marriage

[jeff]

hey guys,

i've been writing to this girl now for about a year "smokin hot",for the last couple months now we've used web-cam "still smokin hot"...anyways she's been wondering when i'm coming over there and getting married... my question to you guys, is it common practice for a chinese girl to get married without even dating someone in person for awhile? have any of you guys gotten married in the same situation i'm in? if so how did the marriage work out?

thanks

[Hajo]

Well Jeff,

I think it isn't common to get married without meeting the person in real life. But the exception confirms the rule as we say over here

I am one of the exceptions. I had been writing to my wife for 4 month, then I took to China and we got married 2 days later. I was in the lucky situation to take my wife home with me right after the vacation. We have been married for 9 month now. I haven't regret a single moment. For me it is the best thing happened ever. BUT!! this is as it is for me. It cannot be taken as a rule of thumb.

I have been confident from the beginning and it has been confirmed since. We experiencing many times that we have the same thoughts. I believe we can say that we are soul-mates. There are other Bros here who might feel the same way. But as you can read in this forum, there are sad stories too.

In the end it is a decision you have to make. If you feel confident, go for it. Or go to China, visit her and see how you feel about her. Then you can make marriage plans for your next journey.

Note for Arnold; I am working on my story ;-) Publishing it soon I hope, hehe

[rockycoon]

Jeff,
I am not an expert like most of these other guy's, but I can tell you several things I have found out and noticed while on here.
First of all, on your first trip, it is usually a physical thing, you both see if the chemestry works between both of you.  You end up
visiting family, and doing a lot of site seeing with her.  Don't expect to jump in the sack with her as that is not the chinese way,
however, it usually happens if everything works out as witnessed by several members here.  When you leave after the first trip,
it has been known to be with a proposal, or engagement and sad tears as you get on the plane.  The space between the first encounter
and the second is like an eternity.  In the meantime you will be filling out tons of paperwork and waiting for answers from your
respective government.  Now, sometimes this also takes a second trip, to meet the parents or relitives and make nice to everyone
by a custom known as "Red Envelopes" (the guys can fill you in on this one) as it means monetary gifts.  You and your future
wife will spend a lot of time on the second trip taking pictures, and visiting nice places like the embassy and other chinese offices
of boredom, but there will be plenty of time to be with each other, ususally on the buss or train, but wait there's more...you can
get married on the second trip, providing all and I mean all your paperwork is in order.  And there is so much paperwork to do
you won't believe.  But like the guy's say, if you really love her, you won't mind jumping through a bunch of hoops.  Now if you
don't get married on the second trip, you will on the third. Be prepaired to wear really wild outfits, specially the chinese kind, pass
out ton's of those red envelopes and choke from all the incense also at the dinner party that you will have to go to, be prepaired
to get really, really drunk.  I think its like a required class in college, but you have to drag your way through it.  Let's see, oh and
lots more paperwork, pictures things like that.  Now, you still can't bring her home yet, as now you have to fight and wait for
your visa for her.  This may or may not take time, its kind of up to the customs of your country.  In the mean time this gives
you plenty of time to QQ with your new wife, who is missing the hell out of you and wishing you were there.  When the big
day arrives and her visa comes through, your about to bust.  Now don't forget things like k-1 visas and interviews with customs
things like that, but agian ask the guys here as they know the ropes better than anyone around.  Now if you really love her, you
won't mind as your going to spend the rest of your life with her and she will be the best investment you ever made !!!

Don

[Arnold]

Note for Arnold; I am working on my story ;-) Publishing it soon I hope, hehe

Hajo , is that a Hard Copy Book ? I want one . I've been too busy with my Wife ( no not just at Home ) taking her places and meeting People . I had very little time to get behind my Book . But I have not given up hope yet .. mind you . Good Luck on your's and let it Rip !

Jeff , myself and Hajo share a simular Story . I wrote my Wife for 6 month's and before ever seeing Her Face to Face .. we planned on getting married on my first Trip and set up the Ceremony three month's later while there the first time . Some of us are very fortunate , as I second Hajo's Soul-mate comment . We're now married two years and still on the Honeymoon , as she is adjusting to the American Lifestyle here with me .
Regarding your Lady , yes it is your call .. you and only you can deside if it's real and how far and how soon to make a commitment of this nature . Both of us just knew/felt it was all honest and real , especially with the Translator being our close Friend all along . You know how much that helps . If you need to take it slower , tell her the reason how you feel and let's see what comes after . It can't be all bad .. right ?

[Hans]

This is different for everybody, of course. My advice would be to go and see her first, spend some time together, do things together, and see if you love her just as much or even more afterwards. Then make som plans. There are after all things you can't find out until you've actually met in person. Me and my lady discussed marriage and children pretty early. That didn't mean either of us expected it would happen on the first date, so to speak. I'm going to see her for the second time in June and we'll get engaged. She will, God and the authorities willing, visit me in Sweden next Christmas. Our marriage will be next year, first in China and then in Sweden. My plan was originally to get engaged in Sweden. I wanted her to see Sweden first. But she wanted to get engaged already in June and I said OK.

I think my lady was looking for assurance. With a ring on our fingers she can relax knowing that the wedding is coming. Just talk to her about these things, talk about how you feel and come to a decision together. Don't rush it.

[ttwjr32]

Jeff,

my wife and i talked for quite a while for months on web cam 2 times a day for at least 2 hours each time.
during this time we made the decision to marry when i moved there rather than wait until she came to the
USA. i havent regretted it at all. have we had a few issues---- sure as anyone would have in any relationship
but overall a very pleasant and great decision.

Best Wishes on everything in your journey

[jeff]

hey guys,

i just talked to my girl and she say's her family is a little nervous about this whole thing..i knew there had to be a hitch...anyways she tell's me her mom wants me to by the family a house to prove my her love for her..
i knew there were gifts involved,"BUT A HOUSE" unless houses are really cheap over there something tells me this could be some sort of scam..there saying we need a place to stay when we come back and visit..i said no way to a house,now she's not sure her parents we'll let her get married...what do you guys think?

[Willy The Londoner]

"These boots are made for walking. And thats just what there doing."
  What else can is say. They are trying it on to see how much you love her or just how gullible you are.

A cheap apartment is going to set you back 600,000 rmb about 100,000 USD.  Are you worth that much? - more to the point is she worth that much of your money?

A year and you have not been to China to visit her yet!  You should never wait more than a couple of months before getting here.  A. You might not like China  B. She might not like you in Person and C. you might not like her in person.  I can think of another 600.000 reasons but will not go on about them other to say that for the average Chinese man have to work for two months to pay for a square metre of living floor space.

How often often have I heard this same requirement.   It is people like this that give Bretts words more significance.

Why not go the whole hog and get 4 houses then a hotel then you can really get into real life 'Monopoly'  But in this case make sure you pass go and keep on going right away from this family.

Just ask her how come after all these years bringing up a family has the father of the woman you are talking too not been able to provide such accomodation for his own family.   Did he know that a foreigner would come along when his daughter was grown up and provide this house.

If you have got the money then go ahead and buy them the house and I bet the chances are you will never end up marrying the daughter!   And the money will be gone as well.

Get them boots on Brother.    Sorry no sanctimonius shit from me on this.  

Willy

PS I am answering your last post not the first.

[maxx]

I think Willy has the right idea.And I tend to agree with Willy on this.But it all could be some kind of silly test to test your love for this woman.

About the first post.You have ben writing EMF letters to this woman for a year? And you haven't moved the relationship to Web cam Or private emails.Or to phone calls.Or just gone to China and met the woman? What are you waiting for?The money you spent on all those Emf you could of bought a plane ticket?

My point is after a year of just writing This lady probably doesn't beleaves that you will ever come to China.So She is throwing this out there to see what your reaction is. you probably need to go to China.And settle this.

[ttwjr32]

go to China and like Maxx said settle this. and if everything works out then so be it
but even if it does BUYING a house is something i wouldnt do. if thats a requirement
then i would move on personally. i just would not do that personally. WHY because in China
there are so many women looking for a man who is SINCERE,HONEST,KIND and they dont have
any kind of stipulations for getting married   ie: houses,money

[David5o]

Jeff,

How old are you, and how old is your lady??

If she is very young, and/or you are several years older than her, the chances are, her parents are thinking your probably a wealthy guy!!

You haven't exactly helped yourself by writing for over a year without taking the time and trouble to go visit her...  So as others have stated, this might be to find out how serious you are about marrying this lady. But i have to admit, that's a hell of a request to make, .... as a test!!!!!

David....

[rockycoon]

Wow, a house ? now that wasn't in your first posting.  I agree with the guys here as there are several points of view, its up to you
as to which one you take.  However, you might just run the "I don't have the money for a house" back at her and she will ether do
one of two things; 1. she will stop communicating for one reason or another or 2. she will back down and so will her parents.  I think
that mom and dad are just trying to see if your name is Bill Gates.  Also, I just had another thought, and that is perhaps her parents
are waiting to see if you say no, so that you prove your the man of the house (so to speak) and can make decisions.  

Seems we had this discussion on the forum before with another brother and the concenses was to say no and run like hell.  Of course
this was a little different problem, however they sound the same, and the situation is almost the same.  May I suggest that you
stand up and say no house, and see what happens, then let us know how it comes out...:dodgy:

[RegnisTheGreat]

A house? Holy crap. I'm in Pudong right now and a good home is going for 25-30K RMB for a square meter.

[odysseus007]

Hmmm.... would the money spent on EMFs over a year pay for a year's instalments on a house there? Maybe I should put on makeup, photoshop my photos, and go ask rich foreigners for a house !!!

My oh my, things have changed.... used to be the foreigners came to China, thrashed the manchu army, and DEMANDED free trade ports & houses.

In the West, she only gets half the house when she divorces you eh? On the other hand, rockycoon just tore down his house.... maybe if you ship the whole lot over to China it might save you a bundle to build one?

[rockycoon]

FOR SALE..

Torn down house, slightly used, ready for reassembly.  
Needs little work.  Some parts may be missing or
slightly burned. You pack and ship. Make offer..
Hurry on this one..owner is motivated and has
matches..
:icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin: