Not sure if I'm being scammed, would like some advice...

[Draydis]

Hi everyone, I recently joined the forum and this is my first post

I've been communicating for the past 3 or so months with a girl on Chnlove, the last 3 numbers of her profile id are 236.  She doesn't speak more than a few words of English so we've been talking via EMF's, which yeah are pricey.

Before about a month ago, she always turned away my requests for her normal email address or to talk on QQ or webcam or for me to send her a text msg, she said she wanted to keep using the translation service so the "meaning of our conversations isn't lost", and says she doesn't use messaging like QQ or msn.  When I asked her if she could go onto webcam with me (this was a couple days before Chinese New Year started), she said she was too busy due to work and the upcoming New Year, and might have time after it.  She hasn't mentioned it since though.

Then I joined the forum here and read about various scams by translators or agencies, and because I already thought it odd that she didn't seem like she wanted to move away from the EMF's, I sent her a message asking her to send me an email from her normal address, and asking her for a couple "natural" photos, since all the ones on her profile and all the ones she has sent me appear to have been done by a studio.  She sent me a normal email with a couple words, which was fine, and told me she doesn't own a camera, and that she'd already sent me a "natural" photo of her.. the one to which she was referring was one she'd sent me a couple weeks before, of her at work, which to me looks like it was posed but I can't be certain.

I asked her if she had any pics of her family, she said she has none, because her family doesn't like their pictures being taken due to a superstition.

Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but does anyone else think it strange for her to not have a camera?  Or for her to not have any pics of herself out doing things with friends, etc?  The messages I get from her are ok, although usually don't contain much new information.  From what she says in her messages, it sounds like it's really her, and not the translator, communicating with me.  We've talked about me going over to China this summer to visit her, and she seems fine with that and even suggested a couple places she'd like to go with me.

On one hand I feel she's genuine, on the other I can't shake the feeling that I'm being played with.

Does anyone have any suggestions on things I might ask her so I can be certain?  Or advice from your own experiences?  Anything would be appreciated, the EMF's are starting to take a big chunk out of my pay, I don't mind paying them if she's genuine, but again.. I'm not certain.

Thanks,
D.

[David E]

Draydis

At some point in time, most of us here have been through this drama with Ladies from CHNLove.....I am sure you will see this as you read the many posts on the subject.

On the one hand, CHNLove will fight you pretty hard to keep the EMF traffic going because it is their revenue at stake.

On the other hand, after a period of time, if you get real pushy they will usually give in and allow you some more personal communication such as email or even web-cam.

You cannot know at this time whether it is your Lady or CHNLove translators who are stonewalling. So as long as you keep sending EMF's, nothing will change.

Sad to say, there are only 2 options.........

1) Get tough..."either we get on to more personal communication or I will disappear", or

2) Get on a plane and go and see for yourself !!!

Either way, it is a risk !!!

The real problem right now is that you have no idea if the Lady you are corresponding with has any idea what you say in your EMF's.....she may well be getting a fully "fluffed" version from the translator !!

You will note from all the posts that some Bros have fully completed their relationship with a wonderful woman based solely on EMF's and ultimately, a personal meeting.

You will also note that many Bros have been burned by this route !!!

From my experience, I dont think there is a person left in China who does not have a mobile phone...and they all LOVE taking and getting photos, especially of family and family gatherings !!

One last caution....this lady may be a little hesitant to get more personal with you because she may have had communications in the past from Men who were not serious in their search and she has been let down...thus she is being cautious with you.

I regret that there does not seem to be a cast-iron answer to your questions...these questions have been asked many times by many Bros and we just gotta work through it  and hopefully win the big prize :icon_cheesygrin:

At this moment, she appears to have declined any type of further communication, so for me...its a big red flag...but you may want to pursue it a little further before jumping !!

DavidE

[ttwjr32]

well you now have her email so continue to write her there and see
what develops. i would send her an emf saying you will keep in contact
with her there in the private email box and see what develops.

one interesting note i dont understand why she doesnt have pictures
of her and the family as they are very big on that. they even take pics with
the cell phone when they are out and about. they do have translation on
there computers so she could write from this.

just try some different angles and see what happens you do have 3 months
with her  were is she from how old? some of this plays into this alsoalso an admendment to my post--- David did hit on a point that

maybe she has had communication in the past and the men didnt
follow up with a visit. we talk about the agencies and ladies here
but that also is an issue were men come and go for whatever
reason leaving the woman to wonder what happened??

[David5o]

Draydis,

What David E has told you is the basic truth of the matter.

The Photo thing gave me a real chuckle, as Dave said, virtually all mobiles in China have camera facility, and are used prolifically ALL the time!! Not only that, you can find photo studio's on every street corner in every city throughout China!! The Chinese like nothing better than to pose for a photo, ...hahaha!!

I wouldn't leave it too long before getting a little more insistent on requesting other forms of communication, the longer you leave it, the harder it will be, ...and in more than just one way!!!

As mentioned, both of you could be getting the fluff treatment from the translator, which is why it is so important to have additional means of communication between you both...

David.....

[trwme]

What agency is she with, Draydis? Maybe some of the brothers have some experience with the agency and could give you a bit more info.

Also, what David E. said above, and which Ted seconded, could also be a factor, depending on her personal situation. Maybe she's been burned in the past. My lady has been, so it can be an issue I know.

I don't have all that much experience at this yet myself, but I have learned both from the ladies I've written and through the brothers here that many of them live a distance from the agency they are with. So it's not easy for them to go to the agencies, and they get their emfs read to them (and they respond to them) over the phone. What I did, and which you might consider, is asking her how she gets and responds to your emfs.

[Draydis]

Thanks for the info and advice, I really appreciate it.

I hadn't considered the possibility that she may have been burned in the past.. maybe she was, I'll try and find out at some future point when it feels like the right time to ask about it.

Actually, I sent her an EMF a couple hours ago and in it I asked her how the EMF system works with her.  I also mentioned again that I'd like to try a phone call next weekend, or on a day around then that's convenient for her.  I've been trying to learn some Chinese over the past few months and am at the point where I can keep up a (very) basic conversation.

I'm not sure where she lives in relation to the Agency, but I know she works about a 30-minute bus ride from them, because I sent her a rose on Valentine's Day, to the address she had given me early on (the Agency's address).

By the way, the Agency is "Nanning OuYuan Marriage Information Consulting Service Co. Ltd."  I've read a lot of posts on the forums here and it seems like this Agency is a pretty good one, I haven't found any remarks about people being scammed.  I'm pretty sure her messages to me have been fluffed up though, based on some differences in the way her messages ended before and after the time I voiced my concerns and asked her to go on webcam and send me a couple normal pics.  Then again, mine to her are probably being fluffed up somehow too.

[odysseus007]

Haha Draydis,

I believe your nick comes from Battlestar Galactica? Are you worried, maybe, umm.... she's Cylon? :icon_cheesygrin:

As a rule if her messages are "ho hum, nothin new" either she's boring, or translator writes them. Get specific, ask detailed stuff, that only she can answer, it's long past the point when I would have gotten direct contact or dropped her. The longer you leave it, the more she/translator thinks you're a perpetual virtual penpal.

[Willy The Londoner]

What I have noticed here is that until the woman really get to know you they tend to hold back on information.  Especially if they have children or family.  They too can become involved with an internet relationship if it expands to other methods of contact.  And the women could well be protecting them.  A lot of women have had other men contact them and have suddenly heard from them not more as the men started talking to several women and then cut down the number.

They may be able to speak a few words of English but they do not get much of an opportunity of using it.  They are very concious that they may be pronouncing words wrong or they will not understand you.  They hear different English accents in films and think 'I have been saying it wrong' then they hear the same word from another and they sound different again.

 I first starting talking with a women who had a lot of English and we could have conversations but she often had trouble understanding everything I say.  Teds wife, who I have met many times also has difficulty at times in understanding me.    The do not like speaking in English unless they really have to.

But all this will not allay your fears.  You do have to reach a point where you must tell her (and the translator) that unless there is some direct contact then you will continue to have a fear that she is not real and if she wants to continue contact then there must be some indication on her part to show that she wants to continue.

Face to face contact is best and as every one knows that when I came here things did not work out. But I always say that you CANNOT build a relationship by internet, telephone, webcam, QQ, Messenger or any other method that I did not try with my first lady.   If anyone says they can then they are living in a dream world  (Maybe I am as I have a thread on that!!!) and are probably in love with being in love.    

Willy

[Martin]

I agree with everything David E said.  For me, I question several points...points that others have also mentioned.  No pictures of her or the family?  I have a tough time buying into that.  Like David5o said...they all have a mobile phone.  My wife has three.  I am sure all three take pictures as well.  And she carries a small camera in her purse.

Also, I have a hard time believing that a Chinese woman doesn't use communication programs like MSN or QQ.  Is there anyone in China that doesn't have a QQ account?  Hell, I remember hearing the QQ sounds coming from people's mobile phones, because they had QQ there.

Personally, I have a bunch of red flags on this situation.  But, maybe she has been burned in the past.  Follow your heart, but listen to your brain.  Ask questions from her, and feel free to ask us questions here.  This could very well be your best resource for help.

[Oiler1]

If a woman over time does not give you her personal contact information, then it's a big red flag. As per advice here, they all have cell phones and almost all have QQ. If you send them text messages in Chinese and they do not respond or if their e-mails don't say much it's time to cut your losses.

[ttwjr32]

you did say you have her regular email right? well start writing there and see what happens
 or is it an agency generated email box??
 like martin said follow your heart but listen to the brain

[Draydis]

odysseus007: yup my nick comes from Battlestar Galactica

ttwjr32: the email address I have for her is a yahoo.cn account, so I assume it's a personal one and not agency-generated.

So I sent her an EMF last night mentioning again I'd like to try a phone call with her, and telling her that I think my Chinese is good enough now for a basic conversation.  She replied "I haven't prepared well for it so far, you know, it is my first time to talk to a foreigner on the phone, I never did it before so I am nervous. I prefer we talk later, when my English is better".

Maybe the translator left out the part where I said we could speak in Chinese.  3 months ago she said she would try to learn more English so we could talk one on one, and apparently she hasn't learned any over that time, so I don't think she has any real intention of learning more.

I used my last credit to read her reply, so my plan is to buy 4 more credits in a couple days and EMF her something along the lines that it seems to me like she's not serious, and I'll ask her if she had bad experiences in the past with other guys.  I'll say that I'm not going to buy any more credits and that if she wants to continue with me, we'll have to start communicating by other means.  I don't want it to sound like I'm giving her an ultimatum though.

I hope it doesn't backfire, but I guess that's a risk I'll have to take.

[David5o]

Draydis,

Like Ted suggested, i would try her email route, it's probably an agency controlled email address anyway. If it is, then it will get translated both ways by the translator, the same way as the EMF's that your paying for now.

From there, i would then start working towards web cam/messenger, via QQ, Yahoo, MSN, AOL, etc....

Most agency controlled emails are ....her profile name and normally a Yahoo.com or a 126.com account....

David....

[Draydis]

Thanks, I'll try that and see how it goes.

Her email is pretty much her profile name and the yahoo.cn, but I'm not sure if it's agency controlled, because the replies I've gotten from her on it when I've emailed her there in the past have been in extremely broken English, and only a very few words.  Unless that's how they do it with agency-controlled email.. ahh now I'm just getting paranoid

The next couple days will tell.  Thanks again everyone for all the input and advice, I really appreciate it.

[maxx]

Draydis your probably just being paranoid.If her email address starts with her name.There is a good chance it is NOT agency controlled.