Here I go again...

[maxx]

Jimmy has the right answear.It took me about a month to break my wife.Of always trying to feed me..Everytime she puts food in your bowl.You put two pieces of food in her bowl.They do learn after awhile.

[Scottish_Rob]

Thanks guy's I'll give it a bash... As Mike say's 'Fight fire with fire'...

As you are probably aware, I went to look for a shop to help with downloading my pics.  After 3 maybe 4 hours searching I gave up.  Apparently in this part of town there is no 'Internet' Cafe, I need to go to the south of the city...

I have not met any of her family as of yet, and by the looks of it I never will.   They don't agree with us as a couple, again, you guess the reason. gggrrr but hey IT'S their loss not ours.  I must admit though I do feel sorry for Sophie she is the one stuck in the middle of it all, I mean what right do her family have to tell her who she can have as a husband/boyfriend/friend.

Last night she got a phone call from her big sister, they had made arrangments to go and buy food for the family for Mid-Autumn Festival.  So as a dutiful 'Husband to be' I put in my share...Anyway, after the phone call she tells me that her sister is coming to our home.  She got all excited and dragged me into the room to get all dressed up for her arrival, she picked out a nice dress shirt and trousers for me etc., she was extatic (spelling) that her sister was coming to her house, none of her family have been to see the place yet...

A few minutes after I'm dressed and spruced up, she gets another call.  Her face turns red with anger, she tells me her sister will meet her at the door.  She is visably upset and angry at this.  But she is MORE concerned on how I feel about it.  All she can do is say 'Sorry' and does so repeatedly.  Personally I don't give a rat's A..e, but I do not like to see Sophie upset.  Sometimes I feel like just going to the mothers and sisters door, and telling them exactly what I think of them - for Sophies sake.  But I know they would not understand what I was talking about, so it would be a wasted journey, BUT, it would make me feel a damb sight better...   Although we have not met, her mother sends Dumplings and other food round for me, Sophie says this is the Chinese way of things!!!

2 days ago Sophie handed into the guards her Id card and a copy of my passport and visa.  She tells me that it is NOW official in the eyes of China, we are cohabitating..although not man and wife, but will be seen as such..  Yesterday I was approached by 2 beggers in the street, gave them something and saw lotrs of others just turn their backs on them   Mike told me once this would happen, and if I gave something they would approach all the time.  Well it was true, once wasn't enough they kept coming back...This old feller had a buindle of yuan in his hand but still approached others.  I suppose they gotta do something to get money...

Haha I went into China Moblile looking at Phones, all the girls recognised me ---Don't know how

[Martin]

I must admit though I do feel sorry for Sophie she is the one stuck in the middle of it all, I mean what right do her family have to tell her who she can have as a husband/boyfriend/friend.

Do we really need to answer this question?  You know that in China, the family is everything.  In their culture, they have every right to tell her who she can have as a husband/boyfriend/friend.

[Scottish_Rob]

Do we really need to answer this question?  You know that in China, the family is everything.  In their culture, they have every right to tell her who she can have as a husband/boyfriend/friend.

I know martin...

[ttwjr32]

you know there could be a multitude of reasons why they dont approve. the best approach is
finding out the root cause of this and then taking it from there. but i wouldnt go give them a
peice of your mind   that is just a disaster if you do that.

if i remember correctly and if i am wrong please correct me, but didnt Irishmans ladies parents
not approve of it at first and look how that has turned out. he is now part of the fsmily and the
wedding is in 11 days.

[Scottish_Rob]

Yeah Ted I think your right there...

Sophie must have had a go at the sister last night or something, today while I was out, I got a call from her.  She told me that I will meet her family at Mid-Autumn Festival.....

Do all Chinese mix all the foods intogether...This morning I had for breakfast:
Homemade Bread, sliced thinly, Potato on top, then Peanut Butter (YUK) spread on top, then it was all rolled up into oblong sandwiches.  Baozi, Porrage, Mooncake, hard boiled eggs and fruit...Man what a mixture.. A simple egg sandwich does me fine at 7 am in the morning... .  I wonder what it is you know, I am going to bed about midnight, then waking up at 5.30 am and helping to make the breakfast.  I walk everywhere during the day and then for an hour at night..., although it must be said this town is MASSIVE.  I am on the northside of town apparently. 

I found ashop today where after some negotiation, I will take my computer in tomorrow afternoon and get Windows XP (English version) reinstalled, hopefully that should fix the problem I'm having trying to download the picture... Total cost with data pen 150 yuan...

Last night after Sophie comes back from shopping with her sister, she tells me to strip and lie on the bed..   Then she goes into the other room and comes back with an assortment of Massage equipment, (I already told you about these), anyway, she ends up giving me a massage for about an hour, God she found all the 'Pressure' points, and really stuck her thumbs in them, til it hurt.  But this morning I feel brilliant, no aches or pains or anything...   Magical hands, can cook and bake, what a catch !!!

[ttwjr32]

 eating here is quite the experience with no regard like we have with certain foods for
 breakfast,lunch or dinner. and if you have leftovers then the next meal is quite interesting
 also. i like the multitude of vegetables with every meal. just dont like to walk EVERY day to
 buy them but she wants the fresh everyday.  but your right the meals are quite the experience

[Scottish_Rob]

2 nights ago, while we were on the running track, the neighbours came down and sat watching as I done my usual exercises and keep fit routine.  2 of the women started running behind, copying everything we were doing, so we slowed right down so they could catch up.  They started talking to Sophie and laughing, (guess it must have been at my 'LONG' shorts I was wearing) hehe.  Anyway, one of them grabs my arm and pretends to run off with me, everyone giggles.  I grab at her arm  and pull her along as I start to speed up, she is screaming her head off (in a good way), I guess it must have been 'slow down, slow down' so I let her go and we all laughed our head off.

One of the neighbours is a very old gentleman about 75 or 80 he was in stiches with laughter, so I gestured to him to follow me, after a little persuasion from the others, he did. We kept at a nice pace for him, til we were halfway around the track and he had to stop for air., we walked the rest of the way back to everyone.  On the walk back, he was hugging me and talking fast chinese to me, but the jist of it was, he likes me I think !!!  We get back to the group, and he starts pulling me around the track again, but this time we go to the obsticle (exercise) course at the other end.  He precedes to give a demonstration and wants me to follow suit.  Everything he done, I did.  It was as if he felt he was in compaticion with me.  Anyway the only thing I could not do, were the pull ups because of my shoulder.  He took great delight in telling everyone, that he beat me on the exercise course 

Later that night, Sophie has a torrid time with Peter, he got into a right strop because we would not let him use the computer or my translator - which has games on it apparently ..He was like a little spoiled brat, I tried to speak top him, but he just blanked me..  Last night, give the boy his due, he apologized profously to me, he said he felt ashamed of his behaviour towards me.  It take a big guy, to acknowledge when he has done wrong, so I shook his hand to let him know all was cool.  I don't like the way he talks to his mom, he has that arrogant typical rebelious teenager traits, and I have had enough of them to last me a lifetime...BUT, together, we will cope with him.

Yesterday  Morning, Sophie and I got talking on yahoo while she was at work., and she was asking me about my feeling being in China etc.  So I started to explain them to her, everything was ok.  I went out to the shop, to see about the phone and computer, which I think is NOW fixed, I will look soon, as I am using hers just now.  Anyway we strated texting each other and the subject again got onto 'My feelings'.  I did not want to lie, so I told her the truth., that I was missing my kids, the whole Western way of life, the language barrier, the food and because of that and her family being against us, and not being able to get work, maybe we should break up.  That's when the Shit really hit the fan!!!

Won 't gop into detail, would take too long, suffice to say after about 3 hours on the phone, we decided to meet up back at the house and talk things through.  The thing that struck me was, that she was taking the blame for this.  I explained that it wasn't her, that it was me, but, no she felt it was her fault. Basically it was NOBODIES fault, it was a combination of things and events.  Anyway, once we start talking, we realised then and there, THAT we DO love each other, and that 'Breaking' up IS NOT the solution... We are going to work things through, with everything, and as far as her family go, I have not to care what they think, it is 'Her and I' that is the main priority. And you know what, she is right

So there you go guy's did not want to 'spoil' Ronan's big day and rant on here

[shaun]

Rob, my hat is off to you.  You are sticking in there and making a difference in both of your lives.

[ttwjr32]

  Rob,

allow me to add some advice here,

living in China is not an easy thing for us at first. it is a totally different country than what we are used to
and have seen traveling around the world. but when your here the biggest mistake you make is adapting to
and doing everything the chinese way. you have your own culture and heritage that you must also blend into
the relationship. its what makes the world a unique place.

as your wife introduces you to her world and culture also do the same for her. dont change who you are to
appease everyone around you.  start to learn the language even though it is not the easiest thing to do and
i have started to learn how to read it as that seems to help far more when your out and about as everything is
in chinese and for me i have found that easier to do than learning to speak. go figure that one???

keep in touch with your family thru web cam,skype, thru pre decided times that you have set up. as far as work
well that is something that will come but you will have to be here for a while longer. as you get to know your wifes
freinds and family then they start  to find out what you want to do, and soon thru them you have so much to pick
from for work. this works when you come here without a prearranged job.

you seem to be going back and forth but just hang in there and over time you will see that it truly is a good place to
live and work or play. start thinking long term and doing what you need to do long term to stay here as far as visa's
and such and all the other things start to fall into place. forget about the return ticket and act and do as if you were
here forever and you will see a big difference in the outcome.

so remember these key points:

1-- think long term (your here forever)
2-- blend both cultures (in everything including eating)
3-- learn to read or speak the language
4-- meet people because thats how it will happen for jobs

in the larger cities go to the functions for the business leaders from western countries (lunches,events)
you will be surprised what you find there to help business's make it more appealing for westerners. you
turn into a consultant and help the chinese who attend these better their business appeal to westerners.

the largest was going to a hospital looking over all there signage and making the corrections. also giving
them ideas were to put other english posts.  4 hours of work and a free dinner and you come home with
2000 rmb. although most are some free products, free dinners and rooms at hotels, free dry cleaning and on
average  3 or 4 hundred rmb that goes along with the free products.

the most time consuming one took almost 2 months but a small chain of western supermarket stores (8 total)
and you redesign and re market them and that was worth over a 1000rmb of free products,travel paid, and a
35,000 rmb payday.  so its there just takes a lot of time to develop

[Martin]

Ted...that is some really excellent advice for anybody thinking of moving to China.

[ttwjr32]

Ted...that is some really excellent advice for anybody thinking of moving to China.


 Martin,

thanks i do have my bright and shining moments in the sun.  people coming here think its all wide open
and just out there to grab. it is in a sense but it takes time,dedication,commitment but i want to emphasize
TIME.

also people think i have a little capital so i will go to china and start a business  EASY right   NO NO NO
that takes even more time and even more money to get off the ground along with what you have to deal
with in permits and approvals.

there is nothing you will bring to china that isnt being done or was done before. they key is doing it better
than they do and once you get it started thats easy to do -- do it better--  just far to much time wasted each
in business here which equates to nothing getting really done unless your the poor schlep working in the
factory, then you have to get it done or they fire you.

just felt like i needed to tell Rob 6 weeks is far to short of time to get anything done here. thats just a vacation
really. but to stick it out long term

[David E]

Robert

I'm going to add some stern words here too 

Management Rule #1...."When it is NOT necessary to make a decision, it is necessary NOT to make a decision......."

Of course you are homesick, of course you feel the stress of a new relationship, new culture, strange food, difficult communication and so on...thats normal, but dont quit yet, give it some time, let the experience speak for itself.

Management Rule #2...."Dont chuck the Baby out with the bath-water......"

Whatever gloom you are feeling (as above)..it aint Sophies fault !!!!!, all she wants to do is to help you through this understandable tough patch, but the same cultural impediments apply, she probably cant tell you exactly how to make it better, but she would be busting her gut to try........remember that.

You know you have a bunch of guys here who will do everything possible to help you "stabilise"  .....so chill out Haggis-breath !!!!!

Cheers...David

[Sylvain D]

Rob, I forgot to say "congrats" for your lovestory with Sophie.
I hope you can go through all the "little" problems that can occur (and the other ones) because of the family, and I'd be really glad to read more and more about your story with Sophie.
and please, give us some pics, man, don't keep it for yourself on the computer ;

[Martin]

When I went to China on my first trip, I went for a month.  There was a day that I started to feel "homesick".  For me, this was a strange feeling, because I am used to being away from home for very long periods of time.  At first, I could not figure out why I was feeling this way.  Was it because I was thousands of miles (or KM) away from home?  I doubted that, because again, with my job, I am always thousands of miles (or KM) away from home.

Then I figured it out.  It was everything that is China that had me missing home.  Don't get me wrong Rob, I love China.  But everything was different.  The food, the language, the street signs, the way things are done....I could not find anything that was familiar or similar to home.  I couldn't just wake up, make a cup of tea (Orange pekoe), load it with sugar and milk, and get my day started.  Everything I did was done the Chinese way, because that's where I was.  Hell, even McDonald's wasn't the same over there.

The point I am making is, that you are not alone in feeling "homesick".  I think it is because of the reasons I told you.  Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING is different, and it is a lot to adjust to.

On another note, I do have one concern.  In the past week, I have read two conflicting things in your trip log.  Several days back, you mentioned that the two of you were going to get married.  Yesterday, you were prepared to call it all off, and go home.  My only concern is, I do not want to see you rush into a marriage that you are not prepared for.  You have to get married when it is right for the both of you.  If that means giving it time, because you need to be sure, then so be it.  The rest of us here are always here to support you in your decisions, and help you whenever we can.