All About China > Understanding Chinese Women

Talk with my mom- A traditional Chinese woman

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chen yan:
Finally I finish the season 5 of <how I met your mother>.
Today I chat with my mom about how she choose my dad. She said beacause he is the honest and reliable one in the three mens. The other is too far and she doesn't know much about them and what will happen in the future if they treat her not good.
 
I live different city far away from mom. So I told her donn't be mean to herself and treat herself good,donn't worry about us,blah blah... But she said she cann't take care of us for a life time, she need to wait someone can take care of me after her, watch her kids both build their families, then she can set her mind at rest .as long as her kids and husband happy then she feels happy. She always put us in front of her,Otherwise she wonn't be happy. Then I know I cann't ask her to stop worrying about us, it is the nature character to be someone's mother and wife. I ever heard from my uncle(my dad's brothes) said my dad's most luckest thing in his life is to marry with my mon.

I remember mom and dad often argue a lots,and one day I cann't bear it any more and ask them how come you two choose to be together ,you two totally have different value point. Then they are quiet,and mom said your dad changes a lot. Until today she told me despite of this, he is still a qualified husband. I said in my eyes, you love dad more, he seems a little selfish and he is not always put you in front of him ,he doesn't love you as much as you do. Compare to you ,sometimes I feel he likes a kid .Mom said, it is ok, when we argue, I will step back and let him win to stop the argue when it is not important thing . And I am satisfied the life now that I can have a not perfect husband and two intelligent kids. A lot of friends admire of our family.
When I see your dad wrinkle his brow or feel uncomfortable, my heart will feel sad, I donn't want to see him suffer any pain or stress,and I will try my best to help him get through these. Yes, Your dad doesn't know how to take care of me when I feel sick ,but at least he will come back home and let me know that I can find him.

But one thing mom doesn't know is dad always told us when she feel sick and ask us to call her ,because he knows mom needs our supports. And he always remind us to call her often to care about her health. Then I know they both care about each other.

I think when we look at each other as a small ordinar human being in this universe, Then we know how to cherish each other. They make you feel they are someone need to be protected, then the sympathy will arise from your heart, It is love.
In my mom's hearts, three of us need to be protected by her although she is not strong, And as I grow up, parents are not the people I can reply on,opposite they are the one need me to protect.

RegnisTheGreat:
Chen, its very touching what you wrote. Your parents are like mine in many ways, they are in-perfect and fight but they do love each other. Your dad does indeed love your mom, just he being a guy and more traditional guy expresses it differently then you or your mom.

I've learned a lot of what she said is true through experience. For one example, many people in the west expect have instant chemistry/love with someone on the first date. If they don't feel this instant chemistry/love then they don't even  bother to spend time with that person and move on. But love isn't instant and if you feel it on the first date, its lust. Two good people who care about each other can build on their relationship and over time love each other.

Another point is that she's right, you're dad isn't perfect. No one is perfect, neither I nor you nor anyone on this forum. Each of us has his or her own flaws and short comings, some big and some small. If your goal is to find the perfect someone, then you will never be happy since they don't exist. For a couple the goal is to understand each other's flaws and be okay with them, compromise.

That's another word that most people don't realize, "compromise",  is so important. In a relationship you can't always have it your own way and neither can the other person always have it their own ways, it should be equal. Both partners have to learn to compromise. It can be small things (I wanna go to seafood dinner - I want to go to movies - lets do dinner tonight and movies tomorrow) to big things (I want 5 kids - I want 9 kids - how about 7?).

Chong:
My parents were match-maked in the 1950's. Dad already came to Canada and Mom was in Taishan, China. They only saw a photograph of each other. In fact, Mom met her in-laws before meeting my father. Then she flew across the world to meet my father. She had an one day lay-over in New York before heading to Montreal. I can't imagine what was in her mind during the flight and layover.

Like many chinese parents, they had their share of arguments also. My father passed away two years ago. My mother is strong but she misses her husband. They were one year short of celebrating their 50th anniversary.

Her only wish left is for my wife and I to produce a son. She has two grandsons from my sister but they don't carry the family surname.

ttwjr32:
very nice story about your mom Yan. i enjoyed reading it. :)

Chong what are you waiting for have a couple of sons for her  ;)

ttwjr32:
and by the way Yan still looking forward to your visit to Guangzhou (home of the asian games soon)

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