Funny but unique China

[Martin]

Hi all.  I was wanting to post this thread for everyone who has been to China, to be able to post some of their more memorable moments of the country. I am looking for people to post things that are fun, and yet unique to China.  It will make those of us that have been to China laugh, but also serve as an education of what to look for, for those that have yet to make the trip.  Have fun with it.  What are some of your funniest memories of China?

[China Shark]

One of the craziest things I've encountered was the babies wearing open front door and open back door for easy access of pinching a loaf or wizzing at any given moment. It is kind of odd the indifference the Chinese appear about bodily functions, I guess they figure everyone does it so what is the big deal. First few times you encounter a parent holding the child releaving him or herself it kind of freaks you out. Initially it repulsed me yet now it doesn't faze me anywhere, when in Rome, lol. It seems to mainly be country folk using these unusual pants, another reason is because it is much cheaper to just not use diapers at all. If it saves money they are all over it here. Actually encountered bamboo scaffolding ten stories high in Yongzhou, tell me that wouldn't be scary working on. People in China for free advertising spray paint their business phone numbers all over random walls. It looks like hell yet no one seems to a friend of mine just commented but it is free. Chinese logic is so alien at first glance yet after living here awhile you start to accept it as just the way it is regardless or roundabout it may seem. As a whole the Chinese always seem to like doing things the hard way or are just too stubborn to do it differently. There were a few times Mei insisted that we attempt something that I knew for a fact was a waste of time, so we ran around for a half of day trying to retrieve outdated technology from a 3.5 disc from my old computer which contained my last resume. Seems once technology is not readily used it is thrown away instead of kept around for old school computer illiterates like myself. Long story short I've been in different situations with different Chinese people and they seem to prefer trying all the wrong solutions prior to ever attempting the most plausible one. Maybe it is the company I keep, I don't know. Well, that is my rant for now. Thanks Martin very good topic, I was going to post a similiar thread yet don't want post too many for fear more important ones could be getting overlooked in the overabundance of posts. Sure this post should be pretty funny. Sorry my had to be about defacation and peeing but what can you do. Still kind of does freaks me out seeing genitals and butts hanging in the breeze though.
China Shark Mike

[Martin]

babies wearing open front door and open back door for easy access of pinching a loaf or wizzing at any given moment.

I did not notice this so much in Guangzhou...but certainly in the more rural areas.  It took me by surprise as well.

[MLM]

The first time I seen this I was in Fojian, I was walking down the street, lane,road, whatever, and this little guy came around the corner peeing as he walked, it cought me by surprise and while looking to see I was seeing what I thought I saw I walked into the side of a cart, everyone started laughing :blush: so I laughed too, come to think about it, it was funny.

[maxx]

The Chinese stare.No matter where you go in China People are always stareing  At you.(Except in Beijing) I can ussually take it for a couple of days.But after that it starts to bother me.I once seen a Chinese women beat a Chinese man for spitting on her.She was holding one of his hands and hitting him with the other hand.Everytime he would try to get away she would just pull him back.And start hitting him again.

My wife and I was walking  in the mountains of Lou Shan.I turned the corner in the trail.And ran into a bunch of School Children.As soon as they seen me all the girls in the class had to get there picture taken with me.

You have probably seen thoose tour groups.The people all wander around following the person with the flag and wearing the same colored hat. There was a bunch of them in Lou Shan one day.I snuck  up behind them when they were doing there group picture.The girl tacking the photo just took the photo and didn't see me in the back row.I started to walk away and one of the guys seen me.Grabs me and puts me in the front row so we have to take the picture again.

[Peter]

Martin in the Spa.....    Sorry Martin.. I couldn't resist this one ^_^

[Martin]

Martin in the Spa..... Sorry Martin.. I couldn't resist this one ^_^

BASTARD!!!

Funny one for me, I was at Dongjiang lake in Hunan Province, when a group of three school girls came running up to me with big smiles.  One of them waved, and said, "Hi, how are you?"  I said good, and asked how they were.  They laughed, and as quickly as they arrived, said Bye, and ran off giggling.

I agree Maxx...being stared at is funny at first, but does tend to wear on my nerves.  Was stared at quite openly, all the time, while in Zhifang's hometown...Zixing, Hunan.  When we got married, there were 170 invited guests.  240 showed up, because I was the first lao wai to ever get married in Zixing, and people we showing up to see the spectacle.

[maxx]

Martin I beleave that. after a couple of days it really starts to get to me.And you know how I am I can't just let it go.I start making faces at them.Or I will start starring at them.Or Ill start talking to them in English just to mess with ther minds.

A real funny one.Me and the wife and son were out walking on this island in Zhuhai.Theese 3 teenage Girls came up and wanted to play with my son.So they are walking behind us carring my son.Just laughing and giggeling.I hear one of the girls start to scream.I look back.And my son has pulled the girls top up.And is Pulling at her bra.Trying to get something to eat.The girl is dancing around trying to hold my son off and trying to fix her clothes at the same time.My wife and I can't help the girl because we are laughing to hard.SHe finnaly passes my son to my wife.And gets her clothes straightend out.The girl face would turn red everytime she looked at me.I told my wife that are son was just looking for lunch.

Me and my son are standing out side of a store in JiuJiang.My Wife and motherinlaw are in the store shopping for clothes for our son.Guys  American Chinese baby boys are huge girl magnets.We had ben standing there for about 5 minuts,My son is setting in his stroller I'm just watching people walk by.This girl walks up and starts playing with my son.Then here comes her 2 friends and there playing with the boy.He is just setting there grinning and giggling trying to reach the girls.Well this draws more of a crowed more girls come up and want to play with him.

There is 4 or 5 standing off to the side just looking and smiling at me and my son.I start talking to the girls in English.I ask them if they want a American chinese baby.I tell them that I'm holding interviews latter.I tell them that they are going to have to take there clothes off.Theese girls smiles are getting bigger and bigger.So I'm thinking this is getting funnier and funnier.About that time my wife comes out of the store.And all these girls take off like they ben shot out of a cannon.My wife looks at me and says what are you doing. I say nothin honey just standing here waiting for you.And we walk off down the street with all theese people staring at us.

We are ridding the over night train from Jiujang to Guanzghou.My wife goes to the bathroom.So I'm just setting there playing with our son.This women walks up and starts playing with him.She is speaking Chinese to him.I think to myself this could be fun.So I start with the questions.Do you want to have a American Chinese baby.The women looks me right straight in the eye.And says in perfect English.Excuse me I didn't understand what you said.I'm trying to think my way out of this.And my wife shows up and starts talking to the women in Chinese.After the women goes back to her own bed my wife says.What did you say to her.I ask my wife what did the women say I said.My wife tells me Oh the women said that you talk to fast she didn't understand.

Guys take note if you are going to start messing with Chinese people make sure first they don't speak English.

[Martin]

I look back.And my son has pulled the girls top up.And is Pulling at her bra.Trying to get something to eat.

That's a good boy!

[JimB]

The only thing I can think of at the moment. I tip.  I know in China you are not supposed to but i can not help it.  at one restaurant.  i leave maybe 5 or 6 yuan. no big deal.  we are halfway down the block when this waiter comes running up to us.  he is nearly out of breath and tries to hand me the money back.  Saying i left it at the table.  I have Benny tell him no i left it on purpose and it is a tip.  He just looks at it and then at me and still tries to hand it back.  This kid has never been tipped in his life. He still tries to give it back.  I tell him no, it is his money.  Finally he hands it to Benny.  I tell Benny to give it back to him.  he finally gets angry and stomps away.  Not be be outdone. I walk back to the place. Put the money back on the table and walk out.  Here he comes again. So this time I take it back.  Then i pull out a 10 yuan note and give it to him.  I have benny tell him it is for all of his running.  I enjoyed watching him.  The rest start laughing, so he takes the money and puts it in his pocket but would still not take the original money.
The other thing i wrote on our facebook site.  we went into the Muslim area to buy some tea in Xi'an.  While there we see this woman screaming at this man and she is picking things up and throwing them at him.  Paper rocks, whatever.  i know this is not the place for us.  AS a big crowd in gathereing around. so I start to walk away when this turbaned gentleman walks up to me and asks me who I am and where i was from.  Knowing this was not the place to be an American.  I tell him the first thing i can think of.  My name is Ronan and I am from Ireland.  Now i can put a bit of a lilt in my voice as I am irish anyway.  he looks at me for a minute, I am looking for a place to go if he does not buy this.  Finally he smiles and says welcome.  The girls look at me like a king and off we go to find my tea.  Later I find out Angel had no idea what was going on.  Candy tried to tell her but without success. As far as I know she still does not know how close we were to a problem.  Guys stay away from the Muslim section of Xi'an and do not tell them your name is Ronan, they have heard that one already.

[China Shark]

The only thing I can think of at the moment. I tip.  I know in China you are not supposed to but i can not help it.  at one restaurant.  i leave maybe 5 or 6 yuan. no big deal.  we are halfway down the block when this waiter comes running up to us.  he is nearly out of breath and tries to hand me the money back.  Saying i left it at the table.  I have Benny tell him no i left it on purpose and it is a tip.  He just looks at it and then at me and still tries to hand it back.  This kid has never been tipped in his life. He still tries to give it back.  I tell him no, it is his money.  Finally he hands it to Benny.  I tell Benny to give it back to him.  he finally gets angry and stomps away.  Not be be outdone. I walk back to the place. Put the money back on the table and walk out.  Here he comes again. So this time I take it back.  Then i pull out a 10 yuan note and give it to him.  I have benny tell him it is for all of his running.  I enjoyed watching him.  The rest start laughing, so he takes the money and puts it in his pocket but would still not take the original money.
The other thing i wrote on our facebook site.  we went into the Muslim area to buy some tea in Xi'an.  While there we see this woman screaming at this man and she is picking things up and throwing them at him.  Paper rocks, whatever.  i know this is not the place for us.  AS a big crowd in gathereing around. so I start to walk away when this turbaned gentleman walks up to me and asks me who I am and where i was from.  Knowing this was not the place to be an American.  I tell him the first thing i can think of.  My name is Ronan and I am from Ireland.  Now i can put a bit of a lilt in my voice as I am irish anyway.  he looks at me for a minute, I am looking for a place to go if he does not buy this.  Finally he smiles and says welcome.  The girls look at me like a king and off we go to find my tea.  Later I find out Angel had no idea what was going on.  Candy tried to tell her but without success. As far as I know she still does not know how close we were to a problem.  Guys stay away from the Muslim section of Xi'an and do not tell them your name is Ronan, they have heard that one already.

Here is my rant for the day. Chinese driving is something for everyone to experience at least once in your life. It seems the only rules are anything goes as long as you get away with it. So far I've traveled via bus, train, electric bike, plane, trike and am sure I'll experience other forms of transportation while I live here. Have to say I consider myself a courageous driver in the states yet am not sure I'de want to drive in any major city in China, call me a wimp yet the Chinese either have nerves of steel or have a perpetual death wish on the rode. In good conscience I can say I have probably been in no less than 50 almost accidents in less than 4 months living here. Most of the near accidents always seem to occur on buses going to or coming from work. Taxi drivers and bus drivers are a breed unto themselves, guess it is about racing to the next fare or keeping a schedule. They all seem to wait until the very last second before committing to stop, many times the bus literally stop within a couple of inches of the vehicle in front of it. The odd part is that the drivers very rarely have road rage like back home. Guess everyone deep down inside know they were contributing to the mess by drively recklessly. The one thing I find interesting is the general attitude or indifference to what I would consider selfish western ways {only thinking about yourself while behind the wheel}. Funny how that stereotype of Asian driving is so dead on the money and a fact of life. Kind of curious as to what it costs to get car insurance here. Odd as it may seem you very very rarely see accidents occur. I think it is because the Chinese seem so inscinct with one another. Guys that have spent extended trips I'm sure have experienced quite a bit of this unique driving style.
China Shark Mike