Help??

[dude]

Roy,
 this is good your keeping an open mind! If you come to Wuhan and things don't pan out, just hit the agency up and they have plenty of beautfiul women waiting to meet a good man! Also there are great night clubs there too! I'm curious are you doing all your communication by EMF's or email's or how? You may have posted your situation on another thread and I just haven't seen...I'm just curious.....

[Zhuzhu]

She is just joking with you and making fun of you. Actually she wants you to be the host, which means that she wants you to be her boyfriend/husband. If you are the host, you two will be a couple. If you are the guest, you two are just friends. There is nothing to do with who would pay for the meal as it is a meal cooked at home and not expensive.

[trwme]

Roy,
 this is good your keeping an open mind! If you come to Wuhan and things don't pan out, just hit the agency up and they have plenty of beautfiul women waiting to meet a good man! Also there are great night clubs there too! I'm curious are you doing all your communication by EMF's or email's or how? You may have posted your situation on another thread and I just haven't seen...I'm just curious.....

Hi dude,

We talk on the phone once a week, and the rest are emf's for now. I bought a boatload of credits at the beginning because I was writing to several women at once, and then when it became clear to me who I was most drawn to, I ended the other contacts and have been using up the remaining credits with Xin, since there are no rebates and you lose them after 3 months anyway, as I understand it. I developed a bit of a side conversation with our translator at the beginning, and I looked at the responses I was getting from Xin from all angles, and I'm pretty confident Cecily (our translator) is doing an honest job for us. Xin tells me that usually (although not always) she goes to the agency to have her response (which she says she writes out beforehand) translated and sent to me. She gets my letters read to her over the phone, word for word she says, and writes them down-which I tend to believe, because there is nothing ever left out or unresponded to, and we have certain back and forth things that are ongoing. Stuff from two or three emfs before will be mentioned (or used to tease me, lol) later on in another emf. However long my letters are, hers match it-and on more than one occasion I've bumped right up against the 6,000 character limit.

I didn't have to resort to any threats or ultimatums to get her phone#. I just suggested in one emf that we needed to get some more direct contact going soon, and in the very next letter she sent her phone #. I still have about 20 credits left, and pretty soon I'm going to push for some other contact besides emfs, so I don't have to buy more credits. We'll see how that goes, when the time comes. That money will be better used to go towards going there to meet.

She is just joking with you and making fun of you. Actually she wants you to be the host, which means that she wants you to be her boyfriend/husband. If you are the host, you two will be a couple. If you are the guest, you two are just friends. There is nothing to do with who would pay for the meal as it is a meal cooked at home and not expensive.

That fits. She was very pleased I chose to be a host instead of a guest, and she is ALWAYS teasing me about something! lol.

[trwme]

Alright, approaching a moment of truth phase with Xin. I've started urging her that we should get off the emfs. When I eliminated everyone else but her, i had a ton of credits left, so I've been burning them up with her, but they are about gone-have about a weeks worth left at the rate we use them (2 a day). so I've asked for private email/QQ, yahoo, or msn im to go along with our phone convos. She's not completely resisting it, but she is hestitant, saying she wants to find someone to help her on her end with the translation-she doesn't trust the translation software she says, she's worried it won't translate things accurately and that will lead to misunderstandings and problems. She hasn't said 'we have to stay on the agency/emf program'.....but......

[brett]

I am now a bit hesitant about leaving EMFs completely. That was a gigantic mistake in my relationship.

An honest agency will dump a lady who is trying to scam you. Keep them in the loop, even if you only send one EMF a week.

[falcon]

I agree that translation software can easily lead to misunderstandings and problems, that you should keep EMF's (such as they are) as they are your established means of communication. I had a major problem with this early on.

[ttwjr32]

Roy,
the problems only become problems if you let it become. yes there will be
things you dont understand but just ask each other to explain it.

you know--- i dont understand please explain---   you will find i think that
you do come closer faster when you use this approach. the ones that dont
work i think are from lack of PATIENCE and UNDERSTANDING so go for it as
you know eventually you have to tackle it anyway so why not now rather
than later. just my suggestion

Ted

[trwme]

Roy,
the problems only become problems if you let it become. yes there will be
things you dont understand but just ask each other to explain it.

you know--- i dont understand please explain---   you will find i think that
you do come closer faster when you use this approach. the ones that dont
work i think are from lack of PATIENCE and UNDERSTANDING so go for it as
you know eventually you have to tackle it anyway so why not now rather
than later. just my suggestion

Ted

Well, I've given her the chance to decide how she wants to do it....even if it is through her agency email to begin with, for now. I can't see spending $200+ a month on emfs, since it is going to be several months before I can go there. There are better uses for that money, and the agency is going to get their payday in the end anyway if it works out, so they do not really need it. I'm trying to get this up to more direct, immediate communication-im and webcam-eventually. The phone convos are wonderful, but right now they are basically teaching each other our languages.

She is just joking with you and making fun of you. Actually she wants you to be the host, which means that she wants you to be her boyfriend/husband. If you are the host, you two will be a couple. If you are the guest, you two are just friends. There is nothing to do with who would pay for the meal as it is a meal cooked at home and not expensive.

Yeah, you were right Zhuzhu-a couple of emfs later she came at this again in a different way. I'd written her a little poem, and she said she'd written it in her diary and was going to show it to all her friends when I became a famous guitar player, and then she'd tell them I was her boyfriend-and asked me what I thought? I've finally come to realize how she goes about trying to find out stuff from me in a roundabout, indirect manner, lol. I told her that, well, if she was going to wait until I was famous to call me her boyfriend, she'd be waiting a loooong time-but that I was pretty well known for it in the area where I live, was that famous enough for her?

She jumped right on it, lol. I'm not sure if she was looking for my permission to call me her bf, or for confirmation from me that I felt the same way, but we are now officially bf/gf in her eyes.

[ttwjr32]

it is great to hear her voice though right Roy? and the
bf/gf role is kind of a cute thing as i remember when that
happened and i thought to myself that this hasnt happened
since high school which i thought was cute

[trwme]

it is great to hear her voice though right Roy? and the
bf/gf role is kind of a cute thing as i remember when that
happened and i thought to myself that this hasnt happened
since high school which i thought was cute

Yes, it is wonderful to hear her voice. Especially this last call, she sang a couple of songs to me, lol, one chinese and a couple in english. Of course, she then wanted me to sing to her! Yeah, the whole bf/gf thing is cute, and she is a very romantic woman.

A couple of weeks ago I told her I was running out of credits for the emfs, and suggested we get beyond using the agency and get to im/webcam/voice chat or private email-even if it was the agency email. She said she'd have to find a translator, which kinda makes me wonder. I wrote back and said I didn't want her to have to spend any money for translation services, that I'd go ahead and get some more credits-and she told me NOT to buy any more credits, she'd find a translator this weekend and write me at my private email address, she wanted to help me save money. She says she doesn't have a computer, but she's saving up for one. I dunno, this has all kinda sent some mixed signals.

I really am not sure why she has to find a translator if she is going to use the agency controlled email, which everyone here says all the ladies have. With the first woman I wrote at chnlove, it was all done through personal email with the agency translator doing the translations-or so she told me. I do know Xin's best friend married a westerner and lives in Nevada now, so I am wondering if she is going to ask her to help maybe.

If she doesn't have a computer, is she using an internet cafe? She hasn't answered that. I've suggested the webcam/video chat thing a few times, and she's never responded to that. This stuff doesn't add up-unless there is agency interference going on here of some sort. And as I say, we do talk on the phone once a week right now, for over an hour usually, and we teach each other our languages (plus now we sing to each other, lol) so that tells me she is interested still. She never blows me off or gives me an excuse why she has to go, I am always the one who has the end the call.

So right now I am waiting to her from her in my personal email. I still have a few credits left to write her if I don't hear from her reasonably soon, plus I have her phone #, and I can get some more credits with no problem.

[shaun]

Roy,

Even if the communication through email is through the agency it is better than EMF and is a step toward getting away from the agency.  If the two of you decide to use the software translator then you both need to understand that the translations will quite often be incorrect.  I like watching Peggy as the translates.  The faces she makes.  I laugh a lot.  So does she.  It took an agreement between us.  If we are about to say something that is not going to be easy then with either say This is difficult but... or I am unhappy because...  We discovered this after many arguments.  It works well.  If we receive a bad message without this beginning we assume everything as positive.

We also have the webcam on and can hear the reaction to the translation.  She will say, huh, no, no, no, OK, chuckle.  If I do not that sequence then I say What is wrong.  It is working every time.

Shaun

[trwme]

Hi Shaun,

When she says she is looking for a translator, she means a human translator-she's told me she is afraid of the translation software making mistakes and causing problems.

I haven't been able to coax her to the im/video chat yet. I'm set up to do video/audio so we wouldn't need a translator at all-as long as she can have the same video/audio capability on her end. I'm trying to remain patient. One step at a time. I got her phone #, we've been talking there weekly. When I got her phone number I had suggested several ways we could get more direct communication, and she chose phone. Same here, she decided on personal email. So I'm basically letting her decide what she is comfortable doing as we go along and expand our contact. I guess the webcam will be the last thing, sigh.