Not sure what to make of this...

[Axiom]

Again, thanks for all the information!

I guess what really threw me us the fact she told me to seek someone else out --- literally just a day after telling me she loved me. In the western world of dating, if a woman tells you that it basically would be a "Dear John" letter. I know I read it here a lot and on the Chnlove forums that the way Chinese women look at life and love are very different... I am finding out first hand I guess

We always told each other we dont want to be in the kind of relationship where one person controls and the person is along for the ride... I told her I am looking for someone to walk along side of me. She agrees with this.

I agree mpo4747, I think what I am going to to do is contact her after a few weeks... see how shes doing ask her if shes okay and all that. Just to let her know she is still in my mind and ...well, to see if shes okay of course I agree though... while I just paid for school,  i am most definitely going to start saving for a trip!

Don't worry about it odysseus007, I didn't have the extra info at the time.. so its all good. Plus, we weren't dating for 18 months.. only about 6. I was lucky enough to have been friends with her before hand so we knew each other for a while.. which also helps a lot. It will be a tough wait, but I have my studies and then when I graduate, the joys of trying to chop out a career in this wondrous job market should keep my mind occupied  Btw I like your signature! One of the best I've seen

[David5o]

Axiom,

So, .... your both still at collage/uni, i had an idea that, that was the case.

So why are you even thinking about a long term relationship and maybe even marriage at your young ages?? Your not going to be in a position to support a family for at least 5 years!!!

I don't know what studies or subjects your reading, but if it is a subject that will lead to a profession that can take you overseas, then my advise is to do just that, ...Go see a bit of this big world before you start thinking about long term relationships. It's just possible, as others have stated, that she is also thinking along these lines!!  She can't commit to marriage until she's (i think) 22 anyway! ....No reason why you can't stay friends with your lady over the internet, even to go visit her at some time.

You really do need to live a little as a single man, doing what healthy normal men do. That's basically how we mature ourselves and how we learn to pick out all the chaff from the big pot....haha!!!
Seriously though, you can do yourself far worse than being your own man, living the life, seeing the world and getting paid for the pleasure. Most Eastern ladies (or come to that ...any ladies) admire a man that is worldly wise and can look after himself....  

So Graduate, and go East young man, ...and prosper!!  There has never been better opportunities in history, for a young man like you to go out at make something of yourself....
One thing is for sure, .....you can never regain your youth once it's past!!!, many have tried, ....all have failed!! So make the most of those years while you have them..... lol!!!!

Wow!! ....that was a few cents worth wasn't it ...lol!!!!

David

[Chong]

This is what she replied...

My heart really ache for making you feel so bad. You can totally trust my loyalty. I never thought I will have a second marriage ,so I'm pretty prudent to seek my soul mate and I do not fall in love easily when I said you can find another women ,you really think I'd like to let you go ? No, I said that because I'm afriad wait for me will make you miss the chance of meeting other women . I said that just in case you miss a great woman, if I love you ,I wish you can be happy . Since I don't know what my future will be ,let alone OUR future.
 
Yes,you are right ,if you want to make it happen ,you can make it happen .But can I just leave my parents and other family alone and fly to U.S. ? There are many practical things that I will  take into consideration,such as your career and my career . I'm still struggling ,and I don't want to bother you by this and hurt you once more .
 
    And sometimes I DO wonder if I'm the right woman for you , because we have never met and there are many sides you don't know about me .You see my kind side ,but don't see my ambitious side(besides that ,I'm stubborn sometimes),I don't know weather I can be a good wife if I'm so ambitious in career .I was thinking of join the army,you may think I'm insane ,but that is really what I'm thinking about . I want to strengthen my will by millitary training.I'm not sure if you can tolerate such a woman in your house. I want to assure this when we really meet .If we freeze this relationship for a while, then if you don't think I'm the right one for you when we meet , we won't feel so sad.
 
    Dave,I don't mean I will give up on us,seriously I will try after I graduate when I have a chance to talk with you face to face. And I will not fall in love with any other man in this year ,because all of my concerntration is on postgraduate exams. But like I said ,I still don't want you to miss the chance to date a great woman .  

Axiom,

Just to clarify, was she married before  How old is she exactly

[Axiom]

Oops no she was never married.. and she is 23

[Axiom]

Heh... guess who emailed me yesterday totally worried about me and saying it was no a good idea of hers, to try and stay away from me to work on her studies....

She also told me that she is the first man she ever had feelings for and said that she loved.. so pardon the fact she is not to experienced in the ways of relationships....

That floored me.. I never knew that before.. I guess I'll have to have a lot of understanding with her.

Anyway.. thanks again to everyone that gave me advice here. I learn more and more about this culture every day.

[Bee964]

Axiom,

"I would have lived my life differently if I would have known what I know now." How many times have you heard someone say this? David5o has given you some real good advise. You should think about it at least. I am not trying to tell you what to do, just to think about his advise.

Dave C

[Axiom]

The thing is... and I dont want to turn this into a Western woman bash.. but Ting is a woman I have been looking for and we fit together like taxes and government. Some of this is stuff you wouldnt know unless you knew me personally, but I have a BLACK sense of humor. I like to talk about things like the nature of good/evil and our personal role in the greater world. Really deep thoughts, but Ting matches me thought for thought and inputs a lot of great insight of her own (someone said in this thread she is a woman who knows what she wants and I couldnt agree more)... The most in depth conversation I have had with western women I have dated in teh past were about "Gossip Girls" or Beyonces new album (which I think is complete crap but I digress).

That is one of the reasons I came to this site, because I can voice my opinion about why I cant get excited about dating western women and not get ridiculed for it. My friends have told me everything from "she's just using you for a VISA" to "Why would you want a mail order bride?". I have thought a lot about David5o's advice, but I also know in my heart I will never meet another one like her. So do I pass her by, finish school and maybe on the off chance meet some one else who compliments me just as well? or stick with her knowing I might be missing out on some things but knowing I have someone who really TRULY loves me?

I think life is about choices, some good some bad. While I might just have the "rose colored glasses" on, I still think she is worth the sacrifices i'll have to make.

[Lee357]

Then my friend you have made the correct decision. You have made your own decision. That alone makes it correct. Now how it turns out in the fullness of time may make you regret the choice you made. But what the hell. i think i can say with a certain amount of surety that there is not one man on this site that has not made a decision he wishes he would have done differently. at least once in our life. So you have decided. Now go out there and enjoy it. Make the very best you can with the choice you have made.

[Axiom]

I hope so!

I just reread what I wrote and it sounded kind of mean and snooty... which wasn't my intention!  Specially from someone coming to these forums asking for assistance on the Chinese woman's frame of mind! I just like the fact she knows what she wants.. as do i... which is one of the things that attracted us to each other.

Again my apologies

[Bee964]

Axiom,

I don't think what you said sounded "snooty". If you two compliment each other well and that is your decision then so be it. We will all respect your decision. I think that Lee357 says it all, "Make the very best you can with the choice you have made".

Dave C