Finally Here....Rather Awkward Situation

[Lain]

Ok, so after some MAJOR flight issues with Continental Airlines overbooking my flight, bumping me to another overbooked flight, staying the night then having to take 3 transfers all over the freaking world......I finally arrived n Zhongshan after 47 hours of travel time!!

So after some much required rest, some good food and a few naps I am all together and functional....as much as a western guy can in a wholly new environment. I met with my lovely (young) lady and we spent the later half of yesterday together along with the translator. The translator is a pretty cool guy and even though it was also his firs time meeting my lady, (I think)..we had a decent 1st visit?

We had launch at the restaurant at my hotel...Nice place, really good food. Since I was not able to read the menu, I asked her to order whatever she wanted and  must admit that that was the first time I had eaten pigeon....it was actually very good, but not very filling. I think they make the chopsticks in the nice restaurants here of a slippery material just too see how good you can hold onto your food, luckily I am fine with chopsticks.  We then proceeded to wander around some local places but got caught in a wicked rainstorm which made it virtually impossible to get a cab. The translator actually left us to hang out together while he walked to another street to get a cab. Which is where the awkward situation came into play. There we both were, hanging out under a building overhang with dozens of other people......Neither of us able to speak to each other for abut 15-minutes....I tried to engage in some a basic chat...but she just kept smiling and shrugged her shoulders as she obviously had no clue what I was trying to say.

She is not exactly what I expected....But I am not complaining, she is actually very nice. The problem is she is very shy in person, which is not what I gathered from her letters and pictures. So now today we are to spend the day together taking in some sights, some shopping and whatever else she and the translator have planned as I have for the most part left this up to them.

So again, back to the nature of the post. She is open to meet with me during the rest of the time we are here, I will have the translator pretty much any time we need but she also said that we may just spend some time with each other in person with no translator.......but after the short time under the building in the rain I am thinking to myself.....what could we possibly say, or do to get to know each other when we obviously cant talk to each other. .......ok guys, keep your minds out of the gutter, its still my first visit.

Its challenging enough to make idle chat with a lady when you can communicate, but I am admittedly out of my element here and need to get some advice. She loves to shop (what young lady doesn't) and today we will do some of that....but she is so shy that I am not sure if we are clicking? I feel like I am the only one doing the talking and she has barely asked me anything......Maybe today will be better??

[shaun]

either a portable translator or if you brought your laptop mdbg.net.  That would have to take place in a wireless environment.  I am thinking in your hotel room.  Mind isn't in the gutter.  They shyness will fade somewhat.  Right now you are new to her.

It took Peggy 1 day to warm up and 4 days to be completely comfortable.  Don't push anything she will let you know, if you are sensitive to her, if you are pushing to far to fast.

[RobertBfrom aust]

Lain , where is your Besta electronic translator , that is how you can communicate and you do not need the human kind , it becomes fun , and you will find that she will be very chatty especially if you use simple sentences , give yourselves today to relax together and then if you do not have one , go purchase one as you will save the balance on the human translator , regards Robert .

[maxx]

Lain Shaun and Robert gave you some good advice.A electronic translator.And just the time together.To figure out how to use that translator.

[Lain]

I was hoping that the translator would be help for us to chat, but yesterday as I used it to find a few phrases and show her how we could communicate, it became painfully obvious that she is NOT very computer literate. Of course it took me some time learn how to find things on the Besa-7000 as it has an incredible list of functions. She does not have a computer and yesterday I found that here 51.com page (Chinese Facebook) was set up with the help of her old boyfriend from a few years ago and she only uses it now to upload pictures to share with friends.

But to be sure, I am on my best behavior and I am trying to be a perfect gentleman, however I should note that she is a little "hip chick" as she dresses like I did back in my high school days in the US and her letters led me to think that she is a more aggressive personalty then even myself.

Well, she is about to show up and I need to finish getting ready....so we will see how day 2 goes.

On a side note, I changed hotels at the last minute to the Fu Hua....Not bad, but should have kept my reservations at the Shangri-La. Note for next time I come.

[RobertBfrom aust]

Lain , let her play with it , the Besta that is , she only has to use the Chinese to English area and will very quickly learn , ie , leave it with her while you shower and change and she will have fun especially with the speaker turned on so she can hear the English , glad to see Shaun was on the same wavelength , regards Robert .

[Willy The Londoner]

Fu Hua nice hotel if your overlooking the river.

I am living here so if she goes to work at all during your visit we can always meet up during the day if you get time.   I am just a short taxi ride from the Fu Hua.

I will send you my telephone number by PM

Willy

I have still got no reputation I see.

[Willy The Londoner]

Fu Hua nice hotel if your overlooking the river.

I am living here so if she goes to work at all during your visit we can always meet up during the day if you get time.   I am just a short taxi ride from the Fu Hua.

I will send you my telephone number by PM

Willy

I have still got no reputation I see - Nor a Country - I'm stateless and pointless now!

I have given up trying to send a PM - my phone number is 13435762121  I do not mind if half of China ring me. I wil probably understand them better than I can this new site!!!!

[ppmike]

You may think without the translator a relationship will not move forward. How narrow such thinking is - instead consider as an opportunity to observe her 'in silence' - truly a golden opportunity,,, is she a responsible buyer - considerate of your feelings - is she a woman you can appreciate and worthy of your attentions? Rather awkward situation will reveal her innate qualities......... Enjoy your time in China.

[David5o]

Lain,

Just how did you imagine your first trip to China would be?? Surely you didn't  expect to be using a human translator for the whole time your there did you From what you write , she WANTS time alone with you, ....So what are you going to do about it If you can't be bothered to put some effort into this trip, why bother going to meet her in the first place?? These electronic translators aren't that difficult to find your way round....

ppmike,

What you suggest is fine for a few hours, one time, ....Then what??  Your going to do that for 10 to 14 days??
Jeez, ....What's the point in going all the way to China to meet a lady you've been corresponding with, to watch and observe her in silence. You'll learn absolutly Nothing, and by the time it comes for you to leave she'll be happy to see the back of you. ....If you can't communicate on a personal level there really isn't any point to the visit is there


David.....

[Scottish_Rob]

Lian
Believe me brothr, you DO need a translator.

When I went there in November last year, I had sentences wrote down and used a pocket dictionary...I got one and found it is the BEST investment I made, well apart from the cost  of the trip etc.

All you  need to do is stop a pretty lady in the street..hehe

Good luck my friend

[shaun]

Rob,

You sly devil you.  Giving up your secrets again I see.

Shaun

Oops!  Sly, I didn't mean you. Hehe.

[Lain]

David.....I think your reading more into my post than I was asking about.

I was simply asking an experienced member to offer some words of advice to help break the ice so to speak.

I NEVER expected....anything actually. I am not the typical American who "expects" that while in a foreign country that everything is going to be like it was back home. While I did do my homework as to whats acceptable behavior in public for a couple, she is younger and "traditional" is NOT a word I would use to describe her.....which is actually fine with me. However that being said...her family IS. In fact it took quit a it of work to simply get her family to trust me just to come here to see her.

As for a human translator, several times she stated on her letters to me that she wished to have one when we met. While I was not planing on using one every day, I did tell her that I would pay for anytime that she felt that she wanted one to assist us....and as I mentioned, he is a very nice guy and to be honest I feel like I have made a new friend with him as well. Your right the Besta is not all that hard for ME....and I emphasize the word ME t figure out, however she expressed no interest at first at using it so I was worried.

Now, all that said. Yesterday was another story and I am thinking that we are getting along much better. Like me, I thin she was just nervous and for all I know it was her first time having met a western guy who was not simply walking by? We spent the day at the walking street near my hotel and shopped the variety of stores, had lunch and it was obvious that we were having a much better time.......of course what young lady could not have a fun time trying on countless pairs of shoes and looking at all the clothes stores. We finished the day by taking in a movie and much to my surprise it was in English with Chinese subtitles.....and if anyone is wondering, we saw How To Raise A Dragon and even being a kids movie it was very funny.

Yes we will meet up again maybe a few more times and we will see how it goes.....feeling much more comfortable with the situation than I was when I posted, and a mentioned I was simply seeking some tips on how to make an impression on a Chinese lady without either being offensive or coming on too strong. As I have said on some other posts, I am a computer expert with a bad habit of "analyzing" everything. I really need to learn to be more relaxed and simply let things play out......so far, so good.

Oh and by the way, YES this site IS being blocked from within China...at least from where I am connected, and as to security. My security systems went into overdrive blocking attacks from the fist second I plugged into the hotels connections. The nastiest kind of attacks too, called DNS Cache Poisoning which allows an attacker to access virtually everything on your computer and read ANYTHING you open with your web browser. Thankfully I was prepared. In order to post here I have to use my Blackberry Data connection....which is actually faster than the hotels services most of the time.

[shaun]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you being respectful with her.

Let's get back to the translator question.  If she is having difficulty with the translator take her back to where you bought it.  The sales associates will help her learn how to use it.  That is what I did with Peggy.  Twice.  She is not very computer literate so it was difficult for her.  As I watched the sales person teach her I learned it so I was always having to show her how to use it.

On the personal issue.  If you want a relationship with her you will have to be the one who advances.  You can do that in a respectful way that will not be offensive.  Peggy, when I first arrived was kind of hesitant about kissing me in public so she shook my hand or I shook hers, I can't remember.  When we got to her place I asked her if I could kiss her.  She said yes.  It was very respectful.  Don't let these moments pass without at least asking.

I don't mean to be rude or disrespectful with you or your female friend.

Shaun

[Neil]

Willy, it's not rocket science.  Under everyone's picture is their country, reputation etc, under that is 3 icons: a profile icon, an email icon and a PM icon (little cartoon talking balloon).   If you hold your mouse over them they even pop up a description that says "Personal Message".  I dunno, maybe things look different through a proxy.  I hope you guys can connect normally soon.

Lain, by now I'm sure you've ventured across the river, past the McDonalds and into the shopping area.  That's a pretty cool area.  Maybe get your girl to flag down a rickshaw and explore the city - there are some beautiful parks.  Go swimming in a public pool or see a movie - both intimate things where you can be close and quiet.  Good luck man.