always about the money

[JimB]

Listen, I have been a member for quite some time.  I thought I had a woman who really loved me.  I went to China 4 different times and spent months with her.  I thought she really loved me for me.  We were married in August of 2009.  A lot of you have read my posts.  I was completely fooled by her and her family.  I am not an idiot.  I really thought it was love.  At least I loved her.  But, in the end it was always about the money.  You can think all you want but not one woman in China wants you.  She wants security and to be taken care of.  Once I told her I questioned her love for me and would not pay any more money to her or her daughter until I felt sure, she said she no longer wanted me.   Of course she couched the words in different things, like she thought I didnt love her enough, etc.  So now I am divorced from her.  I was taken in and I am not innocent or naive.  I was taken.  You can all think what you like. But, I will never trust another Chinese woman.  All they are ever after is money and security. No  Matter what they tell you or how they act.  That is all they want.  you all can do whatever you feel like but that is the gods honest truth.  I will never trust another, I dont care what they say.  I thought I knew what was correct and thought she truly loved me for me. She passed a lot of tests that i did but when push came to shove, that was it.    Like i said, you all do what you will, but buyer beware.   I am telling you all this for your own sake. 
Do what you want.

[Martin]

Jim...so you know, the members were not aware of your situation...I had only said that for personal reasons, you were leaving the forum.  But since you have decided to let everyone know, I want to publicly tell you how sorry I am that this is happening to you.  I will send you an email shortly with some important information.

[RegnisTheGreat]

Do you really thing any western woman are different?

[Arnold]

    I'm speachless Jim . Just a couple weeks ago , I met up with Ed in San Diego .. who went through the same you have . I could see what it has done to him deep down , even though he is a strong Person and wont let it show much ... but I felt it being next to him . How hurt he's been and still is .
Maybe this has told us something valuable , as to NOT get married in China after all and bring the Lady to your Country first .. to really see how serious they really are to be with you and not your money instead .
Not that I now have to worry about my Wife , not at all .. she has more than I have and so does her Family . So , I can really say it's NOT for the money in our case . I can't speak for other's and their feelings now hearing this about your " Angel " . What a fitting Name with a BLACK heart .

[Vince G]

The reason I looked to China (must have said this many times) was to get away from the money hungry women, like my ex. More and more it became apparent in the younger chinese women. Now it seems it's expanding to the over 35 women? I know your pain Jim. Sorry to hear this.

[Paul Todd]

Sorry to hear that Jim, Your a good man and deserve better than this. My heart goes out to you my friend.

[Martin]

Well, I am actually having a discussion with my wife about this right now.  I have seen Ed go through this, and I have seen Jim now going through this.  All I can say is, i know my wife isn't coming here for the money.  I don't have any.  I work for my money, and my wife knows how tight is can be for me at times.  She has watched me struggle through this recession, and has stuck by me through these difficult times.

But I have to admit, I am pretty upset about what has happened here.  Two of my friends have now had this happen.  Two guys who have been with us since the early days of facebook...in fact, i think they were both members within the first month.  Jim had quite a few struggles in the beginning with agency problems as well.  How can we defend ourselves against women that can play the game so well, provided there is money coming in?

[RegnisTheGreat]

Can I ask the age differences? I'm courious if there a relation...

[Bee964]

Sorry to hear of the troubles you are having Jim. I do hope you will come through this ok.

Dave C

[Vince G]

Unfortunately there is no defense. Believe me. I consider myself a good judge of character but I got fooled. I didn't see it till it was way to late. I didn't have the big bucks either. But she had her center of interest on the family $$. I was only fortunate enough knowing my family doesn't part with their money to easy. It was the 6th year of marriage when I cut her off (said business was bad) and that's when the s**t hit the fan. It was a test and she failed.

With our way of living, even moving there and not spending as much is more then the regular guy spends there. So maybe changing your way of living hardcore would flush them out before time.?

[Okie_Rob]

$$ is always a problem, Love no problem ... but sometimes $$ kills Love....

[Bee964]

Maybe just blunt honesty. Tell her near the start that if she is looking for a sugar daddy to keep moving on because she won't get one with us and we will not tolerate that type of woman.

Dave C

[maxx]

Jim I'm truly sorry to hear this.You deserve much better then this.


Jim I'm sorry brother I really like you.And I respect you.I was just going to tell you I'm sorry then leave it at that.But I can't just walk away.Without telling you what I think really happened.I don't think it was about the money.The money was just something to start a fight over.I think your wife's daughter got inside.Your wife's head.And started rewiring your wifes thinking.Until it suited her.

I have seem this game played out before.The kid acts up spits poison in the  mother ear.And gets the mother to start having weird thoughts about the new husband .The kid gets jealous and starts talking bad about the new husband.Because they are not the center of attention any more.

So think about that for a while.When you are a little calmer.Then try to work this out with your wife.I would be willing to bet.That the daughter.Is nice to your face.And spitting poison in your wife's ear.

[Willy The Londoner]

I believe that in the time I have been on here there has now been three divorces from Chinese women.

Sad as it is we must remember this is a low percentage of the actual marriages that have taken place.

How many men have married in the past twelve months or more?

Western marriages fall apart at a much higher percentage rate. 

The number of relationships that flounder is also no higher than if it was a  westen couple and I do not count any that were only conducted by telemedia methods.  I mean before you have met face to face.

It is just that we are in a sort close situation here where every knows about everyone.

Before one puts the blame squarely on the woman we must look inside ourselves and see whether anything about us could have been a contributory factor.

It is almost a Brettism to jump in and blame the woman everytime.
 
Willy

Thats a new one - Brett has an 'ism' named after him.




 

[Buzz]

Jim, what a shock to wake up and read your letter.  Since we are of the same age and from the same area, your letters and accounts of your trip were a big part of my working thru some issues with Xiuru.  I would agree with the others, that getting married in China rather than getting finance visa is more risky.  Not to mention that the finance visa seems to be quicker.  I would like to share some information with you and the brothers from my last trip. 
I was in the park early Sunday morning.  Xiuru and I along with the 18 year old son of some friends.  We were playing a game of badmitten, during a break in the action, the boy turned to me and said that he could not marry a Chinese woman.  He stated that the Chinese woman below the age of 35 were more interested in money and status than they were in family and traditional values.  He was asking me if i knew of any American girls that had traditional values that he could contact.  After our talk, i would look at the younger ladies shopping and in their daily life actions.  I could see he was correct. 
From the very beginning, Xiuru and I agreed that she had to commit to 3 months in America before marriage.  i have fought off family and friends to keep this agreement in place.  As much as I love her, there is still the issue of when it is time for the rubber to hit the road and for her to come to America, she will not.  She wants a home in Anshan.  I said only after I retire.  so as you can see, as much as i see our many years of happiness together, until the time we get married here, and have some time here in America.  I will have some doubts. 
I wish you the best, i am truly sorry for the pain and hurt you are having in your life at this time.   buzz