Ted, I clearly understand, and for sure, I agree on that.
I've been talking to Liyan, and she understand that yes, we will live in France, so we need to save money to buy a house first here.... and not there.
She knows that later, I wish to live in China with her, so as we talked again about that, we then will buy a house and that will be together, not only her for herself or me only for myself.
that is just clear and right.
I think in fact, too, she maybe is "scared" about that things we call "laws" related to love and house and many other things. I can not explain clearly, sorry, but she just told me "I hate that". She also told me that for sure, she would never ask for my car nor for my studio, but that yes, it would be "fair" to buy something, together, for us, and not to say later "it is mine, no, it's not yours".... and that, finally, it would be very bad.
By the way, I know Liyan was in a flat before moving to Kiki's papa home, just because she had to pay everymonth many money and, when Kiki asked her to "live" with her, she agreed. But I know she was happy anyway to have her "own" home, even if it wasn't hers. but she didn't have to be with someone else, as her parents or friends.
So, maybe, and I say it like that "maybe", would have Liyan had another home to "stay" or to live in, when going back in china, instead that going back to her parents or Kiki's papa home..
I don't try to find any excuse, but I just can say that from today, she was ok with what I've said about having first a house in France, and saving money together for it.
However, I really like your comments, be sure about that.
OK, i've read again my talking with Liyan yesterday and I can "notice" something more.
I know and I've seen that Liyan is thinking sometimes about "negative" related to future. Because of love, she told me a few times that she doesn't really trust in "love for ever", just because that could not be like that, due to her past (deceived about love). I know she had an ex, everything was fine, and one day he left her, just saying that the main reason was that she was "small" for him...
but of course she's not small, or shall that """ guy be more than 2 meters high.
However, when she's with me, she feels fine, but she fears about future... Can I be angry because of that? No, of course no. I know and see she really loves me, because of all the time we spend together on QQ and via mails, and sometimes via phone calls. And she can clearly see how much I really love her, too. and for that, she feels very happy most of time.
Maybe because she needs to be "comforted" about her "negative thoughts about future", then I must show her that yes, living together and a very very very long time is possible. I'm not her past, I'm just myself. I know what I want, I know I am very important to her, so I want to do many things.
As I also said to my parents : "yes I know what I want, I know everything I am doing, and all the "difficulty" it is, for Liyan to leave many things behind her, in China, just to come and live with me. So, no, I don't want to play with her heart and to make her waste her time, nor to make myself waste mine."
I think that, for those from here, like Arnold, who live in U.S and have their chinese wife who "left" China (job, friends, family), they maybe can understand my point of view.
Liyan is "scared", I feel it, that if one day, if our lovestory would be over, she then would have nothing to her.. nothing at all, so... and because of many divorces she has heard about, she is a bit "scared" that it would turn into bad to say what would belong to the man, and what would then belong to the woman. (I also remember about a french man who divorced and cut everything in his house with a saw... the bad "news" was that the laywer said he was right because it was 50/50 for everything in and including the house....) (true story lived in France, 2009)
Maybe because she's never been married, too, and because sometimes, her parents also quarrel, is she scared about that... but I don't know.
Now, to be honest, I don't really remember if she always wanted to have her own house in China, before being married and meeting me, but I know she told me she wouldn't live with Kiki long time, after having moved from her apartment, just because she needed to have her "own" home.... but I've never asked if that would be a house or a flat.... I just remember she told me about that, a few months ago.
I know too, that the brotherhood is really helpful and wants to give me the best comments and "MATURE" comments, and that is very important. And for that, I want to thank you all.
I have nothing more to add here, anybody knows that without communication, there is anyway NO WAY AT ALL to everything.
