Talk with my mom- A traditional Chinese woman

[chen yan]

Finally I finish the season 5 of <how I met your mother>.
Today I chat with my mom about how she choose my dad. She said beacause he is the honest and reliable one in the three mens. The other is too far and she doesn't know much about them and what will happen in the future if they treat her not good.
 
I live different city far away from mom. So I told her donn't be mean to herself and treat herself good,donn't worry about us,blah blah... But she said she cann't take care of us for a life time, she need to wait someone can take care of me after her, watch her kids both build their families, then she can set her mind at rest .as long as her kids and husband happy then she feels happy. She always put us in front of her,Otherwise she wonn't be happy. Then I know I cann't ask her to stop worrying about us, it is the nature character to be someone's mother and wife. I ever heard from my uncle(my dad's brothes) said my dad's most luckest thing in his life is to marry with my mon.

I remember mom and dad often argue a lots,and one day I cann't bear it any more and ask them how come you two choose to be together ,you two totally have different value point. Then they are quiet,and mom said your dad changes a lot. Until today she told me despite of this, he is still a qualified husband. I said in my eyes, you love dad more, he seems a little selfish and he is not always put you in front of him ,he doesn't love you as much as you do. Compare to you ,sometimes I feel he likes a kid .Mom said, it is ok, when we argue, I will step back and let him win to stop the argue when it is not important thing . And I am satisfied the life now that I can have a not perfect husband and two intelligent kids. A lot of friends admire of our family.
When I see your dad wrinkle his brow or feel uncomfortable, my heart will feel sad, I donn't want to see him suffer any pain or stress,and I will try my best to help him get through these. Yes, Your dad doesn't know how to take care of me when I feel sick ,but at least he will come back home and let me know that I can find him.

But one thing mom doesn't know is dad always told us when she feel sick and ask us to call her ,because he knows mom needs our supports. And he always remind us to call her often to care about her health. Then I know they both care about each other.

I think when we look at each other as a small ordinar human being in this universe, Then we know how to cherish each other. They make you feel they are someone need to be protected, then the sympathy will arise from your heart, It is love.
In my mom's hearts, three of us need to be protected by her although she is not strong, And as I grow up, parents are not the people I can reply on,opposite they are the one need me to protect.

[RegnisTheGreat]

Chen, its very touching what you wrote. Your parents are like mine in many ways, they are in-perfect and fight but they do love each other. Your dad does indeed love your mom, just he being a guy and more traditional guy expresses it differently then you or your mom.

I've learned a lot of what she said is true through experience. For one example, many people in the west expect have instant chemistry/love with someone on the first date. If they don't feel this instant chemistry/love then they don't even  bother to spend time with that person and move on. But love isn't instant and if you feel it on the first date, its lust. Two good people who care about each other can build on their relationship and over time love each other.

Another point is that she's right, you're dad isn't perfect. No one is perfect, neither I nor you nor anyone on this forum. Each of us has his or her own flaws and short comings, some big and some small. If your goal is to find the perfect someone, then you will never be happy since they don't exist. For a couple the goal is to understand each other's flaws and be okay with them, compromise.

That's another word that most people don't realize, "compromise",  is so important. In a relationship you can't always have it your own way and neither can the other person always have it their own ways, it should be equal. Both partners have to learn to compromise. It can be small things (I wanna go to seafood dinner - I want to go to movies - lets do dinner tonight and movies tomorrow) to big things (I want 5 kids - I want 9 kids - how about 7?).

[Chong]

My parents were match-maked in the 1950's. Dad already came to Canada and Mom was in Taishan, China. They only saw a photograph of each other. In fact, Mom met her in-laws before meeting my father. Then she flew across the world to meet my father. She had an one day lay-over in New York before heading to Montreal. I can't imagine what was in her mind during the flight and layover.

Like many chinese parents, they had their share of arguments also. My father passed away two years ago. My mother is strong but she misses her husband. They were one year short of celebrating their 50th anniversary.

Her only wish left is for my wife and I to produce a son. She has two grandsons from my sister but they don't carry the family surname.

[ttwjr32]

very nice story about your mom Yan. i enjoyed reading it.

Chong what are you waiting for have a couple of sons for her 

[ttwjr32]

and by the way Yan still looking forward to your visit to Guangzhou (home of the asian games soon)

[shaun]

Good story Yan.  I liked it very much.

[chen yan]

I am a fan of American TV play. Here is the touching dialogue from< desperate housewife> about control and compromise.

Part1 :
Roy: times have changed, but a man's still a man and you deserves to have your wife respect .
Tom: ——She respects me plenty, Roy.You gotta understand about Lynette.She grew up without her dad, her mom was a drinker. So she had to be responsible for everyone.
Roy:—— Yeah, well, that is rough.
Tom: —— Yeah. It left her with this constant fear that everything could suddenly fall apart. And that is why she needs to control everything. Of course, she can`t. Nobody can . But,......,She can control me........if I let her . So I do, because it makes her feel safe. And that is my job as her husband,...... to make her feel safe.
Roy:——You are a good man . Scavo.
Tom:——I try.


Part 2:
When BOB and LEE get marry,Tom said below classic words：

If you are willing to break up over an ice sculpture,you guys should absolutely not get married.
Because,who gets to choose the ice sculpture,
who should take out the trash.
who has to stay home and make the mini pizzas.
That is the little stuff .
What are you gonna do when the big stuff comes along?
What are you gonna do when a tornado hits your house.or you have problems with your kids.
or one of you gets cancer?
At some point,the carp is going to hit the fan.
And that is why now.before you make the commitment.you have to ask yourself.
Is that person in bed next to you worth the trouble?
Do you love him or her so much that no disease,nodisaster could possibly pull you apart?

[Chong]

Yan,

Even though those were 'touching' scenes and dialogues, "Desperate Housewives" is probably the worst tv show about the way wives & mothers act. I know that it's American entertainment but they're the worst role model for any young women. Mostly, you see jealousy, manipulation, murder, infidelity & cat fights ... besides the cooking, family BBQ and sewing ... hahaha.

[ttwjr32]

pretty much sums it up. 

[RegnisTheGreat]

Yan,

Even though those were 'touching' scenes and dialogues, "Desperate Housewives" is probably the worst tv show about the way wives & mothers act. I know that it's American entertainment but they're the worst role model for any young women. Mostly, you see jealousy, manipulation, murder, infidelity & cat fights ... besides the cooking, family BBQ and sewing ... hahaha.

I would say "Sex and the City" as even worse.

[Chong]

Yan,

Even though those were 'touching' scenes and dialogues, "Desperate Housewives" is probably the worst tv show about the way wives & mothers act. I know that it's American entertainment but they're the worst role model for any young women. Mostly, you see jealousy, manipulation, murder, infidelity & cat fights ... besides the cooking, family BBQ and sewing ... hahaha.

I would say "Sex and the City" as even worse.

For single women, I TOTALLY AGREE.

Sad to say that "Sex ..." & "Desperate ..." are very popular shows, what does that say about today's mentality of women.

I would add any soap operas ... American or Asian. I always kid my wife about watching them. She's starting to agree with me.

[Arnold]

I'm so glad Qing does not watch any TV except CCTV ( chinese news )and the News here for half an hour .. that's it ! She doesn't even watch Movie's .
That leaves me very happy , as I was a TV junky before and now don't miss it at all . Soccer is the only exception though .

[ttwjr32]

outside of a good movie,sports,and the news not much value to tv

[shaun]

I don't watch much TV.  I do watch www.hulu.com and I go through old series almost every night.  I am watching McHale's Navy right now.  Now THAT was some good TV. I only watch 1 episode per night.  Peggy used to not watch because she is glued to it.  But her son showed her how to watch American television.  I am going to have to break her of it when she gets here.

[ttwjr32]

cant get hula in china shaun