Author Topic: "Good girls"  (Read 11421 times)

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Offline matthifre

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"Good girls"
« on: May 15, 2009, 01:59:42 pm »
I open this thread because this is really something I think about. It has to do with a special experience I made on my last visit in China. I fall in love with a girl who already had a fiancé. But we loved each other and it was very hot.
Her fiancé is an Austrian guy and she sees him only a few times a year now. He left Shanghai back to Austria. But he will help her to study abroad.
So she says she loves me but cannot come to me because her family wants her to marry this guy. After three years she cannot change man, else she is a" bad gir".

Of course, I know, she is interested to come to Europe quick and he is the quicker way.

So my question is about  "good girls". What is expected from a girl in China to be a good girl? Do the Chinese girls want or need  to be "good" because else they will be banned from family and friends? Are they under pressure to behave like the family wants?

Best regards

Matthi

Offline cHi

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RE: "Good girls"
« Reply #1 on: May 15, 2009, 03:03:50 pm »
I fear that this is a touchy issue and spells disaster in many ways.  While family opinion is always very important in the eastern culture, there are women who will fight more for something they want (if it's not what the family thinks is best) harder than others.  My biggest concern, however, is how you and this woman fell in love if she was already with another man - even if she rarely sees him.  Is this something that she kept from you for a while, or were you aware of the situation and continued to pursue?  It's a very sticky situation and I can see no solution where everyone can be happy about it

Offline Rhonald

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RE: "Good girls"
« Reply #2 on: May 15, 2009, 07:30:29 pm »
I would suggest reading a book by Leslie T, Chang called "Factory Girls". It is mainly about the migrant factory workers but gives an insight on how the younger girls view family pressure in modern China.
« Last Edit: May 15, 2009, 07:31:28 pm by Rhonald »
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Shane

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RE: "Good girls"
« Reply #3 on: May 15, 2009, 08:31:16 pm »
all i can say .. takes trust.. and faith..
and hopefully loyalty
other wise was doomed from the start thats why the call it love.. you must give all unconditionally




Quote from: 'Rhonald' pid='3016' dateline='1242430229'

I would suggest reading a book by Leslie T, Chang called "Factory Girls". It is mainly about the migrant factory workers but gives an insight on how the younger girls view family pressure in modern China.

is the movie version out yet ?

Offline China Shark

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RE: "Good girls"
« Reply #4 on: May 16, 2009, 01:39:41 am »
The way I see it is lose lose if she is a traditional Chinese girl. First one on Chnlove had to walk away from because of familie's disapproval of me. It sucks but nine out of ten times the family always takes number one priority. Start investing time in someone you really have a chance of getting.
China Shark Mike
Living life the way it should be. Following the path less traveled!!!!!!!!!

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RE: "Good girls"
« Reply #5 on: May 16, 2009, 02:39:20 am »
Matthi , I agree with Michael . You need to let this one go and let her go as easy as possible . You know yourself , this is not right , so why fool yourself ... that this will all end in a good way ? How can you ever feel , that this Lady will give you all her heart ? Or are you satisfied with half her heart ?
Her becoming a" Bad Girl " in her family's eyes , is to loose " FACE " and there is nothing worse , then to loose Face , be it a chinese Man or Woman . Don't pressure her to make a choice , when her family made it already for her .
It might look good , hey I took her away from the other Man , but deep down ... it's wrong . There are so many more Lady's available , why go through all this unnecessary Headache and Heartbreak ?

Offline Peter

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RE: "Good girls"
« Reply #6 on: May 16, 2009, 07:58:33 am »
I agree with Vince..  I don't think this is a very good idea to steal her from the other man.. She will be thinking about her decision for the rest of her life and wonder if she could had a better life with the other man... I  think that she could have a good life with you but for her own sake and the doubt that can come in her mind I think you will have to see if there is another one for you... Keep trying brother and you will find someone new :)
Better to be married to a wife from Changsha then have 7000 women in Chnlove

Offline JimB

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RE: "Good girls"
« Reply #7 on: May 16, 2009, 03:04:39 pm »
I speak from experience.  What goes around comes around.  Kharma.  It may take a while but it does happen.
Maxx's 24 hour rule, learn it, live it.

Offline stuart barlow

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RE: "Good girls"
« Reply #8 on: May 16, 2009, 05:25:34 pm »
The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence!

Offline David K

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RE: "Good girls"
« Reply #9 on: May 17, 2009, 04:37:43 pm »
There is a Chinese saying "Man who chase two rabbits catch neither" I imagine it applies to Chinese girls as well :-).   What she is doing to him, sooner or later she will likely do to you..... Lifes too short to get emeshed with someone who is always looking for a better icecream  :-)
« Last Edit: May 17, 2009, 04:41:08 pm by David K »
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Offline Gautam

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RE: "Good girls"
« Reply #10 on: May 20, 2009, 11:32:55 am »
sorry chaps I am realy late in this but I really find this interesting so felt the need despite my better judgement to post this.

let me see if I have this right - You have this "thing" with a babe and it was "hot" and then she tell you she is a good girl and has a financee or some other unspecified relationship with a chap who is not there sees her infrequently and is going to get her to Europe to study.

So it good bye as she is a "good girl"

I think this speaks for itself.

But maybe the family really does like this chap she she sees infequently - they say "absence makes the heart grow fonder"

Offline matthifre

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RE: "Good girls"
« Reply #11 on: May 22, 2009, 04:49:18 am »
I should mention that I knew about the other guide before, we had some Email-Traffic because I booked her as my tourguide.
Of course I know that she was ready to betray the other guy but I understand the circumstances.

But let's see what the time will bring, there are a lot of chinese girls...

Offline Jimmy

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RE: "Good girls"
« Reply #12 on: June 28, 2009, 11:29:54 pm »
Once a woman starts cheating on her man it just becomes easier for her to do it the next time and the next time and the next time.
Jimmy Henson

Offline Sylvain D

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RE: "Good girls"
« Reply #13 on: June 30, 2009, 05:01:03 pm »
Reading' this topic just makes me thinking about the story I "live" with Ting and her traditionnal parents...
:s

*gonna chek if really prepared to face some part of reality*
Quote from: 'David K' pid='3174' dateline='1242592663'

There is a Chinese saying "Man who chase two rabbits catch neither" I imagine it applies to Chinese girls as well :-).   What she is doing to him, sooner or later she will likely do to you..... Lifes too short to get emeshed with someone who is always looking for a better icecream  :-)


are you sure it's chinese? i thought it was frenchie one ^^'
« Last Edit: June 30, 2009, 05:02:19 pm by Sylvain D »
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Offline kennyg

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RE: "Good girls"
« Reply #14 on: July 19, 2009, 11:06:36 am »
The "good girl" in China´s society... complex topic, like most topics over here :dodgy:

1.

Yes, women over here are expected to follow the family´s will. A "good girl" would drop any man in 10 seconds if her parents told her to, no questions asked.

Especially if it is a Western man. In many, especially more traditional, Chinese families, Western men -regardless of the social standing, age etc- are still second choice and only "bad women" would mingle with Westerners. That is national pride.

Also, "good girl" does not apply to mingling with Western men anyway.
Especially in the bigger cities like BeiJing, ShangHai, ShenZhen, ... it is perfectly socially acceptable to have one, two, three Western "candidates", play "hot/cold" with them, keep them warm for later... while at the same time, look for a suitable Chinese man.  

Apart from other Westerners, you get no empathy here when you fall victim to such a woman. When Western men "play" with Chinese women, its the "evil Western sex-greedy devils", when Chinese women "play" with Western men, the "Western men get what they deserve when they think they can just come here and impress our women with their money".

So, "playing" women are not "bitchy"... they are "clever". As long as they don´t treat a Chinese man badly (which would bring shame to the girl´s family).

I don´t want to sound bitter, and I am surely not, I just like to mention, occasionally, that Chinese women do not by default have an excellent character. Yes, there are plenty of pure, pretty, smart, honest and loyal women to be found, but epecially in the bigger, Westernized cities, surely due to the influx of many wealthy expats, a group of greedy "players" has risen.

2.

If a woman TELLS you: "Oh, dearest, I would not do this or that, I am a good girl" - RUN. A truly good girl will never tell you she is a "good girl"... and a true high class girl will never tell you that she is a "high class girl".

A genuinely good person does not advertise her qualities like that, she trusts that a worthy suitor recognizes her character. One who has something to hide, however, tends to advertise qualities she does not have.

Rules of thumb:

a. If a woman tells you she is a "good girl", it means: "My innocent smile works so well, you will never figure out how badly I am cheating you behind your back. Everyone knows it but you. Don´t be surprised if my friends smile at you compassionately. It is only because they like you so much.".

b. If a woman tells you she is a "high class girl", it means: "I may wear 3$-heels and feed from the 3RMB-booths on the street. But woe you if you offer me anything below *****. You only get sex when there´s an LV bag in for me. Then I am yours forever. Until another man offers me something more expensive.".

c. If it is too good to be true - it probably is. You are 40, have a low-prestige-mediocre-income job? That´s not a shame, most of us are like that :icon_cheesygrin: The lady of your dreams is 25, a big city girl wearing plenty of fake blingbling, looks like a supermodel and tells you she is "a good girl down in her heart and wants to get out of all the big-city-life stress and just have a peaceful life with a normal, loving man"? RUN!

The slightly older women, and the more educated ones who have seen a little bit from the world, may be interested in building a true, honest LTR with a Westerner. Simply because "we" treat women better, because the Western lifestyle -the individuality, the clean air, ... - suits them better etc.

But the young, prettified, uneducated ones who only know "the West" from TV (big luxurious houses, Porsche, Louis Vuitton... many think that everyone here lives like that!), usually from lower-class families... these women have been raised to go for the "grab and run" quick win. That may be "bad" in a Western person´s eyes, but a perfectly valid and reasonable "survival strategy" over there. Remember that China has very little social security and is largely still a 3rd world country.

Cheerio and when any of you dudes is coming to ShangHai, give me a holler! :icon_cool:
« Last Edit: July 19, 2009, 11:07:18 am by kennyg »