JimB's right about money

[RegnisTheGreat]

I just got off the phone with the gal I meet in China a few months ago. After talking for like 6 months on Skype and IM, I meet her for two weeks around first of May. We got along great and everything and we been talking for a few weeks about getting married. She has said that she wants a 26,666CAD dowry.

I told her no way I would pay that much and that at most I would give her parents a token/symbolic amount. She said that these days its easy for a girl to find a guy with a home/car to marry and that any less the girl is selling herself short. That $26,666 is not that big of a amount.

Single and giving up...

[ttwjr32]

would that be in usa dollars or canadian ??  i know its a little discouraging but i guess she needs to go find
someone who will give that to her.  when she said easy to find did she mean a chinese man? if so what is she
looking for a house car and money? i dont know what they are thinking when they try to reason all this out

maybe they think our pockets are bottomless??? because we are from the west??

[RegnisTheGreat]

Shaun: $26,666 Canadian but even if its American is not much more (go Canadian Economy)

She's young at 27 (I'm 30) and I guess she has a value for herself that's pretty high. She's saying that because there are a lot more men then woman in China (true), its very easy for a woman to find a man to marry but not the other way around. I know a lot of cities (Beijing, Shanghai, etc) girls won't marry a guy unless he has a house/car.  She's from Handan so I thought it would be safer going after someone in a smaller city. The thing is, I have a home and a car in Canada, and its not a big deal for me. I wanted her for who and what she is, but she won't budge on the dowry thing. I have no issues with a small token amount but $26,666 is just nuts.

I'm just disappointed with the set back after all this time and after pouring my heart out to her.

[ttwjr32]

 i can understand that  holy cow 26,000   this equals about 200,000 rmb  thats insane

by the way good luck it will all work out down the road hang in there

[Martin]

For that amount, she better be good in bed. Besides that it is a ridiculous amount of money, the fact that she thinks this is acceptable concerns me.

I guess you were chatting with my wife, because she told me about this as well. I know of a girl in Changsha...things didn't work out with her?  She doesn't strike me as a hold digger.

[Paul Todd]

That's a lot of money my friend and I understand your feelings. We have a saying when money comes in the front door love goes out the window. If this is what the younger generation of Chinese women are after then it's no surprise that more and more Chinese guys are skipping across the border to find themselves Vietnamese wives.Best of luck to you.

[Bee964]

RegnisTheGreat,

So sorry to hear this. We had a jordanian at work that had to pay a $24,000 US dowry for his wife back home. He was in his late thirties and she was about 22 at the time. This was back in the late 1980's. And she was gorgeous too.

Just sorry to hear of all the troubles you are having with all this.

Dave C

[Okie_Rob]

RegnisTheGreat,
So sorry, you had to waste so much time, emotions, and  $$ expense to find this out ...  There are good Chinese ladies out there ... but sometimes hard find the right one.  Seems like some of the ladies, think we are all rich ... and they are so worthy of our $$$

[Willy The Londoner]

I met some women like her in the first month or so when arriving.  Except now they were in their 40's and still waiting for Mr right to turn up with a big car big house and big wallet.

I found love without any of these being available. 

Willy

[ttwjr32]

there is NO WOMAN worth that kind of money and im not sure how this works because of all the women i have talked to here in GZ
there isnt even an issue with money to be paid so im not sure were all these ladies are turning up at??? is it because of the type of
area they are from?? i dont know and am just asking before someone goes off on a bender here. but i honestly dont hear it like i here
so much on here so im a bit confused with all of this. and i do know there is some kind of tradition about this but that should go comepletely
out the door on the second marriage and not even be a consideration. and because of the business im in here i do talk with quite a few on
an everyday basis and thats what im basing my thoughts here. even most of the never married ones say it is not neccessary but a small gift
would go well with the family but nothing like here. when i ask the amounts they talk about 1000 or 2000 usa dollars which is about 12,000
rmb.

maybe these questions need to be brought up in the beginning and i mean the very beginning to prevent these issues and possible waste of time for all concerned. i just feel bad for the ones who encounter this a few months into the relationship or even after the first trip

ok my 2 cents worth

[Bee964]

I love your post Ted!  Keep up with the 2 centers buddy but don't go broke doing it.

I didn't notice that Regnis said if she was married before. If she was I think that the tradition is to give the dowry back to the first husband. Anybody can correct me if I am wrong. I do think that any dowry for a previously married woman is a lot cheaper, if there is any at all. Like you say, only maybe a couple thousand dollars, if any. I thought that the parents set the dowry ammount though. It sounds like she set it herself. I think that Regnis needs to see if you could hook him up with some of the nicer more realistic women that you know Ted. They are the ones that really want to get married for the right reasons.

There is a lot more I could say about this but I will stop now. I don't want to get a reputation here. 

Dave C

[ttwjr32]

you already have a rep here    dont worry its not good but i will take your side   hahahahaha



just joking

[Clayton]

Leeroy here Regnis The Great,  I feel for you man, In my opinion only a token amount is acceptable, if you start flashing money around women in general are going to expect it all the time.  I think some men have in the past handed over huge amounts of money witch has set some sort of precedent and you can't blame a woman or parents for wanting a piece of the action. When I met my future mother in law my fiance took some money   out of my pocket for the red envelope and her friend said not enough so added some more, it  added up to just about 100AUD witch i was happy to pay. With the envelope and a gift, A fancy box of biscuits about 20AUD, My future Mum in law was very happy. To her and her two sons it was more about what kind of person was going to take her daughter to a foreign country.
It's a pity that you have spent all that time,money and emotion only to have it come to an end
Hang in there bloke
Leeroy

[RegnisTheGreat]

Shuan and all: She's never been married before. Which I think is contributing to it. But still... I wonder...

I'm very tempted to give up Chinese woman...

[shaun]

Regnis,

Hang in there bro.  You will find her.  At least you found out now rather than after you are married.  There are thousands of women out there and you can find one where both of you will be happy.  I was upset when Peggy wanted what I considered a bunch of money.  She has a sister 4 years younger and her American husband gave 30,000RMB for her so Peggy's expectations were high.  We finally settled at 10,000RMB.  Once I understood her past a little more I saw that it was a good investment.  Now she acts completely different and I am talking about better not worse.  She is as frugal as she can be.

But even as good as she is there are still issues that we have to work through like buying a house here when we are planning on living in the US.

Regnis don't give up you will find her.