meaning of visit

[Lee357]

Lee,

Good point, ....and yes it was quite common, especially just after the single child rule came in to force.
I have heard of a few ladies needing to sort this problem out, and for the same reason, but have not heard of it being expensive as such, but more along the lines of time consuming if your trying to do it yourself ....

So what are you calling expensive then Lee??  Expensive in our terms, or their terms??  Did you hire a fixer to get the paperwork sorted out, or just someone who to knew who to bibe??  haha!!!

David....

It was easy to fix. The expensive part was I left it up to her to fix. She did not know where to go or who to talk to. so she started with people she new in the local government. At each person she talked to it took some kind of money to get the name of another person. I think since she is a migrant worker and trying to find out how to fix the problem in a different city than her birth city she was taken advantage of. I would have came here to ask but the site was down. So she found out and fixed it. My cost in total was $500. expensive considering for $25 filling fee she could have fixed it. like I said easy fix that was very expensive. I talked of it so others would not have to do what I did. Might I add she was scared to death she or even her parents would be fined and even maybe put in jail. This is a real fear for her. It has kept her from every trying to fix this. Another thing I think I have learned is to try to keep your lady from telling anybody she is trying to deal with over things like this, that she is doing this so she can marry a foreigner. I do believe immediate dollar signs roll in their eyes and the cost of everything at least doubles.
Long story short, yes it was expensive bribing people to find the right person to pay. 

[Lee357]

Lee, what is the age of your lady?  Since Xiuru and I are both 56, she also did not have a birth cirtificate.  All she had to do was go to the local notory.  She filled out a simple form, stating her birth date, the names of her mother and father, and place of birth.  Two days later she had what is called the Notorial Birth Certificate.  No cost.  This along with her National Registery Card, and Passport, were all that was needed for the K-1 visa process.  Just an update here.  I sent the K-1 visa request to the homeland secruity office on February 1, 2010.  May 1 we got approval.  Then went to the State Department's National Visa Center.  Was processed and sent to China on May 8th.  I leave Monday for Shenyang.  Xiuru has all the papework necessary for the interview.  We are now just waiting for the Embassy to send us the date.

 buzz

Buzz,
The one child policy started in 1979 so your Lady was not born and then illegally not registered. my Lady was born in 1982 so she was born in the beginning of the policy. So her and her parents fear of the fact they violated the law is very ingrained and real. They have good reason to fear law enforcement finding out. The fines can be very steep and the fact is they never know how their social status is going to affect the justice they receive. My lady comes from a very poor farming family. She is now a migrant worker, and on top of all of that she is a minority in China. She is from Tibet. all of this stacks against her when dealing with the government at the local level especially since she is trying to do it from a city that is not her birth city.

[Chong]

The one child policy started in 1979 so your Lady was not born and then illegally not registered. my Lady was born in 1982 so she was born in the beginning of the policy. So her and her parents fear of the fact they violated the law is very ingrained and real. They have good reason to fear law enforcement finding out. The fines can be very steep and the fact is they never know how their social status is going to affect the justice they receive. My lady comes from a very poor farming family. She is now a migrant worker, and on top of all of that she is a minority in China. She is from Tibet. all of this stacks against her when dealing with the government at the local level especially since she is trying to do it from a city that is not her birth city.

My wife said that farmers / village residents are allowed to have two children. Her uncle is an example. Maybe it's the same in Tibet My in-laws then paid a penalty when they had their third child [ 1984 ].

[Lee357]

The truth of the matter is I do not know if farmers are allowed more than one or not. I do know that my lady and her family seem to think they were not allowed more than one. So her birth was never registered. she has never been to school and she has worked in the city since she was 15 as a migrant worker. I do know she is one of the Chinese people that have slipped through the cracks of their society. She seems to think it is her lot in life and is very happy with her life as it is. So I do not input my personal beliefs on the matter. I only brought it up so others might not get the shock of not being told until 5 months before the wedding that she can not get married because of this issue. It took me weeks to convince her to try and find a solution. she did not believe that it could be fixed. She was scared to death I would leave her, she was terrified once the government knew about it she would be thrown in jail or fined very heavily. She was even more scared that her parents would get into trouble over the whole thing. To tell the truth I was a little surprised at her not thinking this could be solved. She has been very self assured ever since my visit and has totally managed the whole wedding plans, living arrangements, banking arrangements for me. She seemed to be able to handle everything in life. It was a very good lesson on just how fragile these ladies can be.     

[temur72]

The one child policy started in 1979 so your Lady was not born and then illegally not registered. my Lady was born in 1982 so she was born in the beginning of the policy. So her and her parents fear of the fact they violated the law is very ingrained and real. They have good reason to fear law enforcement finding out. The fines can be very steep and the fact is they never know how their social status is going to affect the justice they receive. My lady comes from a very poor farming family. She is now a migrant worker, and on top of all of that she is a minority in China. She is from Tibet. all of this stacks against her when dealing with the government at the local level especially since she is trying to do it from a city that is not her birth city.

My wife said that farmers / village residents are allowed to have two children. Her uncle is an example. Maybe it's the same in Tibet My in-laws then paid a penalty when they had their third child [ 1984 ].

Many minorities and rural families now have the one child policy relaxed. It is  a fairly recent change in Chinese policy, and one due to increase social stability among minorities, and of course the rural poor.

[Lee357]

In all honesty, the point i wanted to convey was to breach this subject very tenderly with your lady. Try to do it earlier rather than later. I did not find out about this problem until after I had already sent money for the wedding, spent money on two trips and have sent money for support to my Lady. If she had insisted on not trying to fix this problem I would have been out real money. I know that is not the primary concern. money is not everything, but if you are like me it is a very big one as money does not grow on trees. If your lady is in the same position mine was. She will be very scared not only to tell you but also of what the government will do to her and more importantly to her parents. She will give up a love that she desperately wants to (in her mind) protect her parents. I can guarantee that most of these ladies will allow it to end with you before she puts her family in trouble with the central government. This can happen without you ever knowing what happened. It is something that I had not even thought about. I was totally unprepared to discuss it nor did I have any knowledge of how to fix it. My lady totally relied on me for courage and for advise on how to fix the problem. I was lucky in that I had built a trust with her. Otherwise by her own admission she was going to just quit on us and start an argument then break it off with me. She instead went against her first nature and discussed such a big problem with me. This is at its core a family problem to them. Unless you are considered part of the family it will be against their nature to even discuss it with you. It could be a very bad situation that you will not have any control over much less even know that it is happening.

[ttwjr32]

its always been allowed that people from the countryside can have 2 children

[Lee357]

update. on may 26 at 2:34 pm beijing time. My dearest love was killed in a car accident. I thank you all for your support. and kindness. I will not be on for a while. as you pobably can tell I do not want to talk about nor do I want to think about this. I found out today from her mother. about ten minutes ago. I really do not even know why I came on here to talk about this. probably because I do not know any one in my life that approved of my going to China to find a wife. I think also I can put it in words. and cry without anyone actually seeing me. or telling me it is going to be alright. right now it does not feel like it is going to be alright. I am sitting alone. I have never felt so alone as i do right now. I am numb. i can not think. i feel like some one has sucked all the air out of the room. This has got to be some cruel joke. well i am going now. and please do not tell me it will be alright. if i do come back in the next few weeks. i do not think i will feel like it is ever going to be alright. i feel like life has cheated me. i actually feel cheated. bye.

[Scottish_Rob]

Lee, I'm sure the whole membership here will pass their condonences to you.
But I know, words cannot take the pain away.  Right now, you need time to takeit in and grieve.  As mike said, 'our' prayers are with all connected.  And we are here for you, if you need anyone.

What you have told us, will probably hit a nerve with those who are attached and have our ladies there.

So very sorry my friend.

[Martin]

I am sorry.  That's all I will say.

[Irishman]

Lee, hard to know what to say at a moment like this. You have my sincere condolences. 

[maxx]

Lee I'm sorry to hear this.

[RobertBfrom aust]

Lee , may she become the most beautiful angel of all, we are so sad , Robert and Sujuan .

[ttwjr32]

are deepest condolences from Ted and Sara

[daghoi]

Im so sorry to read this. My deepest condolences to you.