A letter sent to my lady in Zhoucheng. Hope it will give a small insight into what I think helps for a happy marriage..
Hello Darling Wife
There is a life long question that has to be answered by every loving couple that is on Gods Earth This is ..'What makes for a Happy and Contented Marriage? 'Well here are my thoughts on this question...
The key to any relationship is Patience and Understanding.
Patience
Be patient with the person you are with, especially in an interracial marriage
There will be things about them that may make you think something is not quite right?
This could be a 'look' they give you. or 'something' they say or 'do'.
What has to be remembered is that both parties have so much to learn about each other. Not only about the person, but also about their emotions, their ways, their culture, their language.
So being patient WILL HELP you achieve a better understanding of this person
There is a rule of thumb, that I now always follow, when my love say's or does something I'm not too sure about. this is called the 24 hour rule...I learned this through a certain website that I was on, and has helped me tremendously.
What it means is...For example....If they say something that your not sure about, or something they may say that could enflame te current situation...HOLD OFF. Take 24 hours to digest what they were trying to say? Find out what exactly they mean? Do NOT ANSWER straight away, this could be the wrong thing to do..You may answer the particular question in a way they do not like. THINK about what they want to know. they may have worded their sentence wrong, which can happen with the translation of the 2 languages. So...BE PATIENT
Understanding
To know someone is cool... To understand this person is really cool, but there is a difference.
You may know the person but DO YOU REALY UNDERSTAND THEM?
Understand that, when you marry that special person, you are undertaking a massive step.
Understand the LANGUAGE...read, write, learn...then READ,WRITE, LEARN again...
Understand their CULTURE....read, learn...READ EVERYTHING you can about it, and LEARN about it. Their culture is NOT the SAME as yours. There Language is NOT the SAME as yours. Their THINKING is NOT the SAME as yours.
UNDERSTAND their culture, their mindset.
They will be in a marriage that is unaccustomed to them, different language, differnt cultural changes, different thinking, different food, different habits. The key to a harmoinious marriage is UNDERSTANDING.
LEARN
To become a happy marriage, everyone involved must LEARN.
Learning the language, learning the culture, learning the habits. BUT the best way to do this is by SHARING the LEARNING. Make it FUN, if something is fun, then there is enjoyment within, if it becomes a chore (boring) then NO ONE will enjoy doing it.
Most people learn to love one another MORE because of the amount of 'Fun' that is in their relationship.
Teach the person about the differnt meanings in the words. Tell them about YOUR Countries history, more often than not they would not know much about it. If you think about it from your perspective, 'What did YOU really know/learn from school about their culture -NOT A LOT, I would say. This will show the person that your Country is a s important to you, as their Country is to them.
Remember, you can take the person out of the Country, BUT, you will never take the Country out of the person.
Learn about the cooking habits, taste the food! Learn everything you can about the person, the best way to do this is by ALWAYS asking them, most people like to talk about themselves
Be Sincere and Honest with the one your with. Never promise them anything unless you mean to keep that promise. Never do anything that will make the person 'Lose face'. Value their right to be an independant entity of their own. Value their friendship, their family their love. For this will be given back tenfold..
So I hope this may help in your search for a happy, harmonious and contented marriage
Rob