Greetings brothers,
Brett, about the ladies who dont speak English let me say this.... just because she doesnt speak the same language as you doesnt mean you should not consider her. I am sure most of you know my story with Zhen but just for the newer guys heres a brief bit of catch up. I came to live in china at the end of october 2009. At that time my mandarin was almost non existant and Zhen's english about the same. We have lived together here in Wuhu since then and my mandarin is still terrible but slowly improving as is her english.
We rarely ever resort to our besta translator as it actually causes more confusion than it solves and we talk to each other every day. It is quite possible to talk with each other and communicate with each other for all the normal day to day things, Zhen and I are doing it every day.
Yes some things are difficult but we use english, mandarin, chinglish, body language, signs, gestures, and good old intuition. People comment that we have a connection and we just understand each other and I believe this is also true.
We go shopping walking and all the things people do everyday and never use the translator. We discuss our marriage where we will live school her friends etc and no translator.
I think if you both are willing to communicate then the language is not an insurrmountable obstacle, but rather a learning opportunity and a chance to spent quality time together. Yes it can be tough sometimes but it is no where near as difficult as many think it is.
So for all the guys who think "learning " means you wont be able to communicate, just find the right woman and the language will work itself out. Is it hard? Of course it is. However if you wanted easy you would be looking for a wife in your home city not half way around the world.
Someone once said if something is easy its not worth having. Well let me tell you having a Chinese wive is so much more than worth having. Is it worth the pain, heartache, misery, tears, anger, frustration, and of course expense? You bet it is. Is it for everyone? Hell no!! If you are unable to find the fortitude to work through the language problem how will you work through the culture problem? Or when your wife comes to your country and is utterly lost? Or you have marital problems because its all so difficult?
There is so much in this process that will make you pull your hair out in frustration. Luckily for me I am already bald so no problems there. Seriously though if you are unable to deal with the language problem then this is not for you. It will likely be a problem for the rest of your married life to a chinese or any foreign woman so best sit down and really analyze whether you can deal with this for the rest of your life. If you cant then stay at home and find a western wife.
Now before anyone gets upset when I say "you" I dont mean Brett specifically I mean you as in the reader of the post. This applies to all of us not just the new guys but also the guys living with their wife etc etc. We all see it first hand. You who are just starting the journey are in for a wild ride. Just make sure you have the mindset before you start it to finish it.
I here many stories from chinese women about foreigners who say one thing and do another. many of them have been hurt more than once. So guys please make sure you can do what you say you can and can see this process through. If you cannot commit to it then get out now.
Anyway this is probably more preaching than most folks want to hear so I will shut up now, hopefully before I offended someone.
Take care brothers and remember if a thing is worth doing its worth doing it right.
Zhen and Brian