,the best
 stories,and lessons and make your own lives and raise your children to know who they are and were they come from
 and give them the tools to CHOOSE were they are going. Not be told were they will go and what they will do. Its when
 people get hung up on stuff like this(tradition) that problems arise.  Independance is a big part of the western culture and not saying
 it is the best way, but saying that people should intergrate the best of both cultures and raise the kids. Dont really need
 to have the parents living with you retired to raise successful happy children.

 There are many options such as, will both work,will one stay at home a few years, day care, nanny's, housekeepers all of
 these are the options you have and need to discuss as to which one will work best for you. If you do this and show love
 and respect in the family,teach right from wrong then the foundation is laid for them to have a successful life as long as
 they make the right decisions when they get older. you teach but cant make the decision for them in later life.

 These discussions are very important and the decisions should be made between the two of you as to how you want to
 raise your children and not solely based on a tradition. When in a multi cultural relationship you have to take the best of
 both and intergrate it into one household to have a happy home. one dimensional usually doesnt work out and puts a strain
 on both parties. Im just basing this on what my freinds have done in thier relationships and see that they are happy and the
 children are doing well. But it is from the foundation they have laid in thier homes that have given the children this. by the way
 all my friends wives stayed home until the children were able to go to school and then the ladies went back to work. That worked
 out best for them in thier situations and were what they wanted to do. All 13 of them have been married for over 10 years now
 and very happy and the kids are doing well and happy. I am the only one who married a lady who is closer to my age. They all
 married chinese ladies 15 to 20 years younger than them. They all live in the USA with a peroid of time living in China in the beginning,
 and after my divorce from my ex of 24 years, their relationships is what led me in this direction to marry a lady from China along with
 the fact of some of the western women i dated after my divorce which is a whole different mini series of events that would be to long to
 write here :icon_cheesygrin:

Offline Willy The Londoner

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RE: Raising a child with a Chinese wife in the west
« Reply #2 on: February 22, 2010, 09:34:50 pm »
That sounds like really good advice Ted.

That is one thing that I have no experience of whatsoever.   As far as I know I have never fathered a Child anywhere in the world that I have visited but that seems like erstwhile advice.

Willy
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rockycoon

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RE: Raising a child with a Chinese wife in the west
« Reply #3 on: February 23, 2010, 01:07:00 am »
There are probably hundreds of "little Willies" running around....:icon_cheesygrin:

Offline maxx

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RE: Raising a child with a Chinese wife in the west
« Reply #4 on: February 23, 2010, 02:36:13 am »
Irshmen you answerd it about the best that you could.No matter what I write here.It is something that you both have to learn as you go.Each lady is different.Each family is different.And what they beleave about raising kids is different.

A good example of some Chines customs.New mother has to stay in bed and rest for the first month.Mother first food after the baby is born.Is a special soup.It must be eaten 2 times at about 24 hours apart.In between the new mother can drink water and eat jello.No rice and postivly nothing cold.

After three or four months into the pregnancy.You mite as well forget about getting lucky.Because you are not getting any.She is way to sick.And it is against customs.

Babies diaper for new born.Is a cord around the babies hips with a dirty rag ran between the baby's legs wrapped up around the bum and secured in back. with the cord.After the baby is older no diaper is worn when the baby is out.They have special pants.That have the bum area cut out.The cord is still optional.

Feeding the baby breast milk only.Esspicially after they had the formula scare 2 years ago in China.The breast will be whipped out anywhere and everywhere to feed the baby.Baby will sleep with new mother for about the first three months.Up to 2 years.Or until you put a stop to it.

Babies will be dressed in multiple layers of clothes and blanets.Even if the inside tempeture is 85 degrees and the outside tempeture is 100.

New fathers you have ben demoted to the lowest form of life known to man.For about the first month.After that you are ok.You no nothing about babies so you are not allowed alone with the baby.You can hold it for a couple of minutes with your wifes supervision.

The baby learns to walk.Baby falls down.50 Chinese ladies from 30 miles away will run and pick the baby back up.Dust him off look him over good.Then give you a dirty look.Because you dared let the baby king trip over his own feet.

Like Ted said it all comes down to blending the 2 cultures.Both of my kids where dissposable diapers.Conner my youngest son doe's eat brest milk and formula.When the babies were first born they did sleep in the same bed untill they were completly off the breast. I threw the cord away the first time I seen it on one of the kids.It has never reapeared.She didn't stay in bed a month with eather kid.I don't know how to cook Chinese food.And she couldn't reach the computer from the bed.So that was out.The pants with the seat cut out of them.I used them to work on my truck.Then they just kind of dissapeared.I do let the kids wear multiple layers of clothes until my wife isn't looking then I will take the blanket off or hold them without a blanket until.I'm caught and she brings me one.

When the the oldest was learnng to walk.And he would fall down.She would go over and pick him up.And he would cry and scream.I finnally told her to let him pick himself up.after a couple of times of him falling down and then him haveing to pick himself up.There was no cryiing.No big shows.He just picks himself up.Dusts off his own pants and off he runs.It has also made him able to entertain himself if she is doing something else.

Last time we were in China he fell down.And here comes the 50 Chinese ladies my wife stopped them.And told them that he was allright and he could do it by himself.And sure enough he did he picked himself up.Dusted off his pants then rubbed his hands together and off he ran.

Irishman if this still doesn't work for your lady and her mother.There mite be another option open to you.In the states.The lady can go back to China and have the baby.Then the husband goes to the consulate and requests a American citizen born abroad application.On completion of the application.The consulate is supposed to issue a birth certificate a passport.So that you can take the kid to the states.

Ireland mite have something like this.You may want to look at this option.I dont know how long this takes.Or how much is involved with this.

Maxx

Offline Irishman

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RE: Raising a child with a Chinese wife in the west
« Reply #5 on: February 24, 2010, 12:19:34 am »
Thanks for the details responses guys, Maxx I was hoping you would reply to this one!, thanks.
I'm gonna ask Sunny to have a read of the thread and see what she thinks.
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Offline Josh Markley

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RE: Raising a child with a Chinese wife in the west
« Reply #6 on: February 24, 2010, 02:58:43 am »
Quote from: 'maxx' pid='32375' dateline='1266910573'

Irshmen you answerd it about the best that you could.No matter what I write here.It is something that you both have to learn as you go.Each lady is different.Each family is different.And what they beleave about raising kids is different.

A good example of some Chines customs.New mother has to stay in bed and rest for the first month.Mother first food after the baby is born.Is a special soup.It must be eaten 2 times at about 24 hours apart.In between the new mother can drink water and eat jello.No rice and postivly nothing cold.

After three or four months into the pregnancy.You mite as well forget about getting lucky.Because you are not getting any.She is way to sick.And it is against customs.

Babies diaper for new born.Is a cord around the babies hips with a dirty rag ran between the baby's legs wrapped up around the bum and secured in back. with the cord.After the baby is older no diaper is worn when the baby is out.They have special pants.That have the bum area cut out.The cord is still optional.

Feeding the baby breast milk only.Esspicially after they had the formula scare 2 years ago in China.The breast will be whipped out anywhere and everywhere to feed the baby.Baby will sleep with new mother for about the first three months.Up to 2 years.Or until you put a stop to it.

Babies will be dressed in multiple layers of clothes and blanets.Even if the inside tempeture is 85 degrees and the outside tempeture is 100.

New fathers you have ben demoted to the lowest form of life known to man.For about the first month.After that you are ok.You no nothing about babies so you are not allowed alone with the baby.You can hold it for a couple of minutes with your wifes supervision.

The baby learns to walk.Baby falls down.50 Chinese ladies from 30 miles away will run and pick the baby back up.Dust him off look him over good.Then give you a dirty look.Because you dared let the baby king trip over his own feet.

Like Ted said it all comes down to blending the 2 cultures.Both of my kids where dissposable diapers.Conner my youngest son doe's eat brest milk and formula.When the babies were first born they did sleep in the same bed untill they were completly off the breast. I threw the cord away the first time I seen it on one of the kids.It has never reapeared.She didn't stay in bed a month with eather kid.I don't know how to cook Chinese food.And she couldn't reach the computer from the bed.So that was out.The pants with the seat cut out of them.I used them to work on my truck.Then they just kind of dissapeared.I do let the kids wear multiple layers of clothes until my wife isn't looking then I will take the blanket off or hold them without a blanket until.I'm caught and she brings me one.

When the the oldest was learnng to walk.And he would fall down.She would go over and pick him up.And he would cry and scream.I finnally told her to let him pick himself up.after a couple of times of him falling down and then him haveing to pick himself up.There was no cryiing.No big shows.He just picks himself up.Dusts off his own pants and off he runs.It has also made him able to entertain himself if she is doing something else.

Last time we were in China he fell down.And here comes the 50 Chinese ladies my wife stopped them.And told them that he was allright and he could do it by himself.And sure enough he did he picked himself up.Dusted off his pants then rubbed his hands together and off he ran.

Irishman if this still doesn't work for your lady and her mother.There mite be another option open to you.In the states.The lady can go back to China and have the baby.Then the husband goes to the consulate and requests a American citizen born abroad application.On completion of the application.The consulate is supposed to issue a birth certificate a passport.So that you can take the kid to the states.

Ireland mite have something like this.You may want to look at this option.I dont know how long this takes.Or how much is involved with this.

Maxx


Well I know that will be a good post for me in the future as well.
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Offline Voiceroveip

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RE: Raising a child with a Chinese wife in the west
« Reply #7 on: February 25, 2010, 08:26:19 am »
Quote from: 'maxx' pid='32375' dateline='1266910573'

Irshmen you answerd it about the best that you could.No matter what I write here.It is something that you both have to learn as you go.Each lady is different.Each family is different.And what they beleave about raising kids is different.

A good example of some Chines customs.New mother has to stay in bed and rest for the first month.Mother first food after the baby is born.Is a special soup.It must be eaten 2 times at about 24 hours apart.In between the new mother can drink water and eat jello.No rice and postivly nothing cold.

After three or four months into the pregnancy.You mite as well forget about getting lucky.Because you are not getting any.She is way to sick.And it is against customs.

Babies diaper for new born.Is a cord around the babies hips with a dirty rag ran between the baby's legs wrapped up around the bum and secured in back. with the cord.After the baby is older no diaper is worn when the baby is out.They have special pants.That have the bum area cut out.The cord is still optional.

Feeding the baby breast milk only.Esspicially after they had the formula scare 2 years ago in China.The breast will be whipped out anywhere and everywhere to feed the baby.Baby will sleep with new mother for about the first three months.Up to 2 years.Or until you put a stop to it.

Babies will be dressed in multiple layers of clothes and blanets.Even if the inside tempeture is 85 degrees and the outside tempeture is 100.

New fathers you have ben demoted to the lowest form of life known to man.For about the first month.After that you are ok.You no nothing about babies so you are not allowed alone with the baby.You can hold it for a couple of minutes with your wifes supervision.

The baby learns to walk.Baby falls down.50 Chinese ladies from 30 miles away will run and pick the baby back up.Dust him off look him over good.Then give you a dirty look.Because you dared let the baby king trip over his own feet.

Like Ted said it all comes down to blending the 2 cultures.Both of my kids where dissposable diapers.Conner my youngest son doe's eat brest milk and formula.When the babies were first born they did sleep in the same bed untill they were completly off the breast. I threw the cord away the first time I seen it on one of the kids.It has never reapeared.She didn't stay in bed a month with eather kid.I don't know how to cook Chinese food.And she couldn't reach the computer from the bed.So that was out.The pants with the seat cut out of them.I used them to work on my truck.Then they just kind of dissapeared.I do let the kids wear multiple layers of clothes until my wife isn't looking then I will take the blanket off or hold them without a blanket until.I'm caught and she brings me one.

When the the oldest was learnng to walk.And he would fall down.She would go over and pick him up.And he would cry and scream.I finnally told her to let him pick himself up.after a couple of times of him falling down and then him haveing to pick himself up.There was no cryiing.No big shows.He just picks himself up.Dusts off his own pants and off he runs.It has also made him able to entertain himself if she is doing something else.

Last time we were in China he fell down.And here comes the 50 Chinese ladies my wife stopped them.And told them that he was allright and he could do it by himself.And sure enough he did he picked himself up.Dusted off his pants then rubbed his hands together and off he ran.

Irishman if this still doesn't work for your lady and her mother.There mite be another option open to you.In the states.The lady can go back to China and have the baby.Then the husband goes to the consulate and requests a American citizen born abroad application.On completion of the application.The consulate is supposed to issue a birth certificate a passport.So that you can take the kid to the states.

Ireland mite have something like this.You may want to look at this option.I dont know how long this takes.Or how much is involved with this.

Maxx


I'll learn this post by heart :icon_cheesygrin: Thanks Maxx !!
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