USA via internet or China via direct contact

[jsk1]

Hello to all.
I am new to this site.  I have enjoyed reading many of the posts.  I particularly enjoy the camaraderie among various members.
The company that I work for has asked me to take a position in Shenyang, China.  I will relocate to Shenyang in January 2011 and will be there for four years.  After accepting the move to China I registered on several of the more popular sites commonly mentioned in this forum.  I have not started communicating with any of the women as of yet.  I have been divorced for 11 years.  I am 55 years old.
My questions go out to the experienced members and especially to those that live in China.  Should I wait until I am actually living in China and try to meet a woman through the normal social networking means or start now by making use of one of the Internet sites?
I lived and worked in Thailand in ’99 right after my divorce and it was near impossible to find any women close to my age out and about.  I am not the type to frequent nightclubs and in Thailand the few times I did go they were full of kids.  How difficult is it to meet women in the 40 – 55 age bracket in the normal course of daily activities?  I do not speak any Chinese but will be taking lessons here and there.
Any responses, especially constructive ones, will be appreciated.

[maxx]

Jsk1 we always try to give constructive advise here.It doesn't always happen .But we try.I think 7 months is along time to be writing a woman and doing web chats.Allot can happen in 7 months.If it was me I think I would Waite.Until I was 100% sure the company was going to send you to China.

When it got closer to the time to leave for China that is when I would start writing.Maybe 3 or 4 months till you leave.That way The relationship with the lady is fresh in your mind.And in yours.We have seen members who have written to one lady.For up over a year.And it usually goes bad.Usually about a month before the member leaves.The reason it goes bad is the member and the lady have to much time to think about it.And they get inside there head and start over thinking this.

I would use the time.To really check out.Thees different Internet dating sites.And see what is all involved with them.Some of these sites.Do not operate above board.I would also use the time to learn some Chinese.And learn some customs and some culture.Dating a Chinese woman is never easy.Especially with the big differences in the customs and the cultures.

Meeting a Chinese woman on the street in China is pretty easy.A Chinese woman's curiosity usually gets the best of them.And they are more then happy to talk to a foreign or

[Chong]

jsk1,

Welcome. Five of us have been to Shenyang already. You can find the stories on the "My trip to China" threads. If you want to try the Internet beforehand, I  would concentrate on the two-three ChnLove agencies located in Shenyang. Having been to Shenyang myself, I would go there and meet ladies by networking. All "Aunties" [ ladies in their 40-60's ] know friends that are looking for marriage. Just mention that you're looking for a girlfreind and you'll get floods of blind dates. Be prepare to pay for the meals with 4-5 people in total. I would choose this networking option before the Internet sites. You won't have to pay any EMFs costs or agency fees.

IMHO, I would concentrate on learning Mandarin as much as possible. Very few speak English there.

[Willy The Londoner]

My advice to you is to by pass the agencies.  The majority of them will have contracts with the ladies to the effect that the ladies will pay them 30 - 40,000 rmb on marriage. 

But that is not the biggest concern fore you.  You are going to be living in China for some time.  You are not going to be there for a couple of weeks holiday.  Take your time.

If you make contact with the women before hand then you could well be disappointed when you see them face to face.   Not many look exactly like they do in their 'best' photos.  Even though some on here say they do when they arrive but maybe they are looking at them in 'Rose Tinted Glasss'. 

As many on here know of my experience when I arrived a year ago I will not go into that again.  But from the moment you hit the street you will be amazed at the number of women available.   All you have do is to stand in a busy area and maybe shake a couple of trees and the 40 - 50 age women who have been divorced will gather round you like leaves.   

I kid you not.  That way you will have the pick of the bunch and you will definately find one that is suited to you.  This age group has maybe been divorced for many years and and are in the prime of life. You will not believe the lengths they go to in all matters to make you feel comfortable and good.  And it goes on the same way after marriage.

So go there and meet a women. 
 
If you are impatient and want an early contact. I have a friend in Shenyang aged 40 years, good looking, who is wanting a foreigner husband up to 65 years of age. I can introduce her to you. 
 
If you would like her details I will send them to you if you let me have your email by PM. and I will send you pictures etc

Willy

[jsk1]

Thank you very much for your advice.  I am not in a hurry and based on what I have read among the various threads plus your responses to my post I think that I will wait until I am living in Shenyang and try to meet someone.  I assume if that avenue doesn't work out I can always fall back on the Internet route.  I will keep up to date on things via this site and once I am settled in Shenyang I will, hopefully, be able to add my experiences.

Maxx,
My comment about constructive responses was just my weak attempt at humor.  Though some of the threads do tend to wander off the subject I appreciate the jabs back and forth between you folks.

Good luck to all.  I will follow your exploits here.

Again thank very much for the help.

[Buzz]

Just got back two days ago from an extended stay in and near Shenyang.  If you are interested, I have a very good friend who does speak, read and write english that lives in Shenyang.  I will send you her e-mail address if interested.  Shenyang is a very interesting town.  (over 7 million people), you have the new along with the old.  You will have to learn to live with the smog, it is everywhere.  But the ladies are very beautiful and with a population that size, you will have choices.  Wait unitl you get there, get settled in, and then start the process of finding the perfect lady.  buzz 

[ttwjr32]

i dont think it would be a bad idea to test the waters before moving there. you never know what you might
find. if nothing transpires then there will be many advantages of meeting ladies when your settled in there.

[ppmike]

Women of responsibility are either at home caring or working to provide for the family. Bar scene-younger females hustling for money. Alternatively you can browse the internet, or at work. I prefer at work-you can get to know them in the natural settings, not faked.

[Willy The Londoner]

Women of responsibility are either at home caring or working to provide for the family. Bar scene-younger females hustling for money. Alternatively you can browse the internet, or at work. I prefer at work-you can get to know them in the natural settings, not faked.

Not understanding what you are saying here.  You seem to be talking in Riddles.  Oh it must be a contest to work out the answer! Sorry I did not realise that.

Seriously your post is not clear at all. 

What is a women of responsibility?     Are you saying best to meet at your work place so you need to work with Chinese women?  Or just use your bosses time on the internet searching?

Willy

[Bee964]

Willy,

I think he means meeting the girls at their (the girls) work place. The rest I am not sure of. 

Dave C

[Vince G]

I'll translate for you guys...   


Any decent woman is either at home or at work, not at a bar. This leaves two ways to meet women, online or at the work place. He prefers the work place because you can get to know them in real time.

[laowai2]

In China meeting people is not quite the same as in the west. There is still come coquettishness (not unlike Victorian times here) where people expect to be introduced, especially in the over 35 age group. A woman may well be very interested in a man but would never make him aware of that. Even men are unlikely to ask a lady for a date before being introduced. However, quanxi is alive and well and someone always knows someone for whatever you need. It will not take long before you are introduced to an available lady.

[Willy The Londoner]

I'll translate for you guys...   


Any decent woman is either at home or at work, not at a bar. This leaves two ways to meet women, online or at the work place. He prefers the work place because you can get to know them in real time.

Thanks Vince for the translation.  I thought it was not English.

Willy

[Willy The Londoner]

In China meeting people is not quite the same as in the west. There is still come coquettishness (not unlike Victorian times here) where people expect to be introduced, especially in the over 35 age group. A woman may well be very interested in a man but would never make him aware of that. Even men are unlikely to ask a lady for a date before being introduced. However, quanxi is alive and well and someone always knows someone for whatever you need. It will not take long before you are introduced to an available lady.

You will be suprised just how many relationships a foreigner can start just by relaxing in a street. Or asking someone where you can buy a translator!  The Chinese lady is not slow to start conversations.

Willy

[laowai2]

You’re probably right Willy, which is why my better half would never leave me alone at the mercy of these predatory females.    But, I might be a little wary of the kind of lady who would do that.

A pretty, well educated 30 year old single friend of ours is desperate to get married. Her mother says she is stubbornly waiting for a man to fall in love with, when she should know that “that kinda thing” happens after she finds and marries a suitable man.    However, Ying found a man she liked working for the same company. She made herself obvious to him but would not speak to him. Eventually she found a friend of a friend who knew him and she “introduced” them. Now several weeks down the line they have had several dinner and weekend dates but as yet have not even held hands let alone kissed.