Author Topic: Life in China  (Read 1464 times)

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Offline Brian Mc

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Life in China
« on: April 17, 2010, 11:32:26 am »
Greetings Brothers,

Well I have been absent from the forum for a bit and was prompted to give an update about how things have been going for Zhen and I here in Wuhu Anhui China.  So a quick summary of past events for the newer guys so they dont have to try to find it elsewhere.

Zhen and I met on chnlove in July 2009.  We wrote to each other at least one emf letter everyday until I went to see her on sept 6 2009. We did webcam and emfs before my visit.  We fell in love with each otehr before we even met and some folks including my family were sceptical of this relationship.  When I arrived in Beijing on sept 6th and we finally met face to face we both knew instantly that everything we had written in our letters was fulfilled in person.  The "connection" was most definitely there.

Our lady translator left us at our request after the first two days and we spent my remaining time in China together.  we were engaged on day three of my trip to China.  When I left her at the airport in Beijing on 19th sept it was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life.

As soon as I returned to Canada we did a webcam every morning for an hour plus continued to emf every day.  I knew in less than a week that the situation was totally unacceptable and I could not live in Canada while she lived in china.  So I quit my job my life and left my family and travelled to China to be with her.  To say that family and friends were stunned at this decision would be an understatement.  However it was something I had to do so I did it.  

I returned to china on October 26th and have lived with Zhen ever since.  As you know her english is very poor and my mandarin even worse yet we life togehter and do everything that couples do with little difficulty.  We draw attention everywhere we go but not just because I am a Lao Wei.  People are actually amazed at how well we communicate with each other.  People stop and watch us when we shop or talk to each other.  We are like mini celebrities here in wuhu and we are not the only foreigners here.  There are many foreigners in wuhu.  We just seem to attract attention because of the way we communicate and relate to each other.

Anyway we were supposed to marry on Feb 14 but we didnt get the paperwork done in time.  Just before we were going to go to Beijing to get my certificate of single Zhen had to go to Handan on family business so our wedding was delayed.  we have now set a date for May 9th 2010 and will be married in Handan, Hebei province.  Anyone in the area is of course invited to join us just let me know.

So in March we went to Beijing to get my certificate of single.  I thought there would be a waiting period but I received the certificate immediately.  I was shocked and asked them to make sure and the clerk said we could go get married right now if we wished so its all set now.

To say we were a happy couple is an understatement.  The look of pure happiness on Zhens face was priceless to see.Any doubts she may have had about my seriousness were finally banished.  So even though we have lived together since I arrived I do think there was some lingering what ifs in her mind whether it was a dream or real.  Now she knows.

So When I arrived here we decided I should probably get a job to earn some cash and not be like Willy and be the retired Gentleman of leisure.  So I sent a few resumes out and a very nice lady named Joyce from a recruiting company found me the job in Wuhu.  I had never heard of Wuhu so  asked Zhen and she said she would go with me wherever I went so off to Wuhu we went.  I have been here since November 10th 2009 and teaching english since then.

I have discovered that I have great patience when teaching and have heard that many of the students like and respect my teaching.  I had no teaching experience before only some traning I did in the military and some corporate sales training but nothing extensive.  So I was happy that the teaching thing has worked out and I am gainfully employed.

As for the visa thing I came here on the standard L visa which was replaced by an F visa which lasted until March 2010.  When that F expired it was replaced by another F visa with a six month duration.  When that expires it will be replaced by the Z visa.  Never did I have to leave wuhu to get the visa changed and have been assured that the Z will not require me to leave either.  This is my experience only and I am not saying it will be or is the same for everyone.  The school takes care of it so no problems for me.

So far I teach 5 classes each day 5 days a week with 2 days off every week.  No issues with holidays etc although they recently changed management of the school and I had to adjust my pay structure a bit.  Basically I took a 1500 yuan pay cut which severely sucked but I really had no choice.  I will not go into great detail about it suffice to say Zhen convinced me to stay so I could get my Z visa and we can marry etc so I stayed.  Other than that there have been little trouble for me in China.

Are things difficult here in China for me as a foreigner?  Yes they are.  I am lucky in that I have Zhen here with me to do many of the things foreigners find difficult.  Things like cooking, paying bills etc are no problem now for me.  Without Zhen here my life would definitely be much harder so I am surely glad she is here.  Her here may perhaps have slowed my mandarin learning somewhat as I dont need to worry about talking with store clerks etc but the benefits far outweigh the negatives.  we now have time to learn first hand if we can live together as a married couple, can we adjust our thinking to accomodate our partner and learn each others customs and habits.

It s too bad that every one of the brothers cannot live with their lady for a few months before they marry to find out if they really are compatible.  When you think about it we write letters to them and they to us for months, we visit for a few weeks and then marry or not.  Most of the visits are more like vacations with touristing and holidaying and less on the day to day relationship stuff.  I have the utmost respect for the guys who marry and then go through the long painful experience trying to get their new wife to their country.  I am so glad I never had to experience that pain and frustration.  My hat is off to all of you and your ladies.

The things that Zhen and I have learned since living together all this time has really shown us that we truly are ready to spend the rest of our lives together and we truly have found the love of our life.  we have learned respect and trust, love and yes lust, and all the good and bad things that only living together can show you.  We are utterly happy with each other and our life together and the only thing we would change is we would already be married.  However that is less than a month away so all is well for us.

So brothers that is a bit about where our relationship is at this time and how things are going for us.  Am I glad I came to China to live last October?  Absolutely!!  I wouldnt change that for anything in the world.  If I could do it again I would.  The only thing I would change is I would prepare my affairs in Canada much better than I did this time.

So for all of you starting out dont be afraid to try.  However before you do look yourself in the mirror and asked yourself if are truly prepared to see this through to the end.  Its hard, painful, expensive, and surely frustrating.  You will shed many tears of pain frustration and also joy.  It  will probably be the hardest thing you have ever done in your life and possible alienate you from friends and family in the process.  Are you prepared to spend the rest of your life with someone who at the start can barely understand you, your customs and your world.  Are you prepared to live with someone that you can barely understand whose customs and world are completely different than your own?  It is hands down the most difficult thing you will ever do and the difficulties will continue for many years to come.  The language and customs are only the obvious difficulties.  Many things are different here in china than in the west and many of them you will not be able to change.  You must learn to change and adapt as much as she will have to.

Are you prepared to leave you life in the west to live in china with the woman you choose to marry?  Best to answer this before you go through all the grief and heartache of her saying she will not leave china and you will not leave your country.  Get this stuff clear in your head before you write your first letter to her so you know what you are prepared to do.  If you cannot do these things then perhaps looking in China for your wife is not the best choice for you.

Only you can decide if its right or not but make sure you are prepared for all possibilities and outcomes.  Dont get into something you cannot finish.  Think first, then before you act, think again.  PLease be absolutely sure this is right for you before you begin.  It is the most difficult thing most of us will ever do and also the most rewarding.  Just be prepared for all the possibilities and share with your lady and you should be fine.  Remember the 24 hour rule... learn it live it love it and it will save your a.......

Take care brothers

Zhen and Brian

Offline JimB

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RE: Life in China
« Reply #1 on: April 17, 2010, 02:07:35 pm »
Good to hear from you Brian.  Glad everything is going well for you and Zhen.  All the happiness for you two.

Jim & Gina
Maxx's 24 hour rule, learn it, live it.

Offline Lain

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RE: Life in China
« Reply #2 on: April 17, 2010, 02:34:26 pm »
WOW.......!!

Brian Mc that is a great story, and it certainly raises my hopes in my new endeavor to begin a new life in China. I will be making my first trip in about a month and one part of your story that I find great news is how you were able to stay there for extended periods until you can get married. My plans are to evaluate my ability to adapt to the culture on my trip as I am leaning towards making my life there once I find that special lady. I will also be taking a whole year to go there and learn Mandarin so I can at very least learn how to function.

I think my problem may be finding a lady who wants to stay on China as it seems that many  have spoken with over the past year have wished to leave. I am glad to read a success story of a person living there!!

David5o

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RE: Life in China
« Reply #3 on: April 17, 2010, 07:47:30 pm »
Lain,

I think you'll find, that there are a good many of these Chinese ladies that would prefer to stay in China after marriage.

On the whole, i would personally say that it's the younger ladies that want to experience the western world outside of China on a long time basis... So i don't think you'll have much trouble finding one that would suit your requirements, of living and working in China....

David......

shaun

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RE: Life in China
« Reply #4 on: April 17, 2010, 08:04:51 pm »
Brian who?  Aren't you that guy who... :icon_cheesygrin:

No, really Brian it is glad to hear from you and that all is well.  My hat is off to you because you are making it work.  My best wishes to you and Zhen.

Shaun

ttwjr32

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RE: Life in China
« Reply #5 on: April 17, 2010, 08:51:03 pm »
Brian,

very well said and all good points one should consider when embarking on
this journey. looks as though i beat you here to China by just 1 month
Sept 4,2010 and i have never looked back. difficulties-yes   frustrations--yes
but dont we all have them everywere?   even though the ladies do say they are
willing to move out of China for the most part if you went there they would accept
that very much.  i have severed all of my material ties in the USA and have not
looked back. life here in China is really great and can be made to work quite well.
i just sometime miss my family and grandkids but webcamming has helped that
quite well and there are now plans for many visits here this year. my oldest grandson
has expressed interest in living here with Siying and I which she welcomes with open
arms. he will be 18 on may 4 of this year.

so to all newbies look at what is said here in the post and give much thought to
what you will be committing to. but if you do find the right lady as many of us have
done then you will not look back either

Offline Brian Mc

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RE: Life in China
« Reply #6 on: April 18, 2010, 10:40:27 am »
Greetings Brothers,

Thanks for the kind words.  Nice to know I was missed.

Lain, glad to help so no problems there.  As others have said before me living in china is not for everyone.  It definitely takes a certain mindset to make it work and depending on your commitments back home you just may not be able to do it. I learned a lot of my lessons from the brothers like JimB, Rhonald, David5O etc. who were more than willing to share the joys and the pains of this endeavour.  I am truly glad I found this site before I ever went to china.  I can honestly say their advice with Maxx and Chong and Arnold, Shaun, Rob,Neil, etc really gave me the courage and the knowledge I needed to do what I did.  

That truly is the strength of the brotherhood. Good solid advice, and a kick in the pants when needed.  Where else can you go and talk with people who know exactly what you are going through in this journey and not only sympathize but help you through the difficulties from personal experience.

As for the actual living in china stuff you will find it vastly different than the west with many strange things to see.  For instance mostly its the men who smoke here not the ladies.  However they smoke everywhere.  In elevators in restaurants on buses in taxis etc.  Everywhere you go except perhaps the shops you will see men smoking.  If its difficult for you to tolerate smoke then that will become a big issue very fast.

The noise here is also quite out of hand.  The drivers use their horns to communicate not just because you are in the way but for most other things as well.  As I type this in my apartment I can here horns blaring for blocks away.  I am a very light sleeper so for me this is the most difficult thing I have to deal with.  The noise never stops.

You will also see many people hawking and spitting all over the place, men and women both.  Supposedly the government has said that it is not allowed but how do you stop 1.3 billion people doing something they have been doing for years.

Shopping.  Well this is something that everyone who visits China should see first hand.  I dont mean going to the local shopping centre and picking up some designer clothing.  I mean going to the street markets and mingling with the locals buying your fruit and vegetables directly from the farmer who grew it.Their ideas of cleanliness and sanitation are just a wee bit different than the west and yes I say that tongue in cheek.  You will see things here in China that you can never see in western countries.

Some of the most popular restaurants in China are small dirty looking places where they cook the food right on the street.  No sanitation to speak of and no hot water for washing with either.  However that said the chinese love these places becasue the prices are low and I for one have not seen many sick chinese people.  Now to be honest I have never eaten anything from such places but the folks I work with do and they dont get sick.  Its also neat to see in the supermarkets hundreds of people at once shopping for food. When was the last time you were in a supermarket to buy food with several hundred other shoppers?  Also they dont go in for packaging their food here.  When you go to buy meat for instance it is usally cut into pieces and put on a table or in the coolers They are all open to the air and everyone picks up and drops the pieces of meat as they search for the one they want to buy.  No styrofoam shrink wrapped packing here.

So many things like this will certainly give you a certain culture shock when you see it.  All the fancy health rules we have in the west about cleanliness and packaging and seperating beef from chicken from fish to avoid cross contamination are not so noticable here.  Do not take all this the wrong way I am not knocking their culture or the way they do things at all.  I am saying you will find things much different here than in your home country.  Many tourists who come to china and do the tours and stay in hotels and eat in nice restaurants never see this kind of thing.  Living with chinese people the way they live is the best way to discover the real china.

I have learned so much living here that most westerners have never seen or done and it truly has been a grand experience for me.  Most of the people I see are happy or at least content, hard working folks trying to make a living and keep their family going just like those in the west.  There definitely seems to be much less unhappiness and misery here even though the people are generally not as well off as westerners.  They seem to have a remarkable ability to accept life as it is and make the best of it.  They work crazy long hours with usually only one day off a week and much lower pay than minimum wage in the west.  Yet most of the people I have seen are smiling and cheerful and always willing to help if they can.

So anyone thinking of moving to live in china definitely be prepared for many rather large changes in how you view the world.  Most things here are different from the west, and as David 5o often says money into the right hands can make many things go smoother.  Socal networking and who you know are definitely more than buzz words here, they are how many things get done.

So after everything I have written am I truly happy here in china?  Yes I am.  I have the love of my life at my side, I earn more than the average chinese person with much less work and grief.  My money buys so much more here than in Canada.  So much so that barring a huge change of mind on both Zhens and my part I will move my money here and buy a house and retire to spend the rest of my life here.  As Willy and Ted have said before, there is no life like it.  I am enjoying it so much I have even forgettten what the word stress means.  The most stressful thing I have to figure out is what to have for lunch and how long of a walk will we take today.  Ok thats a little bit exaggerated but only a little.  I had slightly high blood pressure and cholesterol before I came here, but I am willing to bet money that its all fine now.  Life is just so much easier for us Lao Wei here in China and I for one am loving it.

So if you are contemplating life in china for longer than a tourist visa will allow be prepared for many different changes in your life.  Without your lady at your side things will be quite difficult until you learn how things work.  If you are lucky like me and have her with you then you will quite likely never look at a western woman in the same way again.  Life with a chinese lady is everything a marriage should be from my personal experience.  Mutual respect mutual love and the husband doing what he is told.... er I mean discussing everyhting together.  she will totally take charge of the house and everything in it including you.  You will be pampered and loved and cared for like you have never been.  Ahh but what is the catch you say?  What does she demand in return?  Well from what I have seen something most difficult to do.  You must be the head of the family.  You make the money and all the non house related decisions.  she will follow your lead in all things and be quite happy in doing so.  She will demand respect and love and romance perhaps and also affection and give all back in at least equal measure.

 I personally have never been so happy in all my 50 plus years on this earth and my biggest hope is I can live for a damned long time more in her tender loving arms.  

So take care Brothers and may you all be as happy as Zhen and I are now.

Zhen and Brian

Scottish_Rob

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RE: Life in China
« Reply #7 on: April 19, 2010, 07:05:45 pm »
brian
hi mate really pleased to hear from you again...WOW these two posts are amazing, it brings back memories for me from my trip to Qingdao, the markets, the smells the ambiance of the whole country.

I am so pleased that everything has turned out so well for you...Looking forward to hearing about the wedding...:icon_biggrin:

Arnold

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RE: Life in China
« Reply #8 on: April 19, 2010, 07:38:27 pm »
Hahaha ... boy Brian , almost need to take a day off work .. just to read your Post's .

Anyway , you are one of the fortunate Fellows that made it work and found your other half in Zhen . I have alway's enjoyed your Story / Post's and yes kind of missed them ... really .
Keep it going just as it is . Why learn Mandarin , when you two are having so much fun communicating the way you do . Boy , love to see this !